“Yeah?”
“Right after I got back from Costa Rica, they stuck me with a counselor. One my parents found for me in Montana. A crisis counselor who’d dealt with situations like mine before. I sat in this waiting room with another patient who was waiting to see a different counselor. She seemed like such a together, happy person.” Tears touched her eyes, and she sucked in another deep breath. “The week after, I asked about her when I was at the office. I was telling the receptionist that the patient seemed so together. The receptionist’s face fell, and I knew something was wrong. She wasn’t supposed to tell me, but…the woman had committed suicide the morning after we talked.” She put her hand to her throat. “She hanged herself. Aaron, she seemed so happy.”
A tear escaped, and she wiped it away.
“Damn,” he said softly. “You’ve known too many people who’ve offed themselves. Shit.”
A second later he tugged her into his arms and hugged her fiercely, her head tucked against his shoulder. Gloriously strong arms enclosed her around the waist and back. She could feel every solid inch of muscle along his chest, stomach, and thighs. She melted into his warmth. She hadn’t felt this way around a man in ages…perhaps never. Arousal rose hot and thick in her veins. She looked up at him, and the tension hung taut and certain. His attention was ravenous, his gaze hungry. His warm breath teased her mouth. Need overran sadness.
She almost held her breath, the moment stretching between them and ready to snap. He tangled his fingers into her hair at the back of her head, holding her in place. She sensed the dragon in him, the wild animal hovering on the edge of leaping. He leaned in, and her eyes closed.
His mouth feathered over hers, so uncertain. He seemed to tremble on the edge, awaiting the slightest signal. Permission to plunge over the side. She felt the surrender inside her, the desire to let go, sheltered by his arms and the cloaking mist. Small trees around them seemed to sigh, leaves rustling as she clutched at his waist and held on tight. Kissing her softly, sweetly, he asked and she wanted to give. He didn’t force or press, but coaxed as she responded. He teased her until their kiss grew in fervor. Without thinking, she arched into his body and pressed against his strength.
Seconds turned into an eternity as they explored. Desire slammed into her full force. She wanted the kiss to go deeper, his tongue in her mouth. She’d once heard that everyone kissed differently, and yet she’d never believed it. With her husband she’d thought she knew passion, but how wrong she’d been. This man drew her into an intoxicating place she’d never experienced before this moment. Every movement of his lips over hers sent a wild shiver through her.
Oh, God. Hot streaks of arousal made her long for more. Here. Now. Without consequence or forethought.
Before the kiss could fall into a more intimate place, he drew back slightly. They were both breathing a little harder.
“Jesus, you’re so damned pretty,” he said, his eyes burning with obvious desire.
She tilted her head to the side and laughed. “Aaron, you don’t have to say that.”
His hands sifted through her hair, and he cupped her face. “Damn. Are all the men in Colorado stupid?”
She clasped his wrists for a minute. “Well, has any woman ever told you you’re hot?”
He snorted a laugh. “Hell, no.”
“You are.” She grinned, but pulled slowly from his embrace. “But I think this is…”
What could she call it? Too soon? Too fast? Too…exciting?
“What?” he asked, his voice a little husky.
“We should slow down.”
He planted those big hands at his waist again. He looked like a man with purpose, who didn’t often take no for an answer. But then he said, “You’re right. I’m sorry if I pushed too far. I’d never force anything on you.”
She melted under his soft expression, one with real caring. She couldn’t remember the last time any man had looked at her like this.
“Don’t apologize. We didn’t plan the kiss,” she said, her entire body still tingling all over.
“We didn’t, but I’ve been thinking of kissing you from the moment I saw you,” he said.
Surprise jumped Lana, as well as a flush of pure heat. She tried to think straight, but her mind refused to work right. Replies stumbled around in her head.
He held his hands up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to blurt it out, but it’s true. I saw you that first day sitting in the therapy room and thought you were sexy as hell. You looked a little wounded and scared, and this crazy thing happened in me. I wanted to protect you from whatever made you afraid.”
