Sighing, I rubbed the side of his face. A little stubble scraped my skin. “What's going to happen to us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Evie is gone.”
“I know.” There was pain in his words, thick raw pain. It hurt to hear it.
“But—”
“I'm not breaking up with you just because you can't have sex,” Jay said. “In fact, if I get too sexually frustrated, I'll just come back down here and pound into Uncle Kevin's face.”
My stomach twisted into knots. Part of me was happy that Jay had hurt him. The other part worried that my uncle wasn’t okay.
How damaged do I have to be to even care about how he's doing?
“Jay…I noticed something tonight.” I cleared my throat and tried my best to break my realization to him the best way I could.
“What did you notice?”
How do I say this without sounding crazy?
“I look just like your mom,” I said.
“You resemble each other in a way.”
I shook my head. “I don't know. I think it's more than a resemblance. I mean it's pretty damn close.”
His chest stiffened against me. “What are you trying to say?”
“I'm not really sure. I guess I'm just wondering if somehow you think by staying with me, you're trying to save your mom.”
He sucked his teeth. “Now you sound like Pipe.”
“He said that to you?”
“Yeah. Several weeks ago, when he first met you, he said you reminded him of somebody. Then when we went to the library tonight to print off the pictures, he brought up the fact that you and my mom looked pretty much alike and that maybe I should think about why I keep holding on to you.”
“Have you thought about it?”
“Pipe smokes a lot. He’s not some guru of knowledge, Cyn.”
“Don't you think it's odd?”
“Maybe.”
“Jay, really think about it?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not your mom.” I gulped down my fear and hoped he would believe the lie I was going to say. “Because I don't need to be saved. I'm just fine.”
“I'm not trying to save you.”
“But you are trying to protect me, and I get why. I might've dragged you into my longing for someone to be there for me. I had a lot to do with you fitting into this protective mold. But I can't let you do that anymore. Not with the way you, Evie, and Pipe have taken care of me.”
“This is crazy. Let’s just go to sleep.”
“Why did you stay with me?”
“I care about you.”
“Why didn’t you just give me up for Evie?”
“What? Because…”
“Because what, Jay? You love me? Do you really?”
“Yes.”
“Not like you love her.”
“Let’s talk about this later.”
“Why do you keep holding onto me?”
“Because it wouldn’t be right to let you go.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re hurt and have been through a lot of messed up stuff.”
“That doesn’t mean you stay in a relationship with me. It means you be my friend.”
He sighed. “Where is all of this coming from?”
“I look like your mom.”
“S-so what?” he stuttered.
“I’m not her.”
He didn’t say anything else.
“You can’t save her or me, Jay, so if that’s what you’re trying to do, you need to stop.”
No response came from him.
“And while you try to protect and save me, you’re losing the one person that you’ve always been afraid to love.”
“You can’t have anymore of Pipe’s ecstatic brownies.” He attempted a joke, but neither of us laughed. “You’re getting too serious.”
“No one has ever given me the love, support, and attention like you, Evie, and Pipe. You three are special and right about everything in this world. You three make me feel loved and I am addicted to being around all of you.”
“Good,” he muttered.
“I realized something tonight, when Evie took me away from the house. No matter what, she’ll be there for me. Even when I get in the way of her heart, she’ll still protect me.”
“That’s Evie.”
“I can't just keep taking and taking from you and her, and not giving back in return.”
“You haven’t taken anything.”
“I’ve taken it all from you, Jay, but now I’m going to give it back.”
He sighed. “And what are you giving me back?”
“Evie.”
Chapter Eleven
Evie
On the floor, I woke up to Jay watching me.
Sunlight seeped through the hotel room's thin orange curtains, bathing his tan skin in gold light. He had his shirt off, which provided an awesome scene of primal male. Cut muscle stacked on top of his chest, pecs, and abs. And those sculpted arms delivered warm pangs to my heart. He'd done lots of things to my body with those huge arms wrapped around me.
The least he could've done is sleep under a sheet or wear thicker pants. Instead, he has to look like some sex god, fucking asshole.
His boxer briefs hung low on his hips while his length pressed firm against the material. I didn't know exactly what he'd been thinking when he studied my face while I slept, but they were definitely naughty little thoughts.
“Good morning,” he whispered.
“Good morning. How did you get over here? Pipe was in the middle of us.” I dragged myself up and only spotted a passed-out Cynthia on the floor behind him. “Where's Pipe?”
“Pipe is outside on the balcony, talking to someone on the phone. When he left, I decided to scoot over closer to you.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“You're being weird.” I wrenched off the blankets and got up from the floor.
“Can we talk?” He rose and came close enough for our arms to rub together. Heat spread across my flesh, and I hated the effect he had on me. It wasn't fair that my body still craved him or my mouth longed to suck on his neck and brush against his lips.
Why couldn't the body just shut down when the mind recognized an asshole? Why did my heart and flesh always want to win?
