by Lisa Olsen
“And you’d have to stay out of sight when Ben is here. You know the two of you don’t exactly have a great history there.”
“I can do that,” he nodded quickly. “He’ll never know I’m here.”
“You could even have the two of them meet, who knows, they might get along once they get to know each other.”
Ah, I admired Daphne’s sweet optimism, but I knew better. Ben already had a chip on his shoulder about Sam looking out for me, he’d go ballistic if he knew Sam was hanging around 24/7. “One thing at a time,” I gave her a half smile.
“Cool, then I’ll see you guys later,” Daphne grinned, making her exit.
“Will she be alright getting home at this hour?” Sam frowned at the closed door.
Was I mistaken or was Sam a little sweet on her? “Oh yeah, she’s done it a million times before. But you can see her home if you want to make sure.”
“No, my duty lies in your protection.” He shuffled away from the door, but the frown remained fixed.
“Sam, you don’t have to stick to my side like glue all the time. I’m sure I’ll be safe enough here at home if you want to go spend more time with Daphne.” He looked unconvinced and I pressed on. “You got there quick enough the last time. What happened to that guy by the way? What was his name? Urckel?”
“Ubel.” His expression turned grim. “He will trouble you no longer.”
“Meaning…”
“I disposed of him.”
“As in killed?”
His head tilted to one side. “Do you really want to know?”
Suddenly I was pretty sure I didn’t want to know the details. All that talk about damnation and hell was enough to paint a picture of something very unpleasant and it wasn’t something I wanted to get into before drifting off to sleep. “Okay, I’m off to bed then. Feel free to help yourself to anything you want, I’ll see you in the morning.” Sam didn’t reply right away, his attention fixed on my small living room, probably looking for something to do, but at least he didn’t have to sit in the hallway outside. “Goodnight, Sam.”
“Sleep well, Mercy.”
*
It turned out Sam’s presence was a useful shield. There were a few times I would spot someone on the street whose lack of a telltale aura marked them a demon. Each and every time they faded into the shadows at the sight of Sam and I learned to expect the shift in his demeanor from bashful innocent to lethal killer. Somehow he was able to make both work in the one package. A package I couldn’t help but notice Daphne took an interest in. I never came right out and asked her if she was into Sam because I didn’t want to encourage her. Sam might be fun to hang around and eat ice cream with, but he was miles away from being relationship material and I didn’t want her to get hurt.
After that Sam started to hang around most nights. At first I thought I’d never get used to having him underfoot, after all it was a small apartment, but after the novelty wore off we settled into a workable routine. He didn’t need his own bedroom because he never slept, and during the day he went home to his own place or however else he filled his days. More than once I woke to find him standing in my bedroom, watching me expectantly, an inane question tumbling from his lips the moment my eyes opened. But after a good conversation about boundaries, he learned how to give me some privacy when I shut the bedroom door.
It wasn’t the mood killer I thought it would be when Ben stayed over either. I was still leery of starting anything too physically intimate with him anyway, for fear of accidentally giving Azazael what he wanted. For the most part Sam hung in the background on those nights, watching TV with us and occasionally glancing longingly at whatever we were eating. Did I mention Sam was fast becoming a real foodie?
At least once a day he rushed over to show me some exciting new concoction he’d discovered in the kitchen. Half the time I had to patiently explain to him that yes, I have tried peanut butter and jelly before and yes, it is delightful, and the other half I had to pass on whatever strange food combination he’d come up with. Still, it was nice to have someone to share my meals with when Ben was busy with work, and Sam was a fiend about keeping the kitchen clean. I can’t tell you what it’s like to come home to an angel in the kitchen in bright yellow gloves singing about spoonfuls of sugar to help with taking medicine while he scrubbed out the oven.
Books began to appear around the apartment, sometimes stacks at a time and more than once I pulled one out of the freezer. It was little things like that I found difficult to explain away to Ben. Or why I had four separate double batches of different kinds of cookie dough crammed into the fridge (Sam’s venture into baking had ended with his realization that he preferred the raw dough to the finished cookies). For the most part Ben seemed relieved when I didn’t mention anything about angels or demons in the time we spent together and I thought he might be coming to accept that we could still have a normal life despite those problems.
“Since when did you start reading Tolstoy?” Ben asked one night, picking the book up from the coffee table.
“It helps me fall asleep,” I shrugged the question away, tossing Sam a wink behind Ben’s back. It was getting easier to have those dual conversations, and Sam and I developed a form of sign language so I could acknowledge him sometimes without giving away his presence.
“I enjoy Tolstoy,” Sam frowned, fingers opening and closing reflexively as he itched to take the book from him.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about Thanksgiving.” Ben changed the subject. “It’s around the corner and we haven’t finalized our plans. I thought we’d eat around two pm, that way there’s plenty of time to enjoy the pie and maybe a little pick up football in the yard afterwards, what do you think? Does Matt play football?”
“More giving thanks with food,” Sam shook his head. “I do not understand it.”