Wow. Not only is he hot and can kiss like no one’s business, he is up front.
When she didn’t speak right away, he held his hands up again. “Damn, that was too much, too soon.”
“No, I…you just threw me off guard. I was scared of you, to be honest.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you have to understand. I was…I am pretty much afraid of most of the men I see. Another great side effect of my PTSD.” She moved away from him and paced the gazebo. “Okay, not most men, but certainly a guy like you.”
“A guy like me?”
“Big. Strong.” She stopped pacing long enough to meet him eye to eye. “Intimidating. You have an aura about you that says people shouldn’t mess with you.”
He smiled crookedly. “Probably why I can’t get a lot of dates.”
She doubted that, but she didn’t say it. “Look, I understand now you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Good.”
The foggy mist was retreating, allowing a bright sun to peek through.
“The men who kidnapped me…there were twelve of them. Most of them were average-sized men. There was this one guy who was bigger than all the rest. Tall, broad shouldered, and even good-looking. Raul. He smiled at me at first when they got me back to the hut where they kept me. He acted as if he was a barrier between me and the rest of the men in his gang.”
“You trusted him?” He sounded doubtful.
“Yes and no. Yes because he did keep the other men from bothering me, and it was clear he was the boss. No, because I understood he could do whatever he wanted with me and no one there would help me.”
Anger entered his eyes and tightened his mouth. “Did he…was there…” He couldn’t seem to get the words out.
She shook her head. “Not that I know of. When I was given medical attention after the rescue, there wasn’t any sign of…rape. But there’s a part of me that doesn’t know. The dark places where the light won’t go. Parts of my memory are missing.”
Aaron’s eyes closed as he whispered, “God, I wish I could have been there for you.”
She smiled. “You didn’t even know me then.”
“I wish I had.”
“What could you have done?”
He shook his head. He didn’t speak and neither did she, and the silence grew enormous.
“Shall we go back?” she finally asked.
“Sure.”
They went back to the car, and all during the drive, she felt his presence more acutely than she had before. A kiss should have taken away the mystery and perhaps desire. He was no longer a complete unknown.
Instead, her craving him reached a higher level.
Slow down, girl. Slow down. Just because your hormones are raging doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
When they returned to the apartment, he insisted on walking her to the door.
Before he could say good-bye and turn away, she said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For helping me drive. For listening to me.”
“God, Lana, it’s I who should thank you. I’m feeling good right now. It’s all your fault.”
A gentle, teasing affection mixed with her wish that his arms were around her again.
“Hell, I can’t stand it,” he said, and reached for her.
He gently tugged her into his arms for another kiss, this one hotter and deeper th
an their first. She dove into it, her hands spreading over his solid chest and glorying in the muscles under her fingers. His kiss fired up her need and twisted it into a brutal knot in her lower belly. She almost squirmed against him, wanting to get so much closer. His tongue dipped, a hot stroke that made her moan softly.
Oh, God. Yes.
Again and again his tongue stroked hers, taking his tender kiss into far more intimate territory. She responded, not giving a damn if the whole world saw them. His erection, thick and hard against her upper belly, thrilled her in a primal way she couldn’t deny. He wanted her, and that was gratifying. Despite the heat in their kiss, he held her gently, as if he feared scaring or hurting her. The combination of raw need and tenderness in their embrace ramped up her arousal. Before it could go any further, she pulled back from the kiss.
He leaned his forehead against hers. “Damn, woman. You’re burning me up. I’m outta here. See you Tuesday.”
He gave her one more glance, this one filled with undeniable male need, and turned to go down the steps.
“Tuesday,” she said.
After she went into the apartment and locked the door, she put her forehead against the door and groaned. “Holy crap.”
