by Mary Moreno
“My mother can’t see me because she’s dead,” Tony tells her, his tone of voice not wavering, trying to be strong.
Jessica looks at him with shock in her eyes, more sadness, and I wonder what her own story is.
Chapter 7
Bedtime
Jessica’s POV:
The rest of the dinner was quiet. I think after Tony’s explanation, no one was hungry. I played cars with him in his playroom upstairs and hadn’t seen Jared since we left the dinner table, and I feel bad for the two of them, I’m not trying to pity them, but they are both missing out on someone they truly love.
I not only saw the pain of Tony’s eyes when he told me about his mother, but I could see the pained look on Jared’s face.
To lose someone that they both loved dearly breaks my heart, and I can see why he didn’t tell me much about his past. Now I see why.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Tony asks me, bringing me out of my thoughts as I give him a small smile.
“Sure, lets clean this up and then pick out a movie. It’s almost bedtime anyway.” I look at the clock to see it’s fifteen minutes before bed.
Jared had told me that he goes to bed at nine, and since I don’t see him anywhere, I know that I must do it, which is part of my job description. However, I don’t feel as if it’s a job at all.
I see that not only does Tony need a friend, but so does Jared.
We pick up quickly and head out of the room, quietly closing the door and making our way down the hall to Tony’s room.
He has a single bed, a television, books, and a few stuffed animals. He doesn’t live like a snobby rich kid. I am happy that he’s not brought up to be one either.
“Pick out a movie while I go get changed for bed,” Tony tells me, grabbing his nightclothes out of the dresser that’s on the other side of the room.
I smile at him and watch him leave the room.
Picking out a short movie that way, if Jared comes up to see if he’s sleeping, then I can tell him that time got away from us, which is the truth, it had.
I pick out a cartoon with a bunny on the front. Put it into the DVD player, and just as I press the play button, Tony comes through the door and gets into bed.
I tuck him in and sit on the edge turning on the small lamp, and we focus on the cartoon, at least I am until Tony decides to shock me again.
“Do you think that my mother can see me?” Tony asks softly.
I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had a kid ask me that before, every child that I ever babysat either had the other parent on the weekends or they had been together.
“I think that she can. I think that she sits up there on a cloud, and today she was smiling down on you. I think that she watches over you and your father. I believe that with all my heart.” I look at him, and as the words are coming out of my mouth, my heart has this tinge of pain running through it.
What comes out of my mouth without even thinking about it, I do believe it, and I must’ve said the right words because I get a small smile out of Tony before his eyes slide back to the television screen and it’s quiet again.
Fifteen minutes later, I look over my shoulder, daring to see if his eyes are closed, and he’s sleeping. I turn the television down just a little and shut the lamp off. I pull the sheet up over him and slowly walk out of the bedroom.
Before I realize it, there are tears in my eyes, and I go to wipe them away before they fall, not realizing that someone else is in the hallway as I cross to go to my bedroom.
“Hard day?” I hear a familiar voice as I put my hand on the doorknob.
“No.” I wipe my eyes quickly.
“Then what?” Jared dares to ask me.
“I’m just tired,” I tell him too quickly.
“You’re not a very good liar, Jessica.” I’m not used to someone calling me out. I thought that would be the end of the discussion.
“Do you have time to talk and maybe have a few drinks, or are you going to bed?” Jared asks me.
“I don’t mind having a few drinks. How do you know that I’m above age?” I kid him.
“I did take a look at your application, remember?” He laughs at me; his laugh is deep and booming, which makes me smile even more as I make my way to him.
I feel silly in the dress, knowing how expensive it is, and I look back at my bedroom door.
“What?” He asks.
“I was going to change,” I tell him as we head for the stairs.
“You look fine. I think that the dress fits you nicely. Tony did a good job picking it out.” Jared nods his head, looking over my body.
Even in the soft light of the hallway I can see his eyes slowly roaming my body, and I feel my heart racing, a tingling sensation rushes over my body, something that I haven’t felt before as I hold onto the railing and make my way down the stairs with him following behind me.
I dare to look over my shoulder, and his smile takes my breath away. I’ve never had a man look at me like this, then again, I’ve always been surrounded by boys and not actual men.
At the bottom of the stairs, I wait for him to lead the way, not sure which way we’re going, and he heads out towards the patio.
When we get outside, I feel the warm breeze, but also see that something is different. A few feet away from where Tony and I were sitting in the lounge chairs is a small minibar with a bartender behind it, washing out two glasses and filling them with our drinks.
He brings them over to the round table on the other side of the pool where Jared and I sit. I shake my head at him.
“What?” Jared grins at me.
Chapter 8
Jessica’s Past
Jared’s POV:
“You had this planned. You were waiting for me to say yes. What would’ve happened if I said no?” She challenges me.
“Then I would’ve had all this taken down. I didn’t set it up. I wanted to talk to you after Tony went to bed.” I take a sip from my drink. The cool liquid hitting my tongue from the straw.
