Never.
“No,” she cries, shaking her head, looking down at his body. “No, Jaxon! You should have just left me there!”
The men all stand around, with their heads down, watching and listening to Scarlett cry and wail over the death of one of their men.
My best friend.
“Demon?” she says in name like she’s begging for him to wake up. “Demon? Please wake up, please. No, this can’t be happening. Jaxon needs you. You have no idea how much he needs you.”
Fuck.
I look down at my feet, unable to watch anymore.
“Scarlett,” I say, my voice raspy and cracked. I lift my head, and my eyes connect with hers. Hers hold so much pain and suffering, and I think mine hold nothing.
They feel empty.
I don’t know which one is worse.
“Jaxon,” she says, glancing down at Demon once more, then removing her hand from his shirt. She runs over to me and I hold her, console her. I rock her back and forth, and I tell her everything will be fine.
I lie.
Because I don’t know if everything will be fine.
chapter 46
Scarlett
I SIT IN THE BATHTUB, just staring at nothing.
I can’t believe it.
I knew that cop Gilmore was dirty, but I didn’t think he’d hate me so much to want to kidnap me. And Sharon? What the hell? I don’t even know what to think.
And Demon.
I can’t even think about him without sobbing; he didn’t deserve to die. I flashback to us eating dessert together, us sharing and then ordering more. His smile. The way he loved Jaxon. The very first time I met him, where he was sent to keep an eye on me, but the two of us kind of bonded. I felt comfortable around him. I trusted him, even before I knew how close he was with Jaxon.
Demon was a good man, and now, because of me, he’s gone. The person Jaxon loves most in the world is gone, and it’s because of me. Because of my insecurities. I never should’ve left the house. I never should’ve questioned Jaxon’s intentions and reasons for loving me, I just should’ve accepted them.
Now look what has happened.
That bullet was never meant for him. The grim reaper took the wrong man. Another amazing soul taken from us. Jaxon isn’t handling it well. I saw the look in his eye. He struggled losing his sister; it’s not fair he has to lose a best friend too. How much is one man meant to take? The water turns cold, but I don’t bother to add more warmth to it. There’s no warmth in this house tonight, there are only sad memories and ghosts of what could have been. There’s only heartbreak and sadness.
Mourning.
I close my eyes, and silently start to cry.
“Demon,” I whisper his name to myself. “We aren’t going to be okay without you.”
The irony of his name hits me, because there’s no way that man is anything but an angel.
And now he’s in heaven.
I force myself out of the bathtub, and wrap the towel around me. I’m about to walk to the kitchen in my towel when I hear the men talking.
“I paid someone to take care of it,” Arrow says. “A hit man. There’s no blood on our hands.”
“Just on mine,” Jaxon says, but he doesn’t sound sad about it, just that he’s stating a fact.
Arrow ignores his comment. “On any of our hands. The place has been cleaned up, and it’s like we were never there at all. Keep your head down, Jaxon. I know you’re hurting but you need to be smart about this, or his life would have been in vain.”
I sit down on the bed, and let the water droplets drip down my leg without wiping them away. It looks like my body is seeping tears, crying with me.
Feeling my pain.
I don’t know how we’re going to come back from this.
I don’t know how I’m going to make Jaxon happy again.
Why can’t we catch a break? I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself, because it isn’t going to help anything. I throw my towel on the floor and climb into bed. I get under the sheets and I just lie there. I don’t want to ever move again. Sleep doesn’t come for me, and neither does Jaxon, because he doesn’t come to bed all night. I don’t know what he’s doing out there, and if he wants company or not.
I just do not know how to handle this.
I go to sleep and wake up with a damp pillow.
THE OLD LADIES COME around with flowers and food, and they all try to cheer me up. I appreciate them dropping by, but their hugs make me emotional, and I start to cry. When some of them start to cry too, I realize they’re hurt too. They knew Demon a lot longer than me, he was more theirs than he was mine, so I try and comfort them in return.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell them.
“It’s not your fault, Scarlett,” Faye tells me, stroking my hair. “Don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. It was those fuckers who took you. They did this.”
“I can’t believe he’s gone. You should see Jaxon, he’s walking around like a zombie, and I don’t know what to do, Faye. How do I fix this?” I ask, breaking down in front of her.
“You can’t fix this, honey. He needs to get to a better place, and that’ll take some time. This is not an easy thing for anyone, but even more so for him. You just need to be patient. Let him know you’re there for him, that you have his back, but don’t be overbearing. People grieve in different ways, so find out which way is his, and adapt to that,” she says, speaking to me in a gentle voice..
“I miss him already.”
I don’t know if I mean Demon, Jaxon, or both.
