To Mom—J.E.
To Jane and Judy—S.S.
“I should be happy,” said Richard Bickerstaff. “But I’m not.” He sighed loudly.
Henry Bell, Richard’s best friend, grunted. He was lying on the floor next to Richard, reading a Star Trek comic. Henry was a boy of few words. Especially when he was reading.
“Want to know why?” asked Richard.
“You’re hungry?” asked Henry without looking up. Richard was thin but he liked to eat. Strange junk food and gooey desserts were his favorites.
“No,” said Richard. “It’s worse than that.”
“You spent your whole allowance and it’s only Tuesday?”
This was true but Richard would not admit it. “Nope,” he said. “It’s because we are practically the only two people in the world who are stuck at home. Everyone—and I mean everyone—has gone away for Easter vacation. Except us.” He sighed again.
Henry finally looked up. “Even Celia Drummond?” he asked. Celia was the tallest—and the prettiest—girl in their class.
“Disneyland,” said Richard. “Jennifer is at Ocean World. Leroy is at the Baseball Hall of Fame. And George went to Tortola. I don’t even know where that is!”
“Neither does George,” said Henry. He turned back to his comic.
Just then Mrs. Bickerstaff appeared in the doorway. “I’m off to court,” she said. Mrs. Bickerstaff was a lawyer. “I left some lunch for you guys. It’s in the fridge. There’s microwave popcorn, too—a free sample came in the mail today. You might like it. It’s pepperoni flavor.” She smiled. “If I’m not back in time for dinner, you can order a pizza. Have fun.”
“Thanks, Mom,” said Richard. As soon as he heard the front door close, he jumped up. “Popcorn!” he yelled. “Let’s eat!”
The two friends ran to the kitchen. Henry opened the refrigerator and found a plate of sandwiches and some celery sticks. “Wow, great, celery,” he said, taking a handful. “And look at these—avocado and sprout! Want one?” He took a bite out of a sandwich, then offered the plate to Richard. Lately Henry had begun eating healthy food. He liked green vegetables best. He ate bean sprouts, celery, cucumbers, broccoli, and zucchini every chance he got. It was the one thing about him that Richard thought was weird.
“No, thanks,” said Richard, who hated vegetables. “I think I’ll try the popcorn.” He picked up a silver bag that was sitting on the counter. “Radical! It really is pepperoni flavor. And it’s got a hologram of a spaceship on it.”
“Kaboom Korn,” read Henry, who was chewing noisily on a celery stick. “Sounds good.” They read the directions on the package, set the oven, and put the popcorn in. There was a series of dull pops, like a drum-roll. The bag doubled in size. Then everything was quiet.
“Is it done?” asked Richard. Before Henry could say anything, there was a small boom. The bag suddenly blew up to the size of a watermelon and burst apart. The door of the oven banged open. Popcorn flew all over the kitchen. “Take cover!” yelled Richard. He threw himself under the table.
“Do not bother,” said a loud voice. The pile of popcorn shifted. A small pink creature the color of bubblegum emerged.
“Aric!” cried Richard. Aric was a tiny alien from the planet Ganoob. He was also commander of the Interspace Brigade, warriors who fought trouble all over the galaxy. Many months ago he and Richard had saved Earth from a deadly invasion of space creatures. Then he had gone back to his home planet. Richard had really missed him.
“Wow! It’s great to see you!” Richard turned to Henry. “It’s Aric!” he said. “The alien I told you about! Remember?”
Henry stood there, his mouth open and his eyes glued to Aric. “Hi,” he managed to say.
“I thought you only came to Earth freeze-dried in cereal,” Richard said to Aric.
“Microwave beaming is the latest in budget transport methods,” said Aric. “Much cheaper than freeze-drying. We save fifty thousand daktils—that’s $18.04 in Earth money—each trip.” He jumped down onto the kitchen counter. “But there is no time to chat. The universe calls. Are you ready?”
“Sure!” cried Richard happily. “What are we going to do? Fight off another invasion? The new gym teacher looks like an alien to me.”
Henry laughed. Richard could tell he was really excited.
