Personal letter from His Furness CRabE + 687° to His Furness CReegE + 690°, reprinted in the anthology Post Joker
‘Enter.’
Dom pushed open the door.
Tarli was lying on his stomach, reading. He glanced up and grinned. ‘Come on in.’
Dom entered sheepishly and dumped the grav sandals on the bed.
‘Yours,’ he said. Tarli touched them thoughtfully.
‘Yes,’ he said, doubtfully, and switched off the cube.
‘Gravity was on my side and I cheated and, well …’ said Dom miserably.
‘You’re soaked,’ said Tarli. He clapped his hands. There was a rush of air from one corner of the room and a young drosk appeared, took an order for clothing and a towel, and vanished. A moment later she was back.
‘Have your people got, um, rigid rules about bodily exposure?’ asked Tarli. ‘If so, the ablution room is through there.’
Dom pulled his sodden shirt over his head and grunted.
‘Only we get all sorts here, you see. Okay, Chaquaduc.’ He clapped his hands again and the bowing figure disappeared. Dom glanced up.
‘That’s pretty neat. Field transference? Grandmother won’t have it in the house. She says it’s a wicked waste of power.’
Tarli held up his hand. ‘Inductance surfaces under the skin, yes. It’s a tradition with us. It impresses guests. Here.’
Dom caught a dragonskin belt and buckled it around a loose-fitting robe intricately worked in yellow and grey silk. The Laothian boy opened an enamelled closet and handed him a smaller version of the sword.
‘Hey!’
‘It’s only a koto. Purely ceremonial. Please accept it. Apart from anything else, by custom it’s a mortal insult if you don’t. I’d have to fight you again, with swords and without armour. And before that I’d have to teach you to use it.’ He glanced sidelong at Dom’s neck. ‘You’ve been getting a few lessons anyway, I hear.’
Dom’s hand flew to his neck and he winced, not just from the bruises.
‘I thought Laothian girls went in more for flower arranging,’ he muttered.
Tarli grinned. ‘Oh yes? The nearest flowers to us are on Boon-dock, the next planet out. The biggest ones are motile roses – you have to get the plant in an armlock before you can prune it.’
‘I bet she’d be good at it.’
‘Pretty good, probably. She’s first on the shamsword lists, that’s out of about five hundred true shamuri. You have to be expert to get on the lists.’
Dom fingered the blade of the koto and grunted.
‘Archery, now, I’m better at that. She hasn’t got the patience. Sharli’s only about thirtieth in the list.’
‘Anything she’s not good at?’
‘There’s our third national pastime.’
‘What’s that? Pig-sticking? Crushing rocks with the fingers?’
‘No. Micro-circuitry design. It’s an art, you know. Come on, it’s time for dinner.’
Dom was surprised as they made their way towards the main hall. He was on Laoth, a world that made the best shipware and Class Five minds that were classed as humans, and he had seen no robots apart from the horse and the mechanisms in the garden. Laothians obviously didn’t like to surround themselves with their creations.
As they walked through a hall lined with lacquered panels, Tarli said slowly: ‘Father is very annoyed.’
‘About me?’
‘Indirectly, yes. It wasn’t your coming here – he likes visitors. It’s just that we are getting some uninvited ones. How many days before you discover Jokers World?’
‘After tonight, three days.’
‘Have you got any ideas?’
‘Some,’ said Dom non-committally.
‘I hope so,’ said Tarli. ‘There’s fifty ships hanging around our system now, waiting for you to make a move. Some of them are toting weaponry, too. Terra Novae has got a whole fleet. There’s even a class of a hulk from Whole Erse, it’s probably the only one they have got. There’s going to be a real shoot-out when you lead them to Jokers World. And, uh, what’s worrying Father …’
‘You can put his mind at rest. I don’t think the Jokers had anything to do with Laoth,’ said Dom quickly.
Tarli sighed with relief. ‘The trouble they’re putting us to!’ he went on. ‘We have to send out squads every hour to clear up these bugs United Spies are dropping round the palace. They crawl into every crevice – look at that one!’
A thing like a jewelled praying mantis was creeping along the top of one of the coloured panels. It tried to scurry away as they approached, but Tarli flicked it onto the floor with the end of his sword and crushed it.
