by Devney Perry
Thea and I never gave drinks away for free. It was a policy Hazel had drilled into us when we’d both started here, just as it had been drilled into her head long, long ago.
Hazel’s parents had been the original owners of the Lark Cove Bar. When they’d passed on, she’d inherited it, as well as her childhood home. I’d worked alongside Hazel at the bar for years, until Thea moved to Lark Cove. With both of us running the place, Hazel had decided to retire, though her rules remained.
No free drinks.
It might be against the rules, but Wayne had just earned a free refill.
And Willa could drink for free any night of the week.
“Hey, Willa.” Wayne smiled and winked at her as we approached the bar.
She smiled back. “Hi, Wayne.”
I slid a stool out for her, and after she sat, I went behind the bar. “Thanks,” I told Wayne, clapping him on the shoulder. “Next one’s on me.”
“Rain check. I’ve hit my two-beer limit for the night and it’s time to go home.”
With a quick wave to Willa and a couple others in the bar, he walked out the front door, leaving me and Willa alone across from each other.
“What would you like?”
“Just a water, please.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her fingers toyed with the edges of a cocktail napkin.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, filling up a glass of ice water and adding a lemon wedge. “I could make you a pizza.”
She shook her head. “I ate at camp with the kids already.”
“Want some peanuts?” I slid over a paper boat full without waiting for an answer.
“Thanks,” she said but didn’t crack one. She also didn’t say a word.
My heart began pounding and my palms were sweating. Had talking to a woman always been this hard? It occurred to me that I didn’t actually know how to get to know a member of the opposite sex, except in the carnal sense.
I decided to go with the only safe topic that came to mind. “So, uh, how are your parents?”
“Good.”
“Your dad’s a teacher, right?”
She nodded. “Science.”
“And your mom? What does she do again?”
“She’s an accountant. She helps out Bob with some of the bookkeeping at the diner and then does tax returns for a bunch of people every year. She likes it because it gives her the summers free to spend with my dad and to do her gardening.”
“Is she the one who did all the flowers then? Up your stairs?”
“Yep.” After another short answer, Willa examined her water glass.
I took a moment to glance around the room, trying to think of another topic to discuss. She wasn’t giving me much to go on and I had a sudden case of stage fright. The only other conversation starter that popped into my head was the weather, and I refused to talk about the fucking weather.
“How are things at the camp?” I asked.
“Good.” She sipped her water. “Busy. We just brought in a new bunch of kids yesterday so the first couple days are crazy as they all get settled.”
“I bet. Do you ever have kids who get homesick, go home early?”
“Sometimes, but they rarely leave. It usually only takes a day for them to get comfortable and make some friends. Then they usually don’t want to go home.”
“I never went to camp as a kid.”
“That’s too bad. They’re a lot of fun.”
“I bet.” I would have killed to escape my foster home for a week. There was no way I would have gotten homesick.
Behind Willa at one of the tables, a customer gave me a nod for their check. “Be right back.”
I hustled to the till and printed out their bill, then delivered it and cleared some glasses. After I rang them up and wiped down their table, I went back to my spot across from Willa.
She was studying her water glass, and while I’d been gone, she’d pulled her hair back into a long ponytail so it was off her face. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a black, sleeveless blouse that showed off her slender arms. The collar of the blouse was high, but it had a deep cut. Her shirt was blousy and loose, and with the way she was leaned forward with her elbows on the bar, it hinted at her black lace bra underneath.
She didn’t have large breasts, but that didn’t stop me from trying to sneak a peek. I bet she’d blush something fierce if she knew I was attempting to look down her shirt.
“Hey.” My eyes snapped away from Willa’s chest to the woman standing by her side. It was the same one who’d been flirting with me all night.
She had her arms pressed tight to her ribs, forcing her breasts together. Out of habit, my gaze dropped to her chest. It was like a car accident on the side of the road. Those tits got a glance whether you wanted to see the carnage or not.
Unlike Willa’s, this woman’s top could barely contain her breasts. The material pulled as low as possible to show off her cleavage. This chick couldn’t pull off subtle, unlike Willa, who was sexy without even trying.
“What can I get for you?” I asked.
“My friends are ready to go, so I just wanted to leave this for you.” She set three twenties on the bar. On the top one was a name—Cee Cee—and a phone number written in red sharpie.
“Thanks.” I took the bills back to the register and made change. “Here.” I handed her a five and some coins.
“Keep it,” she purred. “And call me.”
I gave her a polite smile. “Thanks.”
She turned, flipping her brown hair over a shoulder, then strutted back to her friends. She looked ridiculous, her ass swaying and her heels teetering with every step. If she wasn’t careful, she was going to trip on a peanut shell and break an ankle.
It took forever for her and her friends to gather up their shit and leave, and when they were finally out the door, I turned my attention back to Willa.
It was just the two of us now, but I didn’t know how long the privacy would last. My dinner rush was over and Mondays were normally our slowest night. But with my luck, someone would be here soon for a nightcap, ruining my chances of talking to Willa alone.
