“You already know the price—you’re going through it right now. And it was humiliating—especially since Charles wasn’t nearly as sensitive to the situation as Alex was.” She raised her eyebrows at me. “Do you want to know what Charles did when that particular situation happened to me?”
“What did he do?”
“He threw up.”
“Oh,” I said. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry—that must have been terrible.”
“Let’s just say that he wasn’t hopping out of bed and offering me towels,” Blackwell said. “In fact, it was me grabbing the towels to clean up his mess.”
“How long into your pregnancy did this happen?”
“Five months.”
“That early?”
“Yes, that early. And it was an unmitigated disaster. After it happened, the sex between Charles and I dried up. And you think that you’ve had it hard into your eighth month.”
“It’s not that I think I’ve it hard,” I said. “It’s just that despite all of the books I’ve read about what to expect when carrying your first child, I apparently missed the chapter on sex and lactation. Unlike you, I never had a close relationship with my mother, who might have told me of such inconveniences, and so I don’t know about any of this shit. Again, despite all the books I’ve read—and I’ve read pretty much all of them at this point—I still feel completely unprepared for what’s to come, especially when what’s coming is me. You know that I consider you my surrogate womb.”
“And here we go with that again!” she said. “A slippery little label if there ever was one.”
“Whether you accept the label or not, it’s nevertheless true.”
“So it is, I suppose,” she said in a softer tone. “Good God, Jennifer—the things you’ve saddled me with.”
“Look,” I said. “The only reason I came here today was to ask you if you’d gone through any of this before, and apparently you have. I just wanted to know whether it was normal or not, or if there was any reason to be alarmed that it happened.”
“Jennifer, allow me to introduce you to Google.”
“Oh, come on! The crap you find on Google can be terrifying. If I did a search on this, it would probably tell me that I had cancer and had two weeks to live.”
“Well,” she said. “I do have to agree with that. So guess what? You’re fine. In fact, looking at you right now, you’re as healthy as a broodmare at a county fair in Hicksville, U.S.A. What your mother clearly never told you is that these things do happen. For me—at least when it came to my little Earth Mother Alexa—it happened early on in the pregnancy. As for Daniella, it didn’t happen at all, and thus we are faced with all the mysteries of the human body.”
“I suppose we are.”
“As for your little mishap last night, be thankful that you have a wonderful husband who didn’t hurl when it happened and who somehow had the fortitude to keep on making love to you despite it all. In the face of Charles’s vomiting episode, my respect for Alex has only risen higher—if that’s even possible.”
“I hear you,” I said. “Just when I thought that Alex couldn’t be more gracious, he goes above and beyond, as he did last night.”
“And he sensed your appreciation, didn’t he?”
“I hope he did. I certainly tried to show him that I did.”
“You mean—when you were on your knees...?”
“Excuse me?”
“Never mind. Look, Jennifer, beyond the obvious one-liners about your night of to-the-moon-and-back humiliation, here’s the takeaway—Alex handled it with sensitivity and love. Be grateful for that, because I’m here to tell you that not every man has that in him.”
“Trust me—I know that I married someone special.”
“As did he.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“I mean it. Now, listen to me. I may joke and I may goad, but at the end of the day, you know very well that I mean nothing by it. I know that this is a stressful time for you—I’m just trying to give you a few laughs because I think you might need them.”
“Even if they come at my own expense?”
“Like Chanel, the ability to laugh at ourselves never goes out of style. So, I have to ask—when did you become so sensitive?”
“Probably when the hormones hit,” I said.
“Here’s the thing,” she said. “When I look at you now—you know, bursting at the seams and just about ready to pop—I see someone who needs a laugh or two. And I’m trying to give you those laughs, because I know that you need them, especially since the baby will be here before either of us knows it.”
“I’m terrified about giving birth, Barbara,” I said.
“As you should be,” she said. “I refuse to sugarcoat what’s coming your way, because I’ve been through it twice, and it hurts like hell.”
And then, she leaned toward me and her face softened.
“But here’s what you also need to know—when it’s over and you’re holding your baby in your arms, I can tell you with certainty that your body just seems to miraculously recover. The pain fades away as the love for your baby floods through you. It’s odd, but it’s wonderful. After hours of labor, sweating it out and pushing like hell, everything changes the moment your baby arrives. You’ll see.”
“Will you be there in the room with me? You know—to hold my hand?”
“But what about Alex? Isn’t he going to be there?”
“Of course he’s going to be there, but I also want you and Lisa to be there for me. Each of you can hold one of my hands and keep me calm while Alex walks around and frets—because that’s exactly what he’s going to do. If either of you feel that he needs to settle down, I want you to go to him and try to ground him, because this pregnancy is also stressful for him. This is our first child, and he’s going to need your support, just as I am.”
“Are you telling me that you want me to be in that room with the woman who has become my arch nemesis?”
“Lisa is not your arch nemesis. You just see things differently when it comes to the baby shower.”
“To say the least!”
