Everything You Told Me

by Lucy Dawson

  ‘OK, OK,’ I say quickly. ‘Sorry, Clo. Bunches it is. Let’s go downstairs and do them, so I can put Theo on his mat with some toys.’

  As we pass the spare room, Mum calls out, ‘Sally! Is that you?’

  Opening the door, I put my head around to see Mum sitting up in bed brightly, holding a mug of tea in one hand and a Maeve Binchy in the other. Dad is sitting on the armchair in the corner, already dressed in trousers, a shirt and tie, and a neatly pressed jumper. His coat and shoes are also laid out next to him. He’s obviously been ready for some time.

  ‘Morning, love,’ he says, not looking up from A Guide to Britain’s Beaches.

  ‘Now, Dad’s showered and I’ve already done Chloe’s packed lunch,’ Mum says briskly. ‘And breakfast is all laid too. Once Matthew is out of the bathroom –’ she continues apace as my brain struggles to keep up with this extra information – ‘I’ll just zip through quickly and wash, shall I? What time do we have to go?’

  ‘Um, eight fifteen.’

  ‘Granny Sue, Mummy’s going to do me a boiled egg!’ interrupts Chloe.

  ‘Lovely!’ Mum smiles. ‘So that’s settled then?’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘Oh Sally, do concentrate!’ She rolls her eyes patiently. ‘I’ll go through next, then you. I’ll be five seconds.’

  ‘Bathroom’s free!’ yells Matthew.

  ‘There!’ Mum sets her cup down, throws back the covers and, voluminous nightie billowing, leaps up and grabs her towel and washbag. ‘I’ll be quick as quick!’ She whisks around the door like the White Rabbit.

  I wish I had her energy. Maybe I would have if I’d slept better; Theo seems to be creeping back to his old ways. Still, I’ve no time to dwell on that now.

  ‘Come on, Clo, let’s go and get you dressed. Ow!’ I wince as Theo grabs a fistful of my unbrushed hair and yanks it. ‘Let’s not do that, darling. Dad, do you want an egg for breakfast?’

  He looks up amiably from his book. ‘I’d better wait and see what your mother says. I think she had toast and cereal planned.’

  ‘It’s just an egg,’ I say gently. ‘Have one if you want one. It won’t make you late.’

  ‘Well, that would be very nice then, thank you,’ he says. ‘Matthew’s already put Chloe’s car seat in for me, and I’ve programmed the satnav. So we’re all set. I’ll come down in a minute then, shall I?’

  ‘Mum, you have to say, “I bet you can’t get to the kitchen before I do”,’ Chloe says eagerly, sneaking past me as we leave the room.

  ‘I bet you can’t get into the kitchen before I do,’ I repeat obediently.

  I really worry sometimes about what will happen to Dad if, by some hideous irony, Mum dies first and he’s left to think for himself. I’m not sure he knows how to any more. I don’t even really remember the time before he was ill when Mum didn’t do everything.

  ‘Clo – don’t rush on the stairs! I don’t want you to trip!’

  ‘I won’t!’ she calls back. ‘See? I won!’ She beams as I appear in the kitchen seconds after her. ‘Can I watch something on the iPad?’

  ‘Yes, darling, you can,’ I say, as I spot her lunch, which Mum has left out on the side. I put down the uniform and hairbrush, and pick up the four clingfilmed-within-an-inch-of-their-life bread rolls, which are sitting alongside an apple and – completely inexplicably – a hard-boiled egg. What time was Mum up – 1950? All Chloe needs now is a bottle of ginger beer. I peer at the contents of the rolls, which, I can just make out, appear to be cheese. ‘Wonderful,’ I sigh, and hasten over to put Theo in his bouncer.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ says Chloe suspiciously. ‘Why did you say “wonderful” like that?’

  ‘Because Granny Sue’s done you cheese rolls,’ I say, quickly grabbing the bread and reaching into the fridge to pull out mayonnaise and cucumber.

  ‘But I don’t like cheese in sandwiches,’ Chloe says worriedly. ‘I have a Babybel in the pink box next to my sandwiches. Which I want to be tuna.’

  ‘I’m sorting it out now.’ I snatch a tin from the cupboard. ‘Can you start getting dressed? It’s OK, Theo, Mummy’s here. I’ll just do this and then I’ll get you out.’

