Fuck waiting.
I launched the bottle into the air with a guttural roar. It spun around and around until landing in the bay with a splash, causing a ripple in the glass-like surface of the water. By the time the ripple reached the boat, I decided that although I trusted Bear, there was no way in hell I was just going to sit back and let his fate rest in the hands of others. I was going to do something at the very first opportunity.
I just had to figure out what exactly that something was.
CHAPTER SIX
Thia
I’m in Bear’s apartment. It’s late. Too late for the burner phone on the nightstand to be ringing. I roll over and answer it. “Hello,” I say, my voice scratchy and rough from sleep. I clear my throat and the voice on the other end chuckles.
Chills break out down my spine and I sit straight up in bed.
“Baby, it’s me. Don’t say a fucking thing. Just let me talk. There is so much I need to say to you but I don’t know where to fucking start. I’ll just start with this. I think about you. Even though it’s only been hours I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anything. I never knew what missing anything even meant until now. I don’t know when we are going to be able to talk again, so I wanted to tell you all of this now, while I still can. Are you still there, Ti?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Yes, I’m here.”
“I love the way you moan when I make you come. I love the way you get wet just from hearing my voice. But I’m also going to miss the way you chew the ends of your hair when you don’t know what to say. I’ll miss the way you look at me like you’re trying to figure me out, when really I’m a simple guy, I’m usually just thinking about how fucking gorgeous you are and how to get you naked. I’ll miss the way you always say you’re never hungry when I ask, but then eat half of whatever it is I’m eating. I’ll just miss you. I do miss you. I miss the way you make me feel like a person of the world, instead of a problem in it.
“Until you, I felt like nothing. I was nothing. You gave me everything and I plan to do the same for you. You’re too good for me, but I plan to make that up to you with how good I’m going to be for you. With you. Because of you.
I remain silent as I was told, but I can’t silence the tears forming in my eyes.
“The world was dark and you turned on the fucking light switch and now it’s so bright, I’m walking around blind. I’m in fucking jail…and I’ve never been happier. How fucking ridiculous is that? I sound like such a pussy, but in case something happens to me, I just thought you should know all this. You NEED to know all of this.”
“I—” Bear cuts me off.
“No, no talking. I’m crouched in a corner of the most disgusting bathroom I’ve ever been in, in the middle of the night, talking on a burner phone I fished out of an air conditioning vent, so please, Ti, just listen.”
I nod as if he can hear it.
“I have a confession. Every time we’ve fucked, I’ve come inside of you. I’ve been in here for months, longer than you and I’ve been…well, whatever we’ve been. I’ll be really fucking disappointed if you’re not pregnant. If and when I get out of here, I plan on fixing that. I plan on filling you with so much of me that you have no fucking choice but to carry my kid.
“I may not ever be a good man, baby, but unlike my piece of shit old man, I think I’d be a good dad. I want a girl. Pink hair, just like you.
I cover my mouth so Bear won’t hear my sob and hold the phone away for a second so I can sniffle.
“Don’t worry about me,” he continues, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “And for fuck’s sake do what you’re fucking told. There is a plan in place. Bethany is working on getting me out. But it’s gonna take time. Trust me. Trust us. Can you do that for me, baby? Can you trust me?”
Yes. I can.
“Now we can talk, tell me something about you. Something I don’t know. Something that’s not jump-off-a-bridge depressing ’cause there ain’t a lot of shit in here worth smiling at.”
I smile into the phone and say the first thing that comes to mind. “I’ve always wanted a dog. A big one. We had one when I was younger, a Great Dane. My parents never let me get another one after he died, but I’ve always wanted one.”
“I’ll get you one, baby. The biggest one they’ve got. The second I get out.”
“Do you really think you’re coming home?” The question is twofold. Is he really going to get out? And will he really be able to survive this?
“I don’t really know that. But I know this, a lot of people in my life have tried to take me out when I had nothing to live for and they’ve never succeeded, and I see that as a good thing.”