“And on that note, here’s my present to each of you today—when it comes to the baby shower, I’m officially out. Whatever you want to do, do it. At first, I thought that I should get involved, but with you two at such odds when it comes to this, I decided this morning that I’m just going to let you two duke it out and hope for the best. And do you want to know why?”
“Please,” she said. “Enlighten me.”
“Because I know that whatever you come up with will be perfect. Later today, I’ll finish the guest list and email it to both of you.”
“How very kind of you.”
“Well, you did ask for it.”
“Actually, I believe that it was the one who gives birth to zombies who asked for it.”
“Oh, for God’s—”
At that moment, a knock came at the door.
“Yes?” Blackwell said.
“It’s your daughter,” Daniella said. “May I come in?”
“Of course,” Blackwell said as she shot me a look as she stood. “Come in.”
When Daniella entered the room and closed the door behind her, I thought that she looked chic and pretty in her sleek black-leather Prada jacket and her matching pants. But I also saw that she looked so upset and tense that my heart wanted to reach out to her.
Breakups could be terrible—even if this one might only be temporary, which I hoped to God was the case. Still, it was the not knowing that could kill you. Worse, I knew that Daniella loved Cutter to her core, as he loved her. But what all of us also knew is that when Daniella wanted something—such as living with Cutter—she could become the devil incarnate if she didn’t get what she wanted. Which she hadn’t. And now just look at the mess she was in.
“Hi, Jennifer,” she said as she leaned down to kiss me on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “It’s good to see you, Daniell
a.”
She smiled when I said that, but she didn’t respond. Instead, just before she turned to her mother, I saw the pain in her eyes and wished that I was quick enough to say something to make her feel better.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t—because before I could think of anything, Daniella charged forward.
“Before you left for work this morning, I forgot to ask you for the credit card,” she said to Blackwell. “Sorry about that.”
“No worries!” Blackwell said as she turned to the table behind her and reached for her handbag. “Here,” she said after she removed a credit card from it. “Use this one—no limit!”
“You know?” Daniella said as she took the card. “There was a time in my life when I would have danced after hearing those words. And knowing the ridiculous person I was before I met Cutter, I probably would have abused your generosity in the process. But not now. He’s shown me that I’m better than that. Still, at your suggestion, I’ll take today to enjoy a little retail therapy with my girlfriends, who also are helping me to get me through this.” She held up the card. “Thanks, Mom. I promise I won’t spend too much. You’re the best.”
“Anytime.”
“Give me a kiss.”
“With pleasure,” Blackwell said as she kissed her daughter on the cheek. “And please, try to have some fun.”
“I don’t even know if that’s possible right now.”
I heard the vulnerability in her voice as she looked at me.
“I suppose you’ve heard that Cutter left me?” she said.
“I have, and I’m sorry, Daniella.”
“No sorrier than I am—I screwed everything up, just as I always do.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s true. I wanted too much too soon.”
“But only because you know that he’s the one for you,” I said. “You’ve always known that. I think that you’ve been in love with him from the first moment you set eyes on him.”
“Tell that to him,” she said. “Because although that’s true, he’s shut me out. He won’t return my texts or my calls. He’s gone radio silent on me.”
“He still hasn’t returned your calls or your texts?” I asked in surprise.
“He hasn’t.”
“And as I understand it, a week has gone by since he said he needed some time alone?”
“Actually, that would be eight days.”
“Well, that’s not fair,” I said. “He can’t string you along forever. If he continues to ignore you, at some point, you’re going to have to confront him in person.”
And that’s when the out-of-control Daniella I knew all too well and feared started to wave her hands in the air.
“But don’t you see?” she shouted. “All I get is silence! He’s doing this to me on purpose—because I was such a bitch to him! Even though I knew that I shouldn’t push things to move faster between us, I couldn’t help myself, and so I just kept on pushing and pushing for him to agree to find an apartment so that we could live together. And look where that’s gotten me! Look where I am now! Single! Single and on the cusp of Christmas! Single when people are about to start singing Christmas carols! Single when it’s almost the baby Jesus’s birthday! Single when mistletoe is about to rear it’s ugly head at whatever doorway I walk through! And by the way—how great is that?”
“Cutter still could come around,” I said.
“I’ve heard nothing from him, Jennifer. Nothing for eight straight days. Come on—you’re better than that. Let’s just be real here, OK? Because I’m in no mood for bullshit.”
“Look,” I said as I took her by the hand. “How about this? Alex and I are having Christmas eve and Christmas day at our place for anyone who wants to come. That includes Cutter, who’s been invited to each.”
And at that, Daniella looked at me wide-eyed.
“Has he said whether he’s coming?” she asked.
“Not yet.”
“Of course, he hasn’t! That’s because he knows I’ll be there!”
“That might be the reason why, but think of it this way, Daniella. If he does show, then you’ll soon have an answer about where your relationship stands with him—that is, of course, if you don’t know sooner.”
“Jennifer,” she said as she furrowed her brow at me. “Don’t you get it? My heart is on the line here. And now you’re asking me to put a stake straight through it and wait until the holidays for some sort of resolution? What if he doesn’t show up? What if we’re truly through?”