  Chloe frowns. ‘What’s that noise, Mummy? I can hear knocking.’

  ‘Sally!’ bellows Matthew simultaneously, from upstairs. ‘Did you hear me? I said there’s someone at the front door! I’m still not dressed – can you get it?’

  I look down at my purple flowery nightie. Oh sod it, I give up. Who cares any more?

  ‘I’m on it!’ I shout back, as I put the tin down and dash out into the hall. Sure enough, someone is waiting on the doorstep. I unlatch the chain and throw it open, to find Kelly standing there again. In the twelve hours that have passed since we were last opposite each other like this, she has reverted to full glamour mode. She’s heavily made-up, with sunglasses perching perkily on top of bouncy, freshly washed hair. The figure-hugging bright red dress she’s teamed with impossibly high shoes looks utterly out of place, given she’s also holding a walking stick in one hand, and what looks like a covered casserole dish balanced on her hip with the other.

  I fold my arms over my chest self-consciously. Of all the people I’d hate to see me looking like this, she pretty much tops the list. Before I can say anything, however, Chloe appears at my side, clutching her school dress and looking up at Kelly curiously.

  ‘Well, hello!’ Kelly widens her eyes dramatically and gives Clo a massively OTT ‘I’m talking to a child’ smile, before bending down so she can invade her personal space properly. ‘I love your uniform! Are you getting ready to go? Do you like school?’

  Chloe doesn’t say anything, just looks at her warily and shrinks back behind my legs.

  ‘Go back into the kitchen, sweetheart, and keep an eye on Theo for me, will you?’ I say quietly. ‘I’ll be right there.’

  ‘Bye Clo-Clo!’ Kelly waves cheerily, then, once my daughter has gone, she turns to me.

  ‘What are you doing here again?’ I stare at her. ‘You need to stop this, Kelly. It’s becoming weird.’

  She takes a deep breath and forces a smile. ‘Oh, have a word with yourself, will you? You know exactly why I came over last night – I was beside myself. But I’m here now because I shouldn’t have said some of what I did. You’re obviously going through a very tough time, and I ought to have been more sympathetic. I know I could have just phoned, but I wanted to come over and apologize in person.’

  ‘You know it’s barely half seven in the morning, right?’ I say slowly.

  ‘Of course I do,’ she snaps defensively, but then seems to catch herself, and smiles again. ‘I mean, yes I do, thank you, Sally. I’m filming all day today and I wouldn’t have been able to come over at all otherwise, but I really wanted you to see how serious I was about this. Here – I’ve made you something.’ She tries to hold out the casserole dish, but struggles slightly. ‘Sorry, can you just take this stick for a second? I get labyrinthitis from time to time – it’s an ear and balance thing – and I’m a bit wobbly today.’

  I resist the temptation to say perhaps she’d be better off in considerably more sensible shoes, in that case, and reach out to take the stick as she takes the dish in both hands, then holds it out to me too. I stare down at it, then take it, not sure what to say. This is completely bizarre. What is she trying to pull now?

  ‘It’s chicken,’ she offers, taking back the stick.

  ‘Thanks.’

  There’s an uncomfortable pause for a moment, and then she says, ‘Fine. Well, I’d better go then. Before I do, though, I wanted to say, I didn’t steal any money from you. I would never do that. I did swap the ring, but I genuinely didn’t think I was doing anyone any harm. That certainly wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to know.’ She turns and starts to walk back down the drive towards a black car, out of which climbs a be-suited man to open the passenger door for her.

  Mum appears alongside me, an apron on and sleeves rolled up. ‘Sally, why are you re-
making Chloe’s lunch? Wait – is that Kelly again?’ She looks confused as the car begins to pull away.

  ‘Yes. She’s made me a casserole.’

  ‘Well!’ Mum says, amazed. ‘First coming all that way last night with those lovely gifts to cheer you up, and now this? You see? She is trying. I told you.’

  ‘Mum, I just want to get back inside, I’m in my nightie,’ I say, noticing Ron staring at me from across the way, while busily vacuuming the inside of his car as if that’s a normal thing to be doing at half seven in the morning. ‘Hi Ron!’ I call tersely, and he half waves back, forced into acknowledging he’s looking right at us.

  ‘Well, here then – I’ll take that stew.’