“I don’t understand,” I say.
“It means now that I have something to live for, they are going to have to come after me with a fucking nuke strapped to their chests in order to take me out, ’cause I’m not going anywhere, Ti. I’m not leaving you. Not now. Not ever. I promise.”
“I believe you,” I say, because I do.
“Now tell me where you are,” Bear says, his voice dropping an octave. “Are you in our bed?” he asks and there is something about his voice mixed with the OUR BED that already has me laying back on the bed and snaking my hand down the front of my stomach.
“I’m in our bed,” I say, practically purring.
“Panties and a tank top?” he asks, citing my preferred sleeping attire.
“Yes,” I say.
“Good, now listen to me, baby. You remember that first time I took you in the truck? Remember how I pushed my cock inside of you. You were so tight, I think it hurt me more than it hurt you when you gave me your sweet virgin pussy.”
I snake my hand down lower. “I remember,” I say and it almost comes out as a moan as I dip my fingers into my panties.
“Are you touching yourself?” Bear asks.
“Yes, I am.”
“Good girl,” he says, his voice straining. “Push your panties down and spread your legs for me.”
I tear off my panties and spread my legs wide as if he were between them viewing what’s his. “Okay,” I say.
“Do you remember the first time I tasted you? The first time my tongue touched your clit, your pussy? Do you remember what it felt like when I fucked you with my tongue until you couldn’t take any more?”
Closing my eyes, I circle my clit with two fingers remembering in vivid detail every single thing that Bear is mentioning. His warm wet tongue, the tightening in my lower stomach when he relentlessly fucked me with it. Faster and faster I circle until I’m already close to the edge. “Yes,” I say.
Bear chuckles. “Keep those legs spread wide. Remember what it felt like to hold on to my hair while my face was between your thighs.” Closer and closer I inch toward the edge, faster and faster I circle my clit. Then harder, until even the slightest of breezes might tip me over. “Bear,” I moan, “I’m so. I’m so…”
“I can’t wait to do that again. But I’m not going to let you come on my tongue next time,” Bear says, and suddenly I’m disappointed.
“You’re not?”
“No, because just when you are about to come in my mouth, I’m going to sit up and pull you onto my cock and slam into you. I’m going to fuck you. HARD. Until we’re both fucking screaming and coming, and coming some more.”
I fall, I fall, and I fall, and just as I am about to crash over the edge into the most beautiful orgasm I’ve ever had using my own hand, there is a commotion in the background. “Fuck. I gotta go, Ti.”
“Wait,” I pant, my eyes spring open. “When are you…?” I say, unsure of what exactly I’m going to ask.
“Love—” The “you” is cut off and the line goes dead. I hang my head between my knees. “He’s going to be okay,” I say aloud, trying to reassure myself.
I am high. I am sad. I am happy. I am anxious.
The phone call with Bear makes me one thing I haven’t been since he’s been gone and that is the thing I want to cling to until
the second he’s with me again.
Hopeful.
I hang up the phone and hand it back to King who puts it in his mouth and swallows it in one big gulp.
That’s how I knew the entire call was nothing more than a dream. The reality was that Bear had issued a no-contact rule. I was not to reach out to him and he was not to reach out to me. No calls. No visits. King explained that visiting the man in jail who was accused of murdering my parents didn’t make me look like the innocent Bear was trying to make me out to be.
When I opened my eyes, it really was King who was standing over me, his ginormous body cast in dark shadows, no evidence that he’d ingested any electronic devices. Thankfully, unlike my dream, I was fully dressed in a T-shirt and sweats, although I was still breathing hard, not yet fully recovered from the orgasm I’d almost had in my sleep. “Time to go home.”
Home? I sat up and rubbed my eyes. King instructed me to meet him outside in ten minutes and left the room. I tossed the covers off and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower.
A cold shower.
Home.
Where the fuck is that?