‘Looks like a standard Earth model,’ he said. ‘See what I mean?’
‘The message behind all this is that you’re glad to see me but you’d be even happier to see me go,’ said Dom.
Tarli said hurriedly: ‘Please don’t take it the wrong way. I’ll tell you one thing, we’ll make sure you go vertically, and protected. Still, you’re not our only worry. Have you heard about the Bank disappearing?’
Dom shook his head.
‘Nothing like it has happened before.’
The hall doors swung open before them. There were only eight for the meal. The round table had been collapsed back into the memory store, and a plain Laothian dining mat spread in its place. Besides Tarli and Dom there were Joan, Keja, the Emperor, Sharli, Hrsh-Hgn and a small dapper Laothian. The children’s drosk servants stood behind them, and Isaac moved over to place himself behind Dom. He was holding Ig.
‘Thanks,’ said Dom, taking the creature. ‘Where has he been? And how about you?’
‘Just looking around the old place, boss. Ig’s sort of the unofficial mascot of the bug-clearing crews – he can really root them out.’
Sharli looked up and blushed when Dom saw her.
The main course, kai shellfish, was eaten in silence, except for the efforts of a phnobic trio playing chlong at the other end of the hall.
A cool night breeze brought the tinkling of the leaves of the robot garden floating into the room.
The Emperor, with great ceremony, poured out a syrupy clear liquid that was deceptively light on the tongue and burned in the throat. The servants disappeared at a handclap. The trio hurried to the end of a phrase, unstrung their instruments and hurried away.
‘Now,’ said the Emperor. ‘Let us talk.’
‘Spies?’ murmured Joan, into her glass. The Emperor raised his eyebrows.
‘But of course, my dear,’ he said. ‘Over there the inq-player in the trio deposited an Ear before he left, my son’s drosk servant reports regularly to their unpronounceable planet, and this room swarms with bugs and pinpoints. This very gentleman on my left’ – the dapper man smiled – ‘is an accomplished spy. His name is Magane. One of his many jobs is to spy upon me. He reports to me regularly in case I act ill-advisedly. Where is Jokers World?’ he ended abruptly.
Dom ran a finger round the edge of his glass.
‘You have a mere seventy-two hours to discover it,’ Ptarmigan prompted.
‘That’s unfair!’ said Keja.
‘He doesn’t have to tell me.’
‘I think I’m getting the idea,’ said Dom mildly. ‘I can feel the edges of a concept. The dark side of the sun ...it’s a bit non-committal, isn’t it? Perhaps it refers to another set of dimensions?’
‘You don’t believe that,’ said the Emperor. ‘And neither do I. Jokers World is a singularity in this continuum. Probability suggests that this is the only universe in which they existed, although we can’t locate them through math. My belief is that they were a billion-to-one chance that only cropped up in our particular space-time.’
‘I think so too,’ said Dom. ‘There are only four to five examples of life apart from the races in the life-bubble, and they are big and – well, not life as we think of it. Like the Bank or Chatogaster. With them life is just another attribute, like mass or age. No, I think the Jokers w
ere the first life-as-we-can-grasp-it in the galaxy, and I agree with the idea that they probably got our own shows on the road. I don’t know why I agree. It just seems right.’
‘I don’t know about this idea,’ said Keja. The Emperor smiled.
‘You see, my dear, the universe has no time for life. By rights it shouldn’t exist. We don’t realize the odds.’
Dom nodded. ‘We’re so used to the idea of life as an essential part of the universe,’ he said. ‘Even in pre-Sadhim times we peopled other stars with imaginary beings and kidded ourselves that life off Earth was an odds-on chance. We didn’t want to be alone.’
‘Nor did the Jokersss,’ said Hrsh-Hgn, leaning forward. ‘So they altered chancess …’
‘They peopled the stars too, only they must have been biological geniuses. They filled every ecological niche, too, from cool suns to frozen space …’ Dom began. Then he stopped.
He knew about the Jokers. Other sentences thronged in his head, floated like icebergs in his mind. They had entered of their own accord – or had been put there.
