Carrie shot an inscrutable look at Kelsey, but when she spoke, it was to Matt. "I'd better go check on Scarlett."
She headed toward the barn. When she was out of sight, he turned to the woman he remembered loving and said, "We need to talk."
Chapter 4
We need to talk.
Kelsey shifted her feet, her eyes skittering away from his perceptive gaze. He was right. She just didn't want to think about—didn't want to relive—graduation day.
But at this point, it seemed like there was no avoiding it.
"You wanna take a walk down to the barn? I'd like to see if Beauty is still around."
She nodded, remembering his horse. Maybe if he had something to distract him, this would be easier to get through.
"You mind following me in here so I can grab my boots?"
She looked down. For the first time since she'd arrived, she realized he was on the porch in sock feet. She grinned.
She followed him inside and down a hallway where sunlight spilled through the picture window in the living room. She couldn't help her curiosity as she gazed around the room while they passed. She remembered it from when Pat had been alive, remembered how sparsely it had been decorated. Now, there were throw pillows on the couches and huge canvas prints of the three siblings, one of Scarlett, and a wedding picture of Gideon and a beautiful blonde woman with a long, elegant train cascading around their feet. The faint scent of coffee carried from the kitchen.
She'd spent countless hours here during her senior year, mostly doing homework on the coffee table. She shoved those memories away. This place had transformed from a house to a home. Whose doing had that been?
He hesitated, just slightly, before he stepped into a room. He emerged quickly and bent to put on his boots. Sighed and slapped his thigh as he straightened.
"I keep expecting to see him. Uncle Pat. That was his room."
His hand trembled slightly as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.
For someone who usually exuded confidence and rarely showed softer emotions, this side of Matt was a shock. It showed her just how shaken up by everything he really was.
She put her hand on his forearm. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"I just need..."
He didn't finish his sentence but pulled her into his arms. He kissed her again.
She didn't push him away again.
In fact, she leaned into his touch. She'd missed this so much. The tender slant of his lips against hers. The possessive grip of his hand at her hip. The sense of his strength at her fingertips as her hands rested on his shoulders.
She'd loved him so much, and now those old feelings rose up from someplace inside her, rushing to the surface.
It was too much.
She backed away slightly. His hands fell away from her waist.
Her feet shifted with an overwhelming itch to run away. She ducked her head to hide the wildness she knew must be showing in her eyes.
"I didn't mean to do that," he said on an exhale.
When she looked up, his face was drawn, and he rubbed at a spot low on his forehead.
“Headache?” she asked.
"Let's go." He pushed away from the wall and led her through the kitchen and mudroom.
Outside, they walked in silence, her shoes and his boots crunching through the long, late-summer grasses.
He still seemed upset, unsettled, though she didn't know whether it was the kiss or his uncle's death—new all over again—or just everything.
"We're not a couple anymore, are we?" he asked.
She struggled to find the right words. She hated to hurt him now, when things were so hard for him. Finally, when he glanced over at her, she simply said, "No."
"Why not?"
Why are you doing this?
The memory of his angry question graduation day hit powerfully, stealing her breath. He hadn't understood then. How could she make him understand now?
"I couldn't see a way to do it," she said. "Working toward the Olympics and being what you needed me to be."
His expression showed that he was listening, head bowed and cocked a little toward her. That's always how he'd been. Processing things, not making snap judgments. The morning sun gilded his hair, and she realized he’d left his hat behind. Forgotten because of his injury?
"I don't understand how I let you go," he said quietly.
She hadn't given him a choice.
"But maybe this injury is God giving me a second chance," he continued. "Everything feels so difficult right now. I have a niece I don't remember. Gideon's married and Carrie's divorced. Pat's gone. And I don't know the guys I supposedly work with here, except for Nate. You're my one constant."
If only he knew.
She tried to smile, but it felt like her lips had stuck to her teeth.
"I know it's a lot to ask. Well, actually, I don't know how much it is to ask. Maybe it's this head injury that’s making things seem unfinished between us. But could we just...?" He gestured between them. "Be together for a while? Until I get my memory back. Or get more settled, if the memories never come back."
She hoped that wasn't the case for him.
"I...don't know." She let her gaze go to the horizon, because it was easier than looking at him. It had been hard enough—almost impossible—to walk away from him once, though she'd known at the time it was the right thing to do.
She was older now. Wiser.
"I'm going back to Houston in a few weeks. My life is there, my apartment..." And her coach's job offer. She could join the team from the other side of things, if she wanted to.
The problem was, she wasn't sure she did want to.
"I'm only visiting Taylor Hills. To help Katie clean up Mama’s stuff and fix the house."
Being with Matt again... If she got too attached, she would be in for another heartbreak. Not to mention what might happen when his memories returned. When he remembered how cruel she'd been when she'd walked away, he'd hate her all over again.
But she couldn't stop thinking about Matt and his expression last night when he'd woken in the front seat of her car. Or this morning, when Scarlett had vaulted into his arms. Lost.
