by Jane Godman
“My purse has been taken.” It was the only explanation.
With a flare of annoyance, she noted the exchange of glances between the elves. When did she become that customer? The one who provoked the raised eyebrows and the polite eyeroll? The last one in the store who kept everybody waiting only to have her bag turn up exactly...
“Is this your purse, ma’am?” One of the employees stooped and picked up an item near Alyssa’s feet.
“Oh.” Embarrassed, she felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she took it. “Thank you. It must have fallen, and I didn’t notice.”
Alyssa wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. She knew her past had affected her, but when had things gotten this bad? Without noticing it, had she reached a point where she was suspicious of everyone around her?
“The other passengers have all boarded the train now, ma’am.” It was amazing how judgmental someone in big ears and a pointy hat could sound.
Stuffing her card into her pocket, she hurried out of the store and dashed onto the platform, where Everett was waiting with Kennedy in his arms. Conscious of the other passengers staring through the windows, Alyssa hooked her arm through his and dragged him onto the train.
“What kept you?” Everett asked.
“There was a malfunction.” She shuddered. “Both of the cash register and of my brain.”
Even though there had been a tinge of awkwardness attached to it, Alyssa was glad they had taken the ride. As they returned to the car, they were wrapped in a glow of pure sentimentality that could only come from the sort of holiday kitsch provided by the Santa Express.
“I know you wanted to leave behind the small-town feel of Cactus Creek, but do you ever miss it?” she asked as they drove home.
She could see him giving the question some thought. “Cactus Creek is one of my favorite places in the whole world, and leaving it never meant I thought I was better than it. But there are things I don’t miss about this place. I don’t miss that I can tell you exactly what’s happening at every point in the year. I still know when the pageants will take place, and when the two high schools will play their football game. I like having boundaries between myself and my neighbors, and I don’t just mean physical ones.”
As he gazed out of the windshield, she could see his expression softening.
“But there are other things that I do miss. I miss being able to stop by and see my parents and my brother whenever I want to. I hate that I can’t sit on the porch with my dad and watch the stars come out. I can’t get used to the way sirens have replaced the chirping of crickets. I wish I could meet my friends for a beer without months of planning and coordinating schedules. As my mom and dad grow older, I don’t like the worry that one day I might get a call with bad news and not make it home in time.” He turned his head to look at her. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious. I only arrived here recently, and a lot of uncomfortable things have happened since I came, but I like your hometown.”
“You do?” He sounded surprised.
“It feels...” She searched for a description. “Like all the connections go to the right places. Does that make sense?”
“Weirdly, it does.”
They had reached their apartment block and he stopped the car in the parking lot. When Alyssa turned around to look at Kennedy, the baby was sound asleep, still clutching her candy cane balloon.
“I need to get a picture.”
She opened her purse and reached inside for her cell phone. Her fingers encountered a sheet of folded paper, and she withdrew it with a frown.
“What’s this?”
Everett leaned closer as she unfolded it and they read it together by the orange glow of a street light.
Nice slippers. Be sure to check them carefully for broken glass.
* * *
Alyssa went over one more time exactly what had happened from the moment she’d stepped into the Santa Express store.
“I knew where I’d put my purse,” she stated angrily.
“It seems likely someone followed you in there, tampered with the cash register, then, while you were distracted, placed the note in your purse,” Everett said. “But you didn’t notice anyone close by?”
She shook her head. “The place was busy, and the train was ready to leave. I was getting frustrated at having to wait. I barely noticed the people around me.”
“Another note to add to our collection.” He sighed, weariness making his eyes hurt. “I’ll send the slippers to the lab and have them checked over. If you still want them?”
“Yes, I do.” Alyssa looked outraged. “Georgia Dodd isn’t going to spoil this for us.”
Everett kept his eyes on Kennedy’s face. He wasn’t too weary for her. Those chubby cheeks, shining eyes and saucy smile were more fascinating to him than the biggest blockbuster. Had there really been a time when he thought he might not bond with her? Everything about his little girl lit up his world. Even diaper changes weren’t all bad. He’d sing a happy song while he wiped and tell Kennedy about how he was going to share these stories with her friends when she was in her teens.
She was watching him, so he wiggled his eyebrows at her and stuck out his tongue. When she chuckled, his heart popped with joy and he planted a kiss on her cheek. Although, when he tried to play with her...
“Why does Kennedy keep hitting me over the head with her toys and laughing?” He rubbed his scalp. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the opposite wall, he noticed how much he looked like his father and quickly smoothed down his hair.
“It’s her new game. Your dad invented it. You have to fall over and pretend to be injured,” Alyssa explained.
“Remind me to thank my dad for this when I see him.” He groaned as a wooden dinosaur connected with the top of his head.
“Bath time.” Alyssa scooped up Kennedy as she reached for a toy train.
“I think you just saved me from a serious brain injury.” Everett started a one-handed toy cleanup.