He knew all about the Jokers. He remembered how they felt, surveying the empty planets, knowing the inbuilt block that every race ran up against eventually – the limitations of their evolutionary outlook …
He saw Jokers World, and sat stunned. The others carried on talking. The conversation coiled round him unheeded.
‘The dark side of the sun sounds poetic,’ said Keja brightly. ‘How about Screamer and Groaner?’
‘The Internal Planettss of Protosstar Five?’ said Hrsh-Hgn. ‘Far too hot, and short-lived. They did not exist ten thousand yearss ago. So radioactive, too.’
‘You’re talking as if Jokers are human,’ said Keja. ‘It’s never been proved. Couldn’t they be silicoid? Look at the Creapii.’
‘How about Rats?’
It was Tarli. He looked at their faces and shrugged.
‘Well, we know what things are like on its planet. And the reversed-entropy situation might fit the Dark Side of the Sun saying.’
‘The Creapii say any creatures on Tenalp can’t possibly be intelligent,’ said Ptarmigan sharply. ‘And we’ll have no more talk about that world in this place.’
‘I think it’s Earth,’ said Joan firmly. The Emperor turned.
‘That’s a very homocentric statement. Can you justify it?’
She nodded. ‘It’s an old theory, after all. The Jokers were human, and I mean human human – sorry, Hrsh-Hgn, but you know what I mean – and they finally settled on Earth long before we were anything more than apes. They interbred with us eventually. Circumstantial evidence points to this. A lot of aliens consider the Jokers were human. Earth was the only planet apart from the Creapii homeworld to produce a race capable of reaching even its satellite … thirdly, Earthmen are the sort who would build something like the Chain Stars or the Centre of the Universe, just for the hell of it. Lastly, Earth is the home of the Joker Institute. It practically runs the planet. Half the directors of the Board of Earth are also in the Institute management committee. And the theory runs that the whole shooting match is run by a clique of pure-blooded Jokers as a sly way of thwarting Joker studies. They have made attempts on Dom’s life, for their ridiculous reasons. They don’t want Jokers World found by anyone, but themselves.’
Hrsh-Hgn coughed. ‘I sshould point out that ssimilar theoriess have been current with phnobes, drosks, Creapii, tarquins, sspoonerss and a sscore of otherss. Every race sseess itsself in the Jokerss. The Creapii ssay, who but Creapii could amasss the knowledge to capture the Centre of the Universse? The phnobess ssay, who but phnobes would have the insight into Totality to fasshion the Chain Sstars sso perfectly? The sspoonerss say, who but such ass we could have the reimtole into gramepe to sset the Maze? The tarquins broadcast, who but—’
‘Point made,’ said the Emperor.
‘There is only one Sun in the universe,’ said Dom.
They watched him struggle with his thoughts.
‘It’s simple,’ he said, and looked perplexedly at their expressions. ‘There are plenty of stars, but the real Sun, the red bright thing is intelligent life.’
It was tantalizingly close. He saw through them and beyond the room, into the cosmopolitan world of the fifty-two known races, and inside that, snug as the yolk in the egg, the world of the Jokers on the dark side of the sun.
He wondered if the knowledge was being fed into his mind, and decided against it. He could provide too clear a chain of reasoning. All the loose ends tied up neatly, just like in a good probability math equation.
He had thought his father went knowingly to his death, as a good probability mathemagician should do. But his father had also been going to …
He heard a damp sizzle. Someone said: ‘This really is too bad.’ Someone was standing in the doorway.
Ways frowned into the muzzle of his molecule stripper and stepped further into the room.
‘Good evening, Your Eminence, and assembled gentry. Now, at this point someone usually makes an impassioned call for the guard.’
The walls disappeared. Three guards fired at Ways simultaneously, and disappeared in clouds of light dust.
‘The essence of the molecule stripper is the little matrix engine which can, in very rare circumstances, arc over and reverse the field,’ said Ways. ‘I believe that just happened.’
The Emperor recovered first. He poured out more wine, proffered the glass to Ways, and smiled thinly.
‘Would you explain how you got in?’ he said. ‘I must review our alarm system.’
‘Certainly. I brought my ship down on the terrace. I expect most of your alarms failed.’