“Not this time,” said Aric. “The new mission is easier, but just as important. One of our cargo ships has gone astray. It was bound for the planet Threll, but now it is heading in the direction of Grax. The Graxians are big bullies who are always getting into trouble. We fear they have hijacked the ship. I must capture it and put it back on course for Threll. Will you help?”
“Sure!” said Henry.
“How come the ship was hijacked?” asked Richard.
Aric’s little pink face turned serious. “You must swear to reveal nothing,” he said. “This mission is top-secret. The very peace of the cosmos is at stake.”
“I swear,” said Richard. “Really.”
“Me too,” said Henry.
Aric sat down cross-legged on a potholder. “The ship is carrying something very important,” he said. “Something rare, precious, and vital to cosmic harmony.”
“What is it?” both boys asked.
“XTC-1000. The dessert element.”
“The dessert element?” asked Richard.
“Yes. The vital ingredient that makes all dessert taste good. You have no idea how important it is. No XTC-1000, no dessert. No dessert, no peace.” Aric sighed. “We have never had a serious problem before. We have always shipped on time—every 11,976 years.”
“Twelve thousand years till dessert?” Richard gasped.
“11,976,” corrected Aric. “That’s how long the XTC-1000 keeps working—if a planet runs out, dessert still looks the same, but it tastes terrible.”
“So then how come the Graxians hijacked your ship?” asked Richard. “Didn’t they have enough XTC?”
“They got the correct shipment for a planet of their size a mere three thousand years ago,” said Aric. “Enough XTC-1000 for eons. All they had to do was leave it alone so that it could enter their atmosphere properly—automatically, over time. But did they do it? No! They were greedy pigs! They ignored the directions. They deliberately tampered with the container. The XTC-1000 was released all at once and the Graxians went crazy. There were years and years of wild parties and disgusting food fights. And now, of course, it is all gone. There hasn’t been a decent cookie on the planet since King Boobrik the Heavy. So they are desperate.”
“I’ll bet,” said Henry.
“Life without dessert is a terrible thing,” said Aric. “I hope you don’t have to find that out for yourselves …” His voice trailed off.
The boys stared at him. “What do you mean?” asked Richard, who thought there was no point in eating unless you got dessert.
“Never mind. Never mind,” boomed Aric in his loud voice. “Just gather your weapons.”
“Weapons?” asked Richard.
“Of course. Ion wave guns. Vortex beams. Laser cannons.”
“Great. Where are they?”
“You do not have them?”
“No.”
Aric looked worried. “They were sent hours ago,” he said. “Right after we got the news about the hijacking. We used a new method—holo-faxing. Only ten thousand daktils, or three and a half Earth dollars per item. Very cheap. The budget committee swore it would work. Are you sure they are not around here somewhere? Under the magazines? In the bathtub?”
Richard was sure he hadn’t seen any weapons. “Nope,” he said. “Sorry.”
“Well, we will have to find something,” said Aric. “Open that,” he ordered, pointing to a kitchen drawer. Richard pull
ed it open. Aric jumped in. He began hauling things out. A cheese grater. A wooden spoon. A tea strainer. A potato peeler.
Richard began to help him. “What exactly are we looking for?” he asked.
“Graxians are bullies. Cowards, too. Do you have anything that makes noise? Anything that might startle them?”
“What about this?” asked Henry. He held up a cordless electric eggbeater. When he turned it on, it made a loud whiny sound.
“Not bad,” said Aric.
“How about this?” Richard held up a spray can of soy sauce. “Mom uses it on her sushi. It’s kind of scary.” He waved the can in the air. It rattled loudly. “It’s sticky, too,” he added. “And it smells.”
For a moment Aric looked a little uncertain. “I wish I could remember what the Brigade manual said about fighting Graxians,” he said, half to himself.
All of a sudden Richard felt very nervous. What were he and Henry getting into? Should they really try to fight aliens with kitchen gadgets? But Henry didn’t seem worried. And Aric kept barking orders.
“Now prepare yourselves. Deep space is very cold, but we will not be in it long.” He jumped onto Richard’s shoulder. “Hold hands!” he cried. “Close your eyes! Have your weapons ready!”