“Before someone else comes in, I wanted to ask you again. Would you like to go out for dinner sometime? Maybe hit the diner or even drive up to Kalispell.”
Kalispell was the biggest and closest town to Lark Cove, about thirty miles away on the north side of the lake. I hadn’t been to many of the restaurants up there, but I did know they were fancier than the diner or my bar. And Willa deserved fancy.
“Listen, Jackson.” She hitched her purse over her shoulder and stood from her stool. “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“What?”
“I’m not what you’re looking for, and I’m definitely not your type.”
Not my type? She was exactly my type. “Willa—”
She cut me off. “It would probably be best if you just forgot about me. Again.”
With that, she turned and hurried through the door, leaving me and my mouth hanging open behind the bar.
Again.
What the fuck did that mean?
“Any Jackson sightings lately, Willa?” Leighton asked.
It was the night after I’d foolishly gone to the bar and sat with Jackson. I was out at the diner with three friends from high school.
I shook my head. “I’m, um, kind of done with that whole thing.”
Three shocked faces stared my way.
Giving up on Jackson was kind of a huge deal. Leighton, June and Hannah had known about my epic crush from day one. Though, Leighton was the only one who’d ever supported my feelings for Jackson. June and Hannah never spared their comments on how ridiculous it was.
At least one good thing would come from giving up on Jackson. I wouldn’t have to deal with their snide commentary anymore when we met every other week for cheeseburgers.
Leighton set down her burger. “What do you mean, you’re done with that whole thing?”
I shrugged. “I’m just . . . done.”
June and Hannah shared a look.
“Well, I think it’s great.” June smiled. “And about damn time.”
“Me too. Here, here!” Hannah raised up her Diet Coke for a toast.
June hoisted her glass of water right to the middle of the booth, both of them waiting for me and Leighton to join in.
A bruised heart wasn’t something I felt like toasting, but I picked up my Coke anyway, reluctantly lifting it in the air. Leighton didn’t touch her Dr. Pepper. She was too busy studying my profile.
I gave her come on, let’s just get this over with eyes, and she finally joined in.
“Cheers!” June chimed. “Here’s to Willa finally giving up on the hot bartender.”
The hot bartender. They’d always called Jackson the hot bartender.
Their quips about Jackson made no sense. If I declared right now that I wanted to jump in bed with him and use his sculpted body for sex, they’d be all for it. All they saw when they looked at him was a tight ass and muscular arms.
Heaven forbid I actually like the man enough to want a relationship. That was just me being naïve. It didn’t matter to them that he was funny and charming. They didn’t care that he was so good with Charlie it made my heart skip.
He was just the hot bartender.
Maybe it was ridiculous to have feelings for someone I’d never spoken to on the phone or texted even once. I might be ridiculous for letting a high-school crush last beyond college. And it was ridiculous to think I stood a chance with a man who’d called me by the wrong name for years.
Ridiculous.
The last thing I wanted was to admit that they’d been right all this time.
“What happened?” Leighton asked.
“Nothing,” I lied.
She didn’t buy it, but she didn’t push any further.
Leighton knew I’d tell her everything later. We shared no secrets.
I was the only person who knew what had happened to her our freshman year. Well, other than the scum who’d assaulted her. Two weeks into college, we’d gone to a party off campus. The two of us had had too much to drink and both had blacked out. Someone had raped her while I’d been passed out alone in a bathroom stall, draped over a toilet.
She refused to tell anyone but me about that night.
Or the miscarriage she’d had four weeks later.
We’d made a pact back then to be there for one another. So I would tell her about Jackson kissing me, then forgetting. I’d kept that story to myself this long simply because it was just too embarrassing to relive. But after tonight, Leighton would hear it all, from the swing set to his visit at the camp yesterday. And I’d tell her all about how he’d blatantly checked out a woman’s breasts and butt last night right in front of me.
He’d asked me to stay at the bar and get to know him. Well, one could say I’d learned a lot.
I wanted to get Leighton’s opinion on the matter, but not tonight and certainly not in front of June and Hannah. I wasn’t quite ready to confess yet.
It was still too raw.
Leighton and I were closer to each other than either of us had ever been to June or Hannah. We’d all grown up together, but now June and Hannah lived and worked in Kalispell. While Leighton and I had always shared a special friendship, the same could be said of June and Hannah.
Still, the four of us tried to meet every other week or so for dinner. Sometimes, Leighton and I would go up to Kalispell. Other weeks, June and Hannah would drive down here.
“Guess who I saw as I was driving through town?” Hannah asked. “Brendon Jacoby.”
Goodness gracious. Here it comes. I picked up my burger and took an enormous bite so I wouldn’t be able to talk. June and Hannah had been trying to set me up with Brendon ever since he’d moved back to Lark Cove last year. They’d never forgotten the crush I’d had on him my junior year. I guess now that Jackson wasn’t in the picture anymore, they’d be even more ruthless in their matchmaking attempts.
“He’s just as cute as ever.”
I just kept chewing.