“What is that.” Jessica nods.
“Sex on the beach,” I tell her proudly, it’s my favorite drink, and she giggles, hearing her giggle like that makes me dizzy.
“So, you know how old I am, how old are you?” She asks.
I can see that her eyes are full of questions, but for now, I’m only going to answer one.
“Thirty,” I state with a cringe.
“It’s not that old,” Jessica assures me quickly.
“No?” I ask her.
“No, I don’t think that’s old at all. It’s not like you’re a wrinkly old man.” She laughs, tilting her head back just enough for me to see her bare neck as she places her hand on my arm.
“Don’t be saying that around my father, you will meet him in a few weeks. He has some wrinkles. I’m sorry about this evening at dinner. I wasn’t expecting Tony to talk about his mother. He rarely ever does, so it surprised me.” I didn’t realize the words were out of my mouth until I heard them with my ears.
“It’s okay, he’s a little boy. I wish that I could talk so fondly of my mother.” She takes a sip from her glass through the straw.
“That’s an interesting topic. Everyone seems to have a past Jessica. What is yours?” I ask her firmly, I don’t want to push her, but I do want to know just a little bit about her besides how wonderful she is with children.
“I don’t like talking about it.” She lets her hand slide off mine, and it automatically goes to the back of her neck.
A habit I’m guessing when she’s uncomfortable about something.
I like to read people, their body language most of all.
“The sadness that I heard in your voice, the sadness that I saw in your eyes, you weren’t just showing him attention you truly felt his pain. Has she passed away?” I try to guess.
“No, she’s very much alive. Growing up, I didn’t have a mom, I did, but I didn’t. I learned to take care of myself and do things for myself at a young age. We hopp
ed from apartment to apartment each time that my mother was done with the man she had in her clutches. Is that what you want to hear?” She asks me bluntly.
“That’s not what I want to hear, but if it’s the truth, then yes. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” I tell her calmly, not the least bit upset with her.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. Before coming here, I left a shabby apartment that I despised jumping to when I was little. Sometimes I would babysit just so that I could help with the rent. I wasn’t proud of my job sorting trash, but it was a job. I always told myself that I could do better for myself so when I got the call that you were willing to set up an interview…” She pauses, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
“What?” I challenge her to finish what she’s going to say.
“It was a new beginning for me. It was a new life for me. I wanted it more than anything. I told myself that I wasn’t going to leave until I got the job.” She sucks down more of her drink I notice almost ready for another one as I match the level of her glass with one long sip off my straw before putting the glass down on the table.
“Does it feel like a job to you?” I ask.
“No, I was seeing it as just a job to get on my feet and do better for myself, but I wasn’t expecting a boy like Tony either. I wasn’t expecting a child that was well-behaved, a child that is polite and nice.” Jessica smiles.
I have noticed throughout the day whenever Tony’s name is brought up, or when she’s with him, she seems much happier as if she’s trying to fulfill her happiness like everyone else.
“I didn’t think you took it as a job. Tony hasn’t had this vibe with any of the nannies, maybe because they were too old, or maybe because they weren’t as welcoming as you are.” I point out to her and see the smile grow wider.
“Tony is a good kid; it seems like we get each other.” She nods her head, and I watch her relax under the lights of the pool.
“What’s your story?” She asks me.
I sigh and lift my hand, seeing that Brian, the bartender nodding his head at me as he makes us a second round of drinks before coming over.
I don’t say anything right away, I wait for Brian to come over, set the drinks down, and take the empty glasses with him.
“I told you about my horrible story.” She raises her eyebrows.
“Not all of it, I know that there’s some that you’re holding back.” I tell her, daring her to tell me that I’m wrong.
She doesn’t. Instead, she takes a sip off the fresh drink that has been placed in front of her.
Chapter 9
Jared’s Pain
Jessica’s POV:
I can see that he’s having a hard time talking to me, he’s looking down at the table, looking at his glass, anywhere but at me.
“I would like to say that Tony’s mother died during childbirth, maybe it wouldn’t be so painful, but that wouldn’t be the truth. She passed away three years ago. A car accident of sorts, I would like to say that it wasn’t my fault, but in a way it was.” He tells me, I can hear the pain in his voice.
I don’t judge him out loud, but my heart is racing. I didn’t know a single thing about this man other than that he needed a nanny. I was so caught up in wanting a better job than I didn’t think about what kind of man he could be.
Was Jared Collins monster deep inside, how had it his fault that Tony’s mother was dead? What had he done to think that in any way?
I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so I didn’t.
“We argued. We weren’t together. We hadn’t been together for a long time. Maybe even before he hit one. I can hardly remember now, but we were good parents. We didn’t fight over him, we fought about other things. Things that we couldn’t get past, the reason why we had split up. I guess we were both hurt. She had been seeing someone else a few months before Tony was born, and we tried to work it out, how we tried so hard.” Jared stops talking and takes a long sip of his Sex on the beach.