“Then he’s an idiot,” I said, meaning it. “And the more I think about it, whatever comes of this needs to be resolved soon, if only out of respect for your relationship. How about if we give Cutter another week to shit or get off the pot? If he continues to refuse to answer your texts and your voice messages, then I say that you need to confront him in person.”
“In person?” she said.
“This can’t go on forever, Daniella.”
“I agree,” Blackwell said. “Look, my darling girl, you made your mistakes, but you shouldn’t have to continue to suffer for them.”
“Especially after how you cared for him on that island,” I said. “All of us saw your devotion to him—and I know for a fact that Cutter recognizes everything you did for him because he just recently told me so himself.”
After I accidentally spilled that little bit of information—which I shouldn’t have since I’d promised Cutter that he could confide in me—I hated myself for getting so caught up in the moment that I’d say anything at all. I was better than that. I should have checked myself!
Apparently, the information did its job, because it stopped Daniella cold.
“He does?” she said.
I sighed. “He does. So let’s just wait and see what happens. Let’s hope that this isn’t over between you two yet. But I have to ask you this, Daniella—are you willing to step back for another week to give him the room he says that he needs?”
“Of course I am. Jesus Christ, I’m trying my best to show restraint. And I’m only doing so because of him. Because I love him. I just got ahead of myself when I suggested that we should find an apartment and live together—but clearly, we’re not on the same page when it comes to that. Before I brought up the subject, things were so amazing between us, I can’t even tell you. We were connected at every level! That’s why I suggested that we move in together. I thought that we were in the same place—that he’d also want to move in together. But obviously that was too much too soon. And I freaked him out!”
“Let it simmer for another week,” I said. “If you don’t hear from him, then I recommend that you confront him in person. Because anything beyond that is too long. Barbara? Your thoughts?”
“Spot on.”
“I’ll think about it,” Daniella said.
“We’ll support you either way,” I said.
And at that, Daniella leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.
“Thank you,” she said. “Jennifer, regardless of what might come, you’re the best. As I grow older, I see what Alex sees in you, you know? Your heart. And how good you are to the people you love. I only hope that I can be that same person to Cutter—if he gives me a chance.”
“He might,” Blackwell said.
“My heart is on my sleeve right now, Mom,” Daniella warned.
“I understand that it is, but I’ve also seen how that young man looks at you, and from that look alone, I know that he loves you. So, however you want to move forward with this situation, you have our love and support.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Alright then,” Blackwell said. “So, enough of this. Get thee to some retail therapy. Spend as much as you want. And try to enjoy your day out with your girlfriends, OK? Commiserate with them because I think you need to. And if you ever feel the need, please reach out to either me or Jennifer about anything that’s concerning you, because we’re both here for you. And we always will be.”
“We will,” I said. �
��You have my cell—use it if you need to talk, Daniella. And please, don’t ever hesitate if you want to talk.”
“I appreciate that,” Daniella said with emotion in her voice as she gave her mother a hug and a kiss before she went toward the office door. “More than either of you know.”
She looked so upset, I tried my best to lift her spirits before she left.
“Daniella, before you go, I have to say that you look especially pretty today.”
“Thank you for that,” she said. “But let’s not fool anyone here, Jennifer. I came here looking like this because I knew there was a good a chance that I might run into him. And if that happened—which it still might—I wanted him to see me looking my very best. Christ,” she said. “I mean, let’s just face it. I wanted him to see exactly what he’d be missing if he does decide to leave me.”
“MY DAUGHTER IS AN EMOTIONAL wreck,” Blackwell said in despair after the door closed behind Daniella. “Since she’s been seeing Cutter, she’s been happier and lighter, and not nearly as moody or as reactive as she used to be. The idea that she might regress to whom she was before Cutter is tearing me apart. I hate seeing her so unhappy.”
“Me too.”
“You were very kind to her just then. I want to thank you for that.”
“I love Daniella—why wouldn’t I be kind to her? Before Cutter, Daniella often came off as a spoiled, difficult bitch. But since she’s been dating Cutter, you’re right. He has changed her. He’s made her see the world in ways that she never saw it before. She has grown up because of him.”
“I agree. And because of how you just took the time to counsel my daughter, I’ve decided that I will hold onto one of your hands when you’re ready to deliver that baby of yours, and I’ll be happy to do so with Lisa as she holds your other hand. With Alex, Lisa, and me in the room—you’ll have all the support you need. That I can promise you.”
I was so hormonal at this point in my pregnancy, I almost cried when she said that. But I didn’t—Blackwell had a no-tears policy that I needed to respect.
“Thank you,” I said. “And Barbara, about the baby shower, please just do what you two want. I have so much on my mind right now, I really don’t care about how any of it turns out—and I don’t mean that as an insult. Or to be rude. I’m just so sidetracked by how the delivery will go, a baby shower is the least of my worries. So, please, work with Lisa and do with it as you will.”
Holiday: Annihilate Them, #2 Page 7