The man not only kissed like a god, she was allowing her feelings to get caught up in him. As good as it felt, she couldn’t allow him into her life this deeply. It wouldn’t be wise, not with her problems and with his. Mixing romance into the situation could prove more crazy-making than blissful.
“Forget it, Lana,” she said. “Just forget it.”
She poured herself a glass of iced tea and flopped onto the couch with her cell phone. She rang Jillie and got an immediate answer.
“Hey, girl!” Jillie’s loud voice sounded cheerful, and kids screaming in the background explained the need for volume. “Sorry for shouting, but it’s the only way I can hear above this birthday party.”
“I forgot you were going to a party. How is it?”
“There are twenty kids at this party hopped up on sugar. You’d think they were toddlers. Hold on, let me move to the other side of the yard. Maybe I can hear then.” Sounds of kids squealing eased as Jillie reached her destination. “Thank God. It’s quieter over here. What’s up? Everything good?”
Lana smiled, knowing it would show up in her voice. “Very good. I’m driving again!”
“Ahhhh. So your time with the hunk paid off again?”
“Hunk?”
“Don’t act dumb with me, girl.”
Lana laughed. “Okay, so he’s a hunk. An amazing hunk. Yes, being with him seems to help with the driving. We went to Voyager Park. Know that gazebo?”
“Yep.”
“We chatted there and talked about stuff.”
“Stuff. That sounds interesting. Like what?”
“That’s all private. I’m not going to reveal his baggage to anyone else. But let’s just say it was interesting and keep it at that.”
“He’s a good guy, right?”
“From everything I can tell. Besides, you told me he’s a war hero.”
“True.”
Lana took a sip of her tea and put it back on the coffee table. “But I’m driving myself everywhere from now on. I’m beating this thing. I can’t afford to let you or him be my crutch.”
Lana could hear Jillie draw in a huge breath. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve only driven with him twice and not alone.”
“Right. But I need to do this.”
“Okay.” Jillie sounded doubtful.
Surprise hit Lana. “I thought you supported me doing this.”
“I do. I just want to make sure you aren’t jumping too fast.”
Determined, Lana said, “I’m not jumping too fast. I can do this.”
“All right.”
“I’d better let you go. Sounds like the party is rocking.”
After they hung up, Lana stayed on the couch in the quiet. Doubts crept in like insidious predators. Was there a possibility she’d moved too quickly with wanting to drive on her own? She reassessed, and as the doubts seized her in a nasty grip, she considered calling Aaron.
No. She had to do this without his help. If she wanted to salvage self-confidence, she must create the right atmosphere in her own mind. She would do this. Unlike Magnus and Roxanne, she would take this bull and ride it, stay on the seconds it required. She would become the person she’d been before Costa Rica.
Chapter 8
When Aaron got out of the shower Sunday morning, he almost didn’t see the message blinking on his house phone. Whoever it was could wait. But it wasn’t long after that, his cell phone started a vibrating dance and a ring on his night stand. Okay, so maybe it was important. He stalked toward the nightstand, stark naked, and snatched up the cell phone. MOM flashed on the screen. A weird sensation hit him in the gut. A sense of dread.
“Hey, Mom,” he said into the cell.
“Oh, thank God you picked up.” His mother sounded slightly breathless.
Fear punched him in the gut. “Mom, what is it?”
“Your father. He’s in the hospital. I’m in the ER waiting room right now.”
Aaron’s blood pressure spiked as his temples throbbed. “What happened?”
“About an hour ago he started getting chest pains at work, and they brought him in by ambulance a short time ago. They don’t know if he’s having a heart attack or not. Mandy is on her way. I haven’t tried calling Gina yet.”
“Shit. All right, I’ll be—what hospital?”
After she told him, he hung up. He dressed, grabbed his phone and keys, and was out the door in record time. His heart was slamming in his chest, fear he hadn’t felt in a long time urging him to move faster. He took several deep breaths as he reached his car. He was a freakin’ combat vet. He could handle this.