“Everyone has their problems, Jared…” I whisper to him.
“Yes, we had dinner together that night, she put Tony to bed before she got ready to leave. She was always a good mother, if nothing else. I don’t know why I even asked, but I asked her which man had her attention that evening to where she had to rush off soon after Tony fell asleep. She had told me that it was none of my business. That it wasn’t my concern. I knew it wasn’t because Tony was safe in bed, but I wanted to know. It was like I had to know. Horrible words got exchanged between the two of us, name-calling, and she left. I tried to tell her that it wasn’t wise for her to drive off in the pouring rain after a few drinks…” He swallowed hard.
“I thought you said she was a good mother?” I ask him.
“She was Tony wasn’t with her. I wouldn’t have let her leave if she was taking him with her. There’s no way that I would’ve. She didn’t want to listen; she didn’t want me to call a cab because she didn’t want me to know where she was going. She said that to me too. ‘You just want to know where I’m going.’ That’s what she said.” He shakes his head, scoffing at the memory.
“So, she left.” I nodded my head.
“Yes, she did. She got into the pink convertible that she wanted oh so badly. Spun the tires and everything. The ass-end of her car swerved back and forth as if she didn’t have control over it. Maybe she was just mad at that’s why she was driving like that. There was nothing that I could do; I wasn’t going to chase after her. The next morning, I got a phone call from my mother. I still remember it. I still dream about it. I remember the time too.” He nods his head firmly.
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. I didn’t think-“ Before I can get the rest of the words out of my mouth, he cuts me off to continue.
“It was two in the morning when I got the call, Jess. Two in the morning, I answered, thinking something was the matter with my mother and come to find out it was his mother. Her name was Tabitha. She told me that Tabitha had been rushed to the hospital, and it didn’t look good. I had my butler watch, Tony, while I was gone. On the way to the hospital, there were police on the side of the road, a tow truck, as I was passing it, I knew that it was Tabitha’s car. Who else has a pink convertible? It looked like she had skidded off the road in the rain, maybe she was playing with the radio, maybe it was her texting the guy she was going to go see saying she was running late. I don’t know. All I know is when I saw the front end smashed against the tree, it was the end. When my mother met me at the doors of the hospital, I had found out that Tabitha hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt, and the crash site flashed through my mind again. A memory that I wish I could delete.” He stops talking and drinks the rest of his glass in a few gulps.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what else to say to him. What I thought was going to be a good evening had turned sad and morbid.
“Yeah, me too. I’d like to think that if I hadn’t provoked the argument that she would still be here. That she wouldn’t be so angry when she left. Maybe if I hadn’t pried into her personal life…” Jared shakes his head.
“You didn’t make her get in that car you had no control over it.” I defend him as if I’ve known him my whole life, the look he gives me is of a surprise because I’m so emotional about it and I know that it’s not the drink.
It’s just who I am.
Even the horrible upbringing I had, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, and when he gives me a small smile, I think he knows it too.
Chapter 10
Jessica Helps Me
Jared’s POV:
I don’t know why I told her all of that! It wasn’t my intention, and yet she made me feel so comfortable in letting it out when I haven’t told anyone how I felt about that night. Never have I felt so close to anyone to talk about the guilt that I felt and still feel about that horrible night. What is it about her that makes me want to keep talking? That makes me want to keep opening up as
if she’s my therapist. I don’t know, but I’m glad that she stops me by throwing another piece of her past into the future, let me know why she is the way she is.
“My mother abandoned me on my graduation day. Almost as if she had thrown me to a pack of wolves without even saying goodbye.” Jessica tells me, shocking me.
I don’t know what kind of mother would do that. I know that my mother can get on my nerves sometimes, she can push me too far, and I will get upset with her but never once had she abandoned me and Tabitha always was a good mother when she had Tony with her, maybe not so good to herself when it was my turn to have him, but a good mother nonetheless. I would never see her abandoning our son.
“Damn.” I sigh.
“Yeah, I haven’t heard from her since. Not a phone call, not a postcard. Nothing. I don’t even know where she is right now. I don’t think that I want to know. If I was face to face with her Jared, I don’t know what I would say to her. Other than I’ve made it without.” Jessica shrugs it off like it’s not a big deal.
But it is.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her.
“Me too. So, in a way, I would say that she’s dead to me. Maybe that’s why I have such a connection with Tony. Not that he’s made to fend for himself because obviously, that’s not the case, but at a very young age, I didn’t have a mother figure in my life. I didn’t have a father figure either, to be honest. If my mother mentioned his name, it was when I was too little to remember. The type of mother who would complain about not getting child support, so she had to work twice as hard.” I hear her scoff.
“Does that turn you off to wanting children?” I ask her.
“No, I think that I would be a good mother when the times right when I know that I am stable enough to have children. I don’t want to bring a child into this world while struggling.” She is firm about it, it makes me smile at her. I can see the emotion and the stubbornness at the same time when she talks.