With a sigh, she carried her bin full of dirty dishes back to the kitchen to run them through the dishwasher.
It wasn’t her job to worry about Caleb.
Chapter 26
Caleb had a rare two days off in a row. He spent the first one basically just bumming around his apartment, alternately napping and catching up on his DVR. On the second, he went to an exhibit about early color photography at the Brooklyn Museum that he and Lauren had talked about checking out together before they broke up. Caleb didn’t know a lot about photography, but he thought the exhibit was interesting. As he walked around the rest of the museum, he couldn’t help but think this would have been more fun to do with Lauren. She probably knew a lot about art that he didn’t.
Everything went sideways shortly after he got home, when Kara called.
Without much preamble, she said, “I have a tax issue. I need some information from you.”
Without putting up much of a fight, Caleb went to his computer and looked up the information she needed. When he was done, he said, “If that’s all…”
“You’ve never been the type to easily forgive,” said Kara.
“You want me to forgive you? To what end? You’re in California, I’m in New York, we never speak anymore. You’ve got young Peter. What do you need me to forgive you for?”
“We were married for five years. Doesn’t that mean something?”
“Apparently not. It didn’t stop you from breaking your vows.”
She grunted. “Could you not see how incompatible we were? Not at first, but… I changed. We both did. We had so much fun in the early days, but then we grew apart. You wanted your carefully detailed plan of work, kids, the perfect little house in the suburbs. I wanted travel and adventure.”
“You could have talked to me about that.”
“Would you have listened? The things I wanted weren’t a part of your plan.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to revise the plan!”
“I didn’t call you to fight.”
It hit Caleb quite suddenly that Kara had made assumptions. She’d assumed Caleb was immovable. He might have resisted, but he would have listened to Kara. Maybe he wasn’t the most flexible, but she hadn’t even given him a chance to try.
Just like he hadn’t given Lauren a chance.
He sighed. “Maybe there’s some magical future where we can talk civilly again, but that time is not now. You had an affair and left me and destroyed the clinic we ran together. In what universe is that something I should just get over quickly? More to the point, you haven’t been in touch with me at all except through your lawyers in eight months, and you’re only getting in touch with me now because you need something. So don’t pretend like this is some friendly overture. I can’t talk to you right now.”
“Just like Caleb. So fucking stubborn. Are you really so hurt you can’t even talk to me?”
“Kara. It’s not even that you left me. That alone is something I shouldn’t forgive you for. It’s that you didn’t trust or respect me enough to come to me to talk to me about why you were unhappy. We never had a conversation. You made a decision without involving me. But I was your husband, Kara. You should have come to talk to me. You should have trusted me.”
“Well, that’s all over now. And if you’re just going to yell at me, I have better uses for my time.”
She hung up, which seemed right. Caleb sighed and put down his phone.
Was he just playing old tapes? Had Kara tried to tell him, but he’d just been too stubborn to hear it? Was he being too stubborn now?
Well…yes. He’d closed himself off from any kind of love or romance. He didn’t trust anything. But was that fair? He was right to guard his heart, but he hadn’t realized the degree to which he’d locked himself up.
Lauren had tried to pry him back open, and he hadn’t let her.
But he wanted to. Was he really denying himself happiness because of some principle? Wouldn’t it be better to see how things with Lauren went? Maybe it would implode, but wasn’t it better to try than to become some hermit who cut himself off from everything? Because that wasn’t working. He was lonely.
He went to sleep that night feeling resolved. Lauren was unlikely to just forgive him after everything he’d said and done, but he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t try to win her back. To give her a real chance this time. To trust her in a way Kara hadn’t trusted him.
When Caleb rounded the corner to go to work the following Monday, Evan was leaning against the café window talking to a guy with dark hair. Evan appeared to be flirting heavily. It occurred to Caleb that, of Lauren’s friends, Evan was the one she talked about the most and was probably closest to, so if anyone knew how to win her back, it was this man.
Caleb stalled in front of the yarn store and pretended to look at the display in the window, which, now that he looked at it, was pretty interesting. Someone had knit little dolls in sweaters who were settled on an orange sofa. It seemed to be a diorama showing a scene from Friends. And, okay, that was pretty darn cute.
When Caleb turned back, the dark-haired guy was walking away and Evan was watching him go. When the guy went into the bookstore, Evan sighed and looked around. His gaze settled on Caleb approaching.
“Hi,” Caleb said.
“Hello. You should know, I’m contractually obligated to hate you. It’s part of the best friend agreement.”
Caleb’s heart sank. This would be a challenge. “So she told you what happened.”
“She did.”
“That does put me at a disadvantage.”
“You broke her heart, you know.”
That was something Caleb had been afraid of. Even though she’d been surprisingly glib about it, her anger every time they ran into each other indicated that he’d hurt her more than he’d initially realized. This might mean she wasn’t reachable anymore, that she was too angry to forgive him. “I do know. I regret that.”
Evan narrowed his eyes at Caleb. “Why are you talking to me?”
