by Jess Bowen
They were now on the last few hours of their journey, and Ethan was just beginning to see the outline of the approaching mountains. Phoebe looked even stronger than she had the two previous nights, and his jealously flared again. Why couldn’t she be bad at something? Lucy simply listened without commenting. Ethan had to force himself to think over his issues with Phoebe. He couldn’t keep wishing she would do badly at something just so he could step in and stick his tongue out at her. It was so juvenile.
As they flew, he thought over many things. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He was trying to be so many different people all combined into one: he was trying to have Dorian’s strength and control of his powers, he was trying to be a quick learner and find his talents like Phoebe had done, he was trying to be fast and smart like Lucy, but he had lost sight of who he actually was.
Lucy was right. He was trying to compare himself to some ludicrous expectation of perfection, and because of that, he was probably doing himself more harm than good. Ethan was strong. He was not the strongest, but what was wrong with just being strong? He was powerful, not the most powerful, but his powers would grow. He didn’t have talents, but hadn’t he made it this far without them? He was fast, smart, agile, and so many other things. Why did he have to keep comparing himself to everyone else? What was he trying to prove?
He wasn’t trying to prove anything. Not really. He just saw everyone else as better. He hadn’t been able to get past that. He’d felt like he was trying to catch up when, really, he was doing all right. He didn’t need to be perfect; he just needed to be his best. He felt like a hundred pound weight lifted off his shoulders with this realization. He sat up a little straighter, and his breathing wasn’t so heavy. He wasn’t perfect, none of them were, but he was good enough, and that was enough for him.
Lucy watched Ethan with a knowing look in her eye. Don’t even think it.
What? she asked innocently.
She couldn’t quite suppress it. Ethan could hear the “I told you so” phrases in her thoughts. He raised his eyebrow, and she smiled.
Okay, but can you blame me? How long have I been trying to tell you that? she thought.
Okay, fine, you get one “I told you so.”
“Can you two please stop looking at each other like that? I’m trying to concentrate, and you’re making it very difficult,” Jared said after he had turned and seen Lucy smiling at Ethan.
“Sorry,” Ethan mumbled.
Could have been worse. But Phoebe and Dorian could give us a run for our money. It was bad enough having to watch them when they weren’t kissing. I don’t want to be there when they first do, Lucy thought.
Ethan was shocked by that statement. What? You mean they haven’t kissed yet?
Lucy silently laughed. No. What? Did you think they were just trying to be nice and not kiss in front of us?
You know that for sure? he asked. After all, she wasn’t around Phoebe and Dorian all the time.
Yes, believe me; you would know if they had. Everyone would.
Let me guess…you can’t tell me what that means? Ethan asked. He was already sure of that answer.
She sighed. Nope, not yet. It’s only a matter of time, though.
He snorted. But she spent all that time with him. The nights after her lessons and stuff. And they really never kissed?
Ethan didn’t know why he couldn’t comprehend that small bit of information. Was it possible for two people who loved each other so completely and implicitly not to have more physical contact than they did? He knew love was an emotional feeling, that it reached beyond the physical, but still, it touched every part of someone’s life. Was their love above even that? Was there anything that Phoebe wasn’t better at?
Oh, calm down. Besides, they aren’t exactly together anymore, remember?
Oh, yeah.
Phoebe hadn’t mentioned anything about Dorian, and no one else had brought it up. It felt odd to be having such a normal conversation with Lucy under the circumstances. They were less than fifty miles from their destination, and they were analyzing Phoebe and Dorian’s relationship.
Just like that, the letters on Ethan’s neon sign rearranged themselves, and it clicked into place exactly what had been bugging him. They shouldn’t have been flying along so easily, especially not when they were so close to their goal. In three days of flight, Jared had not once sensed anything out of the ordinary. Ethan was not an expert, but he figured they should have passed something by now. They had flown over some lakes of fire, but nothing living had yet crossed their path. That didn’t make any sense. At all. This journey had been too easy.
Anxiety filled Ethan’s stomach as he searched the ground below. It confirmed exactly what he already knew. There was nothing to be seen. Something was very off about this whole thing.
You’re right. I can’t believe none of us noticed it before. This doesn’t feel right. Lucy was suddenly filled with the same apprehension as Ethan.
What do we do? he asked.
She shook her head. I don’t know.
“Guys, come on, enough already,” Jared started to complain again.
“Wait, listen. Don’t you all think this has been a little too easy? Doesn’t something feel wrong to you?”
The Vanishing Mountains were approaching quickly, and with every beat of Shade’s wings, Ethan’s stomach became more and more uneasy. Hector and Evan both turned to look at him, and Phoebe slowed down. They knew he was right. None of them had wanted to consider it because there was a small glimmer of hope as long as they ignored it. But there was no ignoring it now.
“He’s right. I can’t believe I didn’t even consider it before. We haven’t seen anything,” Hector said, and a deep sense of foreboding settled into Ethan’s chest.
Hector was the only one of them who had ever been outside, and he knew what should be expected. If he knew the journey had been too easy, then it confirmed exactly what Ethan was thinking. They had overlooked something. Or they were heading right into a trap.