He didn't push as they neared the barn. Only the flex of his jaw told her that he wasn't happy with her non-answer.
The sound of little girl giggles carried through the open barn door.
His hand rested under her elbow as they passed through the door and into the dim interior. She didn't move away from the touch, though it muddled her thinking.
Scarlett sat cross-legged on the barn floor with two kittens tumbling together in her lap. Matt had said he wanted to see about his horse, but he gravitated naturally toward the little girl, letting go of Kelsey.
She wrinkled her nose against the smell of manure. A horse whuffed from somewhere nearby, and she glanced down the line of stalls. Her hand twitched at her side. She'd been out here with Matt when they'd dated, and the big animals always made her nervous.
He sent Kelsey a questioning glance before sitting down next to Scarlett on the hay-strewn ground. She shrugged it off. She’d be fine as long as the horses stayed in their stalls.
"Who're these guys?" Matt asked.
"That one is Tom"—Scarlett pointed to a solid gray kitten who climbed over her leg toward him—"and this one is Jerry." She picked up the orange and white striped kitten and nuzzled him against her cheek.
"Did you name them?" Kelsey asked, crouching at Matt's side.
Scarlett nodded. "Mr. Trey let me name them."
One of the hands waved from where he cleaned out a nearby stall. Curiously, Carrie had disappeared, though she'd claimed to be coming to the barn to check on her daughter. At least the man seemed to be keeping watch over the little girl.
"What about the horses?” Matt asked. “Do you have your own?"
"Yep. Peppermint. She lives right next door to your horse."
He looked up, eyes squinted slightly as he stared at the line of stalls. "Remind
me which one is mine?"
Scarlett giggled. "You're silly, Uncle Matt. It's Beauty, remember? Just like my favorite fairytale princess."
From beside him, Kelsey felt it as some of the tension left his body. His mare, Black Beauty, had been several years old when they'd been together. She must be old now, but at least she was still alive.
"You wanna see her?" Scarlett asked, standing and apparently ready to abandon her kitten playmates.
"Sure." Matt stood too, clasping Kelsey's hand as easily as he had all those years ago. His warmth still sent the same thrill all the way through her, straight to her heart.
What was she even doing here? Being with Matt, even as a friend, was a bad idea.
But as Scarlett scampered off and he turned his serious gaze on her, she heard herself say, "I guess it wouldn't hurt if we saw each other a couple of times, while I'm in town."
It wouldn't hurt? Oh, yes it could.
What was she doing?
Chapter 5
Matt rubbed at the ache between his eyes, knocking his Stetson back as he did so. At least today his headache didn't seem to be from his head injury.
It was the ream of papers he held that were doing it to him this morning. He set the ranch's accounting records on the passenger seat of the ranch's work truck and let his gaze rove across the landscape. He picked up the ham sandwich he'd packed in a brown bag this morning. A throwback to his teen years, summers when he'd work the ranch with his uncle.
His gaze strayed...
The fence needed repairing. It sagged in several places across the field that separated Triple H land from the dirt road beyond. Earlier, he'd hiked to the craggy gully and seen that a couple of posts were missing down there as well. The barbed wire was rusted in some places and should probably be replaced completely.
His gaze followed the fence line toward the horizon, where it disappeared before it reached their neighbor's property. Replacing a whole fence line wasn't that costly. The Triple H had the manpower to do it themselves. But it would take time, even with multiple guys working on it.
Nate had scrawled notes on the financial statements he'd handed over to Matt over coffee that morning and he forced his eyes back to them.
The barn was twenty years old now, and though they'd kept up with repairs, it was becoming obvious that there were issues with the foundation. It should probably be redone before the structure fell down around their ears. The ranch had pulled a nice profit last year, but Gideon had been in charge then.
Now it seemed Matt was supposed to make decisions about operations, and that included where to spend money and what to repair. If they put a new foundation in the barn, could the fence wait until next year? Nate had told Matt that Gideon planned to increase the herd by a hundred head—shouldn't they wait on that expense?
But the cattle would reproduce and create additional income for the ranch, while the barn was a passive asset. It wouldn't create income for the property. But it was necessary to protect mamas and calves in the bitter winter and spring months and to house their horses and equipment.
He didn't know what the right decision was.
A shrill whistle brought his head around, and he saw one of the cowboys riding up on a palomino gelding. Matt squinted, trying to make out who it was.
The cowboy headed straight for him, and Matt stepped out of the open door of the truck. Crisp autumn air swirled around him. He raised his hand in greeting.
Brian reined in his horse and dismounted, holding on to the animal's reins as he approached the last few yards.
"Nate send you?" Matt stuffed another bite of ham sandwich in his mouth as he waited for the other man to answer.
Brian looked slightly sheepish. "He asked me to check in on you. Said your eyes glazed over when he gave you those accounting reports."
Matt chewed his food. "Yours would too."
The other man gave a pretend shudder. "Glad I'm not responsible for any of that."
