by Ava Miles
Jordan kept up a steady stream of presents, nothing too lavish to get her back up. One day a gift package arrived that included saltines and gourmet chicken broth. Even though she was in her second trimester and felt wonderful now, the gesture both touched her and made her laugh. He sent a basket of prenatal vitamins and a body support pillow wrapped up in a bright green bow. Only one of the presents had made her close to tears—a little yellow baby jumpsuit decorated with cartoon-like butterflies and worms.
As for the house, she didn’t go there again. She told him she wouldn’t move in until right before the baby was born. It was unconscionable to think of walking the halls all alone with nothing to take her mind off her lost dreams. Once the baby came, she’d be too busy to cry over spilled milk.
When Jordan visited her at the restaurant to check up on her, he chatted about inconsequentials—like how she managed to make her Italian meringue so tall or whether it bothered her to roast “Bugs Bunny” in a balsamic prune sauce.
Maybe it was his attentiveness, but she found herself wanting to take a bite out of him whenever he walked into a room. Grace had never been fully comfortable with the power of her attraction to him, especially as he had grown more famous, surrounded by women who made a living on their looks. Somehow it was even weirder now that she was pregnant.
If Jordan noticed the covert glances or flushed cheeks, he never said a word. Besides, sometimes she caught him staring at her breasts. Truthfully, she couldn’t blame him. She’d grown two cup sizes. Even the guys at the restaurant had noticed. It was embarrassing. Her body was more foreign than it had ever been.
He asked to be involved in the plans for the baby’s room, and she agreed that they’d go shopping together—on the stipulation that they each would pay for half. It felt like the victory it was when he agreed.
Grace told herself it was no different than him meeting her at the restaurant, but somehow it was. After insisting on meeting him at the store—it had been too weird to have him pick her up—she realized why. There would be people at the showroom, and they would be together. She almost backed out.
He was waiting for her in his car when she arrived in the parking lot. He immediately exited his Maserati and walked toward her with that powerful, sexy stride. It was difficult to ignore how flat-out gorgeous he looked in designer jeans and a navy button-down shirt. His Super Bowl ring winked on his hand as he waved at her.
“Why did you suggest this when you knew we’d have to deal with fans?” she asked when he reached her. “I must have pregnancy brain because I didn’t even think about it until today.”
The corners of his mouth turned up. “Pregnancy brain? I’ve read about that. I called the manager of the showroom and asked for a private showing. I took care of it, Grace.”
Of course he had. She glanced at the showroom’s door and noticed the Closed sign hanging there. “It’s probably not good for your image to be seen shopping with your baby mama.” The media’s nickname for her was more salt on her wounds, especially since a few of them had said she still looked dumpy. With her growing tummy, it was sometimes how she felt.
“You’re not my baby mama,” he said with a growl. “Dammit, don’t let them get to you like that. If I could stop them from talking about you altogether, I would. You know that.”
“Jordan, please don’t swear,” she told him gently, getting that anxious feeling she always experienced when someone swore out of anger. All these years later, the scars from her old boss’s verbal abuse lingered.
“Sorry,” he said, taking a breath. “It upsets me.”
“Me too. Tony showed me the statement you gave about me and the baby a few weeks ago,” she said. “I never thanked you for it because…it was—”
“Awkward,” he finished for her. “I know. But people needed to know the breakup was my fault.”
“But it wasn’t,” she said. “It just…was.”
“I wanted to deflect any negative comments from you, so I said it was. I also needed people to know that this was an unexpected surprise, but we’re dealing with it as friends.”
He’d also said in the statement how happy he was about the baby. That had touched her more than anything, particularly since she’d seen the truth of it in his behavior.
“Come on,” he said, putting his hand to the small of her back. “I’ve never shopped for baby stuff before. It’s going to be fun.”
He threw on his favorite sunglasses, and the sunlight glinted on the lenses, making his star power amp up a few watts.
“How’s our little one doing?” he asked, studying the baby bump she now had. “I hope you can see how great you look. You’re finally… I’m about ready to be cliché. You’re glowing, Grace.”
She didn’t see it that way when she looked in the mirror, and the media certainly didn’t agree. “I feel pretty good. I have a doctor’s appointment this week, but everything should be on target.”
“Oh. Good.” The smile faded from his face. “Shall we go shopping?”
She could sense the change in his energy. “I’m still not comfortable having you come with me to the doctor’s. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said, rubbing her back quickly before dropping his arm. “I want you to be comfortable.”
He meant it, she knew, even if he wished it were otherwise.
They took off toward the store’s entrance. After rapping on the door, the manager opened it with flourish. “Mr. Dean! Ms. Kincaid. Welcome to Baby Land. Please, come in.”
The fifty-ish man was overdoing it, but then again, most people behaved that way in Jordan’s presence.
“I’m Charles,” he said in that same exuberant voice, “and I’ll be giving you my exclusive attention today. Thank you for sending over those signed jerseys, Mr. Dean. Everyone who works here was over the moon about them.”
