Even though she just finished sucking my dick mere seconds ago I’m already getting hard again. I’ve thought of nothing but being buried deep inside of her all week. Now she’s right in front of me looking sexy and talking dirty. I absolutely have to have her.
I grab her and lift her up, pressing her back against the nearest tree. I slide my hand up her smooth thigh. When I reach her bathing suit bottoms I push them aside with my fingers. She’s soaked with desire. She moans as I thrust a finger inside of her, working her frantically.
“Ravi, yes,” She gasps.
“I need you.”
I pull my finger out and she groans with displeasure.
“Hold on sweetheart.” I reach into my back pocket and pull out a condom, quickly rolling it on.
“I need you Ravi,” She moans again just before I slam into her.
I know I should be gentle, this is still just her second time, but I can’t. My dick has a mind of its own and he wants it rough. I don’t receive any complaint from her. In fact, she goes wild as I slam into her, harder and deeper each time. She starts to moan loudly so I cover her mouth with one hand so no one hears us. God she’s so tight, and so fucking wet for me. I start to feel her constrict around me and I completely lose it. We come at the same time, whispering each other’s names.
No sooner have I tossed the used condom aside do we hear voices approaching. Shit. I’m sure the panic is evident on my face, if someone sees us it’ll no doubt get back to Chase. I can’t imagine what he would say if he heard not only had I fucked his sister, I did it in the woods like an animal.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I mutter.
Her eyes flash with rage. She opens her mouth like she’s about to chew me out. Then she snaps it closed and spins on her heal, stalking off back to the party.
I take my time walking back, trying to figure out what to say or how to act.
I know that there isn’t any option other than forgetting this whole thing and hopefully, somehow, returning to platonic friendship with Hadley. The echo of her moans plays in my mind. Yeah, somehow being the key word.
“Jesus, Had, what happened to your back?” Chase’s voice carries from the bonfire.
“What?” Her voice sounds dazed and far away.
“Your back, it’s all red, I think you might actually be bleeding a little bit.”
As they come into view I hesitate. I am such a dick. I didn’t even think about the tree bark against her back. It didn’t seem to bother her either at the time. But, obviously she’s hurt.
“I don’t know,” She mumbles, staring at the fire.
“You’re bleeding and you don’t know what happened?”
“I fucked a guy in the woods, up against a tree,” She admits.
My blood runs cold, waiting for Chase’s response.
“If that’s supposed to be a joke it’s not funny,” he says flatly.
Hadley shrugs and looks over, our gazes meet. She looks away immediately and my heart sinks. I could honestly see falling in love with her, but then I would lose Chase as a friend. I guess either way I’m losing someone. This seriously fucking sucks.
Hadley
I’m lounging on the couch watching a Harry Potter marathon on TV, Chase sitting on the next chair pretending he wants me to change the channel when Ravi strolls in. My blood boils at his casual strut. It takes all my self-control not to punch his stupid face. I understood him saying our first time together was a mistake. I sort of ambushed him and he didn’t know I was a virgin, that one was on me and I’ll gladly take the blame. But, last night he had all the facts.
“Hey Rav, where’d you disappear to last night?” Chase asks as Ravi claims the empty recliner opposite Chase.
“Got tired, went home,” Ravi answers with a shrug avoiding eye contact with both Chase and me.
“Huh,” Chase grunts and eyes him suspiciously. “You didn’t see Hadley go into the woods with any guys did you?”
I gasp in outrage and Ravi’s eyes practically pop out of his head at the question.
“Uh...no.”
Chase shoots me a smug look.
“I knew you were lying. There’s no way between Ravi and I protecting your virtue that any guy would be dumb enough to hook up with you in the woods.”
Ravi swallows thickly with a sick look on his face.
“Aw Ravi, you’re concerned about my virtue?” I tease in a sweet voice. He scowls at me behind Chase’s back.
“You mean everything to me LP, you know I’d do anything to protect you.”
His words leave me at a loss for a snappy retort. In fact, I kind of feel like a bitch for being so mad at him. Everything else aside we’re still best friends. I don’t ever want sex to come between us.
Ravi
Overall the summer is the strangest of my life. For the most part Hadley and I fall into a normal routine, hanging out with Chase, goofing around, just like old times. We seem to have reached an unspoken agreement not to discuss what happened.
We have sex twice more: once on her and Chase’s birthday, mid-July. I once again pull an asshole freak out the minute we finish. And, one final time the night before Chase and I leave for New York.
We’d laid there breathing heavy. I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled her against my chest. She looked up at me in surprise. God I was such an asshole. This was the first time I cuddled her after sex instead of freaking out and taking off. It felt amazing holding her close to me. It was absolutely tearing my heart out knowing I was leaving tomorrow and god knows when I’d see her again, or what things would be like between us. She’ll probably meet some great guy and fall in love. That thought made me sick to my stomach.
“Hadley, I wish things were different,” I whispered against her hair, fighting against the burn in my throat. “In a different life...I would’ve made you my wife one day.”
She didn’t say anything, but she did start to sniffle. I looked down and saw silent tears streaking down her cheeks.
God, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s true, I’ve never said anything truer in my life, but I shouldn’t have said it.