“My mom told me he broke up with that woman he was dating in Kalispell.” Hannah wagged her eyebrows. “You should stop by his house. Say hi. Ask him to take you out for dinner.”
June giggled. “Or to take your virginity.”
I nearly choked on my bite as my face flushed bright red. Why was being a virgin funny? I finished chewing, wanting to say something back, but decided another bite was a better idea. When I got flustered or embarrassed, I never said the right thing.
The right retort would come eventually. I’d be sitting at home, stewing, and think of exactly what to say and how to say it. My comebacks were witty and hilarious. They were crafted with the perfect amount of sarcasm and bite.
They just came too late.
“Not funny, June,” Leighton snapped.
“I’m just joking.” She snickered. “Sort of.”
Why were we still friends with June? I didn’t remember her being such a mean girl in high school. Maybe I’d just missed it. But ever since we’d started this biweekly dinner after college, she’d brought along this attitude that more often than not rubbed me the wrong way.
One of these days, someone was going to put her in her place.
I just hoped I’d be there to watch.
“Whatever happened with that guy you liked from your office, Hannah?” Leighton asked.
I nudged her knee with mine, silently thanking her for changing the subject.
Hannah grinned and launched into a whole sordid tale about her seducing him last Friday night and screwing him in her office after everyone had left for the weekend. She didn’t spare any details about her sex life. She never had. And every time she said the word cock or fuck, she looked right at me.
Leighton thought she did it to shock or embarrass me. Maybe she was right. Our senior year, Hannah had given us all the dirty details about her relationship with two football players and her stories had definitely shocked me back then.
They didn’t anymore. I’d read erotic romance novels. I’d stumbled onto a rather educational account on Tumblr once. Heck, in college, I’d had to assist in teaching sex education during my one semester of student teaching.
The only reason I was blushing tonight was because Hannah was talking way too loudly as she described her lover’s technique, and three tables down sat our former math teacher Mr. Rockman.
Couldn’t we save these stories for margarita night?
Hannah went on and on and I focused on my cheeseburger, ignoring her constant looks from across the booth.
One day I’d find the right guy and he’d be my first. I wasn’t in a rush to jump in bed with someone just because I was curious or felt the need to check lose my virginity off a list. I wanted it to be special. And for the longest time, I’d been holding out hope that my first time would be with Jackson.
A hollow feeling settled in my chest when I realized that dream was gone.
I was twenty-six years old. I had kissed one man, after which he’d forgotten. I’d never had a boyfriend or sex. I’d never been in love.
All because I’d been waiting for Jackson Page.
I didn’t want to be twenty-seven and still single. I didn’t want to be ridiculous anymore. I’d made the decision weeks ago to give up on him, but it hadn’t really hit me until now. If I didn’t move on—if I didn’t let the illusion of him go—I’d be alone.
I shoved a huge bite of my cheeseburger into my mouth so I wouldn’t cry.
Damn you, Jackson.
Damn you.
“Are we going to the bar for a drink tonight?” June asked after we’d all finished eating.
“I can’t,” I said, digging in my purse for a twenty. “I have to go back to camp and teach my constellations class.”
Even if I didn’t have to teach, I certainly wouldn’t be going to the bar again.
We all dropped some cash on the table and slid out
of the booth. I gave my friends each a hug good-bye and promised to call Leighton tomorrow. Then I went back to the camp and met a group of excited kids in the main lodge.
I gave them each a constellation map and flashlight, then led them on a short hike to a clearing in the trees next to the lake.
As the kids tried to find Ursa Major and Cassiopeia, I picked the brightest star in Sagittarius.
And I wished to forget Jackson Page.
There was a rustling outside my door.
No one was knocking, but there was a distinct rustling sound.
And muttering.
I barely made out the words damn and shit.
I sat up in bed, clutching the covers to my chest as I strained to listen. My parents were fast asleep so it couldn’t be them. Plus, they didn’t curse.
The list of my regular visitors was short—Leighton, June and Hannah. And since I was certain that they were all asleep in their own beds, there was only one person who would come to see me in the middle of the night.
Jackson.
I whipped off the covers and tiptoed across the cool maple floors toward the door. The curtain over the window was pulled back just enough on one side to peek through a crack.
And sure enough, there he was.
Jackson Page in all his glory.
He was fixing one of my mom’s flowerpots he must have knocked over. Once he’d pushed it up against the wall and swept away the spilled soil, he stood and pulled a note from his pocket. He came right to the door and I shied back. With barely a sliver to see him through, I watched as he tried to shove a piece of paper into the slit between the deadbolt and the doorframe.
Why was he here?
I should have just let him leave his note and go, but I was curious. How long had I hoped for his attention? Too many hours to count. Now I had it and I wanted to know why.
Curiosity had turned me into a glutton for punishment.
Quickly, I righted my pajamas so the seams weren’t crooked. My camisole was black, not as see-through as he’d seen the other night. My hot-pink pajama pants had little black bows on the cotton and were cuter than the yellow ones I’d been wearing during his last visit.