“You’re most welcome, Charles,” Jordan said, flashing a winning smile. “I appreciate you opening the store just for us. If you don’t mind, we’d like to wander around for a while and see what’s available. I’ll holler at you if we have any questions.”
Phew, Grace thought. She had hoped Charles wasn’t going to hover.
“Of course, of course,” the man said, immediately backing away. “Anything you want, Mr. Dean.”
As soon as they were out of earshot, Grace cast Jordan a look. “Usually you correct people when they call you Mr. Dean.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m learning some people overstep by a mile if I get too casual with them. Since the Super Bowl, it’s been…never mind. We’re not talking about me. We’re here to buy baby things. So, where do you want to start? Cribs? Lamps? Car seats?”
In all their interactions, he never did talk about himself, but she’d seen glimpses, of course, being that the media covered his activities like eager vultures, everything from what party he’d attended to what designer clothes he’d worn to an event—and who he’d been seen with. There weren’t as many women, according to Adriana when they talked at the restaurant, but they still flocked around him like moths to a lamp. She’d tried not to think about it since she no longer had the right.
“You always say, ‘Go big or go home,’” she said. “Let’s start with cribs.”
“Please tell me you’re thinking about a white one,” he said, walking the showroom with her.
They passed everything from strollers to high chairs until they found the displays of cribs. Just looking at the soft baby blankets and stuffed animals was enough to put tears in her eyes. Pretty soon, she was going to hold this little miracle inside her and lay him or her to sleep every night. She still couldn’t believe it—even though the baby was kicking more now. Usually about the time when Grace wanted to go to sleep.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you having another baby moment? Tell me about it so I can join you.”
It was his catch phrase for those moments when she would spontaneously tear up. Part of her wanted to be annoyed by it, but she kind of thought it was cute.
“I was j
ust thinking about the baby and how I can’t wait to hold him or her. The baby’s moving more, and I’m getting excited.”
As if the baby had heard her, Grace felt it uncurl inside her. She cupped her belly and smiled down at the mound. Hello, little one. Yes, we’re out buying things for your room. It’s going to be so beautiful. I promise. A few weeks ago, she’d started talking to the baby, and the love and peace she felt in those moments made everything she was going through worth it.
When she glanced back at Jordan, she noticed he was staring at her stomach.
“I’ve never asked, but…what does it feel like?” he asked her quietly. “When the baby moves… It did just now, right? You always get this awed look on your face. Sometimes…I feel a little cheated. It’s…not as real to me yet as it is to you…and I want it to be.”
When Jordan decided to be vulnerable, he didn’t go for half measures. Her hand shook a little as she took his hand and laid it against her baby bump.
“Holy crap! It is moving.” His blue eyes flew to her face. “I feel it. Oh, my God. Wow! Just wow.”
His fingers curved around the mound, and before she knew it, she was moving his hand a couple of inches over. “I usually feel the baby more here.”
There was another kick, and Jordan’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit! I mean, sorry. It’s just…that’s so crazy. I mean…I can finally feel him…or her. That’s our baby, Grace.”
When their eyes met again, her heart felt bruised. Yeah, this was their baby—the one they’d made together, not knowing they would soon choose to be apart.
His touch made heat break out all over her body, and suddenly she was desperate to wrap her arms around him. To listen to the steady beat of his heart with her belly resting against his middle, feeling the baby move as he held her.
Awareness of him flashed through her. God, it had been so long since he’d touched her, and she missed it. Missed him and how good things used to be between them. And darn it all if she didn’t miss sex. Lots and lots of sex.
She made herself step back, and his hand had no choice but to fall back to his side. A sheen of wetness entered Jordan’s eyes as he stared back at her.
“I know this is hard,” he said, “being together like this, but…thank you for sharing that with me, Grace. I’ll never…forget it.”
He headed toward one of the cribs, giving them both a moment. She watched him run his hand almost reverently across the top of the crib.
When she joined him, he released a deep breath and gave her a quick smile.
“This is one of the top models,” he said, clearing his throat. “I did some research.”
He seemed almost sheepish about it. “Research, huh?” she prodded.
“Well…yeah,” he said, ducking his head. “Baby shopping isn’t only about buying for looks and fit—like clothes. We need to keep things like safety in mind.”
Every time she thought she had him figured out, he managed to surprise her. “You’re going to be a great father, Jordan. You’re already being responsible.”
“You sound surprised,” he said, picking up the teddy bear in the crib. “I can change, Grace. This baby… It’s changing everything.”
And the baby hadn’t even been born yet. How much more would Jordan change? Moreover, how was she supposed to handle him growing into the family man she’d always hoped him to be? She didn’t think he would revert back to his old ways of putting football above family, like he had with her, but she still feared it.
“I like this crib,” she said, running her hand over the railing. “It has safe corner posts and the slats are no more than two and three-quarter inches apart, if my eye is right. Plus, it has nice lines and an adjustable mattress height.”
His eyebrow rose as he held the bear against his massive chest.
“You’re not the only one who’s been doing research,” she told him.
“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you, Grace,” he said. “But this time, I’m not going to let you down.”
It was like he’d read her mind. She looked back at him sharply, not knowing what to say.