Chapter 4
January 2016
Ravi
The barbell clanks as I ease it back into place. I sit up and grab a towel to wipe the sweat off my brow. The alarm on my phone chimes in my pocket and my heart leaps. Is it pathetic that I set an alarm on my phone to make sure I never miss Chase and Hadley’s twice weekly phone call? Not that I’ve worked up the balls to talk to Hadley since the summer. But, hearing her voice- even muffled through the phone- gives me a sense of peace.
I dab some more sweat off my body and wonder what Hadley would think of me now. I’ve changed a lot in the last year: filled out in the muscle department, cut my hair, got a tattoo. I did those things in an attempt to leave the memory of Hadley where it belongs, in the past. None of it has worked. Not one goddamn thing I’ve done has eased the ache in my chest every time I think about her thousands of miles away. I’m sure she’s over me by now. In fact, after the stunt I pulled at Thanksgiving-pretending she didn’t exist and basically avoiding her like the plague- I’ll be surprised if she’ll ever look at me again.
I take the stairs to Chase and my dorm two at a time, needing to be sure I don’t miss my fix.
“Hey, little sister.” Chase’s voice carries through our small dorm as step inside. “How’re things in Colorado?”
Chase listens as Hadley talks, no doubt, about her classes, friends...her whole life she’s managed to make without either of us.
Her voice is muffled but I can hear it just enough to torture myself. Just enough to wish everything in my life was different. I close my eyes and picture that alternate universe where Hadley and I are together. We’re tangled together on a couch, in an apartment we share, talking about our day. I absentmindedly stroke her hair and steal kisses at every pause of her sentences.
“Did you want to say hi to Hadley?” Chase’s voice yanks me violently out of my fantasy.
I do my best not to look as guilty as I feel.
“Uh...no, it’s okay.”
I pull out my own phone and pretend to be fascinated by it while Chase tells Hadley all about our classes, how crazy New York is, and tries to assure her that the two of us living together have managed to keep our dorm clean...ish.
My own phone vibrates and as soon as I see it’s my mom I send it to voicemail. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to my mom...it’s that I’m not sure how to tell her and my dad that so far I’m not keeping up a very respectable GPA for med school. Let me tell you something about organic chemistry...just kidding, I honestly can’t tell you dick about organic chemistry. I was surprised I pulled a C in the class. Granted the curve was extremely generous.
As soon as I send her to voicemail I feel guilty. When I saw her last month, when she and my dad came to visit for Christmas, she seemed more tired than usual. Something seems to be weighing on her...and I’m not sure I’m ready to know what it is yet.
A knock comes at our door and I get up to answer it, since Chase is still on the phone with Hadley.
I find Tricia, a curvy red-head from a few dorm rooms down, looking artfully seductive in a tight tank top and a short skirt. Her makeup and hair look like she’s ready for a night on the town.
“Hey sexy, I was about to watch a movie and wanted to see if you’d come keep me company,” she offers with a flirtatious lilt in her voice, reaching forward to stroke my arm. I try to hide the cringe her touch elicits. Tricia is hot, there’s no denying that. I want to want her. I’ve tried to want her, and practically every other girl I’ve met this year.
The thought of playing pretend tonight with her makes me nauseous. Closing my eyes and pretending I’m fooling around with Hadley instead of Tricia would take too much mental and emotional energy right now.
“Not tonight,” I say giving her a tight smile before I close the door right in her face. I turn around to find Chase off the phone and scowling at me.
“Could you have been ruder to her?”
I shrug and fling myself onto my bed, doing my best to ignore the gnawing in the pit of my stomach. It’s been a constant presence since the moment Hadley’s lips crashed into mine. Every time I think about that night, or the summer that followed, the pain in my gut worsens. Sometimes it’s so bad I can hardly draw in a decent breath.
“You hungry?” Chase asks, opening our mini-fridge and grabbing the small carton of milk. I nod and sit up, reaching for the bag of off-brand Frosted Flakes.
We eat in strained silence as I do my best not the miss the hell out of his sister, and he tries not to tell me I’ve been acting like a complete dick since we moved out here.
I never should’ve come to New York.
May 2016
Hadley
My phone buzzes in my hand as I search the foreign room for my panties that I swear should be here somewhere. I glance over at the naked guy in the bed who can apparently sleep through a hurricane since he’s slept through me tearing his room apart looking for my clothes and is now sleeping through my phone buzzing. But, I don’t want to risk it and wake him. There’s nothing worse than having to face the awkward morning after. I look at my phone screen and see Chase’s name.
“Hey bro, hold on a second,” I whisper into the phone. I sigh with defeat and decide just to buy new underwear before slipping out of the dorm. I haul ass outside before I finally bring the phone back to my ear. “Okay, I’m here.”
“What was that about?” Chase asks.
“I was trying to sneak out without waking the dude from last night. I hate the awkward morning after.”
Chase is silent on the other end for several seconds.
“That had better be a fucking joke.” His tone is harsh. My protective brother. I love him but I wish he would realize that we’re the same age. I’m not his baby sister like he seems to think. We’re twins. Granted I was born ten minutes after him, but still.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?” I ask, changing the subject.
