by Ava Miles
“Come on, Gracie,” her mom said. “I know she’s just out of the chute, but you can leave her to sleep for a few hours. Trust me, in a couple of months, you’ll wish she still slept this much. Plus, you need to eat and go for a walk to regain your strength.”
Her mom was right. “Okay.”
Jordan hesitated too, and her mom crossed her arms.
“You too, Daddy.”
His mouth turned into a frown, but he lifted Ella from the carrier and put her in the bassinet in Grace’s room. After they set up the baby monitor, Grace’s mother crooked her finger at them. They left Ella sleeping—sometimes there was no saying no to Meg Kincaid—but shuffled their feet the whole way out of the room.
Back in the den, Jordan explained that the baby monitors worked long-distance. They’d work in his house too, which would make it easier for him to come over and help if Ella was crying.
Grace wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Couldn’t she just text him? But he seemed so happy, she didn’t say anything. They could talk about it another time.
Grace’s energy was flagging, and her incision was itching some, so she agreed to sit at the table while her mom and Jordan put together sandwiches like old times. They ate together, and Grace tried to hold off feeling weird about Jordan eating lunch with her and her mom. He’d been around the hospital all the time, but somehow it felt different here.
When Ella started fussing over the monitor, Jordan immediately jumped up.
“I’ll get her,” he said, and she watched him race off.
“He’s going to be a good father,” her mom told her, handing her a peeled orange. “I know it’s a bit awkward, but give it time.”
She ate her orange because she didn’t know how to respond. They all had a lot of things to get used to, and today seemed to be a big transition marker.
When Jordan brought Ella back freshly changed, he was beaming, cuddling her close to his chest. The love emanating from him was palpable, and she had to admit she’d never seen him this tender before. She’d seen him around kids, sure, but this was a whole new level of softness. And it looked good on him.
She had to steer herself to remember the past and all that stood between them. It would be easy to slip—like she had while baby shopping.
She realized Ella needed to nurse, and it wasn’t like she could ask Jordan to go into the other room like she had in the hospital. Bucking up, Grace situated herself on the couch and reached for a crocheted blanket to pull over her shoulder.
“Okay, I’m ready for her,” she told him.
Jordan brought Ella over and handed her over carefully, a frown on his face. Fumbling with her nursing bra, she waited for Ella to latch, trying not to be embarrassed.
Jordan stood over her for a minute while she fussed with Ella’s little yellow socks peeking out of the blanket. “Are you always going to be this weird about nursing in front of me?” he finally asked. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Grace.”
She looked up. “I’m not completely comfortable with you around.”
“I’ll go get your bags,” he said and walked out.
Her mom started to clean up their lunch, oddly silent.
“Mom, please don’t say anything,” she whispered.
When Jordan returned with their luggage, there was a line between his brows. “I know you’re uncomfortable, Grace. This arrangement will be an adjustment for both of us. All I’m saying is that we both want Ella to be happy. I’m willing to do anything to make that happen. That’s…all.”
He left before she could respond. When he came back downstairs, his movements were stiff. Guilt clawed into her, and she wanted to make things peaceful again between them.
“You can burp her if you’d like,” she told him.
He approached hesitantly, not meeting her eyes, and took Ella from her. “Thanks.”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes too, Jordan,” she said softly. “Being here is proof of that.”
There was a long pause before he nodded, and she wondered if he was thinking about her dream house in South Dakota too. She forced herself to stop thinking about it as he set himself to burping their daughter. When he finished, he handed her back to Grace.
“I’m going to see if everything is still good at the security gate and next door. I’ll be back in a while. Text me if you need something.”
Grace knew a retreat when she saw one and felt guilty that she was looking forward to having some time to acclimate.
“Perhaps you can give me a tour next door when Ella goes down for a nap again,” her mom said. “I’d like to see your house.”
A smile flickered on his face. “I’d be happy to, Mrs. K.”