Chapter 7
Jordan saw the shocked look on her face and knew his comment had struck home. How many times would he have to show her he was stepping up? For a moment there, he’d thought she was remembering how it used to be with them. He’d found himself growing aroused by the mere touch of his hand to her belly. He felt a little guilty about desiring her as he felt their baby move for the first time, but he couldn’t seem to compartmentalize his emotions.
She looked so achingly beautiful right now, and though he had to battle with himself constantly, it was hard to ignore the changes in her body. Her curves were becoming lusher…and her breasts. He’d always thought they were spectacular, but they were bigger than ever. And he wanted to touch them. He wanted to touch her. Not just to feel their baby move—which was still blowing his mind—but to connect with her on that deep level he’d always felt with her.
If he had to settle for just one thing, it would be to see her smile at him again. She did it so rarely now. Her once easy smiles had become less and less frequent in the last months of their relationship, and it had killed him to believe he was the cause.
“I didn’t expect you to let me down, Jordan,” she said softly.
He gazed at her steadily, knowing she wasn’t telling the full truth. “You didn’t expect me to step up. That’s different. I might have let you down in the past, but I promise you that I won’t let the baby down.”
Her beautiful eyes grew troubled. “Jordan.”
“Grace, I won’t let you down going forward either. I promise.”
She started to have a baby moment, and he clenched his hands by his side. When she got weepy like this, he had to fight a million battles inside himself to keep from reaching for her.
But then she stepped forward and put her arms around him, shocking the hell out of him. He hadn’t held her like this since the night of the breakup, and his heart swelled in his chest. God, he loved her. Still. So much.
He cautiously slid his hands around her back, and when he felt her nestle her head against his chest, he tucked her close. Except it wasn’t as close as they used to get. Not with the baby cushioned between them.
The changes in her body filled his awareness. Her stomach was a lot harder than he’d expected it to be…but her breasts were still soft and the new size of them pretty much blew his mind.
His hand rose to cup the back of her neck, bared by her current hairstyle. She shivered and lifted her head, and in those luminous green eyes he’d always loved, he saw the desire there—and the love she tried so hard to hide from him.
“Why aren’t we together?” he asked in a whisper. “It’s not over between us, and we’ve been circling around it for months. Grace, I still love you, and I want us to be a family. Feeling the baby move just now…I’ll do anything to make that happen. Tell me what you need from me, and I’ll do it. Anything.”
She pressed her head back to his chest, but she didn’t leave his arms. Her muscles tensed up like she was fighting sobs, and he rubbed her back.
“Maybe we should talk about it,” she said when she looked up at him. “I…still love you too, but I keep thinking—”
“Don’t think,” he said, desperate to reach her. “That’s what got us into trouble. Love should be enough. We should agree it’s going to be enough. That the other stuff doesn’t matter.”
She looked away. “The other stuff makes it hard. And Charles is watching us discreetly from the high chair section.”
“Dammit!” he said with heat as Grace moved away from him.
“Jordan.”
“Sorry,” he said, but seriously, he was about ready to march off and tell Charles to take a hike. He’d seen the man checking on them from a distance.
She put space between them, walking through the rows of cribs, and he gave her the time. They could talk about the future after they left. He would ask her to come over o
r offer to follow her home. Then they could find a way to move forward—together.
When Grace rejoined him a few moments later, he felt a million times lighter, and the smile she gave him was somehow both wary and warm. Yeah, she was thinking about it.
They agreed on a crib, and Jordan suggested he take photos of their final selections so they wouldn’t have to find Charles every time they came to a decision. He wasn’t so sure he could maintain his civility with the guy. Grace’s relieved sigh made him laugh as they continued on to the next aisle.
Other than the two car seats—one for her car and one for his—they selected a single high chair, a stroller, and a bassinet. Jordan let Grace choose her favorite lamp, joking that he didn’t have enough parental experience to know whether a lamp with a giraffe or a lion was better for childhood development. And he might have punctuated the comment with a flirtatious wink that made her smile.
Their final selection was a white baby dresser with star-shaped hardware. Grace was smiling non-stop by the time they made their way to the front, and Jordan’s whole chest was filled with warmth. Sharing this experience had shifted things between them—more than he could have hoped for.
The store manager tried to chat Jordan up about next season while ringing up their purchases, but he kept his answers curt. Jordan pulled out his credit card at the end and gave Grace a pointed look. He could just imagine the media getting hold of that gem. Jordan Dean splitting baby costs with his baby mama? It was a headline they didn’t need.
She stared back at him mulishly, and he leaned in so only she could hear and said, “Later.” And he couldn’t keep the heat out of his tone because he wasn’t only talking about settling up after they left. Her blush told him she wasn’t either.
After saying goodbye to Charles, they headed to the front door of the store. Jordan caught sight of a reporter standing next to a familiar white van in the parking lot. He swore silently. Farley Cooper was out there, which meant other tabloid journalists were undoubtedly with him. Either they had tailed Jordan without making it obvious or they’d received a tip from someone in the store. If it was Charles, the man was going to get a piece of his mind. Jordan put a hand to Grace’s back.