She squeezed one last time and disappeared into the house.
He let out a breath. “Thank you, love. Just give me a minute to explain a few things. Ok? Then we can get ready for the ceremony.”
I huffed. “I highly doubt there is going to be a ceremony today, Cailen.”
His eyebrows pinched together and a look of utter heartbreak pierced his face. “Please don’t do this, Emberly. I can’t lose you, too. It’ll kill me. Please just don’t do this.”
“You’re not losing me Cailen but you’re not going to hide shit from me either. I’m not living my fucking life that way. I’ve seen first hand what lies and deceit do to people and I refuse to be a victim.”
I pulled my hands through my hair. “This is exactly why I never let people in. You get fucking hurt.” I said mostly to myself.
He grabbed my arms. “I will never ever hurt you, Emberly. Please know that. You are the only good thing I’ve ever had.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Talk to me, Cailen. Tell me what is going on.”
He nodded but seemed to be torn. “Come with me, ok?”
I nodded and he began pulling me back toward the boat. Once we were on board he led me to the cabin and sat me on the sofa. Several minutes went by as he paced the floor rubbing his face with his hands.
I sat back and stared him down.
Finally he came to a stop in front of me and looked me in the eye. “There’s a lot of bad shit that follows me from my past. No matter how much I run it always finds me.” He began pacing again. “I really thought I could be normal and I was selfish enough to pull you with me.” He turned to face me. “But now, I can’t let you go, Emberly. I can’t. I have to have you by my side, in my life.”
I prompted him with my eyes to continue. He took a sharp breath. “That man is a very bad demon from my younger days. He comes back every so often to remind me of my debt and to collect. I’ve been avoiding him for some time and he finally tracked me down.”
He pulled a chair from the dining table and placed it directly in front of me. He sat and took my hand in his. “I’m not that man anymore, Emberly. Hell, I haven’t been that person since Lorne took me in. I did terrible things in my youth and I have spent many years trying to right those wrongs but he is one wrong that keeps slapping my face.”
“Who is he?” I asked flatly.
He stared at me for several moments and his face fell into shame and sadness. “He’s a drug dealer. He lived at the same house I did when our foster mom pimped us out to women and sometimes men.” He broke our gaze shamed. “I left but those other boys stayed and it broke them, physically, mentally and spiritually. Graham left shortly after me but he resented me for leaving them all behind. I felt like I owed him for abandoning him and he took advantage of that and pulled me into working for his boss, which was the biggest heroin dealer in Europe. At first I loved it because there was so much money and booze and women. We lived high for days at a time. But I began to realize it was not the life I wanted. I hated myself when I looked in the mirror. I did really really bad things to people that I can’t even think of now. That’s when Alick found me and took me away from it all. Alick saved me.”
I hated seeing the torment in his eyes. It made my heart ache.
“What does he want with you now?” I asked squeezing his hand.
He looked down at our hands and back to me. “He feels like I disgraced him those many years ago when I left and he uses his power to hold it over my head. He comes out of the gutters sometimes to collect.”
“What does he collect, Cailen?”
“Money mostly. I refuse to do anything else for him even if he kills me.” He ran his hands through his hair and I saw a tear fall from his eye. “I just don’t know how to fucking fix it. I’ve tried so hard to make up for the shit I did as a kid, the people I let down, but it haunts me. I pray to be a good man and someone that people can count on. I just don’t know what else to fucking do.” He hung his head and I saw his shoulders shake silently.
I slid to the edge of the sofa and pulled his head into my chest. “Whatever you go through, Cailen you’ll do it with me, I promise.”
He raised his head and stared into my eyes. “Oh God. Do you mean that, Emberly? You won’t leave me?”
I shook my head violently. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you and I will be right by your side through anything because I know you would do the same for me.”
He grabbed my face and pulled my lips to his and kissed me desperately. “I knew I loved you helplessly but now I know I love you completely.”
I rested my forehead to his and stared at our linked hands. He was a good man with a haunted past. We all have one it’s just that some are worse than others. But I was certain Cailen Carmichael was my forever so anything he faced I would be there holding his hand and being his crutch.
“I know I haven’t said I-do yet but I mean it when I say forever, Cailen. It’s you and me.”
A beautiful smile stretched across his face. “You are the most amazing human being and to think I’ve earned your love makes me the happiest, luckiest and most humble man on this fucking planet.”
“Tell me. What did he want today? What was he saying when he was looking at me?”
His back went rigid and his face crumpled into a death stare. “He wanted money but then he saw you and that changed everything.”