But what if his father was dying?
No. No.
He’d faced down enemies, survived a war, been shot at, and watched a man blow his own brains out. But none of it compared to imagining his father dying before he could tell him how much he mattered. How much he loved him. Maintain, marine. He’s going to be all right.
Right. His brother had died, and he’d never had a chance to tell him how much he cared. The idea of it happening again punched a hole inside Aaron a mile wide.
“Come on, Dad. Hang in there.”
He kept close to the speed limit as he drove. If he was delayed by a cop for speeding or wrecked the car, he wouldn’t do his father any good. Luckily, traffic this Sunday morning was light on I-25, and he pulled into the visitor parking lot at the hospital about fifteen minutes later. On the way into the hospital, he had the weird notion that if Lana was with him, he’d feel much better.
He found his mother in the waiting room sitting with Mandy. His knees suddenly didn’t feel steady, and his hands started to shake. In seconds he took in the lay of the land. The waiting room wasn’t crowded, thank goodness, but the television was tuned to a news channel. Though the hospital didn’t have the antiseptic smell that burned the nostrils raw, even the newness of the place couldn’t hide that sick and dying people were here. God, he hated hospitals. Mom was watching the television, her normally sweet face and calm veneer wiped clean by worry. Her mouth was drawn down, her eyes devoid of her normal cheerfulness. Mandy appeared as she always did. Pulled together and professional. She wore a blue dress, and her light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail.
Mandy stood as he came into the room and so did his mother. He wended his way around chairs until he could pull them both into a group hug.
“Hey,” he said as he released them and they sat down. “Any word on how he’s doing?”
“No word. They’re running tests,” his mother said with a sigh.
He folded her hand in both of his, her small fingers swallowed by his grip. “He’ll be okay. He’s tough.”
Mandy wiped at her eyes, and when he realized she was crying, it twisted his gut and hea
rt.
“Dad is tough,” Mandy said.
Before they could say another word, a young doctor came out and introduced himself as Dr. Henry.
“Your father is doing very well. There’s no indication of a heart attack,” Dr. Henry said.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Mom said with a smile.
“Then what is wrong with him?” Mandy asked with a tone usually reserved to questioning people in trial.
“We’re leaning towards a severely inflamed stomach. It’s possible he’s on the way to an ulcer.”
Aaron thought his legs would give out. Okay. So it wasn’t life threatening, at least not immediately. “That’s obviously still a big problem.”
“It is. It’ll be a long day. He’s going to need more workup and an endoscope to go into his stomach to check for ulcers,” the doctor said.
Mandy hugged Mom, and Aaron thought the world was pretty damned right on its axis now that it wasn’t life threatening.
“Can we see him?” Mom asked.
“In a few minutes. A nurse will come out for you,” Dr. Henry said.
After that the doctor left, and they all returned to their seats. Mom put her hands to her mouth, and Aaron thought she might cry.
Instead, she lowered her hands and smiled. “An ulcer is awful, but maybe this is his wakeup call.”
Aaron searched his mother’s expression. “Wakeup call?”
Mom sighed. “He’s been pushing too hard for years. Trying to keep up with his job. I keep telling him it’s all right to retire. He won’t listen.”
“Stubborn,” Mandy said.
“Just like both of you,” Mom said with a grin. “Both of you are like him. Driven.”
Not anymore.
Twenty more minutes went by before the nurse came out and asked them to follow her. They went into the emergency room area, and when the nurse parted the curtains, they gathered around Dad’s gurney. Dad smiled weakly, obviously happy to see them. Mom and Mandy peppered him with kisses, while Aaron stood back. He’d never seen his father like this, with tubes and wires stuck here and there and an IV. Dad looked pale, dark circles under his eyes.
“Hey, Dad.” Aaron’s voice sounded gravelly to his own ears. “You scared the crap out of us.”
Before There Was You Page 13