‘You are lucky,’ said Ptarmigan mildly.
‘I was built so. You made me, in fact.’
‘Ah yes. Luck as an electronic faculty. I remember supervising the plans myself. What a pity we didn’t think of incorporating some kind of switch.’
‘It wouldn’t have worked,’ said Ways. ‘But enough of this chitter-chatter. How can I kill Dom Sabalos, who is invulnerable? If I dropped a rock on his head Brownian motion would contrive to knock it off course.’
Sharli swung her koto. It flashed towards Ways’ chest and collapsed like tinfoil. She stared at it in disbelief.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘A statistically possible chance can happen to anyone. Excuse me.’ He drew a simple United Spies official-issue assassination gun and fired at Dom again.
The bullet stopped in mid-air and boiled.
A faint tremor ran round the universe.
‘Molecular resistance,’ said Ways. ‘Damn.’ He sat down on the mat and took up the glass of wine. He smiled at them, and gestured with the stripper.
‘There must be a hundred more ships up there,’ he said. ‘Phnobic, drosk, Creap, Spooner, Pod. All watching this place and each other. How many planets in this system, Your Eminence?’
‘Since the First Sirian Bank shot out of his orbit and into interspace, I expect there are now six,’ said Ptarmigan.
‘Correct. The Bank is now in orbit forty million miles out beyond – what’s the name of your outermost world?’
‘Far Out,’ said Tarli.
‘So you see, everyone feels a burning interest in Dom’s moves during the next few days. Me too. The arrangements have been modified slightly. We are all going to Jokers World.’
He waved them into silence. ‘Dom and I are lucky. He is protected – by the Jokers, it is believed – while my luck is genuine silicon-chip certain. However, I am afraid the rest of you aren’t lucky. Do I make my point? The terms “hostage” and “kill” are unsavoury, and therefore I will not use them …’
A mechanical bat wheeled into the dusk as they trooped across the terrace. Ways’ little ship was there. It was small, small enough to have its shape dictated by the single matrix engine it contained. A saddle for the pilot and a frame for the auxiliary equipment were wrapped over the front of the coil, and landing gear was simply welded onto the engine housing. It was
a machine for getting from place to place with the minimum of comfort and the maximum of efficiency – and it was fast. It had no name.
Dom climbed into the saddle, closed the transparent housing and inspected the controls. Ways’ voice with its final instructions was muffled by the plastic.
‘Let us be quite clear. Should I lose contact with you, or should you make any improper move, I shall be forced to take steps. Wait for us in orbit.’
The ship lifted smoothly. Once out of atmosphere Dom could survey most of the Tau Ceti system on the tiny scanner screen. The ships showed up as blue pinpoints. A long way out was something else – the scanner kept flickering from red to blue as the Class Two brain built into it tried to decide whether it was a ship or a world. As Dom watched, the blip disappeared. The Bank had ducked into interspace. Dom remembered seeing the huge matrix engine in one of the caverns. It wouldn’t take much to float a planet.
Ten minutes later the Drunk With Infinity was a bright star over Laoth’s terminator. Ways had chosen a good ship. Dom set up the co-ordinates he had been given on the matrix computer and sighed.
The jump was short, lasting barely half an hour subjective time. It ended in the middle of a fleet.
Ways said: ‘Open up the communicator circuits.’
He saw the main cabin of the Drunk, with the hostages standing mutely in the middle of the floor. Most were, at least. Joan I was being supported, and Isaac was sprawled on the floor.
Ways walked into the field of view. ‘I’ve run into a little pocket of resistance,’ he said. ‘Don’t let that worry you.’
‘What’s the fleet for?’ said Dom.
‘Company. Who knows if we may have to fight, survey, or merely land on a dead world?’
Dom laughed hysterically in the tiny cabin, and stopped only when he saw Ig cowering away on the control panel and gazing at him in wide-eyed terror.
‘You’re fools,’ he told the communicator. ‘You think I will lead you to a planet?’
The scene of the Drunk flickered out, and another face looked at him. It was thin, topped off by a mop of black hair, and had unmistakably been born on Earth.
The Darkside Of The Sun Page 15