Her mom gave him an encouraging wink. “We’ll see you later, Jordan.”
“Of course.” He approached Grace awkwardly. “I’d like to give Ella a kiss goodbye…if that’s okay. I know she’s too little to remember it, but my mom always did that with me when I was a kid, and it…I remember liking it.”
Grace had to firm her lip to stop the sudden trembling. “It’s a nice gesture.”
He leaned over and kissed Ella softly on the head. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”
Grace caught his scent. Felt his warmth. And made herself stare straight ahead until he’d left the room.
Then she closed her eyes and cuddled Ella closer, telling herself the two of them were enough on their own.
Chapter 13
The short distance to the yellow gate dividing their properties was the hardest yardage Jordan had ever needed to cross. The architectural perfection awaiting him at his house didn’t offer any comfort. He couldn’t stop thinking about the life they might have had if he’d given up on football and they’d moved to Deadwood and gotten married like Grace had wanted.
But regrets were useless. He had to make the best of what was. They both did. At least his daughter was a stone’s throw away. But opening and closing that gate only made the division between him and Grace feel more pronounced.
He shook his head, trying to banish the dark feelings and focus on Ella. She was the most amazing gift he’d ever received—and she was his. For the rest of his life, she would be his daughter, and he would be her dad. He still couldn’t get over how much that thought had transformed his life and all the visions of his future. She would be in the stands cheering him on before he retired from the NFL. And they would spend holidays together and go on vacation together.
He wouldn’t be alone anymore. Like he had felt when his dad had left. Like he had felt when his mom had died suddenly of a heart attack at fifty-five. Like he had felt when he and Grace had broken up.
And his daughter would never feel alone either.
Thankfully, he had an ally. Meg did her God’s honest best to orchestrate the next steps for them all in the days after their return from the hospital.
Like some kind of family magician, she managed to weave him into the family fold with ease, calling him over for breakfast when Ella awoke or when he got home from practice after her nap.
His daughter seemed to sleep all the time, which frustrated him. He knew she wasn’t going to be able to play with him for a while, but he’d hoped for more interaction. Still, her mere presence was enough to move him—he loved to watch her sleep, her little chest rising with her breathing, even if it felt like a weird thing to do. Grace seemed to feel the same way, and sometimes they simply sat together on the couch as she slept in her carrier, conversation unnecessary.
He wanted to pull his weight, and he discovered he was a champion burper. Meg taught him how to place Ella high on his shoulder and pat her with just the right rhythm and pressure. It still baffled him that Ella weighed less than his shoulder pads, but since she was growing like a weed, he wasn’t worried.
At first, he’d come over all decked out in his brand-new Italian threads, wanting to look attractive to Grace, but that had come to a quick end. Ella had spit up all over his designer silk-blend shirt. He’d felt the warm
liquid run down his back and uttered a heartfelt, “Shit.” Grace had called him on his cussing and hastily taken Ella from him, but Meg had barked out a laugh and handed him a burp rag. Before Grace had turned around, he’d seen the grin on her face and heard her whisper, “Good one, sweetheart.”
Meg taught them both how to bathe Ella in the sink on what Jordan referred to as the “baby sponge.” She felt like a greased pig when wet, which terrified him. But he came to love the way she smelled after a bath, so he held her firmly as he washed her while she fussed and grunted in the water.
He grew distracted at practice and earned a good chewing out from the Rebels’ offensive coordinator. The guys had given him some slack over being a new dad, but they had their first pre-season game coming up in early August. He needed to get focused, but fretted over the thought of leaving Ella for road games. She was so little and growing so fast. He was worried he was going to miss something.
Already she’d become his whole world.
While he dreaded leaving, he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Grace’s father and brothers. Jordan suspected Meg had arranged their visit to coincide with Jordan’s departure for his first game in Seattle. They would only overlap for one day. It was likely all they could handle. Meg planned to leave a week after they did, and Jordan would be sorry to see her go. She’d been a Godsend.