Richard stuck the spray can into his pocket. Henry wedged the eggbeater into his waistband. Richard took Henry’s hand with his eyes closed.
“To battle!” cried Aric. There was a flash of yellow light. Richard’s stomach felt as if it were dropping out. And he was cold, too—so cold it was almost like burning. His ears hurt. Then he heard a familiar voice. “Prepare to attack!” ordered Aric.
Richard opened his eyes. He and Henry were sitting on the floor of a giant white room. One whole wall was made of dials and screens. The room was empty.
“Where are we?” Richard asked.
“This is the control room of the spacecraft,” Aric said. “And we are in luck. The Graxians must be in another part of the ship. We may not have to fight them.”
He leaped to the control panel and began pressing buttons and turning knobs. “In just another moment I can put the ship on course for Threll,” he told the boys. “Then the Threllians will get their XTC-1000. Conflict will be avoided. The Interspace Brigade thanks you for your support. As soon as funds are available, you will each receive a special Ganoobian T-shirt. When you wear it females will be unable to resist you.”
“Ugh!” said Henry.
“Great!” said Richard.
Aric kept working at the controls.
Suddenly the ship slowed almost to a stop. “By the Great Kazook!” muttered Aric. “What gives?” Then a section of one wall slid open. A very big orange creature with fins on its head and sharp shiny claws walked in. Behind him were six more creatures. They were all bristling with weapons. Richard’s heart raced. He had a horrible feeling he knew what they were—Graxians!
He was right.
“Disarm them,” said the leader. “Welcome to Grax,” he added smoothly. “Count Wali Dood at your service.”
“Stop right there!” said Aric. “In the name of the Interspace Brigade, I arrest you! Quick, Henry, the eggbeater!”
Henry turned on the eggbeater and pointed it at the guards. Richard pulled the spray can out of his pocket and rattled it menacingly in the air. The guards started laughing. Then they simply took the eggbeater and the spray can away.
Richard felt like a total jerk.
Wali Dood snickered. “I truly enjoy the Ganoobian sense of humor,” he told Aric. “You know, we have a best-selling book on Grax. It’s called Ganoob, You Make Me Laugh. Some day soon, when you are pining away in one of our small, smelly jail cells, you really should read it.”
“It is you who will pine away—in a clean, well-lit Ganoobian jail!” shouted Aric. “Now put your weapons down and be quiet!”
Wali Dood chuckled again. “Allow me to explain,” he said. “This ship is under our control. All systems have been disconnected. We will shortly be landing on Grax. There the ship will be stripped of its cargo. The XTC-1000 will be ours. And there is nothing you or your pathetic Space Brigade can do about it.”
Richard and Henry looked at each other. “Whoa,” said Richard quietly to his friend.
“No!” shouted Aric. “The cargo must go to Threll! The Threllians are quick to anger. If they do not get their XTC-1000 on time they will become dangerous. They will attack the nearest planet with a plentiful dessert supply.” He turned to the boys. “I am afraid that means Earth,” he said.
Minutes later Richard and Henry were herded off the ship. Richard had always wanted to go to another planet, but now that he was on one, he didn’t like it much. Grax was ugly. The sky was brown and the landscape was flat and muddy. It reminded Richard of an empty lot after a rainstorm. Then there were the Graxians. Not only did they smell funny—like his mother’s nail polish remover—but they were rough and mean. They pushed Henry and Richard with their big orange paws and threatened to hit Richard when he stumbled. That was scary—their claws looked really sharp.
The guards took them into a big gray building that reminded Richard of a castle. Then they shoved them down one long cold gray hallway after another, even though the boys walked as fast as they could. Richard didn’t dare say anything to Henry, who was walking ahead of him. And he couldn’t figure out what was going on with Aric. As soon as they were off the ship, the little alien had crawled inside Richard’s shirt pocket. Richard could hear him muttering to himself about weapons and manuals in a confused way.
“I thought Graxians were cowards!” Richard whispered to him. There was no answer.
Being a prisoner on a strange gray smelly planet full of hulking bullies was not a great way to spend Easter vacation, thought Richard. He was scared.