I sucked in a breath. “What do you mean changed everything?”
His chest heaved as he hissed, “He wants you.”
My eyes widened. “Why the fuck would he want me Cailen?”
“Mainly because you are painfully beautiful but when he found out what you are to me that solidified his decision.”
“I don’t understand.” I stuttered.
“I’ll never let anything happen to you, Emberly. Never.”
My brows pinched together. “I know that, Cailen. But why? What does he want?”
“I’m not sure but I’m sure as fuck going to find out. That’s a promise.” He vowed.
My mind was racing. There were so many tormenting thoughts going through my head I couldn’t think straight. But one rammed to the front of my head.
“What about the ceremony?”
His brows rose high on his forehead. “Would you still marry me?” He asked shakily.
“Of course I’m going to marry you, Cailen. I just don’t know if we are in the right frame of mind and it might not be appropriate under the circumstances.”
He stroked the back of my hand. “I’ll do whatever you feel is best, love. But if you would marry me today I promise to make it worth it. I’ll make you happy and I swear I’ll take care of this.”
I thought for several minutes. “How much money would it take to make him disappear from our lives forever?”
He stared at me stunned then narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know but I don’t think I have that kind of money and I wouldn’t give it to him if I did.”
“Why not? If it would make him disappear it would be a small price to pay.” I said irritated.
“People like Graham never just walk away, Emberly. It would just bide time until he surfaced again.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe he would leave forever.” I leaned closer. “Look, I have an obscene amount of money Victoria placed in an account for me when I was eighteen just after my mother passed. I’ve never touched it and never will. It would be appropriate, I believe, to use it for just this purpose. I won’t touch that filthy money.”
He made a face. “I am not taking your fucking money. I would rather take a bullet to my head.” He said completely disgusted at the idea.
“Cailen be smart. Anything I have is yours and if this allows us to move forward and start our lives then for Christ’s sake let’s do it.” I begged.
He stood from the chair. “I just can’t talk about this right now. I can’t tell you how fucking low and worthless I feel right now.”
He began walking toward the door but I grabb
ed his arm. “Do you love me, Cailen?”
He scoffed. “Of course I love you! I love you more than I have loved anything in my life, myself included.”
I trailed my finger across his cheek. “Then trust me.”
He hissed through his teeth. “I trust you with everything, Emberly. It’s me I don’t trust!”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I don’t fucking deserve you and I’m not taking your charity.” His tone was bitter and made me flinch.
He immediately gripped my face. “God, I’m sorry, Emberly. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I know you love me and you only want to help. I just have a problem with lashing out at the people I care about sometimes. You are everything to me and I am scared every second that you are going to realize you’re slumming it with me and leave.”
“You are amazing, Cailen Carmichael and I will be honored to be your wife. Do you hear me? And if you don’t stop pushing me away then I’m going to use some of my Bikram moves and take you the fuck down.”
He laughed unexpectedly and looked into my eyes. “You’re amazing.”
“That’s what they fucking tell me.”
“Marry me?”
“That’s the fucking plan.”
He smiled but the tension in his eyes was miserable.
“What time is it?” I asked.
His eyes widened and he shook his head then looked at his watch. “11:45.”
“Walk me up to the house. I’m going to be late.”
A shocked smile spread across his face. “Are you really going to still marry me?”
I nodded irritated. “YES! Now will you please get your ass in gear?”
He blinked several times then yanked my arm pulling me out of the cabin and onto the dock. We ran down the planks and that’s when I saw people scurrying everywhere. Servers were lined up setting the tables. Several people were drilling at the end of the dock mounting an arched trellis.
My mouth dropped when I saw the huge white tent erected by the garden. There were at least a hundred people running doing various jobs. The scene was transformed into a beautiful reception. Long strands of lights were braided between the trees and hovering over the tables. Flowers were bunched all over the yard. I tried to count the tables. There had to be over a hundred and they were elegantly draped in pale gray linen clothes bunched at the bottom with bouquets of lavender roses.
It was amazing.
I pulled him to a stop. “You… you did all this for me?” My voice broke unable to finish.
“Everything is for you, Gemma. Everything. I want you to be happy and this was the least that I could do.”
I just shook my head in awe. “I love you.” The tears were pouring down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry, beautiful. This is your day. I want it to be perfect.”
I nodded because I couldn’t speak and he placed a kiss to my lips them pulled me toward the house.
We walked through the door and everyone was sitting at the bar staring at their drinks. You could have heard a pin drop and you could have cut the tension with a knife.