“I need space.” I shook my head and hurried away.
“Space for just right now, the rest of the day, or forever?” He followed me as I yanked up my key card and headed to the door.
“I don't know, Jay. We've been together almost all the time for several weeks. Now we've broken up and it seems like we're together even more. I need some space away from you once we go back to Coventon.”
“Why?”
“So I can get over you.”
“Then I'm not giving you space.”
“Whatever, dude.”
“Cyn and I broke up last night.”
I ceased with walking but didn't turn around to face him. “Why?”
“Does it matter?”
I opened the door and left.
Did it matter? I don't know. I guess. Maybe. Fuck. No, it shouldn't matter.
Yet, my heartbeats increased at the possibilities ahead of us. For me, sharing him had been the problem. Now I didn't have to share him anymore, if he wanted me back, which he probably did. Why didn't I feel this onslaught of relief? Why didn't I spin around, jump in his arms like all those beautiful, perfect heroines of romantic comedies, and slob his face down as this amazing heartwarming song played in the background?
I guess it does matter why they broke up?
Something else sat hard in my gut, a sensation that I didn't deal with often, something too solid and painful to think on for too long. Resentment. It flooded my spirit. All sorts of good old body crushing resentment. I couldn't jump up and down like a good little puppy after he told me he and Cynthia broke up, because I resented him for placing me in the situation to begin with.
“Evie?” He traveled through the carpeted hallway while I stuck my key card in and opened the door. “I'm single. You're single. Can I have you back?”
“I don't know.” I entered my own room.
“What do you mean you don't know?” He had the audacity to walk through as if he’d been invited.
I rubbed my head. “It's early. Let's talk about this later. I need to eat, shower, and just think by myself.”
He clasped onto both of my hands and pulled me to him, molding his body to mine. “Please, just take me back and think about it later.”
“There wouldn't be much to think about later, if I just took you back.”
“I'm sorry.”
I gazed into his eyes. “For what?”
“For everything.”
“That's not good enough.” I pushed him away. “I love you and you love me, but so much is happening, and I'm finding myself in situations that I would've never even considered or found myself in before you. It's like whenever you're involved I'll do anything, give you everything. I don't like it. I'm used to having way more control in all of my relationships.”
“Maybe those relationships didn't mean anything to you. Maybe this is love.” He slid his hands down to my waist, outlined my behind with his hands, and squeezed so gently my clit perked between my folds. Just his simple movements along my flesh made me want to throw it all away for him. Whatever the it represented, didn't matter. I would've given it all for him.
I climbed out of his arms and inched back. “And what if this isn't love? What if this is something bad and very wrong?”
“Then I'll take it. I would take anything when you're involved.” He stepped closer.
I edged back. “Who broke up with who last night?”
His confident expression faltered. “What?”
“Did you break up or did she?”
“That…that doesn’t matter.”
“So Cynthia broke up with you.”
He didn't say anything. I left him there and went into the bathroom before I did something to him like slap his face or yell.
Goodness. How stupid that I need it to be him who broke it off. What is that saying about how I feel? That he has to prove that he really wants me.
“I need you to leave my room. We can talk later.” I closed the bathroom door behind me. Before I could lock it, he opened it and came right on in.
“No.” He guarded his stomach as if I was going to punch him. “Let's talk about this. I did want to break up with Cyn all this time. I just felt bad about doing it.”
“That's fine. Now go.” I switched on the shower and wrenched off my shirt. “I need space.”
“I just couldn't break up with her, but once she decided to break up with me I didn't stop it.”
“You're an amazing man.” I rolled my eyes.
“Evie, I love you. Please, just take me back.” He got down on his knees. “Fuck. Whatever you want. I'll do it. You're my everything. I would do anything for you.”
“I don't believe you.”
On his knees, he waddled over to me so that his face greeted my belly button. He wrapped his big hands around my hips.
“I'm sorry.” He kissed my skin. “I'm sorry. What do you want?”
“Space.”
“I won't give you space. What else do you need?”
I looked away from him and leaned my head back against the wall. “I don't know myself. I just hate the fact that I had to give up all of my thoughts and wants to be with you, but you never sacrificed anything for me.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “Even when I needed you to keep us a secret out in public and not embarrass me, you still wouldn't do it. You did what you wanted to do, always without thinking about my feelings or how it could affect me.”
Everything went silent for a while as he digested my words. The only sound I could hear was my heart beating in my ears and the soothing song of the water pitter-pattering against the shower floor. Steam rose around us.
“You're right.” Jay's voice came out as a whisper. He tugged my shorts all the way down and kissed my thighs. “You're fucking right. I was selfish. I did what I wanted and never gave up anything for you. Tell me what you want me to do now? I’ll do anything.”
I groaned as he pressed his soft lips along my panty line and forced a shiver to throb through to my bones.