He was even more scared when they were led before King Boobrik the Heavy. Boobrik was much bigger than Wali Dood. And he looked even meaner—like a rhino in a bad mood, only orange. When the boys were led up to his throne, he stared at them with tiny black eyes that were set very close together in his big leathery face.
“Earthlings!” he sneered. “You are even smaller than I thought. Perhaps I will have you encased in plastic and hung from a key chain.” He turned to the count. “How strange that their puny planet has such tasty desserts,” he snarled. “Now, where is it?”
“Here, Majesty,” said the count. He handed Boobrik a small square package tied with string. Written on the package in big letters were the words PURE XTC-1000. ANOTHER FINE PRODUCT OF GANOOB. THIS END UP. STORE IN A COOL, DRY PLACE FOR 11,976 YEARS. DO NOT BREAK SAFETY SEAL. BEWARE OF IMITATIONS.
Boobrik grunted. The fins on his head shook with excitement. “Tonight,” he said, “when the sky darkens to a deep, rich brown and the air is warm, I will do it. I will release the XTC! All of it!”
The count smiled. “Praise be to the Heavy!” he cried. “Praise be!” and “Heavy!” shouted some of the guards.
Richard felt he had to say something. “But—what about Threll?” he asked. “If they don’t get their XTC, won’t they attack Earth?”
Boobrik chuckled. So did the guards. “Probably,” said the king. “And you miserable Earthlings can watch it happen. We get excellent reception on our Earth Channel. It will be amusing to see them strip your planet of all its desserts.” He turned to the count. “Make sure there’s a video screen in their cell,” he said.
Richard felt something on his shoulder. It was Aric.
“Boobrik!” cried the tiny alien. “Stop this madness. Free us. Let us make our delivery to Threll before it is too late!”
Boobrik frowned. “Ganoobians are such pests,” he snarled. “Take him away and freeze him.”
“No!” gasped Richard. But two guards yanked Aric from Richard’s shoulder and lumbered out of the throne room.
“This is bad,” said Richard.
“It’s not that bad,” said Henry. “At least we have TV.” The boys had been put in a room with two beds, a desk, and a video
screen. Henry had turned it on and found Star Trek. It was in some strange alien language, but that didn’t matter to Henry. “Look!” he said. “Mr. Spock is laughing. I’ve never seen this episode.”
“I don’t believe you’re watching Star Trek at a time like this,” said Richard. “The Graxians could burst in here any second and do something horrible to us. How can you be so calm?”
“You were the one who wanted to get away for vacation,” said Henry.
“Not this far,” Richard said. “Besides, I’m really worried about Aric. We’ve got to save him and get out of here. This whole situation is totally out of control. Don’t you care?”
“Sure I care,” said Henry. “I just don’t know what to do about it. Do you?”
Richard sighed. He didn’t have a clue. “How about changing the channel?” he said.
But changing the channel only made things worse. When Henry turned the dial he got the Earth Channel—and some bad news.
“I am standing outside Dunkin’ Donuts headquarters in Randolph, Massachusetts,” a news reporter was saying. “Here, only a few hours ago, security guards claimed they saw an unidentified flying object hanging in the sky. And this is only one of a rash of sightings that were reported last night. We’ve had similar reports from a Carvel ice cream shop in Queens, New York, from the nation’s largest chocolate factory in Hershey, Pennsylvania, and from Gummi Bear headquarters in New Brunswick, New Jersey. What do you make of it, Jim?”
The camera went to a newscaster sitting at a desk. “It’s too soon to tell, Derek,” he said. “But the government states that there is absolutely no cause for alarm. An investigation is under way.” He smiled. “And now let’s hear from our weatherperson—”
Richard and Henry looked at each other. “Those must be the Threllians! They’re getting ready to invade!” Richard said. Henry turned off the set. He groaned. “I take back what I said before. This is bad. In fact, it’s terrible.”
Hearing Henry say this made Richard feel even worse. “Those guys on TV don’t even understand what’s happening,” he said. “The Threllians could attack any minute. And then what? Earth without dessert will be a disaster.”
Aliens for Lunch Page 1