CHAPTER SEVEN
Bear
A horn blasted overhead, calling yard time to an end and not a moment too soon. Miller and I went to the nearest exit, never taking our eyes off our new company. “Not you, McAdams,” the guard manning the gate said, pushing me back out into the yard after Miller had already gone back in.
“What the fuck?” Miller asked, looking back as the guard slid the gate closed leaving me alone in the yard with my three former brothers who were making their way across the yard. Miller shot me a sympathetic look as another guard shooed him back inside the building.
“Thought you guys needed a moment alone. A little reunion of sorts,” the guard said with a sneer.
“Fuck you,” I spat, the mother fucking guard knew exactly what the fuck he was doing and I had no doubt he’d been paid off to do it. “Why don’t you come in here and we’ll see how fucking funny you think this is.” The guard chuckled at the hilarity of three against one, twirling a set of keys around on his fingers. With a mock salute he followed Miller back into the cellblock, whistling as he went. The heavy door echoing across the yard as it slammed shut.
I cracked the bones in my neck, preparing myself for the fight of my life. I met the pussies at the picnic table I’d just vacated, and to my surprise, Wolf leaned against the table while Stone and Munch took seats. I’d kind of just assumed they’d get on with it already. Although Miller had just given me a pack of smokes, when I spied a pack in the front pocket of Wolf’s jumpsuit, I reached in and plucked it out along with a book of matches. “Thanks for the smoke,” I said, lighting one and tossing the matchbook onto the table. “You girls ready to try and do this, or what?”
Try being the most important word.
I wasn’t scared of these motherfuckers. The only fear I really had was not seeing Ti again.
I was more annoyed than anything.
Agitated.
All those years and all that time wasted trying to make my brothers better outlaws and this was the best plan they could come up with? “I swear I taught you bitches better than this,” I said, shaking my head. “Taking me out in an open yard in front of a shit ton of cameras. Chop’s been losing his fucking touch for years, but I expected more than this sloppy shit from you three.” I expected them to stand up, puff out their chests, and make their threats against me.
Something.
Munch and Stone looked to the ground while Wolf lit his own cigarette. Before the flame met the paper, I punched him in the eye, and he immediately dropped to the ground.
I was always better at offense.
“Chop sent us, but we ain’t here to take you out, fucker,” Wolf said, rolling on the ground with his hand over his eye.
“Then what the fuck did he send you here for? A fucking tickle fight?” I breathed out the smoke through my nose, and although I had no idea how the next few minutes were going to play out, I felt relaxed amongst the familiar conflict.
At peace.
At home.
Adrenaline built as each second ticked by until I was positive I could flip a fucking truck over if I had the chance.
Or take on three guys at once and win.
“No, he did send us here to take you out, but that’s not what we’re gonna do,” Munch said, standing up and helping Wolf off the ground.
“You’re going to go against your Prez’s orders?” I clucked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “Now I’m actually disappointed. I must have been a real shitty teacher for you guys to make that kind of call.”
“We ain’t going against Prez’s orders,” Stone chimed in, standing up from the bench, “’Cause he ain’t our fucking Prez anymore.”
“Come again?” I asked, unsure of what weird alternate universe I’d just stepped into.
Wolf released his eye, which was already starting to swell, and unzipped his jumpsuit. Pushing it down, he revealed his bare chest, which used to be covered with a full chest piece tattoo of the Bastards’ logo. Now, it was an oozing wound, tissue and strands of damaged skin stretched across his chest, only a fraction of the tattoo remained.
He winced as he zipped back up.
“What the fuck? Chop do that?” I asked, pointing with my cigarette to Wolf.
He shook his head as both Munch and Stone revealed their own recently burned off tattoos. “No, he didn’t. We did. We all did.”
“Why?” I asked, standing there in complete disbelief that three of the Bastards’ most loyal soldiers had turned on their club. “What the fuck did Chop do that made you feel like you had to go all pyro on yourselves?”
“Stone, tell him…” Munch said with a reassuring nod. “He’s gotta know if we plan on making this right.”