  ‘No. You’re not touching it. None of you are.’ I turn around and head back into the kitchen, yanking the lid off and then stamping my foot down on the pedal of the bin, before turning the whole pot upside down. The contents plop into the bottom of the bin bag like someone being violently sick.

  ‘What on earth are you doing?’ Mum says, her mouth falling open.

  ‘I don’t want any of you eating that, especially not the kids.’

  ‘Right,’ Mum says slowly. ‘Is that why you’re re-making Chloe’s lunch too? Have I done something to upset you as well? I’m so sorry if I have.’

  ‘No, no.’ I shake my head, exasperated. ‘It’s nothing like that. Look, I don’t want to go into why I don’t trust Kelly. I just want to be careful, that’s all.’

  ‘Careful of what, love?’

  ‘Like I said, I’m not going into it now.’ I nod down at Chloe, who appears to be playing, but I can see she is listening to every word. ‘Mum, I’m not going mad – please don’t look at me like that. None of this is a big deal, I promise. Chloe doesn’t like cheese, so I’m making her tuna for lunch, and I don’t want her eating Kelly’s food. That’s it. OK?’

  ‘OK,’ Mum says, and gives me a big smile. ‘That’s absolutely fine.’

  ‘Great,’ I say flatly. Thanks so much Kelly. Mum now obviously thinks I’m having another ‘moment’. ‘Come on, Chloe, let’s sit up. It’s nearly time to go.’

  *

  At precisely 8.15 a.m., Theo and I, both now dressed, are watching my parents strap Chloe into her car seat when, to my surprise, Caroline’s Mercedes pulls around the corner and up onto the drive.

  ‘Morning all.’ She smiles, looking immaculate as she climbs out, wearing a sharply tailored blazer over a pair of wide-leg cropped trousers with heeled pumps. She must be stopping off on her way to something work related. ‘I’ll take Chloe to school if you like, Sue? Save you a trip?’

  ‘No, no, it’s fine, thank you, Caroline.’ Mum smiles. ‘Bob’s programmed the satnav now, so it’s no bother. We’ll stick to the plan, shall we? You go in and have a cup of tea with Sally and Theo.’ She motions pointedly at me and widens her eyes in an exaggerated fashion. I wonder if MI5 realize what an asset they missed in my mother? She beams at us again and climbs into the car, firmly shutting the door, before giving a little wave.

  ‘Please tell me they haven’t dragged you over here just to sit with me while they take Chloe to school?’ I ask, as Caroline arrives alongside Theo and I, and we watch them reverse carefully down the drive, my father’s parking sensors dutifully bleeping. ‘Even if Matthew wasn’t working at home today, I’d be perfectly safe.’

  ‘Oh, look at that dear little girl. She’s so gorgeous.’ Caroline sighs as they disappear out of sight, then turns to us. ‘And good morning to you too, handsome.’ She takes Theo’s hand in hers and gives it a gentle shake, before bending slightly to kiss it. ‘I’m here because they all want me to persuade you to ring the GP so you can get an appointment today. Matthew in particular is very worried about what your friend Liv told him, and he thinks you need some support as soon as possible.’

  I stiffen slightly. ‘So he did share my moment of teenage madness with all of you then? I thought he had.’

  She gestures helplessly with her arms. ‘I don’t think he should have done either, Sal. It was private to you, and I said that to him.’

  It’s my turn to sigh. ‘Let’s go and make that tea. Does this happen to you every time someone you know on a personal level has a crisis, or a breakdown of some kind? People just expect you to sort everything out because of what you do for a living?’

  ‘Pretty much,’ she agrees, as we go back into the house. ‘I don’t mind, really; it goes with the territory, and I’m careful not to take responsibility for more than I feel comfortable with. It’s different with you, anyway. You’re my daughter-in-law. Of course I want to help.’

  ‘Not that I’ve had either a breakdown or a crisis,’ I say quickly, putting Theo down on his mat and handing him his singing octopus. ‘Although,’ I hesitate anxiously, really not wanting to have to confess that I’ve messed up, ‘something slightly unfortunate did happen last night.’

  ‘Oh?’ she says, getting two cups out of the cupboard. ‘Tea or coffee?’

  ‘Tea, please.’ I sit down next to Theo, avoiding having to look her in the eye. ‘Kelly came over and I said something stupid to her.’

