by H. Q. Frost
Doing the math, those four things outweighed one fuck up that could earn me more years locked up. If I can't afford to pave my road, how will it ever be smooth? Not being able to afford a pen for my pages leaves me with an empty book, so I accepted.
On my run home the thought no-one would be surprised I took the job starts to eat at me. I left the penitentiary promising to become a new man, and here I am sabotaging my own road. But I'm no good to those boys if I can't help feed them, and I'm a burden to my mom if I can't feed myself.
I made the right choice for me. Right now in life, that's all I have to worry about.
~~*~~
My phone chimes in my backpack and my pounding run down tempos to a moderate jog before I slow to a walk. My lungs battle my ribcage to get oxygen.
IESHA: Can you stop by?
I honestly didn't expect to hear from her. I thought I'd have to force myself into their lives. Her invitation makes me feel both relief and worry something might be wrong so I change my route, headed out of the city in a full on run again.
As I knock on the hollow wood, the piece of shit door pisses me off. There's nothing stopping someone that really wants into this house.
The door opens and she smiles taking a step back. "Hi."
"Everything okay?" I glance behind me then scope the living room from the porch before walking into the house.
She closes and locks the door then holds out money and says, "Thank you."
"No." I push her hand back toward her. "That's for you guys. You're not paying me back."
Kids are noise machines, and when those two boys come barreling into the living room sounding like a middle school band, I start to laugh. I squat and hold out my hand, getting a five from Jamari before Zander mimics his brother's actions.
"Take the money. I don't feel right," Iesha says at my side but I ignore her, entertained by the energy these kids have.
They need to be outside playing with bikes and balls; they're locked up inside because they don't even have a fence securing their backyard. When Jamari starts climbing me like a jungle gym, Zander follows until they've barreled me over.
"Boys, sit down!" Iesha's voice carries and it flips their obedience switch, making them dart to the couch.
I'm not sure if that was a better idea because now the TV is on and turned up almost to max volume and they immediately become hypnotized.
"I can't take your money." She tries to hand it to me again but I stand up, walking to the kitchen for a glass of water.
"I gave it to the boys," I tell her as she follows me. "We already talked about this." I point to a cupboard in question for a glass but she shakes her head no until I point to the next.
"You don't even have a car."
"Neither do you," I counter as I fill the glass, draining it once then repeating.
"What kind of payment do you want for this?" she quietly asks.
I place the glass in the sink before it ends up there and on the floor in shards.
"What do you mean?" I know what she means, and it makes me want to punch Rupe in the mouth for letting this happen to her.
After staring at me a few seconds, the look of anger not diminishing from my features, she quickly responds, "Nothing," and shoves the money into her back pocket. "Thank you."
"Take care of those boys."
"I am." Guilty eyes drift to the floor and I feel bad she took my comment out of context.
The strong-willed woman I met three days prior is buried under shame I didn't mean to cause.
"And this will help. Rupe asked me to help and I told him I would."
"Well thank you. You're a blessing. My hours at the party store just went down. I needed your help right now. Thank you." Her hand lands on mine as I was individually cracking my knuckles, so I stop.
"How much money do you owe those guys from the other day? And why?" It might not be my business, but if my money's going to them, I want to know details.
"I don't know how much. It changes every month." She shrugs. "For something Rupe did before he left us. I don't want you getting wrapped up in that nonsense."
"I'm not going to, but I'm not going to let someone hurt you or the boys."
She meets my gaze and genuinely asks, "Why do you care?"
"It's in my nature," I respond without hesitating. "And because Rupe asked me to."
The look on her face says a lot that I don't want to listen to.
"I gotta get home. Can I come see the boys in a few days?"
"Sure," she softly nods, making the tension between us thicker, and I don't think we're experiencing the same friction.
Don't get me wrong, they'll both start a fire, but two different types of blazes.
I hug the boys before heading out the door.
"Sorry I can't get you a ride. Neighbor's not home." She glances next door.
"It's cool. When will they come for another installment?" I grab the straps to my backpack and stare at her.
"They'll come back for more money in a few weeks. As long as I pay them, things are fine."
We're in a stare down and she's glaring at me with a daring eye so I drop it.
"Take it easy. See ya soon." My anger has shifted to hatred for clothes.
It's hot as hell and I just want to lay butt ass naked on a cement floor in air conditioning, but that's not an option. I'm going back to my mom's to lay low because I don't have my own space. Self depreciation is a lead vest in the ninety degree heat as I regret taking that job again but can't seem to talk myself out of it. And by the time I make it home, my bad mood is throbbing with my strained muscles.
"How'd it go?" My mom's face is glowing with a smile I've only ever seen a few times.
To see real happiness on the face of a woman that faked it for years has me feeling… pissed. I recognize it's my own strife that's making me pissed off at my mom, so I try to make this short and sweet.
"Just paperwork," I mumble walking past her.
"Did you talk to Rory? He was excited to meet you."
She's still yapping, my shirt is sticking to me because of sweat, and I can't get this bottle of water opened fast enough. With a growl I rip my shirt off and throw it toward the stairs then practically crush this plastic bottle trying to open it. Ignoring the water that splashes onto my chest and to the floor as the top comes off, I jerk my hand to my mouth and drain the gratification down my throat, hoping it helps with my mood.