Evan’s eyes blazed with intensity. If there was one thing he wasn’t, it was fearful. He could probably face anything head on and not even flinch. But Phoebe had shared Dorian’s memories with them once, and Ethan did flinch.
Jared frantically looked at the ground below them like something had escaped his radar and was hiding under a rock. Cynthia looked fearful for the first time since they’d left.
“We can’t do anything about it now. We have a mission to complete, and it’s too late to turn back. We’ll deal with what comes.” Phoebe’s voice was strong and confident. Evan nodded in agreement.
Sometimes the two of them were not good for one another, like right then when they were encouraging each other to walk into the spider’s web. Phoebe resumed her normal speed. The mountains were now less than twenty miles away.
“No, wait. Shouldn’t we talk about this?” Ethan asked.
“What is there to talk about? We’re already here. It’s too late to contemplate any mistakes we might have made. We’re not turning back. As long as we stick together, we can do this—no matter what,” she said.
Her words reminded Ethan so forcibly of his dream that he couldn’t argue with her. The woman in his dream had said that if they trusted one another, they could do anything. And right now, Ethan had to trust Phoebe. Hector didn’t seem to have anything to say either, which meant he knew she was right.
Ethan knew it too. They couldn’t stop now. They were too close for that. They had to keep going—whether this ended in success or death was up to them.
They flew straight to the base of the mountains and landed. The mountains were massive and nothing but solid rock. They were shrouded in mist, adding to the sense of foreboding that had already settled in Ethan’s chest.
Phoebe’s, Evan’s, and Hector’s wings all disappeared. “We’re going on foot from here. Sapphire, you’re going to be safe.”
Phoebe held out her arm, and Sapphire shrunk and disappeared into her mark. Ethan pul
led Lucy close and commanded Shade into his mark just as Beau and Pele disappeared into their Masters’ marks.
Phoebe had shadows beneath her eyes, but other than that she didn’t let her exhaustion show. “We’re not stopping. Ethan’s right, this is too suspicious to not take notice of it, so we’re going to keep going rather than stop and risk being sitting ducks. We’re going to have to regroup.”
Ethan was glad that she was at least taking him seriously. It proved, once again, that her leadership qualities far exceeded his.
Ethan, Lucy mentally sighed.
I know, I know. I’m working on it. Inferiority doesn’t just disappear like that.
“Evan and Hector will take the lead. Jared and I will be behind them, and the rest of you will flank us, because we’ll be concentrating and won’t be able to defend ourselves immediately if we get attacked. Is everyone ready?”
A sense of limited time settled on Ethan. “Can we have just one minute, please.”
Phoebe eyed him warily but nodded. Her eyes tightened, and she turned to face the opposite direction. Ethan felt a stab of guilt as he grabbed Lucy’s arms and steered her off into a shadow. How much did it hurt Phoebe to watch them when her own heart was ripped open and bleeding?
When they reached a small crevice, he spun Lucy around and pulled her into his chest. She was shaking. He couldn’t think of any way to comfort her.
Whatever happens, you make sure that you save yourself.
Ethan, don’t think like that, I—
Listen to me, Ethan commanded, and her thoughts fell silent. If something happens to me, you do not stop, you do not turn around, and you do not try to save me. Do you understand?
Yes, of course I do, but…
Promise me. Promise me that no matter what, you will do everything you can to save yourself.
Ethan, please…
Promise me.
I…I promise.
Ethan pulled her away from his chest and tilted her head back so she could look at him. Her eyes were filled with tears. He hooked his hand around the back of her neck and pressed his lips roughly to hers. This was his breaking point, the moment of fear and love and desperate need. He wanted to keep her forever, and he didn’t even know if she would be there in the next five minutes. Something inside him stirred, and he felt a warmth and strength that he had never noticed before.
As her fingers locked themselves in his hair, he found the strength that he was sure could carry him through anything. It suddenly felt right to be who he was. A Master. He was strong. He was powerful. And he would use that power to save the ones he cared for. That wasn’t just Lucy but all his friends, his family. Ethan would use his power to save all of them. In that moment of desperation, as he fused her body to his, he embraced who he was and the path laid before him. He left Ethan Smith behind, and he became Ethan Halloway.
And then, for one brief moment, the whole world disappeared, and it was just the two of them. The moment of passion and need had to end far more quickly than he wanted it to. He wiped away the tears that had fallen down Lucy’s cheeks, and she tried to smooth the worried lines of his face.
I love you, always.
Always, he agreed.
The others were waiting. Ethan and Lucy returned to them and took their places in the new formation. He couldn’t hold her hand any longer. Hector took a step toward the mountains that were shrouded in mist.
Remember, whatever happens…
We’ll make it out together, she thought firmly.
38. Found
Phoebe wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep it up without completely falling apart. She had fooled them for three days, but the appearance of strength was as empty as the shell of a body that she resided in. Hector was the only one who wasn’t buying it; trying to fool him was impossible. She wasn’t sure why—she didn’t really care—but he saw right through every charade. Fortunately, he didn’t try to fix her or point it out to the others.
