by Kip Nelson
She took a moment to compose herself and then pushed herself up to a standing position. Before turning to face Luis, she wiped her own eyes.
“Are you going to be okay?” she asked her son. He nodded and smiled weakly at her.
“If you need anything from me,” she continued, “just come and find me. You know that you're my priority, always,” she said, with conviction.
She was going to make a concerted effort to be there for her son whenever he needed her, and to not let herself get taken over by the job. Tristan nodded and smiled, and he stayed there to recover from the emotional turmoil as Maggie gave Luis the signal to get ready. Then the two of them left the building, walking at a steady pace to Sharon's house.
“So, I feel like I must bring this up, even if it's awkward. I hope you don't hate me for it, but is it possible that Tristan did it, and is so worked up because he's trying to pin it on someone else?” Luis said in a quiet tone, almost ashamed to ask the question.
Maggie's first instinct was to react with an angry glare. She almost let a few vicious words escape her lips, especially since she was in a protective mother mode because of how Tristan had been when he had come to see her. However, she managed to bite her tongue and take a moment to reflect on Luis' questions before she reacted.
“Thank you for doing your job. I don't want you to feel afraid to bring up these awkward subjects. I always had trouble balancing my work and home life. I guess that's only going to be harder now that we're a smaller community, but I'm glad I can count on you to help me through it.”
“Of course.”
“All I can say is I know my son didn't do it. I know that's not satisfying, and you don't have to believe me if you don't want to, but that's all I have to offer,” she said, shrugging. It was clear by Luis' expression that he wasn't convinced, but he didn't push the issue.
“So, you think he's right about Sharon?”
“I'm not sure about that either. He didn't actually offer any proof for what he thinks, but he seems convinced of it. There was definitely something off about her when we spoke to her, like she was hiding something. Something convinced him that she did it, and I think it's worth having another conversation with her.”
They walked with intent through New Haven to Sharon's home. Maggie rapped her knuckles on the door, creating a crisp, clear sound. They heard footsteps behind the door and then it opened. When Sharon saw them her face dropped and sadness came over her.
“We'd like to have a few more words with you, if you don't mind?” Maggie said. Sharon reluctantly held the door open and let them in.
Meanwhile, Anna was having another meeting of the creative group. She'd been insistent that people come and continue the good work they had been doing as her way of perking up the people of New Haven, rather than let them wallow in sadness. She felt for Mack, and the burden he was placing on himself to lead these people, and she wanted to do her part to help. Grace was there, too, and the two women were sitting together, listening to more stories that people wanted to share.
Anna had shared her admiration of Grace and urged Grace to tell the story of the great rat hunt. At first Grace had been reluctant, but eventually she was cajoled by the rest of the group to stand up. Then she began telling the story, which took on a humorous tone. Soon enough, everyone was howling with laughter at the thought of these brave warriors engaging in the fight of their lives with small rodents. The release was palpable as the tension rose through the air and left them. When Grace sat back down she wore a smile on her face and felt much better, and had to nod her thanks to Anna for urging her to get up there.
But not every story had the same effect. Deborah, Sharon's mother, was there as well and she took the stage. She was a small woman, but like so many others, she had been through so much, and there was an inner strength to her that made her seem more intimidating. She spoke quietly but clearly, and everyone else fell silent so they could listen to her story.
“I remember the day when my daughter disappeared. We'd been having a rough time of it, after everything that had happened. I think she blamed me, in a way, blamed all the adults, for letting the world get into the state that it did, but we were trying. I was trying at least...then she was gone, and I knew who had taken her. That boy I'd seen around. I knew there was something wrong with him, but I hadn't acted on my suspicions, and it was too late. My little girl was gone.
“She wasn't perfect, none of us were, but we were going to make it through the world together. She was the only thing I had left and she had been taken from me. And when we were reunited it should have been the happiest day of our lives, but she had changed. He had changed her. I was her mother, but how was I supposed to repair the damage that he'd done? She looked in the mirror and couldn't see anything but the thing he had created. I thought back to those moments after she first had been taken, the anger and fear I had felt. That horrible need to want to do something about it but not being able to do anything. That feeling that I had failed her, and that there wasn't anything I could do to make up for it.
“I think, in a way, we all failed our children because so many of them died, but this was even worse. Sharon hadn't been killed. She had been taken from me. She had wanted to leave me because I wasn't good enough to take care of her and she thought this other boy could. I was her mother! I loved her! I was the one she should have trusted with her safety, but she couldn't. So, she left me alone, and our family wasn't anything anymore, it didn't mean anything to her. I tried to carry on, but every day it felt as though a piece of me was missing. There were moments when I wished that I had died so I didn't have to feel the sadness and despair any longer. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. And I wish that this was the type of story with a happy ending, but I don't think we get happy endings in this world anymore. I've been trying to remind her of who she is, but she was lost, and I don't know if she can be found. I've done everything I can, but she's never going to be the same girl she used to be. And I'm not going to be the same mother either.”