"Talked to Rory," I grumble, not able to shake the frustration. "He was thrilled to meet a convict that would be working for him." I look into my mom's sad face and feel satisfaction that I've brought her down from her cloud. "Night."
"Dom," she blurts. "It's six. It's dinner time."
"Not hungry," I lie and head for the stairs.
I'm pissed at the world right now and really can only be pissed at myself. My mom did what she could to protect us, but she needed to fucking protect herself first and we would have been fine!
"I have company coming, Dominic," she says taking on a sterner tone and it makes me stop in my tracks, cueing the ding of the doorbell that chimes like church bells.
I turn around and scowl at the woman my mom's become. How'd she get money suddenly? How'd she get this fucking house. The noisy fucking Chihuahua she's always cuddling. The fucking church bells doorbell! It's all infuriating! Her face falls to the expression I'm used to. Worry and exhaustion. When her back is to me as she goes for the door, I drop my head, disgusted at myself.
I love my mom and I've always only wanted her safe and happy, and now she is, I'm infuriated by it? I'm a sick man and I need some fucking help.
The voices in the living room make me look up and the instinct to run down the stairs hits too late as she escorts them into the kitchen.
"Holy shit." Leo snorts as his face lights up while he heads for me. "Look at you, brother."
I'm pulled into a hug that I don't retaliate because I'm confused by his presence in my mom's house. A new house. Not even the house we all kn
ew so well because we partied their while she constantly worked doubles.
"You're ripped, Dom. And sweaty." He swipes his hands over his jeans then slaps my abs. "But prison did something for you."
I almost take him to the ground for the stupid comment, but I look into his face, not sure what my expression is portraying but he takes a step back.
"Hi, Dom."
I look past him and scowl at the girl I don't recognize as she tries to keep her eyes on my face but they keep falling to my chest and stomach.
"Dom, Leo and Claire are staying for dinner," my mom fills me in and I pull my eyes off the unknown girl.
I know her name but that can't be the same Claire from high school. I barely remember what she looked like from when we were younger, but the girl in my mom's kitchen can't be the Claire I'm thinking of. The whore that walked around with her tits out and camel toe like it was a fashion statement.
"Ms. Sestak, can I use your bathroom?" The modest girl rubs the orb of her stomach and I'm assuming she's pregnant.
My mom leads her out of the kitchen and I look at Leo, having a hard time absorbing all this. Mainly why the fuck he's in my mom's house right now when I haven't heard from him since the night of our graduation.
"We got married." He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes another step back, turning away from me.
"Is that Claire..?" I can't think of her last name.
"Claire Tresfaye. Well, now Crest."
"She looks different," I mumble.
"Car accident. Reconstructive surgery on her face." He clears his throat. "She almost died."
"You two got married?" I chuckle because it's comical.
Claire was the only one Leo didn't fuck in the circle of skanks that used to hang around with us. She was too much of a whore for him back then.
"Yeah." He laughs. I know thinking what I am. "After the car accident, everyone else was too fucking stupid to talk to her anymore." He shakes his head and leans against the counter raising his shoulders while he tells me, "We started hanging out more."
"When'd it happen? How long you been married?"
"Married almost two years. The accident happened soon after you went away." He glances toward the living room then lowers his voice and says, "Her dad was fucked up and drove through their house." He steps closer and his voice gets even quieter, "He was trying to kill her and her mom."
"What the fuck." I rub my face, trying to scrub away memories of that neighborhood and every fucked up piece of shit in it.
"Killed her mom." He glances at me. "Shit just got worse after you and Boney went away."
As my muscles tense hearing that name, I fold my arms over my chest.
"What happened to him?" he asks me as if I should know.
My brows scrunch and teeth clench the same time my fists do. "I don't know. I never saw him again. I thought he died that night and I didn't care enough to find out."
"He did die, man. But not until after he went to prison. Renee started telling people he killed himself, but I don't believe that shit. That wasn't Boney, man." He's staring at me, waiting for my agreement, but this subject is off limits to me.
"I gotta change." I snatch up my shirt and jog down the stairs, wishing my mom didn't have these people over.
"Dom," Leo's voice is coming down the steps and I sigh. "I know you don't want us here, but I didn't do this shit to you." His voice is at the end of the stairwell while I hide around the corner of the bedroom. "You were my best friend, man."
I roll my eyes. Some best friend. I haven't heard from or seen him in the last seven years.
"I tried to come see you, but shit with Claire…" he trails off and I roll my eyes again. "And I guess I didn't want to believe it. You were the only one of us that I thought would do something right in our lives and you fucked up the most." He chuckles with disappointment and the sound makes my stomach queasy because it's the truth. "I fucking looked up to you 'cause you were doing shit right with Nyla. You were a bad motherfucker back then but still got straight A's." His laugh is lighthearted but the disappointment in myself hasn't subsided. "I don't know, man. We're all adults now and I thought I'd come here and you'd be happy to see you still got family left in some of us. It ain't the case though, so I'll fuck off."