His tone wasn’t accusatory so much as curious. Caleb decided to interpret that as a door opening.
“Well, you were standing here, for one thing,” said Caleb. “But I do want to talk to you.”
“All right. About?”
“I think I made a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“I shouldn’t have let her go.”
A smile spread slowly across Evan’s lips. He looked like a child who just caught on that his mother had bought him that candy bar after all. “So what I hear you saying is you want to make a big romantic gesture to win back Lauren’s heart, and you would like my help to do it.”
Evan’s enthusiasm was startling. “Yes. But if you’re contractually obligated to hate me, why are you being so nice?”
Evan waved his hand dismissively. “You and Lauren are meant to be. I could tell all along. I would be happy to help you. Do you have time right now?”
“Well…I am a little early for work. I can give you maybe twenty minutes.”
“That’s not much time. Hmm.” Evan looked up and down the block. “Obviously, we can’t do our plotting in the Cat Café. But there’s an evil chain coffee place on Bergen, a few blocks south of here, if you don’t mind walking a little.”
“Lead the way.”
***
After he had a rough plan, Caleb walked back to work, swinging by the big chain pharmacy on the corner down the block from the vet clinic. He was full of caffeine, but he wanted some candy or something, a high-calorie way to calm his nerves.
He mulled over his choices and thought about what Evan had said. The trick would be for Caleb to demonstrate he’d been an idiot, and that he cared for Lauren and wanted to be with her and was willing to see where this led.
There’d been a moment early in his relationship
with Kara, back in vet school. They’d had to spend the day at a horse farm, tending to a horse whose owner was convinced the horse had colic and would need to be put down. Caleb was quickly able to determine it was just indigestion because the owner’s kids had been feeding the poor horse all manner of junk when the owner wasn’t looking. And once that puzzle was solved and Caleb had saved the day, he and Kara had waited in the stall for the bad food to pass to make sure he was right.
Sitting around a stall waiting for a horse to poop was not exactly the most romantic of settings, but they’d gotten to talking.
“What do you see yourself doing after graduation?” Caleb had asked.
“Not sure. What do you see yourself doing?”
“I figured I’d open a practice somewhere. Maybe in Boston, or in the suburbs. Or I could go back to Maine. Lots of retirees are moving into the area outside Portland where my parents live, I bet a lot of them have pets.”
Kara had given him a scathing look. “Really? Taking care of the pets of the elderly? Gee, that sounds exciting.”
“What would you do?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I could see myself opening a practice in Manhattan and taking care of the purse dogs of the rich and famous. Or I’d travel. I don’t want kids, just so you know, but I would like to see the world.”
It was an odd thing to think about. Kara had been right on the phone the other day. Part of him hadn’t heard her when she’d said she didn’t want kids. Or he’d told himself he didn’t need them even though he’d always pictured himself as a father. As long as he and Kara were happy, he could revise his life plan, because he knew as well as anyone that plans were not predictions.
Did Lauren want kids? Did she have plans? Caleb wanted to know. And he’d listen this time. He’d learn from his mistakes instead of letting his mistakes rule him.
Now, as Caleb stared at a display of chocolate from around the world, he realized there had been a fundamental incompatibility from the beginning. Caleb liked to travel…on vacation. He’d rather have stability. He’d rather have family nearby. Instead, following Kara around like a lovesick puppy had stranded him in Brooklyn, three hundred miles from his family, working at an urban practice. It wasn’t how he saw his life going. He wasn’t upset about it per se; he did really like the Whitman Street Clinic and the other vets who worked there. And Brooklyn was charming in a way he hadn’t expected. He could see himself potentially having a life like the one he’d once envisioned here in Brooklyn.
But he’d been too jaded to see that, too upset at Kara for ending everything, too angry to see Lauren was perhaps willing to give him the family he’d wanted once upon a time.
He hadn’t thought about that conversation in years. A family and a practice taking care of the pets in a community. If he was willing to get over himself and trust in the potential for something great with Lauren on Whitman Street, he could have that.
He grabbed a bag of gummy bears and headed back toward the counter, cutting through an aisle of travel size products. Then something colorful caught his attention.
It was a display of luggage tags and keychains with tags cut into unusual shapes. The luggage tags were shaped like dresses or sunglasses or flip-flops. The keychains were mostly shaped like New York landmarks. But there was one keychain that had a tag shaped like a suitcase.
And he heard Lauren’s voice in his head, yelling at him about his baggage.
He took the keychain from its hook and headed for the register.
Chapter 27
Lauren sat in her office, staring at a computer monitor and trying to balance the account books to put together a report for Diane. She wasn’t ready to let go of the idea of possibly hiring a pastry chef, even though actually using the kitchen to prepare food was probably asking for Randolph and Newton to try to shut them down again. Still, a girl could dream.
Paige stuck her head in the door. “There’s someone here who is interested in adopting a cat. I thought you might want to talk to him.”
“You can’t handle it?” Lauren slid away from her desk and opened a drawer. She pulled out a manila envelope. “All the forms are in here.”