I’m not in the mood to lie and pretend I was joking, and I’m also not in the mood to argue with my brother over whether or not it’s his business who I decide to have sex with. I’m not sure if he’s in denial or if he actually thinks I’m still a virgin. I can only imagine the aneurysm he would have if he found out that his very own best friend popped my cherry.
“I need to talk to you about Ravi,” He says.
My heart skips several beats, like it always does when Ravi’s name comes up. No matter how many guys I screw I can never fall asleep without thinking of Ravi.
Since the night I lost my virginity to him last year I’ve gone back and forth on whether it was a mistake to do so. On the one hand things have been crazy awkward with us since it happened. We hooked up a few more times that summer, every time ending more or less the same as the first, with him running for the hills begging me not to tell anyone about it over his shoulder as a cloud of dust forms in his wake. Except for the last time when he confused the hell out of me by getting all romantic and talking about wishing he could make me his wife someday.
Then, the next time I saw him for Thanksgiving he’s back to avoiding me and being awkward as hell. We were good friends once, almost as close as Chase and Ravi are, and I traded that for a few nights of passion.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to have my virginity. So it’s kind of a crap shoot. I guess what I really wish is that things had ended differently, that maybe he’d felt the same way for me that I feel for him.
“What about him?” I ask in the most casual voice I can manage.
“He just found out that his mom has breast cancer.”
“Oh my god, that’s terrible. Is he okay?” I stop in my tracks in the middle of the sidewalk on the way to my dorm.
“He’s holding up. The thing is, he decided not to come back to NYU next year, he’s transferring to Colorado State.”
My stomach gives several violent flips. He’s going to be going to school here with me next year? Will we become friends again? Will he just avoid me like the plague? Fuck I can’t decide if I’m happy or sick about this new development.
“The thing is, he wants to rent an apartment and he was going to look for a roommate. I thought maybe you’d want to get a place with him. I think it’d be good for him to have you with him while he goes through this with his mom. You’re practically family,” Chase explains.
I’ve heard people say that something has caused them to be speechless and I usually think ‘come on, you weren’t literally speechless’, but I honestly have no speech. There are no words that would be appropriate for this conversation.
“Hadley are you there?”
“Um, yeah,” I mutter as I fumble with my key card for my dorm building.
“Well?” He prompts.
“I don’t know.”
“What’s not to know? This is Ravi, he’s practically your brother. He needs you.”
I cringe when Chase says that Ravi is practically my brother. Gag.
“Is this what he wants?” I ask skeptically. There’s no way that Ravi, king of avoidance, is okay with this idea.
“He seemed a little reluctant to be honest. But, I think he’s just worried he’s going to be barging into your life or something. I think if you tell him you want to live with him then he’ll agree to it.”
Fuck, now I’m going to have to beg Ravi to move in with me? This conversation has taken a turn for the cringe worthy.
“Please Had, come on this is Ravi we’re talking about.”
“Fine,” I groan through clenched teeth. “I’ve got to go.”
“Okay, love you sis,” Chase says before hanging up.
I fling myself on my bed and scream into my pillow.
“Something wrong?” I startle at the voice that I didn’t expect. My dorm-mate Eve unofficially moved out after the first semester and in with her boyfriend in a duplex apartment right off campus.
; “What are you doing here?” I ask.
Her and Asher, her boyfriend, are practically attached at the hip. She’d started dating another guy when the fall semester first started and dumped him shortly after. Then she and Asher had started “secretly” hooking up for months before finally making it official. Right after Christmas her psycho ex attacked and kidnapped her. She’d escaped and he was still awaiting trial. She’s fine now but Asher couldn’t bear the idea of being away from her after watching her almost die, so he asked her to move in. So, yeah I hardly ever see her. Although, pathetically, she’s probably the only female friend I can say that I have.
“I was trying to find a shirt of mine that I couldn’t find at home, I don’t see it here either though. It’s a mystery. Now tell me what’s wrong,” She insists, plopping down on my bed beside me.
“My life is like a giant cosmic joke.”
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to grow the lady balls to make this phone call to Ravi.
“Ravi is transferring here in the fall, and my brother thinks I should rent an apartment with him. And, better yet he wants me to basically call and beg Ravi to rent an apartment with me. The man who’s been avoiding me like the plague since we fucked like rabbits last summer. Now I’m supposed to call and beg him to live with me? Is there anything more humiliating in the entire universe?”
“Oh man, that is bad,” Eve concedes.
I fling my pillow at her head.
“You’re not helping.”
“I know it’s awkward, but maybe it’ll ultimately be a good thing. I mean, living together is pretty intense you two will either end up madly in love, or at the very least you’ll realize you can’t actually stand him and you can go back to being friends.”
I give her a pouty face. She’s probably right. Besides, Chase was right too, Ravi has always been my best friend and if he needs me then I need to suck it up and just do it.
“Ugh, you’re probably right.”
The door swings open and all six feet of tattooed sex on a stick walks in. Every time I see Eve’s boyfriend, Asher, I do my best not to drool.
Hard to Resist (Sexy Nerd Boys, #3) Page 3