“It doesn’t surprise me,” said Gus. “If it is true. Things had been escalating in the Middle East for a while. They despised most of the modern world. At least the extremists did. They had the means and the will. Son of a bitch,” he said, sounding pissed.
Doc sighed heavily.
“There’ll be more time to talk about specifics later. My own lab findings. Compare notes. What we know as a group. What you all know. Olga should just about have our meager operating room ready and it’s time to get Sam ready.”
“Let me go talk to him,” I said softly.
“Five minutes,” said Doc.
I stood and walked past Hoot. Behind me, I could hear Gus and Doc talking about the treatment plan for my arm. As soon as I finished breaking the news to Sam, Olga would hook me up to an IV for antibiotics and bandage my arm. While she worked on me, Doc’s assistants would help with Sam’s amputation. I felt sick to my stomach as I sat down beside Sam. He looked puny in the small bed, but peaceful. I knew that was about to change.
His injured wrist was wrapped in blood-soaked gauze and sat on top of a disposable waterproof pad. An IV bag hung from the wall on his right, the tubing going into a vein near his elbow. I took hold of his right hand, careful to avoid his IV tube.
“Sam?” I called out to him, knowing my voice was too quiet to be effective.
“Sam,” I said slightly louder as I squeezed his fingers.
His eyes flickered open, but his lids looked heavy.
“Zoe. I was waiting for you.”
He tried to smile but it came out as a grimace.
“Sorry I took so long. I’m here with you though, okay?”
“Yes,” he said slowly.
“Sam, I have to talk to you about your wrist.”
“It’s alright. I already know what they’re going to do. You can’t let them do it.”
He began coughing.
“Their doctor says there’s no choice. It’s broken really bad, and infected.”
“It’s not that. I’m already dying. I’ll be one of them soon. If they cut it off, then it’ll be a detached hand alive forever and never be able to eat.”
I placed my free hand on his forehead. He was so hot to the touch.
“It won’t have a mouth. Or teeth.”
“No, you’re just delirious.”
“O-kay,” he said as he began to fall asleep again.
I kept my hand around his until Doc and a woman I hadn’t met came to take him in to surgery. Gus and Hoot were not far behind them, rolling a stretcher.
“Margie, go ahead and give him 200 mics of fentanyl IV. Push it slow, over about three minutes. We’ll transfer him to the gurney after it’s hit.”
“On it,” the woman said.
Gus held a small IV bag and tubing in his hand, and what I recognized as an IV-start-kit in the other.
“Go ahead and give him some Phenergan too. Put it on a pump for 30 minutes.”
“I’m not sure how to do that,” she admitted, looking a bit embarrassed. “Olga hasn’t shown me yet.”
“It’s okay, Margie. You can start the IV on Miss Zoe and hang her antibiotic. Just at a slow drip. Gus, can you help hang some Phenergan?”
“Sure. Is that okay with you, Zo?” he asked me.
“Whatever will help Sam the most. My own arm can wait.”
“Just let me know where the supplies are,” said Gus.
“You should find a pump and tubing in the closet to your left. The Phenergan is in the desk drawer by the back exit. Well, it’s closed off, but it was the back exit.”
Gus looked around until he saw the EXIT sign, which no longer glowed green. He left my side and my anxiety instantly rose.
“You ready?” Margie’s soft voice was calming.
The girl was young; perhaps in her late teens at most.
“Sure.”
“I’m Margie. Doc wants me to give you antibiotics so I need to start an IV.”
“Sure,” I said.
“Let’s see, I can’t do it on your injured arm so I’ll try on the back of your other hand. I know it’s an awkward place but I’m still new at this and it’s the easiest. Usually.”
“Do you have to do them a lot?” I asked, wondering how new she was at it.
“Not really.”
“But you know how, right?” My anxiety was increasing rapidly.
“Oh,” she paused. “Oh yeah...Doc’s had me practice on him and his wife. And I started two last month on people that got hurt.”
“How long do you think they’ll take with Sam?”
I changed the subject to try to get my mind off the fact that I was likely just more practice for the girl.
“I’m not sure, to be honest.”
Before I knew it, Margie finished inserting the IV cannula and taped it down to the back of my hand.
“Will he be asleep?” I asked.
“The drugs they gave him will help, but we don’t have a way to do general anesthesia.”
While I wanted to run away and cry, I forced myself to take a deep breath and keep my sadness and anger on the inside. Margie continued to prep the IV line for a dose of antibiotics and finished up by connecting it to the small line in my hand.
“He’ll be okay. Doc’s fast and he’s done this once before.”
“He told me to not let them do it.”
“I think that’s a normal response.”
“I think he was delirious. He said he was dying and turning into one of them already.”
“He has a high fever and is on strong pain meds. I’m sure he’s just delirious. He’ll need his friends to support him.”
“Yeah. I know.”
Minutes passed and my thoughts drifted to Hope, to Gus, to the people we had just lost in the old folk’s home, and back to Sam in the next room. Margie sat beside me, watching the small IV bag to make sure it wasn’t running in too fast, all while bandaging my arm.