“I had you but didn't treat you the way you deserved. You gave me all of you, but on my terms and exactly the way I wanted it.” He yanked my panties down over my hips. They fell down my legs and landed along my ankles. Steam swirled between my thighs. He blew it away. His warm breath brushed against my aching folds. “I'll admit, Evie. I fucked up. Now tell me what I need to do to make it all up. How can I start to get you back?”
“I'm not rushing back into a relationship with you.” I combed my fingers through his strands that were now damp from the steam. “We can date.”
“Just dating?” He lifted his head up and scowled at me. I tried to move away. He kept me there. “Evie, please. I don't want to just date you.”
“That's all I'm willing to do right now.”
I pressed the side of his face against the one place that I yearned for him to touch and rubbed his cheek along my hungry little bud. “Oh Jay.”
He groaned. “Give me more than dating.”
“No.”
“Please.” He raised my leg, placed it over his shoulder, and lapped at my center.
“Jay,” I moaned.
His tongue worked me, circling along the outline of my clit and spiraling into my wet tunnel in the most delicious ways. Oh man, I love this. I ground my waist into his face and rocked with the beat of his tongue. We made music, performed it within the bathroom for only our wicked eyes to see. He yanked my other leg over his shoulder, so I sat only on him while the wall held up my weight.
Smacking noises filled the space. My groaning his name next. The whole floor had to hear me. He slipped his fingers in, two thick ones that slid in and out to the rhythm of our song, so melodic in just the right places. I shuddered more than I ever had, unable to control my body or keep myself up. I grasped at the wall hoping to be able to dig my nails in something, but only getting smooth surface.
“Jay!”
He worked my pussy with his lips, tongue, and mouth. He knew all of the things to do, everything that made me scream and pant his name. I was wet and trembling, mumbling passionate words and barely holding onto myself.
“You think I could give you up?” he whispered and then enclosed his whole mouth on my clit. “I want this to be mine,”
I bit my lip.
“How do I make this sweet pussy mine?” He lathered my intimate center with more wicked kisses.
“Jay!” A bomb of pleasure detonated within me. I came so hard my nails scraped over the paint. “Oh. God.”
My shrills were loud mumblings. I may have said other things like love and always, don't stop and shit. It didn't matter with his mouth on me and his fingers dipping in and out of my moistness. He owned me, as I always suspected. He snared me like a cowboy tossing out his rope, trapping his love, and towing her back to him.
No matter how much I tried, he would do something to bring me back. I could see it laid out in my future. He wouldn't release me, not even if I begged.
Could I beg him to go?
He lifted my bottom with his hands and stuck his tongue deep into my center just to push me farther over the edge.
Oh, God no. I don’t want him to go.
When I finished coming, he gently placed my legs off of him, stood, took off his clothes, picked me up, and carried me into the shower. I could barely get it together. Vibrations of aftershock thundered through me. I was all frazzled nervousness mingled with scorched pleasure. Shivering, I stepped down from his arms and let the warm water stream down along my nude body.
He danced his fingers down my flesh. “I can't just date you.”
“That's all I'm willing to give.”
I closed my ey
es and relished in the liquid massage happening to my skin. Thank God my back was to him and he couldn't see my face. My expression would have given me away and told him just how much he possessed me.
I'll never let him know. If he did, then who would save me? Surely, not myself.
“Just dating?” His erection pressed hard into the curve of my behind.
“Just dating.” My body came alive, yet again, as if I had not just had an orgasm.
“Will you be dating other people?”
If I can get my damn mind off you long enough.
“Yes. I'll be dating other men.”
His grip tightened and then quickly loosened.
“And if you or your football team bothers them, then we're done,” I said.
“I'll be as good as I can be.”
“That's not the deal, Jay. Don't bully my dates.”
“How many dates are you planning on having?”
“I'm a single woman. I can have as many as I want.”
Pushing me forward so that I arched back into him, he spread my legs apart and slid the tip of his length along my opening. “You're not going to want anyone but me. You know that, right? I'm going to spend every moment we're together making you forget anyone else.”
I believe you.
Inch by inch, he slipped into me, spreading my softness out to fit him perfectly. I moved back and forth on Jay, yearning for that sensation of being stuffed to the rim with him. Goodness, he'd been blessed with an impressive tool, and I didn't think he truly knew how much. Or maybe he did.
“Evie. Fuck. I love you so much.” He pierced me hard and I shrieked at the mingle of pleasure and pain. “I can't let anybody take you from me.”
“Then you better get it together.”
He slapped my behind. “Trust me, Evie. I will.”
Chapter Twelve
Jay
The restaurant was on top of the luxurious Bema Hotel's roof, which rose high above South Beach and provided an enchanting view. The skyline was a thing of beauty—layers of fluorescent-lit lounges against a darkened sky. People strolled below in tiny, shimmering outfits. Cars and cabs rushed by. Salsa music filled the air and made me rock in my chair.
The COMPLETE Coventon Campus Series: Books I, II, & III Page 21