“It’s a tradition,” I shot Sam a look before turning to Ben. “Yeah, a tradition for Matt to play football, so consider him in,” I smiled, hoping Matty wouldn’t put up too much of a fuss. You never could tell if he’d be up for a little male bonding or decide it was too much effort after two kinds of pie. “But um, isn’t two kind of early for dinner? You guys could play around outside beforehand and eat like at four.”
“Split the difference and call it three?” he smiled, wrapping an arm around my waist, drawing me closer. At first I went easily to his side, but then those fears came back and I stiffened beside him. “Okay, seriously… what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m not in the mood, that’s all.”
“You’ve been not in the mood for a while now. In fact, I can’t remember the last time you were in the mood. What’s going on here, is it that Adam guy?”
“In the mood for what?” Sam asked in confusion.
“That’s enough,” I scowled in Sam’s direction. “It’s not Adam,” I added a bit softer. “I mean… I’m not saying there wasn’t something between Adam and me, but he left, so he has absolutely no bearing on what mood I’m in.”
Ben’s brows drew together into a single dark line. “Are you saying if he hadn’t left you’d be with him right now?”
“He knows!” Sam whispered, his eyes wide.
“There’s nothing to…” with a concerted effort, I tried to focus on one conversation at a time. “No, I’m not saying that exactly…”
Sam interrupted, a knowing smile on his face. “Yes you would, you love him.”
“I don’t…” Christ, was it love? How could I be in love with someone who kept ditching me at every turn? It had to be lust, pure and simple, anything else was too complicated.
Ben’s eyes narrowed, searching the room with suspicion. “He’s here right now, isn’t he?”
“No, I told you Adam’s gone.” I couldn’t keep the melancholy note from my voice, but I was tired of trying to keep that part of my life from Ben just to keep the peace between us. “But… Sam’s here.”
“Oh no you didn’t!” Sam’s eyes widened.
“There�
��s no point in hiding it from him, he’s a trained detective.”
Ben lurched to his feet, trying to look everywhere at once. “Go ahead then, show yourself. We might as well be properly introduced, right?” Sam gave me a last dubious look and I nodded my encouragement before he let himself be seen. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph…” Ben stumbled back a foot, hand covering his mouth.
“No, just me,” Sam gave him a hesitant smile.
“Ben, this is Sam.” Introductions seemed unnecessary, but I offered them anyway.
“How long have you been here?”
“I do not know the precise number of years by this calendar…” Sam began.
“No, how long have you been here in the room with us?”
“The entire time.”
“How could you not tell me he was here?” Ben swung his accusation in my direction.
“Because I didn’t want you to get upset, like you are now.” I couldn’t keep the defensive tone from my voice. It was exactly what I’d been worried about. “He’s been keeping me safe. You wanted me to stay safe, right?”
“Yes, but you said things had settled down.”
Okay, maybe I had downplayed the danger a little, so his reaction couldn’t be helped. “Yes, because I have an angel by my side all the time.”
“I’m not always by her side. I’m not allowed in the bedroom when the door is closed,” Sam supplied helpfully. “Or the ladies room when she is at work.”
“I don’t… I don’t know what to say to this.” Ben raked his fingers through his hair in agitation.
“Oh, come on, Ben. He’s better than a guard dog, wait, I didn’t mean it like that,” I turned to Sam who wore disgruntled expression. “I mean… Sam is a good person and he’s my friend and he happens to be one of the more powerful beings on this Earth. If you can’t accept him for that… then it’s your loss.”
“You’re picking him over me?” Ben was incredulous.
“I’m not picking anyone!” I threw my hands up in frustration. “I care about both of you, you both care about me, where is the problem here?”
“The problem is you’ve been keeping secrets from me again, Mercy. I thought that was all behind us.”
“To be fair, there are some things she can’t tell you through no fault of her own.”
Ben had little patience for the interruption. “Why don’t you take a walk, Buddy? We’re trying to work a few things out here.”
“You wish me to leave?” Sam blinked.
“Ben…” I tried to soothe him, but he wasn’t in a sootheable state, scowling at Sam.
“Yeah, I friggin’ want you to leave. Go home and bother someone else.”
“But my place is at her side when darkness is upon us. I am her roomie.”
I closed my eyes as I waited for Ben’s meltdown.
“This guy is living here with you?”
“Sort of…”
“I think I’m going to be the one to take a walk now, I need some fresh air.” Ben stalked towards the door and I chased after him.
“Wait, Ben, don’t leave like this. Let’s talk this through.”
“Mercy,” Ben stopped and turned to face me. “No offense, but I’d rather not be around you right now, okay? It’s for the best if I leave now before I say something that ends up hurting us both.”
I stood there, rooted in place as I watched him go. “You just did,” I murmured, but he was already gone.
Chapter Seven
Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a crappy mood, more crap is attracted to you like a huge crap magnet? Maybe it was my sour attitude, but it seemed like everyone else around me was in grumpy mood as well. Except for Sam, I didn’t even know if he knew how to be grumpy, but I did notice he tried to stay out of my way. Ben didn’t call me back when I called him later that night, and the next day at work Parker was still ticked off after our argument about Sharona. I hadn’t apologized for interfering, and he hadn’t apologized for losing his temper with me, so we both sort of avoided each other as much as possible.