“I’m sure you’ll want to sleep after this,” she said.
“Maybe. If I can.”
“Doc can give you a sleeping pill. I can bring your next IV dose up when it’s due. We’ll keep Sam in here and one of us will be with him for at least the next twenty-four hours. As long as his fever breaks and his bleeding is controlled he can move upstairs after that.”
As soon as she stopped talking, Sam’s screaming jolted me to the core. It wasn’t just a man screaming, it was the sound of torture and excruciating pain.
“Hold him down!” I heard someone yell. It must have been Doc.
“Sam, you have to hold still!” Gus.
Sam continued screaming. It was shrill and primal. My hand began to hurt where the IV was infusing. I looked down to realize my fists were clenched, as were my teeth. Margie sniffled and when I glanced at her she was physically shaking and her skin was two shades of pale. Slowly, Sam’s screams began to subside. I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but when I glanced at the IV bag it was empty. Margie looked up as well, and stood up to disconnect the IV line.
“We can do this part pretty fast and get you settled upstairs. I’ll send your dad when he’s done.”
“My dad?”
“The Army nurse?”
I shook my head. “That’s Gus, my husband.”
The younger girl blushed, the new color in her cheeks standing out against the pastiness of her skin.
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s fine. Don’t sweat it.”
She seemed awkwardly uncomfortable and hurried with the last of her medication duties. Once she was satisfied, she unscrewed the longer line from the shorter one that would remain in my hand.
“I’ll see you to the kitchen and then get you settled upstairs, then,” she said.
“Thanks.”
I didn’t particularly want to go anywhere without Gus or Hoot, or Sam for that matter, but staying in that medical office knowing what had just happened was the worse option. As we left, I heard Sam sobbing.
***
&nbs
p; Options in the kitchen were slim. Margie offered to cook an egg for me, but I declined. I was tired, so just grabbed an apple and a couple single-serve peanut butter packets. Before heading back upstairs, she explained that everyone is expected to eat during main meal times unless they’re out scouting. In a situation like ours, where we had just arrived, picking a few items would be fine. She promised to walk Gus and Hoot through as well before sending them upstairs.
Leaving the kitchen, I realized it had grown late. Windows were all boarded except for every third, which had a small gap left at the top to allow for some light to enter.
“We’re conserving batteries so try to only use them if you’re up walking around. Keep them away from the windows. A candle in the kitchen is usually fine. We try to keep it dark at night ‘cause the dead watch.”
“They watch for any change,” I echoed.
“Here we are. 112,” she said awkwardly as we approached the door to my new unit. “You can take my flashlight. I know my way around well enough.”
“Thanks,” I said as I took the small flashlight from her.
“I’ll be back in about seven hours for your next IV dose. I’ll send a pain pill up with your husband.”
“Just Tylenol. Save the stronger stuff for others.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Good night then.”
“Night.”
I watched as she walked back down the hall. I opened the door and stepped inside. Slowly, I shined the flashlight around to get my bearings. The kitchen now held a small two-person patio table with mismatched folding chairs and a trash can. I walked through to the small living room, where a futon couch just big enough for two sat beneath the window. I could see into the bedroom through the open walls. A bed had been assembled. Not just the mattress, but a box spring and metal frame with simple wood head and foot boards. It was dressed in sheets and topped with a homey quilt. A nightstand sat beside the bed with a paper folded on top. I walked closer and picked it up. I used the flashlight to read a note.
Welcome home. There’s water in the kitchen and a few basics. Meals are eaten downstairs by the kitchen, with breakfast at 8:30. Get a good night sleep and we’ll go over basics before lunch.
-Chanel
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I turned off the flashlight and ate half the apple. Exhaustion took over. I left the other apple half and the peanut butter on the side table for Gus, stood, pulled the covers back, and climbed into the bed. The night was cold and my feet felt frozen, so I pulled the covers up to my chin and curled into a fetal position.
***
When I felt someone touch my wrist, my eyes flew open and I backed away, into Gus.
“It’s okay. It’s just Margie; I’m here to take out your IV.”
“Margie,” I said with a sigh of relief.
Gus scooted closer and wrapped an arm around me. I could tell by his breathing that he was still asleep.
“Don’t I need another dose?” I asked.
“It’s already done. You slept through it,” she whispered.
“How’s Sam?” I asked quickly.
“He’s sleeping. Doc has him on a morphine drip and Hoot’s sitting with him.”
“Has Hoot slept? I can go trade him places,” I said.
“No, you need to heal. We already have a volunteer coming to sit. Head down to the cafeteria for breakfast. I smell pancakes. They’ll be serving for another half an hour.”
“Thanks, Margie.”
“No problem. I’ll let Doc know you’ll be in to visit Sam after breakfast. He’ll want to change your bandage while you’re there.”
The tape being peeled off the back of my hand stung, but I was glad to be free of the IV catheter. I closed my eyes as she walked across our little apartment, and only vaguely heard the door open and shut. Our mattress was soft and the sheets comforting. It was a luxury to which I was no longer accustomed.
“Morning,” mumbled Gus.
I rolled over to face him and he tightened his arm around me.