Meg was oddly restless when the Kincaid men arrived. Jordan was burping Ella, and it was impossible not to feel the shift in the air. He immediately handed Grace the baby and stepped back. Part of him wanted to head for the hills, but he stood his ground.
The Kincaid men bore a remarkable resemblance to one another—they all had heavy stubble on their strong jaws, tough-guy dents in their chins, lanky frames, and strong shoulders. John and Mike ran together in the mornings with their father three times a week, Jordan knew, since he’d run with them whenever he’d gone back to Deadwood with Grace. While Patrick’s hair had gone salt and pepper, his sons’ hair was still dark-coffee brown.
Patrick was filled with warmth as he greeted his wife and Grace, and he delighted over Ella. All that warmth slid away as he looked across the room at Jordan.
“Patrick,” he said, crossing to shake his hand.
“Jordan,” the man replied crisply.
There was no mistaking the disappointment radiating from the man he’d admired, and it cut him deep. Jordan hadn’t known if Patrick was going to comment on the house—especially since he’d built the original one in Deadwood—but when Patrick looked away, Jordan knew the topic would remain closed.
It was probably for the best.
Jordan turned to Mike and John, who had finished embracing Meg and Grace as well. Instead of hugging them, like he would have done before the breakup, before Ella, he shook hands with them too.
Patrick took Ella from Grace’s arms and cradled her to his shoulder like an old pro. The family chatted like a unit, acting as if Jordan weren’t in the room. Mike had two little boys who were too rowdy for plane travel, so he’d come without his wife, Bev, but she’d sent a lovely baby blanket knitted in yellow and sage. John’s wife hadn’t been able to make it either, which meant there was no one around to cut the tension.
He had never felt more outside the circle, and it didn’t help that the Kincaid men stood across from Jordan like an opposing team. Patrick planted his feet, rocking on his heels. His sons seemed to mimic the stance.
Jordan saw the nervous glances Meg and Grace were trading and decided that he had stayed long enough. He walked across the room to John, who was now holding Ella. Everyone froze at his movement, as if he were some stranger who’d wandered into the room, which only added to the tension already knotting his shoulders.
“I’m going to take off,” he said, running his hand over Ella’s silky head, careful of the soft spot.
He gazed at his daughter before meeting John’s hard stare.
“Have fun,” he said, forcing a smile.
As he walked out, he felt everyone’s eyes on him. When he was halfway across the drive, he let out the breath he’d been holding. He felt like a lineman had knocked the wind out of him. He couldn’t stay in his new house tonight. Not with the whole Kincaid family this close. He’d stay in town and pop back to see Ella before he left for Seattle.
“Jordan!” he heard Meg call from behind him as he reached that frickin’ yellow gate, the one he saw as both his curse and his saving grace.
Turning around, he steeled himself. “Yeah?”
She crossed the distance to him with narrowed eyes. “Give it time. With the men. It was hard with me too in the beginning. Especially seeing this house. Remember? It will get easier.”
Would it? Meg had a more open heart than her husband and sons—always had. “Okay,” he said, not wanting to debate the matter. “I’m going to stay downtown tonight, but I’ll text you when I’m on my way back to see Ella before I leave.”
She frowned. “You don’t have to stay away.”
“Yes, I do,” he said, kicking at the ground. “It will give us all some space.”
“Fine,” she answered briskly. “But text Grace. I’m leaving pretty soon, and you two will need to get used to talking without me in the middle.”
He watched her walk swiftly back to the house and felt darkness sweep over him. The sound of deep baritone laughter from inside the house made him hang his head.
Besides his Once Upon a Dare brothers, one of the most precious relationships Jordan had ever had was with the Kincaid men.
It grieved him to realize Ella wasn’t going to bring it back.
Chapter 14
Grace found herself a little teary-eyed the day of her mother’s departure. Jordan had asked if Meg could leave on a Tuesday so he could pop back from the stadium to say goodbye. Technically Tuesday was his only day off during the season, but like most hardcore football players, he worked some that day too.