Although they had a nighttime routine, they had also learned that there was no such thing as organized when there was a baby involved. On this particular evening, everything went to plan, and they were able to high-five each other as they tiptoed out of the bedroom, leaving Kennedy snoring lightly in her crib.
Neither of them mentioned the fact that, although Kennedy had mostly recovered from her fear of being separated from them both, they had continued to sleep in the same bed in the master bedroom. Convenience. That’s what it was. They could share Kennedy’s care more easily if they were all in the same room.
“Did you ever picture us with a baby?” Everett asked.
“Yes.” She walked away without elaborating, and he took it as a signal not to question her further.
When she returned, Alyssa was carrying rolls of festive paper and everything she needed for a lengthy present-wrapping session. Sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the tree, she started to sort through her many packages. With the twinkling lights casting a golden glow on her hair, she was Everett’s perfect Christmas fantasy.
“I think there’s a bottle of wine in the fridge. I can’t vouch for its quality, but I’ll risk it if you will.”
She smiled up at him. “Wine instead of beer? Are we celebrating something?”
“Getting Kennedy bathed and into bed without a fight?”
“I’ll drink to that.”
When he returned with the glasses of wine, she was humming a carol under her breath and his heart flipped over. Everything clicked into place as he realized how happy he was, how happy she made him and how much he cared for her. After everything they’d been through, he couldn’t screw up this second chance they’d been given.
He placed the glasses on the coffee table. “Stay right there.”
Alyssa watched him with a combination of amusement and bewilderment as h
e headed for the smaller bedroom. When he returned, he had his good hand tucked behind his back. “You’re not the only one who did some Christmas shopping.”
Kneeling beside her, he withdrew the sprig of mistletoe he’d been hiding and held it over her head.
Alyssa started to laugh. “You remembered.”
“Of course I did. I remember every second of our time together.”
Her little gasp was all the encouragement he needed. He leaned in close, taking a second to look into her beautiful blue eyes, then touched his lips lightly to hers. When he drew back, Alyssa slid a hand behind his neck, pulling him down to her. This time, he didn’t hold back. He kissed her tenderly, gently tasting her lips and breathing in her familiar scent. And she kissed him in return, closing her eyes and murmuring softly as he ran his fingers through the silky length of her hair.
It went on forever, stirring memories of past kisses and igniting sparks of arousal throughout his body.
When Alyssa drew away, she was breathing hard, but her expression was determined. “I need you to tell me about what happened the summer after you graduated.”
He sat back on his heels, the sweet warmth of the kiss fading. Placing the mistletoe to one side, he considered his usual tactics. Humor wouldn’t work. How about deflection?
“Who told you about that? My mom or Casey?”
“It doesn’t matter. You spent the four years we were together hiding behind a wall. We both knew it, but we did nothing about it because I was too busy dealing with my own problems.” She smoothed a crumpled piece of wrapping paper. “But we have a baby to care for now. We owe each other—and her—honesty.” When she raised her gaze to his face, her cheeks were pink. “And if there is to be any follow-up to that kiss, we can’t keep secrets.”
At the same time that one part of his brain was telling him to run and hide, another part was registering that she’d just suggested there could be a follow-up to the kiss. And that was what it came down to. Did he carry on listening to the cowardly voice, the one that shook with fear and that advised him against taking responsibility for other people?
You’ll only make the wrong decision, or crack under pressure.
Or did he follow his heart and tell Alyssa the truth? For an instant, the fears came flooding back. She would see him as a failure. He would risk seeing the smile in her eyes turn to contempt...
She placed her hand over his. “Did I tell you I haven’t dated anyone else in four years?”
He made a choking sound. “Seriously?”
“Well, I’ve been out for dinner with a few guys. Nothing more. They were all jerks.” The corners of her mouth turned down. “Actually, that’s not true. They weren’t you.”
Using his good arm, he pulled her back against him so hard that they sprawled on the floor. Ignoring her protest about the wrapping paper, he kissed her again.
“The only person I’ve ever told is Casey. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Just talk. See where it takes you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Until she heard his story... He always tried so hard not to think about that time, that opening his mind to the memories hurt even more than he’d believed it would.
“A recruiter from one of the top law firms in Phoenix contacted me in my final year of college. The way he spoke made my head spin. He said they only hired the very best to work with them as paralegals. They didn’t just want graduates with the best grades. They were seeking people who ‘looked the part,’ and who could withstand the pressure. That last part was a clue about what was to come. The salary I was offered made me go weak at the knees.”
Lying on the floor under the Christmas tree in his tiny apartment with Alyssa pressed up close and Kennedy asleep in the next room, it was as if he was talking about someone else’s life. And in a way, he was. But it was a life that had affected his every thought and action since that time.