“Hi.”
“Did she say someone’s makin’ pancakes?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
“Okay,” I said with a sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
He reached under the blankets and found my hand, giving it a squeeze.
“Everything.”
“I know. We still have to eat, though, darlin’,”
“Tell me,” I whispered. “Is Sam going to be okay?”
“I suspect so. I think Doc took care of him just in time. Once infection spreads to the blood, well, without advanced medicine he’d have been doomed. As it was Doc had to take a bit more than he’d expected.”
“I feel so bad for him,” I said as I nestled closer and buried my head against his bare chest.
Gus began to snore softly. I sighed.
“Gus,” I said as I nudged at his shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“Pancakes.”
As badly as I didn’t want to feel hunger, or sadness, or anything, the thought of food was making me salivate.
“Ayup. On it.”
“I need to pee,” I said.
“Okay.”
“I’m not sure where to go. There’s no toilet in here.”
“Number one or two?” he asked sleepily.
“One.”
“Just squat in the shower, okay?”
“Ew.”
***
It took us only minutes to get ourselves sorted before we left our apartment to make our way to the dining area. A few others were also heading to breakfast. No one looked familiar and a couple people took their time looking us over as we made our way down the hall and then the stairs.
“Do you remember where to go?” I asked.
“Once we get to the main floor it’s on the left.”
We made our way down the last set of steps and found the dining room quickly. There were a handful of people sitting at round tables, all seemingly enjoying their meals. Chanel saw us and waved us over.
“Grab your plates by the window and help yourselves. It’s usually buffet style. You’ll see a little chalk board to the right of the food that says what the limit is per person. Leftovers are fair game once everyone’s done. What’s not eaten is fed to the compost pile in the courtyard.”
“Thanks,” Gus said for both of us.
“Doc knows you’ll be heading over to check on Sam and he wants to look at your arm, Zoe,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said.
The woman gave me a quick and gentle hug.
Gus took my hand and pulled me away to the food counter. I could feel curious eyes upon us. Paper plates were in a neat stack, with plastic flatware in a basket. We each took a plate and peeked at the chalkboard.
Pancakes 2
Eggs 1 scoop
Bell peppers 3 slices
Syrup 2 packets
We loaded our plates with our share and found two empty seats in the back. The pancakes were small and the eggs cold. As far as we were concerned, though, it was a feast. While my mood remained somber, the food hitting my stomach felt good. Halfway through the meal, Hoot sat down across from me.
“Hey, Hoot,” said Gus with his mouth full.
“Hey.”
“Jesus, brother. You look like shit.”
“It was a rough night. Sam’s not looking so hot.”
His attention grabbed, Gus swallowed and sat up straighter.
“How so?”
“He’s lost a lot of blood. He’s pale. He’s still burning up. Saying all kinds of weird shit.”
“Who’s with him now?” I asked.
“Doc’s wife, Olga. She just gave Sam some IV morphine so he was asleep when I left.”
“You need to catch a few winks too,” said Gus.
“I plan to. I guess they set me up in the unit next to you two. Sam and I will be bunking together once he can leave the infirmary.”
Wanting to see Sam as soon as possible, I began to eat faster. My stomach filled half a pancake shy of clearing my plate, so I scooted it toward Hoot.
“Finish it?” I pleaded.
He nodded. “Thanks, Zoe. You guys go ahead and stop in to see Sam. I’ll clear your plates.”
We both stood and Gus patted Hoot on the back. I leaned down and kissed him on his scruffy cheek.
“Go sleep,” I whispered.
“Yes, ma’am.”
***
Gus and I left the cafeteria. I followed him to the infirmary, this time taking notice of which turns led where. The medical room seemed smaller than it had the night before.
“Gus. Zoe,” said Olga, who looked exhausted. “Doc’s in with Sam now.”
“Olga? What’s wrong?” I asked.
Her face was drawn and read like a very sad story.
“He’s not doing too well. Fever hasn’t broken and Doc thinks the infection’s spread.”
“Fuck,” mumbled Gus under his breath.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“Of course. He’s not very lucid, though, just to warn you.”
She led us to the back corner, where a partition was in place for Sam’s privacy.
“Doc, Sam’s friends are here.”
“Send ‘em right in, my little bird.”
Doc’s voice sounded haggard, and when we stepped to the other side of the divider screen his face agreed. Sam lay on the bed face up, sweat coating his face in a waxy mask. His color was a hue of gray. I knew at first glance that his chances were slim. His chest rose and fell irregularly. His eyes were closed. His stump lay next to him, blood seeping through the bandage and onto the sheets.
“It’s not looking good,” the doctor said. “Whatever this infection is, it’s spreading fast and I can’t seem to catch up to it.”
“Is he still just on ampicillin?” asked Gus.
“It’s all we have, but I doubled the dose.”
“We’ll head out and find something else,” I said curtly.
“No, darlin’. There’s no time.”
I felt like I had no energy left. None for anger, or sadness, or to question either of the men.
“Then let me sit with him. As long as it takes.”
Doc sighed. “I can’t deny you that.”
“What’s that smell?” I asked.
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