The longer the story went on, the more Deborah trembled with anger. Grace and Anna weren't the only ones glancing at each other, worried by the way the woman was carrying herself. But she didn't get a chance to complete her story because Freddie came up to Grace and pulled her aside. Anna was near her and heard what Freddie had to say as well.
“You need to come with me. We know who the murderer is,” he said with an urgent tone in his voice.
Grace looked shocked and wondered who it could be. The others in the group still were dumbfounded by Deborah's story and were left in an eerie silence, not knowing what to say to this blunt outpouring of emotion. Sometimes silence was the best response, since words were inadequate when faced with such emotional agony.
Chapter Ten
Maggie and Luis were standing outside Sharon's house, standing on either side of the young girl. People had rushed toward them as they saw Sharon in tears and drew only one conclusion, that Sharon had indeed been the one to kill Peter. It was something of a shock, but for more than a few people, the knowledge actually redeemed Sharon in their eyes, although it was clear it had taken a heavy toll on the girl. Maggie had sent a runner to fetch Mack, and he approached them with a stern, yet relieved look on his face.
“She confessed to everything,” Maggie said, and seemed confident that Tristan had been right.
Mack looked at Sharon and considered her for a moment. She was tired, her blonde hair was tousled, and her eyes were bloodshot, which he assumed was from all the crying.
“What do you want to do with her? Do you want to give Freddie's idea a try?” Mack asked.
“I don't know. It doesn't seem enough. I like the idea of it, but she killed someone. Surely there has to be some other punishment?”
“I've been thinking about that, and about how people didn't like that we just let Peter rot in a cell. There's still a lot of work to be done to maintain New Haven. Maybe hard labor is a good way to go. That way she actually can contribute t
o the place while she serves her punishment,” Mack said without a hint of cruelty in his voice. Yet, it was clear he was looking at Sharon differently, more with pity than anything else.
It was a shame the world had changed so much to drive someone to these lengths, and he wished there had been a better way to handle things. Maggie agreed with his suggestion. She said she would help sort it out, but that she would take Sharon back to a holding cell first before they performed the ritual that Freddie had suggested, reminding the guilty party of the good they had done. Mack hoped that someone could think of something, because his mind was blank.
At that point, Deborah ran up, almost in tears herself. Luis stepped in the way, but Maggie shook her head at him, giving him the signal to let the woman through to her daughter. Deborah flung her arms around Sharon and held her tightly, but Sharon struggled and fought to push her mother aside. It was a difficult scene to watch as Sharon yelled and screamed at Deborah to leave her alone. Maggie eventually intervened and pulled Sharon aside.
“We're going to take Sharon away now, and hopefully it will give everyone the chance to calm down. I know this is a shock, and nothing seems normal right now, but you'll get a chance to see her later,” Maggie said.
“No, you don't understand. I just need to speak with her alone,” Deborah wailed.
“Go away, Mom! I don't want to speak with you!” Sharon screamed.
Maggie gave Deborah a sympathetic look, imagining what it would be like if Tristan had reacted the same way, and she hated seeing the pain etched on Deborah's face. Maggie tried to give her a silent message of understanding, but Deborah was lost in her own world. Maggie turned her back to escort Sharon away when Deborah's voice rang out.
“Stop,” she said, and there was something about her tone that made Maggie pause.
“I did it.”
Sharon wailed in frustration and her eyes shot daggers at her mother, but she couldn't do anything to stop Deborah from talking. “I did it all. I stayed up the nights before and saw which guard went to sleep. I waited until the perfect moment. The night was calm, and all the time I was walking toward Peter I thought someone would come out and stop me, but nobody did, and I knew that it was my destiny. He'd caused so much misery that I couldn't just let him sit in there. What he did to my daughter, to all our children, I couldn't let him get away with it all. I opened the door and I remember the look on his face, utter shock that it would be me, just a middle-aged woman. I didn't even give him the chance to speak. Before I knew it, I'd already cut his throat, and the life was falling from his eyes. I stayed there and watched him as he died, and then I returned home. This was the knife that killed him,” she said, and reached into her boot, pulling out the knife and throwing it down at Maggie's feet.
“How do I know you're not just saying this to cover for your daughter?” Maggie asked, even though she could tell by the way Deborah was speaking that there was truth in her words.
“It's the other way around. Sharon was trying to protect me. She's felt guilty for everything she's done, not just to me, but to New Haven as well. I hated seeing her living with that burden when it wasn't her fault. It was all him, all Peter, and I had to make him pay. I didn't want her to find out it was me, but she heard me come back and pray for forgiveness. It's alright, Sharon, you can tell them the truth. It's all going to be alright.”
“No, Mom,” Sharon said, eyes bleary with tears and words lost to sobs, “it's not alright. You don't deserve to be punished for this. It's all my fault. I never should have let him into the settlement, and everything that's happened is my fault. I deserve the punishment. You did what you had to do to protect me, I get that. Please,” she said, turning to the others, “Mom isn't a bad person. You don't have to do this. It's me that you have to punish because I've done so many terrible things.” Sharon finally collapsed in tears. Deborah hung her head in shame.
