by Ashley John
“Is he here? My son, is he here?” it was Caden’s mom.
“Claire, what’s up?” Elias tried to sound casual as he pulled the baggy t-shirt down over his tight, ripped jeans.
He looked down, realizing he was wearing Caden’s shirt. Crossing his arms across his chest, he hoped she hadn’t been paying attention when she last saw him.
“Is my son here?” she repeated nervously, looking over his shoulder.
“Mom?” Caden’s voice came from the top of the stairs, “Wait, what are you -,”
“Oh, no,” her face landed in her hands, “I swore it wasn’t true. I told myself it was all in my head. Caden, how could you do this?”
Her face burned and her bottom lip trembled, as she looked straight through Elias, to her son, who was standing on the top step in nothing more than a pair of underwear. There was no explaining their way out of this one.
“Mom, I can explain.”
“Oh, Caden,” a sad smile took over her trembling lips, “you don’t realize the trouble you’ve gotten yourself in.”
“I think you should come in,” Elias stepped to the side, scratching the back of his head, unable to look at his lover’s mother.
Caden quickly dressed and made them all coffee but Claire was too shaken up to drink. She couldn’t look at them. The shame and disappointment was obvious and it was making Caden keep his distance by the kitchen counter as she perched on the edge of Elias’ couch.
“Is this why you asked me to switch with you?” she directed her question at Caden, almost pretending that Elias wasn’t there, “How long has this been going on?”
“I tried to stop it, I swear I did, but – I couldn’t. I love him, Mom. It just happened. If we don’t tell anybody, we’ll be in the clear in two weeks and everything will be fine.”
She shook her head, her auburn curls bouncing over her clenched eyes.
“It’s too late,” she tucked her hair behind her ears, “I got a call from the rehab center an hour ago telling me that our contract with them has been suspended, pending investigation.”
Elias knew instantly what had happened and who caused it. Caden looked horrified, frozen to the kitchen counter.
“W-What?”
“They wouldn’t tell me why, but the second they mentioned your name, Caden, everything just slipped into place. I hoped it wasn’t true. I prayed I was wrong and that it was something else. Something I had done.”
“Mom, I -,”
“You can’t have sex with the patients!” she cried, “It’s against everything I’ve worked my life to build. You signed an agreement. You’ve stepped over the lines, Caden, and there’s no going back from it. I could lose my license over this. Do you understand what you’ve done?”
A shaky nod was all Caden could manage and Elias felt unfair that he was getting all of the blame when he was the one who’d pushed it in the first place. He had been the one to try and kiss Caden the first time.
“This isn’t all of his fault,” Elias spoke up.
“Don’t blame yourself,” she turned and smiled to Elias, “Caden should have known better.”
She had the ‘you’re just an addict, you wouldn’t understand’ look in her eyes that he was so used to. It made him feel like he was shrinking back in the sofa, unworthy of adult and serious conversation.
“I love him,” Elias stood up, “I don’t care. I love him.”
Joining Caden’s side, he looped his fingers through Caden’s, squeezing them tightly, letting him know that they were going to face it together. Caden squeezed back but he couldn’t look up from staring at the carpet.
“How can you love each other?” she laughed, “It’s not even been a month yet. How? What about Finn? A stack of letters came for you over the weekend, all from New York. Don’t you want to read them, to work things out?”
Caden dropped Elias’ hand, stuffing them in his jeans pockets. Was there something else Caden was keeping from him?
“I don’t care what he has to say.”
“You’re engaged! You can’t throw five years away like that, not for a fling like this. I don’t mean to upset you, Elias, but my son is fresh from a serious relationship and -,”
“Finn cheated on me with Adam. He broke us. Whatever we had, and I don’t think it was real love, it’s broken. Drop it, Mom. I told you, I love Elias. I’m not going to explain that. I don’t need to.”
Exhausted, Claire flopped back into the sofa and started picking at the skin next to her red painted nails. It was like everything was crumbling before her. Had she been hoping that Caden was going to fix things with Finn? Was that ever an option?