“You aren’t curious about which cat he’s interested in?”
“I mean, I am, but my numbers aren’t adding up right for some reason. I think I mistyped a digit somewhere. It’s only off by a few dollars, but…”
“Lauren? Boss lady? Please take a break. I think you’ll want to talk to this customer.”
Paige smiled in a way that made the dimple on her left cheek prominent, which made Lauren think she was up to something. Was the customer a celebrity? That had happened a couple of times. There were a few pretty big actors who lived in the neighborhood, and sometimes they popped in to check out the Cat Café. Lauren had seen the hot young star of a popular HBO show on the street a number of times in the last couple of weeks, and it was plausible he wanted a cat.
“Yeah, all right. Give me one second.”
Lauren scanned the column of numbers again, finally found where she’d made a mistake, and fixed the error. When the formula recalculated the numbers, the balance came out correctly. She let out a breath.
“We’re still in the black for this month,” she said to Paige.
“I’m glad. Come on.”
Lauren followed Paige out to the cat room. On the way, she tried to remember all of the famous people who lived in the neighborhood to narrow down who this might be. Maybe it was the mayor. Or a popular writer; there were a few of those in the neighborhood, too.
But, Lauren saw when she arrived in the cat room, it was actually Caleb.
Paige stepped away. Lauren looked around the room and noticed Lindsay and Evan were there, too, standing off to the side and grinning.
“What is happening?” Lauren asked. “There’s no way on earth Caleb is going to adopt a cat, and the way you all are smiling makes me think I’ve been betrayed.”
Monique walked over. “Dr. Fitch has filled out the paperwork for cat adoption,” she said, handing over a form.
“Et tu, Monique?” Lauren took the form and scanned it.
The top part contained Caleb’s name, address, and contact information. But in the box under Why are you interested in adopting a cat?, he’d written, Because I made a terrible mistake and I want Lauren to know I’m sorry and I want her back.
“Are you kidding me with this?” she asked, holding up the form. It felt like a cruel joke. She’d been trying so hard for the last week to push Caleb from her mind, because it was clear nothing would happen between them, and here he was with some jokey cat adoption form.
Caleb frowned. “All right, you got me, I’m not really here to adopt a cat.”
Lauren cursed and crumpled up the form. She tossed it at a trash can. Caleb watched the ball of paper sail through the air. Then he turned his attention back to Lauren.
“Did you read it? I meant what I wrote.”
“So, wait, I’m supposed to believe you, a man who told me just a couple of weeks ago that he couldn’t give me what I wanted, who has told me more than once he couldn’t be in a relationship with me, who has decided to come to my place of business and pretend to adopt a cat as a way to win me back?”
The smile that had been playing across Caleb’s lips fell. He glanced toward Evan, who moved his hand in a circular keep going gesture.
Caleb sighed. “This was supposed to be my big romantic gesture. See, isn’t it cute? Caleb’s adopting a cat. But he’d never adopt a cat because he’s a dog person. Ha, ha.”
Lauren rolled her eyes. Her stomach churned. She felt like she was the butt of some April Fools’ joke. “How gullible do you think I am?”
“No, I…” Caleb frowned and rubbed his forehead. “I’m fucking this up. This was supposed to be a cute gesture where I get you to laugh long enough for me to tell you I made a huge mistake. You were right,
I put up walls and didn’t give us a chance to see where things could go. I thought I didn’t want to be in a relationship, and I still think relationships are scary and risky generally, but I want to be with you enough that I’m willing to take the risk. I’ve missed you like crazy since we ended things.”
Wasn’t this what Lauren had wanted to hear? Hadn’t she fantasized about the moment Caleb realized he was stupid to let her go and came groveling back? Well, here he was. He was telling her he’d made a mistake and he wanted to be with her. But something still wasn’t right.
“How do I trust this?” she asked. “How do I know you won’t change your mind in a week and send me packing again?”
“Well, speaking of packing, I thought this could help.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a keychain with two keys on it. The tag was shaped like an old-fashioned suitcase. He handed it to Lauren.
Lauren held it and examined it. “What is this?” she asked, her pulse kicking up.
“Well, we talked a lot about our baggage, about how it was in the way. I thought this could be a peace offering. Those are the keys to my apartment. The square one is the deadbolt and the round one is the main lock.”
“You’re…giving me keys to your place?”
He took a step toward her. “I want us to be a couple for real. To go over each other’s places when we feel like it, because we trust each other and are comfortable around each other. In a way, I guess I’m sharing my baggage with you, too. My past experience is part of who I am now and I can’t just get rid of it, but maybe with you, I won’t let it hold me back anymore.”
Lauren looked down at the keychain in her hand, feeling mystified. He… He was really telling her he wanted them to be a couple. Giving her keys felt like a tangible commitment. He was trying to tell her he’d heard her and what she’d asked of him and was trying to give it to her now.
What did she want? She looked up at Caleb and met his gaze. Well, she cared about him. She loved him, in fact. She’d been miserable the last few weeks since they’d ended things.
Like Cats and Dogs Page 25