Everyone turned in our direction and stared with shocked faces.
I cleared my throat.
“What in the fuck are you waiting for? Everyone better be dressed and ready in thirty minutes or you will see a side of me that that would put an Anglo Saxon to shame.” I stared at each face. “Do you understand?”
Everyone stared for a second then nodded vigorously and sprinted from their chairs in different directions.
Cailen pulled my hand. “Do you need any help, love? Can I do anything for you?”
“Just go get ready, Cailen. Ok?” I smiled.
He stared for a moment then offered, “Thank you.”
I smacked him on the ass. “GO!”
He smiled and disappeared into the living room.
I turned for the door and met a scathing Lila. “What the fuck is going on, Em?” She hissed.
I shook my head. “Not a good time, Lil. Let’s just get ready, ok?”
She stepped toward me. “No. You are going to tell me what that shit was earlier and what you are getting yourself into. Why are you still marrying him today, Em? Fuck. This is YOU!” She screamed.
I calmly walked over and placed my hands on her shoulder. “This is more me than I have ever been before and it is thanks to Cailen. He makes me happy and he is what I want, that is why I am marrying him. Now, I am going to go get my dress on and get ready for the biggest day of my life. I would love for you to share it with me but I understand if you decide not to. You will always be my dearest friend and I love you with all my heart.”
That was more than we had ever said to each other. We have an unspoken bond and never step outside that boundary of feelings sharing.
She stared holes through my eyes shocked and indecisive. Finally she nodded and I rushed from the room headed to the bedroom.
My dress was hanging by the closet door. I smiled then twisted my hair into a bun and adjusted the shower. It was the quickest shower in history. I was buffed lathered and dried in ten minutes.
I started with my lotion and coated my body in a luminous shimmer. I spread out my makeup and dusted my eyes in charcoal and silver creating a dramatic smoky eye. I finished with petal pink blush and pale brown gloss.
I placed a few braids in my light auburn hair and wove it around then tucked it into a twist at the nape of my neck.
I took several deep breaths because it was time to put on my dress. I unzipped the bag and dropped it to the floor. My breathing hitched at the sight of this exquisite gown. The light streaming through the frosted windows cascaded off the pearls and created luminous shadows on the floor.
I pulled on my five hundred dollar lace bra and matching panties then slid the dress up my frame. Just as I was panicking about the buttons Lila strode into the room with a scowl.
“Here, let me get that.” She shot me a death glare. “Bitch.”
I snorted into my hand and she continued lacing each button.
Finally it was done and I straightened myself and looked at her for approval.
She took a minute to scan me then smiled wide. “Fuck you’re hot.”
That was the best I would ever get from her and it made me shine. I turned to the mirror and my breath caught when I took in the sight.
I looked like a happy woman. My eyes were dancing and my cheeks were lifted. The dress hugged every curve and I grinned like hell when I realized you could totally see my nipple rings. Cailen was going to have a hard on the entire time.
I laughed out loud.
I looked at the clock on the table—1:53.
I took several breaths. “We’re up.”
She nodded and hooked her arm around mine guiding me out of the room. We were almost to the door leading out to the dock when she pulled me to a stop.
“Ok. I’ll never fucking admit to this. Do you hear me?”
I nodded.
She looked me dead in the eye. “I love you, Em and I only want you to be happy. You have a heart of gold and you deserve someone who will appreciate that. I pray to God that Cailen is it. But regardless I am always here for you.”
I smiled willing the tears to stay at bay. She gave me a curt nod then pulled me toward the door. She stood at the entrance for several minutes until a woman with an ear- piece motioned her forward.
A few minutes later that same woman walked through the door and took my hand. “Hi Emberly. Are you ready?”
“Fuck yes.” I sighed.
She laughed and spoke quickly into her lapel mic. Moments later I heard the music switch and she ushered me out the door.
When I began my decent to the dock I looked over at the seats lined in rows by the water. My mouth dropped when I took in the amount. There were at least a hundred and fifty people crowded in rows all watching me stumble over the coble rocks.
I felt the flush over my chest and the heat in my face as I continued my trek acros
s the massive lawn.
That’s when I started cursing Cailen for the idea of having me walk this enormous path.
Finally after they had to play the fucking song over twice I reached the dock. When I saw him standing at the end with a beautiful smile and a tailored tux I didn’t even take in the velvet black carpet or the thousands of orchids lining the path. It was just his eyes that I saw and it was my mission to make my way to his side.
Pretty Bitches Page 18