When Sam settled into his usual place at the end of the bar (I’d talked him into coming in and joining the human race, and now he was a regular fixture there), Parker instantly started to bitch about it. “I oughta start charging this guy rent.”
“You wish me to pay you?” Sam reached for his pocket and I waved him off.
“No, Sam, don’t pay any attention to him, it’s a figure of speech.”
“Unbefuckinglievable. Is this guy for real?” Parker scowled and I followed him back to his office.
“Hey, if you’re pissed off at me, don’t take it out on my friends.”
Oh he was pissed alright, Parker turned around and I could see how agitated he was. “You know the policy, Mercy, no boyfriends hanging around work.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. Besides, what about little Miss Jaguar? She’s been here almost every night this week.”
“It’s my place, my rules. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”
“Oh, like you’re really gonna fire me. Parker, I don’t want to fight with you,” I tried, but he turned away from me to grab a beer from his mini-fridge.
“Try and remember I’m your boss. You’re supposed to listen when I threaten to turn you out.”
“We’re more than that, aren’t we? Didn’t you say I’m one of your oldest friends?”
“I don’t know what we are anymore,” he muttered.
That brought me up short. Were we in that bad of shape? Were things that bad with Ben too and I just had my blinders on? Christ, was everything falling apart? “That hurts, Parker.” I turned for the door.
“Mercy, wait…”
I had to fix things between us. I missed that old comfortable give and take, the playful banter, even his horrible pick up lines. “I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, I was trying to look out for you.”
“I know, but she’s not…”
I didn’t want to hear him sing her praises, and I held up my hands to stem the flow of words. “If she makes you happy that’s all that matters, right?” I mustered up a hopeful smile, but inside I knew it was only a matter of time before she stomped all over his heart.
“She does. She makes me very happy.” There was an atypical smile on his lips and I was struck by how handsome he was without his usual smirk. It was sad he didn’t smile like that more often. Crap, maybe the bitch was good for him after all?
“So, are we good?”
“Yeah, c’mere.” He opened his arms and I went to him for a hug, feeling better than I had all day long. At least one of my relationships was mended; I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hug it out with Ben. As though he read my mind, Parker’s thoughts fell along a similar line. “If that’s not your new boyfriend out there, you didn’t break up with the cop then, huh?”
“I don’t know, the jury’s still out on that one,” I sighed, resting my head on his chest.
“Shit, I’m sorry to hear that, darlin’. I know you were pretty into him. Is he the jealous type? Doesn’t like goldilocks out there hanging around so much?”
A very simplified way of looking at it, but there was a kernel of truth to it. “Something like that.”
“Some guys are too insecure to deal with their woman having guy friends. Me, I’m evolved. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to allow my woman to have whatever friends she wants, as long as she comes home to me at night.”
I looked up at him like he’d sprouted another head. Did he really think he was evolved? “Oh yeah, cause that’s progressive. Ugg, my woman come home at night.” I thumped my chest like a caveman before dissolving into a fit of giggles, and he nodded, a smile on his lips.
“Say what you will, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for having a guy friend.”
“I kicked him out of bed.” So to speak.
“He wasn’t ringing your bell?”
We were rapidly descending into territory I didn’t want to get into. “It’s a long story, not one I should probab
ly be getting into with my boss.”
“You want me to talk to him, give him a few pointers?” he winked, and I didn’t bother to disguise my roll of the eyes as I pushed away from him.
“I’d better get back out there; I’d hate to get fired.”
“I shoulda fired your lazy ass years ago,” he waved me away and I stopped to bat my eyelashes at him.
“But you value my friendship so very much, right?”
“Well yeah, that and it’s such a nice ass…”
Back on familiar ground, I returned to work feeling much lighter. At least something in my life was back on track.
*
Several hours and lots of laughs later, I was in a much better headspace. With the air cleared between Parker and me, work became a much more comfortable place. He was even nice to Sam, apologizing for being rude before. Somehow I didn’t think I’d get anything like that out of Ben.
Sam forgave and forgot (if he was even ever upset about it in the first place), and we spent some of the down time playing ‘spot the dirtbag’, to use one of Ben’s favorite words that Sam had taken a liking to. He was, of course, much, much better at it than I was, and could predict almost to the moment when someone’s anger would spill over into violence. Walter took an instant shine to Sam and they spent a long time talking about football, which Sam had only just discovered. It was nice to have two facets of my life start to integrate. And if they thought Sam was a little… quirky, well, there were plenty of quirky people in the city.
The real trick would be mending fences with Ben. I had absolutely no idea how to go about it, short of cutting Sam out of my life, which I was not prepared to do. But it was late, and I tried to put it out of my mind as soon as I said goodnight to Sam and slipped into bed. Instead my thoughts slipped back to part of the conversation with Ben I’d been trying to avoid dealing with, my feelings for Adam. As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered how I might wander into the Ether, and how to get him to follow, we had a lot to talk about.
*
I felt him slip into bed with me and my body instinctively turned towards his, scooting into the shelter of his arms. He stroked my hair and I snuggled into his welcoming warmth. “You came,” I murmured sleepily.