He gave her the most help by just letting her be. The probing and prying would have made her fall apart faster. At least with all the strain of flying and channeling, she’d barely had time to think about anything else, which helped too. She had never felt so empty, so devoid of any emotion. She could still feel everyone else because she hadn’t had any elixir, but it was muted. She was reading their emotions, but it was impossible for her to feel them. She was numb.
“Phoebe? Are you ready?” Jared asked quietly.
Phoebe had been staring straight ahead, but she hadn’t even seen Hector and Evan start walking. They stopped and Hector gave her “the look”—the look that plainly said “You’re not fooling anyone.” She wasn’t sure when or how their completely silent conversation had started. Sometime during their journey, they had learned to read little clues from each other. He knew when to leave her alone and when not to. She knew when he was trying to warn her that the others might be seeing through her mask of semi-normalness.
“Yes, of course,” Phoebe replied.
Hector didn’t move but continued to stare at her. She narrowed her eyes as a warning to him to quit looking at her. The last thing she wanted was for everyone to start coddling her. She would have preferred to be invisible, but invisible was impossible under the circumstances. Everybody was watching her more closely, waiting for their moment to help when she needed it. If only she could tell them that the most help they could offer would be to continue on as if she hadn’t just had her heart torn apart.
Except for Ethan and Lucy. If there was a worse torture on this planet than having to watch the two of them, Phoebe wasn’t aware of it. The way they loved and needed each other was everything she had thought she had. To have it all ripped away but then still have to watch two other people share that love was almost more than she could take. She tried to avoid them as much as possible. The way Ethan watched Lucy and cared for her and the way she loved him was everything Phoebe had lost.
Phoebe still couldn’t make sense of Dorian. What happened? What did I do wrong? She couldn’t help but consider what Lucy had said. Maybe there something had been wrong with him. But she couldn’t even let herself hope that, not when she was so close to the end. Whatever that end might be.
Hector gave her one last searching look before turning to resume walking. Phoebe followed because she had to, because she could no longer follow her leader, her protector. Without Dorian, she felt like she was stuck in the middle of nowhere, and she knew if she just headed north she could find home, but all the stars had vanished from the sky, and she had nothing to follow. Still, even through her darkness, she somehow found the will to move forward. Even though she wished that will would vanish forever.
Luckily, stepping into the silver mist of the Vanishing Mountains required all her attention and concentration. This mist was the same as the kind she and Ethan had fallen through to get to this world only six short months ago.
Though the orange orb was rising in the sky, the atmosphere around them was still as dark as night. But all the smoke they had been flying through for three days somehow couldn’t infiltrate the mountains and was replaced by the mist, which was iridescent, giving off its own light. It was lighter here than anywhere else, yet it was still nearly impossible to see anything. The silver fog was thick, compacted, and impenetrable, but not frighteningly so. In fact, it was very peaceful.
For the first time in three days, Phoebe felt peace. Her anger vanished. Her pain dulled, and all the noise and discord in her head quieted.
“Oh no, I forgot to warn you. Come on, guys, snap out of it,” Hector said. Phoebe was vaguely aware that she had stopped walking. “Evan, you have to focus. Cynthia, Jared, don’t let it get to you, remember why we’re here.”
Why are we here? Phoebe couldn’t remember.
“Ethan, Lucy, great job. Work with the others,” Hector ordered. “A good shock should do it.”
Phoebe felt cool and light, like she was floating. Something brushed her cheek.
“Phoebe.” Hect
or’s deep voice rumbled up from his chest, which was very close to her. “Phoebe, open your eyes.”
“No.” She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to feel the pain again.
He sighed tiredly. “Come on, Phoebe. Don’t make me do this.”
“No,” she repeated, not even worried about whatever he was going to do. She was not going to let go of her peace and sanity.
“Please.” Phoebe could imagine exactly what he would look like as he said that. His pleading tone brought to mind closed eyes and a creased brow.
“No,” she said again.
He grabbed her arms tightly in his vice grip. Phoebe almost laughed. Did he seriously think that trying to crush her arms would work? She countered his grip by channeling his power. As she did so, his grip felt no tighter than that of a normal human. She briefly wondered why she hadn’t been channeling his talent the whole time. His emotions, due to his talent, were so dulled that it was almost like feeling nothing. It was better than feeling numb.
Hector surprised Phoebe when he leaned down and pressed his cheek to hers. With both of them using his talent, his cheek felt soft and pliable against hers.
“Just remember, you made me do this,” he whispered in her ear.
A warm sensation filled her stomach. He sighed heavily again, like he wasn’t looking forward to something. He pulled his cheek from hers, let go of one of her arms, and locked his hand at the back of her neck instead. Something felt wrong about the situation, but since she couldn’t feel anything in particular, she couldn’t tell what.
Then he pressed his lips to hers.
It was meant to be soft and brief, just enough to get her to snap out of her peaceful state; the second his lips touched hers, she knew that much. But a second later, a spark ignited in her chest and spread through her body like wildfire.