I want things to go back to how they were, before our world was turned upside down. I want Jaxon here, smiling. I want Demon popping by at random moments, smile on his face.
“So do we, babe. So do we,” she murmurs, glancing around at the other women. “This is going to be a hard time for everyone, and we need to all stick together, okay? That’s what a family does. Yeah, we lost one, and what an amazing man he was, but he wouldn’t want us to be miserable forever. He’s probably looking down on us now and giving us shit for all this crying.”
My lip twitches at that. “He never really took anything seriously, did he?”
“No,” Faye says, smirking. “I remember when I first met him, we used to check him out because we all thought he was good-looking, even though we’d never admit it to our men.”
Jaxon walks in while Valentina is talking about the time Demon and she had a food fight, and he sees us sitting there. His expression softens, and then he comes to join us. He sits down in front of me, and pulls my legs onto his lap.
“Will you tell me that story from the start?” he asks her.
Valentina nods, eyes filled with emotion as she starts again.
Sometimes, you just have to start again, even when you don’t want to.
“DO YOU KNOW WHAT makes me feel a little better?” Jaxon says when we’re lying in bed that night. He reaches for me out of nowhere, and I flinch a little, just by reflex. He must feel it, because he stills, and waits a moment before continuing to run his hand up my arm. “You okay?”
“Yes,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I’m fine, sorry, you just caught me off guard.”
“Don’t say sorry,” he murmurs, bringing my fingers to his lips and placing a kiss there.
“What makes you feel better?” I ask him, wanting him to continue with the story, happy that he’s opening up to me.
“The idea that Demon and Olivia are together up there. They were always meant to be together, you know? But it didn’t work out for them. And now, they’re finally reunited.”
“That’s a really nice thought, Jaxon,” I say, resting my head on his chest. “I just wanted to say that I’m here for you, any way I can be. If you want space, I’ll give it to you, or if you want me with you all the time, I’ll be there. I’m
so sorry this happened, and I don’t know how we’re going to get to a point where it doesn’t physically hurt to think about him, but if anyone can do it, it’s us.”
“Thank you, baby,” he murmurs, kissing the top of my head. “I just need some time. It just . . . it hurts. So bad. Even if we didn’t see each other often, I always knew he was there, that if I needed him he’d be here, you know? It’s like I’ve lost a part of myself. I just . . .” He takes a deep breath. “He was my family. He was the person who knew me the best. Without him, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I know who you are, Jaxon,” I tell him. “I know. And I will spend the rest of our lives reminding you. Every day, I’ll remind you of the man I fell in love with.” I place my hand over his heart. “I’d know you anywhere. I’d recognize you in the dark. And I will love you forever.”
He buries his face in the crook of my neck. “I love you so much, Scarlett. Don’t ever think that I don’t. How I’m feeling right now has nothing to do with how much I love you.”
“I know,” I whisper. “You don’t have to worry about that. I know how much you love me. And I know what your mom said on the voice mail isn’t true at all. You didn’t save me because you felt obligated to, you saved me because my soul called to yours, because you felt the connection between us. Because we were meant to be. And Jaxon? Now I’ll save you.”
In this moment, I know we’re going to be okay.
I kiss his forehead and hold him.
I’ll be his strength.
I’ll be anything he needs me to be.
epilogue
Scarlett
Six Months Later
I THINK THAT’S ALL THE recent news,” I tell the stone. “Everyone is doing well. We all miss you, of course, and that’s never going to change, but at least I’m not crying myself to sleep every night anymore.” I sigh and admit, “I do cry sometimes, still. Like the other day I found that stupid dirty magazine that I know you left in my library. I brought it home. Anyone who sees it is going to think I’m a creep, but I’m not, I’m just sentimental for a creep, if that makes sense.” I smile and imagine him laughing at me right now. “Anyway, I bought you some of that sticky date pudding you like. I don’t know if you’d like flowers or not, but I know you loved that dessert. It looks pretty good actually, maybe I should just eat it. Does this make me a shit person? Because I’m really considering eating it. It’s not like you can eat it, right? I’m sure you would have wanted me to.”
“Scarlett.” Jaxon sighs, but I see the amusement on his expression. “I think Demon has had enough of your pudding talk.”
“Doubtful. The man loved pudding,” I huff, reaching out and touching his stone. “I love you, Demon. And if you had a less psychotic name, I’d name any future sons after you.”
“His real name is Arlo,” Jaxon decides to point out.
Arlo?
I kind of like that.
“If we have a son can we name him that?” I ask Jaxon, who nods in return.
“I’d love that,” he admits, putting his hand on the stone. “And I know he would too.”