“Do what you want with me,” she said, “I made peace that I shall be punished for what I have done.”
“And you will be,” Mack said.
“You'll have to do hard labor for a long time to make up for what you've done, but before that there's something else we have planned.” He raised his head and ordered everyone to form a circle around Deborah, explaining what they were going to do.
“Everyone in this world has done bad things, but that doesn't mean we are bad people. I do not condone what Deborah did, none of us should, and she will pay for her crimes with a fitting punishment of hard manual labor in a way that also will benefit New Haven. But before that, it is important that we reflect on the good that Deborah has done, and the type of person she is. We will not let this one moment define her, or any of us. We are too complicated for that, and the same goes for any one of you who will make a mistake in the future. This is going to be a new ritual for New Haven, a way to bring us together as a community, when there is so much out there that wants to tear us apart. So, let us share stories about Deborah now, and remind her of the type of person she is.”
Mack stepped back in the circle. Sharon still was beside Maggie, using the sheriff as support. Deborah was standing in the middle of all the people with a hesitant look on her face, not entirely sure what was happening or if she liked it. Mack's booming voice had captured the attention of other people around the settlement. They all came to see what was happening, including Tristan, who stood behind his mother.
There was a moment of silence as they waited for someone to speak up and, for a moment, Mack was afraid nobody would. But soon there were no shortage of voices willing to pay tribute to Deborah and all the things she had done in the past.
“I remember in the lean times, when we were struggling to find food, you managed to cobble together some ingredients and made the nicest stew I have ever tasted!” Hugo said, flashing Deborah a beaming smile.
“I remember how when I was in my loneliest moments you were there to talk. It was just after the kids had left, and we all were feeling the pain. It would have been easy to shut ourselves away and be alone with our grief, but you made the effort to come talk to us all. You thought it was important to share the sadness, and I always appreciated that because it was a great help. I'm not sure if I could have made it through those days without you, and now we have our kids back. Yeah, it's not perfect, but it's better to have them back than never to have seen them again. You're a good woman, Deborah, and we're going to help you through this just like you helped us,” a woman from Deborah's camp said.
“You've been on the council with me, and you've always been a wise voice,” Alison said.
She was standing with Saul, his strong hand wrapping around her body to rest on her stomach, and he nodded as she spoke.
“You've always been able to defuse arguments before they begin, and you've always had the capacity to listen to ideas, even when you don't think they're good ones. I've loved being on the council with you, and I know that everyone else feels the same way. None of us were made for this world, and we've all had to step into new roles, but you were a natural fit, and you always put other people’s interests ahead of your own.”
“I don't know you that well,” Saul said, “but I can see you're a woman of conviction, and you're willing to do whatever it takes to take care of your family. Those are things that I can admire.”
“It's been tough on everyone to adjust to the changing fortunes of the world, but I've spoken with many people, and you've shown a great self-awareness,” Freddie said, pleased that his idea was being put into action.
“And I'm willing to devote more time in talking with you about anything you want.”
“The Lord sets challenges for us all,” Hank said in a solemn tone, “and sometimes we make mistakes and sin, but we must remember the power of forgiveness, not only to forgive others, but also to forgive ourselves.”
More people spoke, some of whom knew Deborah better than others. They spoke of her compassion and her creativity with food. They spoke of her patience and kindness, and how they always were
able to trust in her if they needed some advice, or just a friendly ear. Eventually, it came back round to Sharon, who was a mess of emotions and barely could speak coherently. Yet, as she spoke, Deborah, too, was overwhelmed with emotion. She had been pushed to the limit by the support she had been given by the people around her, but hearing her daughter speak brought tears to her eyes.
“Mom, I don't know how I ever can thank you for everything you've done for me, or apologize for everything I've done to you. I never should have left you. I was angry and scared and just a stupid kid. I didn't know what I was doing, not really, but now I do, and I am so, so sorry. I couldn't have asked for a better mom. You've kept me safe all my life, and I know that you've only wanted the best for me. I wish there was more that I could do for you. I wish that I could go back in time and not put you through all this, but I want you to know that I'll be doing everything I can to make the future better for us both.”
Mack let her words linger in the air, and allowed the mother and daughter to have a private moment on this most public of occasions before he spoke again. Deborah wiped her eyes and cleared her throat as she stood tall, buoyed by the words of her friends and her peers.
“We all are going to have to live with what's happened here, and we must not forget that it was wrong But as Hank said, forgiveness is important, and if we are going to make New Haven work, then we are going to have live by those ideals. It's not going to be easy, but I have faith in all of us that we can do it. Deborah, I hope this has been enough to remind you that you are more than one single action, and now you will be taken away to discuss your punishment,” Mack said.
Deborah nodded. This act of forming a circle and sharing stories actually had brought the people of New Haven together. Mack could see in their eyes that they felt closer, and this was something they all needed, given what had happened, and what was coming. But his words of forgiveness had a special meaning for two of the younger members of the crowd as well. Both Sharon and Tristan needed to forgive themselves, and each other.