  Caroline has her back to me as she’s filling the kettle, and at first I don’t think she’s heard me. She sets it back down on its base, flicks it on, and slips her jacket off to reveal a crisp navy tunic top, before placing the blazer over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. She looks down at me expectantly.

  ‘So what happened?’

  ‘I saw a picture of Kelly wearing her new engagement ring on the MailOnline, with a report saying it cost seventy thousand pounds. I can’t go into details, but my brother confirmed she did something devious on Saturday and, suffice to say, that’s where your money has gone.’

  Caroline’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. ‘You know this for certain?’

  ‘She denied it, of course, but pretty much, yes—’

  ‘You actually confronted her?’ Caroline cuts across me.

  ‘I accused her of stealing the money, yes.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I also told her I knew more about her than she realized.’

  There’s a pause. ‘Ah,’ Caroline says, ‘I see.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ I say miserably. ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I backtracked very quickly, and neither of us made any direct reference to you at all, but she reacted badly regardless. That was last night, but she was back here at half seven this morning too.’

  Caroline says nothing, just waits for me to continue.

  ‘This time she was very apologetic, and brought me a casserole she’d made. It was utterly surreal. Was she like that when you treated her? Completely Jekyll and Hyde? I’ve not told anyone else about my accusing her of stealing the money, by the way,’ I add.

  ‘I think I’d probably keep it that way,’ Caroline considers carefully. ‘Listen, Sally, while I can see this is all really bothering you – and I promise we’ll come back to Kelly – I don’t think we should completely lose sight of what else happened this weekend. In fact, what time is it?’ She turns and glances at the kitchen clock. ‘Coming up to half past eight. That’s when your doctor’s phone lines open for same-day appointments, I think? As I said, Matthew and your parents are very keen for you to get some support from your GP.’

  I don’t say anything for a moment, just pull the string on the octopus for Theo again, who grabs it as soon as the music starts to sound. ‘And do you agree?’

  ‘I’m not sure that they really understand what is going to happen at that first appointment, let’s put it that way,’ she says. ‘I thought it might be helpful instead if you and I ran through it briefly. Your GP is going to have a ten-minute slot for you and, quite simply, there won’t be time to cover any psychological challenges you may or may not be experiencing, once he or she has established you’re not actively suicidal – which you’re evidentially not. What they will do, however, is take your history, examine you, and discuss any physical symptoms you might have had, or have. Now, the thing is,’ she t
akes a deep breath, ‘yours is such an odd story, it’s not going to cleanly fit a diagnosis. At first they’re going to wonder if it’s amnesia of some kind – but as we’ve already discussed, amnesia doesn’t present like this. So at that point, your GP is going to start wondering if you’re telling the truth, or if perhaps there is something else psychological going on.’

  I look up at her immediately. This time the pause is much longer, broken only by Theo starting to clatter some stacking cups that he’s found. ‘We’ve already been here. I am telling the truth, Caroline.’

  ‘OK,’ she says slowly, ‘then that’s going to leave them with no option but to start having to consider some of the much rarer possibilities.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ I’m confused. ‘Rarer possibilities like what?’

  The kettle boils, but she ignores it. ‘Mental blackouts or memory loss can have physical causes: like head injuries, underactive thyroids, alcoholism… and brain lesions or tumours.’

  ‘Brain tumours?’ I repeat stupidly. Theo, happily waving around the white cup, looks up at me and smiles.

  ‘Yes. They are going to have to consider testing you for all of those things. Are you absolutely sure you want – or need – to put Matthew and your parents through the very real worry of all that?’

  ‘Caroline, I swear to you, I’m telling the truth!’ I say urgently. ‘I can see you think it’s an “odd story”, but I promise you, I’ve not made it up.’ I swallow. ‘When you say these causes are rare, just how rare are we talking?’

  ‘Very unlikely indeed.’ She closes her eyes briefly, and rubs her hand tiredly across her face, as if she’s trying to think of another way to approach this. ‘It’s just that this is going to scare everyone so badly, particularly as most GPs are lamentably inept at handling this sort of thing, and blunder in there with no thought, just announcing they’re sending you for CT scans without so much as a by-your-leave. Then there will be the agonizing wait for the results, only for them to come back negative, and—’

  ‘But what if they don’t come back negative?’ I whisper. I can feel my pulse starting to flutter faster with fear.