“He’s been writing to you?” Elias asked Caden.
“I’ve had one letter from him and I didn’t open it!” Caden yanked his bag up from the coffee table and dug out a crumpled up letter, instantly ripping it in two, “I don’t care what he has to say. I’ve moved on.”
Elias watched the letter pieces flutter to the ground, wondering if Caden had actually moved on or if he just wanted to move on. It suddenly felt like there was another person crammed between them.
“Finn is a nice boy. People make mistakes.”
“And Elias isn’t nice?” Caden laughed, “You don’t know him like I do. Nobody seems to. Elias is – Elias is amazing. He’s been through so much and he’s still standing in front of you. If I were him, I would have given up. Finn used me. Finn was scared of being on his own and so was I. That’s why we made it to five years. It was fear of the unknown, not love.”
“Do you think me and your father would have been together for thirty years if we gave up when it got tough?” she cried, “Relationships are hard work!”
“I was tired of the work. Everyday, there was some struggle to get through. I’ve not felt like that once with Elias. It’s easy. It’s natural. It’s real. What’s wrong with that?”
Claire stood up and straightened out her jacket. She walked over to her son and cupped his cheek in her hand. For a moment, Elias thought all was forgiven, but then she opened her mouth.
“You were always too quick to see the best in people.”
She moved on and her hand found it’s way onto Elias’ shoulder, “You don’t have to love the first person that shows you some attention. Just know that.”
With that, she left, leaving behind what felt like a ticking time bomb. They turned to each other, begging the other to say that she was wrong first.
“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Caden laughed, “she’s just angry that I’ve messed things up for her. It changes nothing.”
“Are you sure?” Elias bit into his lip, forgetting about the lip ring, almost chipping a tooth.
Caden reached out and dragged Elias into a hug. At first, it felt like a hug to tell him everything was okay but after another couple of minutes, it felt like Caden was clinging to Elias, trying to reassure them both that it was all going to be okay. Elias’ heart was racing, denying everything Claire had said. He knew he loved Caden and he could feel Caden loved him. His experience with love within his family had never been as clear as the love flowing between them.
“We’ll fix this,” Elias changed position and it was his turn to pull Caden in, “my mother won’t get away with this. Not this time.”
The microwave signaled it’s end and the smell of tomato sauce and cheese filled the kitchen. He reached inside and gripped the plastic, forgetting all about gloves. He yelped and pulled it away, a fresh burn forming on the ends of his fingers. Running it under the cold water, he thought about how his mother had burned Caden and it got him thinking about how he could burn her.
There was one person who could ruin everything for her.
Me.
Over the next couple of days, Caden didn’t leave Elias’ side. They locked themselves up in his apartment, watching endless streams of reality TV, ordering enough takeout to feed a frat house and having enough sex to put anybody off it for life.
On the fourth day of their
forced exile, Caden felt the walls starting to cave in. They grabbed clean clothes from the washing machine and headed out to Bruce’s bar. Not for a drink, but for that date they’d been talking about but never had.
In the evening, Bruce had started serving food to compete with the new restaurant next door. Some of the tables had couples at them but the evening was wearing on and soon, the bar would be full of college students and the town’s workforce ready to let their hair down.
“I’ve got a table in the back. It’s quieter,” Bruce winked to Caden, fully aware of what was going on.
The table wasn’t much quieter than the rest of the bar but he appreciated the gesture. When they were both sitting and Bruce was taking their drinks order, he gave Caden the ‘we need to talk’ eyes. Those eyes made Caden wish he had gone to the restaurant next door, instead of going to his brother’s bar to save a few bucks. Now that he was effectively unemployed and faced with the worst writer’s block of his career, the little money he had in his account was going to dry up faster than a California reservoir in the middle of a drought.
“I never saw the appeal of bars,” Elias looked around, “the last thing I want to do when I drink is dance.”