“I can’t man,” Stone said, punching his open palm and shaking his head. His eyes became glassy and he sucked in his lips, rocking back and forth slowly like he was willing the memories of whatever he didn’t want to tell me. Stone got his name because when it came to taking people out he was a stone cold killer. The type of guy who barely had his gloves off, the body still warm, when he’d pipe up and say ‘I’m hungry, who wants a sandwich?’ To see him reduced to almost tears made me very curious about what the fuck it was they wanted him to tell me.
“You can do it, man. Just tell him,” Wolf said.
“The BBBs, they’re just fucking whores,” Stone said like he was reminding himself of that fact.
“Really? Is that what Em was to you? Just a fucking whore?” Wolf snapped, kicking his foot up onto the bench resting his elbow on his knee.
“Fuck! No,” Stone said, dropping his forehead to the table and running his hands over his shaved head, the black triton tattoo on his temple shimmered with beads of his sweat. “She was… Shit!” Stone stood up so abruptly he almost took the table with him. “They’re just supposed to be whores. Hangers-on. You know that. We all fucking know that.” Stone paced back and forth as he spoke, wringing out his hands and looking between the grass and me. “They’re there to suck and ride cock without question. If they question, they are out. They can’t say no. They can’t deny a brother. Those girls lived for the party. For the adventure of the club.”
“Yeah, until they stopped living altogether,” Munch chimed in, lighting a cigarette.
“What the fuck are you guys getting at?”
Stone looked at me straight faced but there was more pain in his eyes, more emotion, then I’d ever seen from him and I’d known him for over ten years. “What I’m getting at is Em.”
“Em?” I asked, not recalling a BBB by that name.
“Yeah. She had jet-black hair and weird purple grey eyes. She came to the club shortly after you left. She had nowhere else to go, her mom died in some sort of accident. Anyway, after the parties when everyone was all passed out we talked. She wasn’t like the others. She listened. She actually liked me. We grew kinda close.” He bre
athed out a sigh. “Too fucking close. She was my girl. Despite what she fucking did with the other brothers before she came to my room at night she was still my fucking girl.”
“So what the fuck happened?” It wasn’t the strangest thing I’d ever heard. Over the years I’d seen a few BBBs become old ladies. It was no secret that Sadie was one of them.
“Chop caught wind of it, although it’s not like we were keeping it a secret. He found out that I planned to take her out of the club and the life, and set her up in a place. He shouldn’t have cared. Tons of brothers have done it before. He didn’t even know her fucking name. But just like with all the other codes or club law Chop had been adding or taking away to suit his own damn moods, suddenly a club whore as an old lady was forbidden.”
“Keep going,” I said, although I was pretty sure I knew exactly how the story was going to end. Because with Chop all the stories ended the same way and most of the people in the stories were no longer breathing.
Wolf lit a cigarette and passed it to Stone, who continued. “Chop called me into his office. He asked me to close the door. I did and took a seat and that’s when I noticed the stilettos poking out from under his desk. I knew it was Em. I’d bought her those fucking shoes.” He paused and ran his hand over his mouth. “I asked him what he needed, although I felt like I was gonna either puke or fucking kill him or both. The fucker smiled the entire time. He made me wait. He knew was he was torturing me and he was enjoying it.”
“Cock sucker,” Munch said, banging his fist on the table.
“I racked my brain to think of what I could have done to ask for this type of punishment but I came up blank,” Stone said. He sat down on the bench again, dropping his head to the tabletop and spoke to the floor. “I was a good soldier. I was the best soldier. I never asked questions. I did what I was told.”
“Tell him the rest. It’s almost over,” Wolf said.
Stone took a drag of his cigarette and a tear fell from the corner of his eye. The guy whistled while killing and he was crying over a club whore? It made no sense. “Then he told me that he didn’t need anything from me but that he had something for me. I asked him what he had. He told me it was a lesson.”
Soulless (Lawless #2) Page 4