She watched her mom bathe Ella on the final morning and talk to her in that sing-song voice reserved for babies. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” she said as her mom transferred Ella from the water to her bath wrap decorated with giraffes.
Her mom gently dried Ella off as the baby stretched and let out a little cry from the change in temperature. “You’re going to be fine, Grace. It’s been nice spending all this time together, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it has,” she said in a small voice. Gratitude didn’t begin to cover it.
“A mother doesn’t often get to spend this much time with a daughter once she leaves home,” her mom continued, wrapping Ella in the cloth and picking her up. “I’ll always be grateful for it.”
She hugged her mom’s waist, mindful of the baby. “Me too.”
“It’s time to make your family your own, Gracie,” her mom said, carrying Ella back to the changing table in the nursery. “From where I’m standing, you and Jordan seem to be doing pretty well so far.”
Grace couldn’t deny it was true. She was able to go for more days now without remembering that this house was a replica of another she’d loved, and that was a victory. And Jordan… Well, even though he was traveling for pre-season games and working like a mad man, he still checked in whenever he could. The video messages he sent for her to show Ella pretty much melted her heart. Jordan had also asked her to take videos of anything special Ella did and send pictures of her, of course. Her mom had commented on how adorable it was that Jordan went so gaga over his daughter, and Grace couldn’t agree more.
“Every time I think we have a schedule, it changes,” Grace said, grabbing a diaper and handing it to her mom. “And it’s going to change again when I go back to work in two weeks.” She’d decided an eight-week maternity leave was reasonable, especially after all the time she’d taken off for bed rest. Thankfully, she and Jordan had already hired a woman to look after Ella. The nanny they’d chosen was a young woman from a big family in St. Paul, Minnesota. Amy had attended Emory University and majored in childcare. Jordan had asked to
handle the details of her employment, and because her mother had advised her to pick her battles, Grace had allowed it.
“When you have a baby, things constantly change,” her mom said, finishing off the diaper and then dressing Ella. “Get used to it.”
Grace grabbed the damp bath wrap to take into the bathroom. “I love being a mom,” she said. “But I’m still a little scared when I don’t know what to do.”
Her mom put Ella to her chest, rocking her. “Join the club. Do you think I know how best to help you and Jordan? All I can do is do my best. Remember that with this little one here. As a mother, there will always be moments when you don’t know what to do.”
The bath wrap fell to the floor. “I didn’t know you felt that way. You’re like super mom.”
Her mom made a raspberry with her mouth, startling Ella. “Sorry, sweetie. Your mommy was being silly. There’s never going to be some light-bulb moment where you figure it all out. If anyone tells you that…I’d call horse puckey.”
Grace’s mouth twitched. “Horse puckey, huh?”
“Exactly,” she said, cuddling Ella close. “Oh, I’m going to miss you. Both of you.”
“We might have to send you the pictures and videos we send to Jordan,” Grace said, feeling bereft already.
“I’d love that,” her mom said, smoothing the little brown hairs on Ella’s head. “Why don’t you shower and get dressed while I’m still here? That way I can spend a little more time saying goodbye to my granddaughter.”
Grace fingered her ratty white robe. Laundry hadn’t been a priority lately. “Good idea.” She stooped to pick up the damp wrap before leaving.
Out in the hallway, she paused by the door to listen to the song her mom had started singing. “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” had been her favorite lullaby growing up, and she planned to continue the tradition. When her mom finished, she started to head to her suite.
“Listen up, young lady,” her mom said, and because Grace thought for her a moment that her mother was talking to her, she paused. “Your mommy and daddy are going to need you to remind them why all this back and forth between the two houses is necessary. I know you’re going to be up to the task. You have the best mommy and daddy any little girl could ever ask for. I hope you can help heal the hurts between them. Who knows what might happen then? Maybe your daddy will grow up a little more and your mommy will forgive what was.”