“You’d hate New York. There’s a bar for every person in that city, two even. When they say it never sleeps, it’s true.”
“Do you miss it? New York I mean?”
Caden thought he would but he didn’t. Just thinking about the crowded streets gave him a headache. Everybody walked like they were always ten minutes late and in the middle of the day, the city was impossible to navigate. It made Havenmoore look deserted but he didn’t mind that. It made him wonder if he was coming up to that time in his life that made people hate the volume of nightclub music and start talking about the good old days like they were so much better than what was currently happening.
“I’m happy here,” Caden reached out, gripping Elias’ hands, “with you.”
Elias smiled, and for a moment, it felt like they were a normal couple without the stress of the town on their shoulders. Judy James hadn’t reached out or caused any more trouble for them but he knew it was only a matter of time before she found out that they were together. She got Helping Hands Outreach shut down just because of how Caden spoke to her so it only made him wonder what she would do if she found out the truth. No more hiding. Elias had been bent on revenge for the first couple of days but Caden managed to convince him that they should stay low and wait for her to make another move. If she didn’t, they were in the clear. Caden doubted that would happen.
“I never thought I could be happy in this town,” said Elias, “I’ve spent years avoiding it, sofa surfing and sleeping on the streets, just so I could stay out of it. I always ended up back in Havenmoore.”
Caden excused himself, telling Elias that he was going to check where the drinks were. He knew Bruce was withholding them on purpose so that he would have to collect them, alone.
“Mom’s waiting for you to call,” he said as he poured a beer for a student, “she’s not happy with you.”
“I don’t know what to say! I feel like I’ve ruined her life. She’ll never forgive me.”
Losing his mother like that was his biggest fear. The last thing he had wanted to do was ruin her career but he had been so blinded by love, he had let the ball drop, just long enough for Judy James to pick it up.
“Of course she’ll forgive you,” Bruce laughed, “she loves you. She adores you. She’s just angry that you didn’t tell her. I think she can look past her job, she’s retiring in a couple of years anyway. It’s the lies she doesn’t like. She always said you were the honest one out of us and it’s just a shock.”
“A shock that I’d find a guy I really liked?”
“No, you dufus!” Bruce cried, “Shocked that you’d keep it a secret. If you’d have told her she could have prevented this happening. Could have protected you.”
Caden wasn’t so sure. Bruce was looking at her through rose tinted glasses because she wanted to push him and Finn back together. She hated the thought that two people who seemed perfect for each other could fall so far apart. Caden had hated that too but finding Finn fucking Adam over his favorite bedspread had been the biggest blessing in disguise. It had freed him.
“I’ll fix it,” Caden accepted the two glasses of cola, “I don’t know how, but I’ll fix it.”
“Just apologize,” Bruce shrugged, like it should have been obvious, “she said you told her that you loved this guy?”
Caden was sick of having to defend his heart and the look on his face must have showed that because Bruce stepped back, holding both hands up in retreat.
“I’m not judging you, bro! If you love him, go for it. I told Lucy on our second date. She thought I was crazy and I probably was, but I just knew. Seven years later and we’re still here with Becca. I look at her and I feel that same feeling I felt on that second date.”
“Really?” Caden was shocked to hear his brother open up so much.
“Are you dumb? You can’t ignore love.”
Bruce tossed the towel over his shoulder and headed across the bar to serve a group of professionals in suits and ties. He took the drinks back to the table, Bruce’s words heavy on his mind. I can’t ignore love.
“Sorry,” Caden brushed away the heaviness and smiled.
“It’s fine. I got a text from Ellie. She wants me to go to this medical ball thing with her this weekend. I think she was supposed to take John and I don’t think she wants to go alone.”
Caden thought about how sour their relationship had become. Ellie had seemed so excited to go on their date when Caden arrived to babysit but by the time she returned, that excitement had been drained. He felt sorry for her. She seemed like a nice girl, under it all. She was a little too much like her mother but she had absorbed it all in Elias’ place.