“I knew, almost immediately, that it wasn’t for me. Working in law enforcement can be dangerous, and it’s definitely tough, but one of the key skills you need is empathy. Even when you’re getting the bad guys off the streets, the job is about people. At the risk of sounding corny, you are making the world a better place. The summer I spent in that law firm was all about outdoing the other guy, whether it was another firm, the person in the next office, or winning an award.”
“It sounds cutthroat,” Alyssa said.
“That place made cutthroat seem merciful.” He shuddered, and her arms tightened around him. “I’d gotten friendly with one of the interns, Caroline, and we were working together on an account. It was minor compared to some of the clients the firm was dealing with, but the competitive push was still there from our managers. Then, one day, something happened that changed everything.”
The pain was always there, lodged deep in his heart. Now it blazed back to life like a burning piece of coal and he clenched his teeth together, startled by its intensity.
“Why don’t we have some wine?” Alyssa suggested.
“If I stop now, I won’t start again.” Everett took a second or two to gather his thoughts, then plowed on. “We were working late. Caroline went to the records room to track down some papers. She’d been gone a long time, so I decided to take her a cup of coffee. When I got there—” He sat up abruptly, dashing a hand across his eyes. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Hey.” Alyssa kneeled beside him, taking his good hand between both of hers. “If this is too hard, you don’t have to continue.”
He briefly rested his forehead on her shoulder. “No, you may as well hear all of it. As I went into the room, one of the senior partners was coming out. He pushed past me as if he was in a hurry. At first, I couldn’t find Caroline. Then I heard a sound from under one of the desks. She was huddled there. Her clothes were torn and her face was so badly bruised and swollen I barely recognized her. She’d been...” He choked over the word.
“Raped?”
He nodded. “When I started to call 911, she stopped me. It was him, the senior partner I’d seen leaving the room. He’d said that if she told anyone what happened, her career would be over.”
“But that’s awful,” Alyssa gasped. “No one should be allowed to get away with that.”
“I tried to persuade her to go to the police, but she refused. She wouldn’t even contact a rape crisis center.” Everett scrubbed a hand over his face. “After that, she was in a terrible state, deteriorating daily. Her work was suffering, and she was being threatened with dismissal. It was killing me that I couldn’t help her. And when I saw him—” He shook his head. “Then she tried to commit suicide and all hell broke loose.”
“Did the reason become known?” Alyssa asked hopefully.
“No. It was assumed that it was because she was struggling in her job. There was an internal investigation.” He snorted. “From the start, it was just a cover-up. It found there was nothing anyone in the firm could have done to help her. But I knew, Lyss. And I did nothing.”
“What could you have done?” He heard the tears in her voice. “If you’d gone to the police, they would still have needed Caroline’s evidence.”
“I should have done something. Spoken to the other partners. Gone to the press. Talked to her family. Anything, rather than just walking away. I failed her.”
“This is probably not what you want to hear, but all of those things required a measure of proof you didn’t have. You saw the senior partner leave the room. After that, you saw Caroline in a distressed state, and she told you he’d raped her. I’m sure that’s exactly what did happen, but you had no evidence. If you’d shared the story with a wider audience, you risked damaging your own career and reputation.”
His lips twisted into a bitter line. “He admitted it.”
“Pardon?”
“The day
I left, I went to his office,” Everett said. “I wanted to look him in the eye when I said her name. The plan didn’t quite work and while I had him up against his office wall by the throat, he tried to tell me she led him on. ‘Just like all the others.’ That was the phrase he used. We, uh, exchanged a few more words and he confessed that he might have been mistaken. I told him that, from that moment on, I would be watching him. If he ever stepped out of line again, my threats would become reality.”
“What happened to him?” Alyssa asked.
“He left the company soon after that. It didn’t matter. Caroline’s next attempt was successful. She died of an overdose a month later.” Everett bowed his head to look at the floor. “She needed me, but I couldn’t protect her.”
Alyssa caught hold of his left arm. “That’s not true. You did what you could, but the culture at Alexandria and Foster—”
He looked up, pain darkening the depths of his eyes. “I never mentioned the name of the firm.”
Chapter 15
Everett was lying on his side with his back to Alyssa. An hour had passed and, although she’d thought of a dozen things to say to him, every time she opened her mouth to speak, something inside her froze. In the end, she placed her hand on his shoulder and said the only thing that was important.
“I’m sorry.”
His muscles tensed, and he remained silent for a few long moments. “You asked me for the truth, Lyss. And giving it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But you’d already checked me out.”
“Your mom told me the name of the firm.” He was right. This was about honesty. “And, yes, I looked them up online. But I didn’t know anything about what had happened in your past. If I had, do you think I’d have ignored what you were going through?”
With his arm in a sling, turning over wasn’t an option for him. Instead, he shuffled awkwardly into a half-sitting position. “I think you’d have every right to question my value in your life.”
Watching his face in the half light, she knew she only had one chance at this. Finding the right words now was one of the most important things that would ever happen in their relationship.