“Arlo Demon Bentley,” I say out loud, and Jaxon chuckles.
“It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?”
I nod. “It does.”
I stand up and let Jaxon have a few minutes alone with Demon. In the meantime, I head to Olivia’s stone and drop off some fresh flowers.
“I hope you and Demon are together,” I tell her. “And I hope you’d approve of me and your brother, because I don’t think any other woman could possibly love him as much as I do.”
I blow her a kiss, and then head to the car to wait for Jaxon, eating Demon’s sticky date pudding as I wait.
It tastes delicious, even more so because it was his.
Jaxon slides into the car, and I offer him a bite. He opens his mouth, and I slip it inside.
“Shit, that’s good,” he murmurs, eyes going wide. “No wonder he liked it so much.”
“I know, right? It’s delicious,” I say with my mouthful.
Jaxon chuckles, and reverses out of the parking lot. “Where to next?”
“Wherever the open road takes us,” I say.
“So, home?” he asks, smirking.
“Yeah,” I reply, smiling over at him. “Let’s go home.”
Jaxon
Nine Months Later
WE WALK AROUND ROME, hand in hand.
Scarlett takes in the sights, the sounds, just eating everything up like a kid in a candy store. After we lost Demon, we pushed back the vacation because it didn’t feel like a good time to go away. There was no escaping what happened, the loss of him, and jumping on a plane wouldn’t fix that. The demons would follow us, pun intended. In the past few months I’ve been healing, and keeping busy with working with the chief of police to bring down all the cops who were on Darren’s team. In my own way, it feels like I’m doing this for Demon.
No dirty cop stands a chance while I’m still here fighting.
“I didn’t think it would be so cold today,” she says, wrapping her scarf around her neck. “This place is so beautiful though. Thank you for bringing me here, Jaxon.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell her, wrapping my arm around her waist. “I love watching you take everything in. You look so happy.”
“I feel so happy,” she returns, smiling up at me. “I’m glad we finally did this trip.”
“Me too,” I say, reaching into my pocket and feeling the black velvet box in there.
Time to make her officially mine.
Keep reading for a sneak peek of the next steamy installment in the Conflict of Interest series
APPROACHING
THE
BENCH
Don’t miss this electrifying tale of murder, justice, and intense attraction, coming 2018 from Pocket Star!
Approaching the Bench
A tenacious, resilient female judge must find a way to work with her carefree clerk as they find themselves in danger when a fugitive sets his sights on revenge in the third book in New York Times bestselling author Chantal Fernando’s sexy and thrilling Conflict of Interest Series.
Trinity Williams, known as “Medusa” for her stony expressions and unyielding reputation, constantly has her guard up—how else is the youngest female judge in the country supposed to survive in such a male-dominated profession? She made the decision long ago that laughter and a carefree attitude have no business in a courtroom and achieving her professional goals is the only thing she has left. It’s just her luck that her new law clerk, Callum Hopkins, believes the exact opposite.
Callum Hopkins thinks that nothing should ever be too serious in life—why can’t he mix business with pleasure? When he first starts working for his hot new boss, they clash at every turn. He makes it his mission to get Judge Williams to see things his way for once.
But when Callum finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time as an escaped convict comes after Trinity, he realizes it’s not all fun and games anymore. Now in witness protection together until the authorities can catch the fugitive, this unlikely pair must learn to trust one another and work together to stay alive. Far away from the courtroom, Trinity and Callum are suddenly free to stop butting heads, and stop fighting the growing attraction between them.
Want even more sizzling hot lawyers who stay just on the right side of the law?
Don't miss the next installment in the tantalizing Conflict of Interest series, coming 2018 from Pocket Star!
Approaching the Bench
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And don't miss Chantal Fernando's bestselling Wind Dragons MC series! When Faye catches her boyfriend Eric cheating on her in their apartment, she begins to make decisions that hurt their relationship by getting involved with Eric's brother Dex, vice president of the Wind Dragons Motorcycle Club.
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nbsp; Dragon's Lair
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about the author
Chantal Fernando is the New York Times bestselling author of the Wind Dragons Motorcycle Club series and the Maybe series, along with several other novels. She lives in Western Australia, where she is working on her next book. Find her online at AuthorChantalFernando.com, and on Twitter and Facebook.
FOR MORE ON THIS AUTHOR: Authors.SimonandSchuster.com/Chantal-Fernando
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THE WIND DRAGONS MOTORCYCLE CLUB SERIES
Dragon’s Lair
Arrow’s Hell
Tracker’s End
Dirty Ride*
Rake’s Redemption
Wolf’s Mate
Wild Ride*
Last Ride*
Crossroads
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