“You’re invited too,” Elias slid the phone to him.
Caden read over the message and even though he wasn’t mentioned, she said he could ‘bring a plus one’, “Are you sure she means me?”
“Who else?” Elias narrowed his eyes “You don’t have to come.”
“No, I want to. It’ll be a good chance for us to dress up.”
“I don’t own a suit,” Elias ran his hands through his dark stubble, “I suppose I’ll have to buy one.”
Elias’ phone beeped again and it was a message from Ellie, saying that if he needed a suit, she would take him to the late night mall that night to find something. It was spooky how in tune they were with each other. Caden found it even spookier how long they’d spent fighting, considering how close they really were.
“I have something,” Caden didn’t mention it was the suit he had bought for the small engagement party they had back in New York two years ago, “I think it’ll still fit.”
That was Caden’s way of stepping back from the shopping trip to give Ellie and Elias time to talk alone. Elias smiled in a knowing way, clearly excited that his sister was keeping up her end of the deal. It was obvious he had never expected her to involve him in her life so soon after years of being kept at arm’s length.
Food turned out to be microwaved and cheap tasting but neither of them complained, knowing it was a free meal out of the house. Caden suggested that they go to the grocery store at some point so they could get some food to cook. Without even meaning to, Caden had moved in with Elias, despite it not being agreed to. If Elias had a problem with it, he wasn’t mentioning it. Caden loved being so close to Elias and it was a relief to be out from under his parents’ feet. It was clear they’d grown used to their own space after nearly a decade of living alone and even though they’d never tell him that, he knew they were heading toward suggesting that he find a small apartment in town.
Everything had been temporary since arriving in Havenmoore, except for Elias. He seemed to be the only thing that Caden could see in the future. He didn’t even know how long the roof, supplied by Judy James, would stay over their heads. She c
ould pull the rug out from under them at any moment and it was clear, even if they weren’t talking about it, that they could feel it coming. Elias had Ellie and that huge house but Caden didn’t want to jump from place to place like a nomad. It wasn’t helping the feeling of unrest he was feeling toward turning thirty.
When Caden tried to offer his brother some money for the food and drinks, Bruce flat out refused to Caden’s relief.
“Before you go, can I talk to you really quick?” Bruce whispered to Caden so that Elias, who was shrugging into his jacket, couldn’t hear.
“Wait for me outside, I need the bathroom.”
Caden headed towards the bathroom and Bruce followed. Standing in the lemon-scented hallway, Bruce looked around him before speaking.
“It was the mayor that ratted you out, wasn’t it?” Bruce ordered with a tone of ‘don’t lie to me about this’.
“How did you know?”
“I didn’t. It was a guess, a good guess by the sounds of it. Whatever you’ve done to her, apologize and move on or she’ll ruin your life.”
A girl, possibly a student, left the ladies bathroom, wiping her damp hands on her denim skirt. She gave them both a suspicious look before squeezing through them to get back to the bar.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“There’s a reason a new restaurant opened up next door. Remember when next door used to be a burger joint, ran by that guy Karl?”
Caden vaguely remembered eating there once with Bruce on one of his New York visits back to Havenmoore. When he originally left town, it had been a bookstore, so it was hard to say.
“Kind of,” he shrugged, “what does that have to do with me?”
“The mayor got him shut down,” Bruce gripped both of Caden’s arms, “and she made Karl’s life so bad that he left town. He wasn’t happy about how long it was taking to have one of his permits granted. He was trying to get a liquor license so he could stay open later. Business wasn’t great and he saw how great I was doing next door. I didn’t mind because a little competition can drive sales up for you both and he was a nice guy. After four months of waiting, he went to the town hall and he caught the mayor in the hall. It was by accident really, he was only going in to leave a message with the permit people. It turned pretty ugly pretty quick. He said it was like she morphed into someone else and she got so angry that he’d brought that to her. When he told me, I said he’d probably caught her on a bad day.