"No-one told you to fuck off." I step out of the room. "I've been in prison for years, Leo. Haven't heard from you in years." I lean against the doorframe and shrug after crossing my arms over my chest. "I pegged you all for dead because you all looked up to Boney so much—"
"Fuck Boney. We looked up to you," he counters.
"Whatever." I shake my head in doubt. "What can I say?" I stand upright. "I'm not happy to see you, but you're welcome to stay for dinner if my mom invited you. Ain't my house. Ain't my company. I didn't invite you. Or her." I point upward as anger starts to dictate my actions.
"Who the fuck you talking about? My wife?" he snaps and stands taller while he boxes his shoulders.
"Fuck her, Leo. She was almost as bad as Renee. You know that bitch fucked Jeff just to get closer to me? Then you fucking marry her?"
"We were fucking kids, Sestak! Don't talk shit about my wife."
"She fucked with my brother so much, just hoping she could get in my bed. He actually thought she liked him and I had to explain to him she was just a whore."
"You were just as bad before Nyla, then you had to pretend you were a goody two-shoes motherfucker so she didn't find out you were a punk ass bitch lying about your age. Look where it got you, Sestak." He chuckles. "She dumped your sorry ass and you went to prison. We grew up to do things with our lives. You live in your mom's basement."
While he's laughing I rush him and pin him to the wall with my forearm at his throat. "I shoulda threw your asses out the door the second I saw you." Phlegm sprays with my words and the anger pumping through my veins blurs my vision and dumbs down my instinct.
When he swings, I'm not prepared and stumble sideways upon impact as spots fill my sight. I've got size on Leo but he's not giving up, and his kick to my neck drops me to my knees. I was never prepared to back my anger. There's so much consuming me, but the idea to actually take it out on an old friend was and is the last thing on my mind. If I was taught anything at a young age, you don't attack the people that look out for you. I betrayed that the second I insulted his wife and for no reason, because he's right, I was no better.
I roll out of the way before his fist meets my face, and the force of his swing that meets the carpet makes the sound of cracking bones ring out.
"Fuck!" He's holding his hand, bouncing around, for sure with something broken. "Fuck!" screams from him again and I hear the running steps on the floor above us.
"Dom!" my mom screams.
"Don't come down!" I blurt. "I'm not dressed." I cover my face when she makes a strange gasping noise because that excuse was used at poor timing.
"What happened?"
"Leo?" Claire's worried voice calls down the steps.
"I'm fine, baby. I'll be up in a minute," he says through gritted teeth, cradling his hand to his chest. "Hurt my hand."
"Dominic—"
"One minute, mom!" I huff and get up before slowly stepping toward him and muttering, "You alright?"
"Fuck!" He grunts, hunched over still holding his hand, and when I put my hand on his shoulder, I get an uppercut to the chin that flips me off my feet.
I'll stay down now. I'm not sure if that was warranted, but I'm down.
"Asshole," grumbles from him as he grabs my wrist while I hold my chin.
He yanks me to my feet and I take a second to look him over because he's a hell of a lot stronger than he looks.
"Let me fucking see." He shoves my hands down when I cup my chin, but afraid the dude's gonna swing again, I turn away from him.
"Fuck off, Leo. Hit me again and I'm gonna swing."
"I ain't gonna hit you no more. Talk about my wife again and I'll end your life."
"Yeah, whatever. Sorry," I mutter,
glancing at my hands for blood, but they're clean.
"You're a fucking dick, Sestak," he mumbles heading for the steps and I nod walking into the bedroom, pushing the door closed.
I take full responsibility for that being my fault. I overreacted. I let a rage inside me escape with words. And I got my ass kicked for it.
"Dominic?" My mom's soft knock pulls me out of a daydream. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah." Now I'm in the conscious world again I can feel the burn in my throbbing chin.
"Dinner's ready. Are you coming up?"
"I'm not hungry." I glance at her and she gasps.
"Your chin! What happened? What the hell is going on here? Leo said he smashed his hand, and now your face?" She gestures but doesn't touch. "Are you two fighting in my house?"
"No, mom." I huff.
"Get your ass upstairs and at the table," she snaps and storms out, taking me by surprise.
I don't defy her orders. I only remember one time my mom went serious on me like that and that was when she told me she wasn't allowing me to move out with Nyla. I almost chuckle, but I head up the steps and stop when I see Leo and Claire sitting at the table. Apparently I'm not getting away from them, and I can either make my mom angrier, or make amends.
"So what kind of baby is it?" stupidly tumbles out of my mouth as I nod toward Claire's belly.
"I'd hope the human kind." My mom laughs and I sigh until I can't help my smirk.
Day one on the job was easy. I just need to remember my service route because Rory said by next week I'll have my own truck. It didn't sit well with a couple of the guys that have been waiting, but they don't get treated "like family". Nor are they apart of the little side project Rory has going. Felons are less likely to tell him to go fuck himself, and if he gives us the "family" treatment, butters up our future, we're supposed to believe he's actually looking out for us. Two can play at that game. I plan on getting everything I can out of him to make sure I'm taken care of, and in return, I'll take care of his dirty work.