Matt snorted. Brian had no idea. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be responsible for it either. Why had he said yes in that email to Gideon? He wished he knew what he'd been thinking at that time. There were still so many blanks… Other than the few memories from his childhood and teen years that had shaken free that first night, no more had resurfaced. Kelsey had been the catalyst that had started the memory dump.
Kelsey.
They'd spoken on the phone twice in the past two days, but it wasn't enough. He needed to see her. Later.
He could make that happen, surely.
"…fence is getting pretty bad."
Matt shook himself, realizing he hadn't been paying attention while the other man had glanced at the drooping fence line.
"Yeah. I'm not sure that's going to be in the budget for this year, though."
"Aw, man, you sound like the Bear." Brian's face creased with humor, but the expression faded away when he realized Matt wasn't sharing in the joke. "You know...our nickname for Gideon?"
He shook his head slightly.
Brian’s brows creased, then his expression smoothed and he cracked another, milder smile this time. "When you and your brother brought that princess home—pretending she was a normal person—she got it in her head that Gideon looked like a bear. Because he had this shaggy beard and hadn't cut his hair in months. The nickname stuck because...well, you know Gideon."
His brother had always been short-tempered and surly. Matt still had trouble believing he'd scored a real princess. But everyone kept saying it was so. And Matt had spent lots of time gazing at the wedding pictures in the living room, especially the ones with him in them. He hardly recognized his mid-twenties self or the serious expression he'd worn.
Had he been happy?
The other cowboy made small talk for another few minutes and then rode back toward the ranch house and barn. The talk left Matt unsettled. There were so many things other people knew about him and his family that he didn't. He wanted those memories back.
Feeling itchy made him want Kelsey. He needed to see her. Tonight.
Kelsey answered the knock at the back door only moments after she'd received Matt's text.
I'm in your driveway. Need to see you.
She'd asked him to come around to the back and then sprinted down the hall and stairs to meet him at the door. She was panting slightly as she wedged her body in as small an opening as she could manage in the door. She didn't want him to see Mama's mess.
His forehead wrinkled. "Something wrong?"
He looked tired, stood close enough that she got a whiff of horse and man. One hand was behind his back. He wore a faded chambray shirt and jeans over his boots.
"No." She closed the door behind her and leaned on the portal.
His eyes went to the door and back to her face. "You got somebody in there you don't want me to know about?"
Her face flushed with heat. Not somebody. "I wasn't expecting you."
As evidenced by the sweatpants and long-sleeved T-shirt she wore. Lounge clothes. She'd been browsing different employment websites from her laptop, upstairs in her bedroom. She and Katie still hadn’t come to an agreement about the junk piles, so she’d barely touched anything.
"Want to go out to dinner?" he asked.
She shrugged helplessly. "You couldn't have called?"
"I hoped that if I came by in person, you wouldn't be able to resist my cowboy charms." He waggled his eyebrows.
He was probably right. If he'd called, she would've tried to put him off. As it was, she wasn't sure spending time together—even just dinner—was a great idea.
"I'm not dressed."
"I thought you might say something like that." He pulled his arm from behind his back and lifted the large brown paper back so she could see it.
"Is that from...?"
"Katie hooked me up."
Scents of fried food wafted from the bag. She'd always loved the food from Mama's café, even if the business itself had strained their relationship.
"So can I
come in?"
The fact that he was pushing was unusual enough that she took a long look at his face. There were shadows in his eyes, and the smile grooves around his mouth were a pinch too deep. Had something happened out at the ranch?
"I don't—"
"Please."
His whisper was unexpected and hit her in a soft place inside.
"I won't push for anything else," he said. "I just...I need a friend tonight. A friend I remember."
She sighed.
His smile disappeared.
"It's not you," she said. She took a deep breath. There was a reason she'd never invited him home when they'd dated before. "It's this." She scrunched up her nose so much that her vision was blurred as she pushed open the door, allowing him to see the hallway behind her.
She watched his face as he saw the unobstructed view to the living room and the floor-to-ceiling mishmash of boxes, knick-knacks, trash... And the piles in the kitchen, covering all the counters, table, floor... Stuff had even started to creep up the bottom three stairs.
He let out a low whistle. "That's a lot of...stuff."
"Trash. You can call it trash. I do."
He shook his head slightly, his eyes still focused over her shoulder. "This is what you meant when you said you had to take care of your mom's place. You and Katie have to go through all this stuff."
It wasn't a question, but she nodded. "I keep voting for getting a dumpster parked in the driveway and tossing it all out. Katie has this wild idea that there's something of value buried under all that junk."
"Huh."
"As you can see, I can't invite you in because there's no kitchen table to sit at." Not one that wasn’t buried three feet under, anyway. And she wasn't comfortable with taking him up to her bedroom, even if all they were sharing was supper.
He shrugged. "We can sit on the tailgate of my pickup. It's not that cold tonight."
It was mild, the evening sun sending a last wave of warmth before the night chill settled in.
Kissing Kelsey: a Cowboy Fairytales spin-off (Triple H Brides Book 1) Page 4