by Stuart, Amie
“Okay.” I snapped my seatbelt and settled in. There was no BS’ing Poppy so I didn’t even try.
“I know you’re not happy,” he said, “and I’ve been thinking about what you asked.”
“The house is clean.” I shrugged while he laughed. “She’s a good cook—and Dad’s happy. I guess.”
“That’s not what I meant. But I did talk to your daddy the other day,” Poppy said.
The truck bounced across the cattle guard and then we turned onto the main Farm Road. This conversation could get awkward really fast. Luckily it wasn’t a very long trip to school.
“About?”
“That woman…”
“Toni?” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.
“Yeah,” he sighed.
“It’s okay. Aunt Betti already explained about grown-up decisions,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“She didn’t even come over for Sunday supper. Needless to say your Gram isn’t happy.”
It really wasn’t that hard to keep Poppy and Gram happy. All you had to do was not cuss in front of either of them and show up for Sunday supper. Seriously. That was pretty much it. Except neither Dad nor Toni had gone to Sunday supper. They’d slept in. Or whatever. I didn’t really want to think about it that hard. But skipping Sunday supper meant Gram was more than unhappy. A lot more. “More for us!”
His shoulder shook as he chuckled. “That’s all well and good but I’m serious, Rene. I told your daddy if things didn’t go well, I’d be taking custody of you.”
I froze in my seat, my teeth clamped together, and the bottom fell out of my stomach. It was one thing to ask if I could live with Poppy and Gram. Threatening to take me away from Daddy was another rodeo. “Like in court and stuff?”
He nodded his head as we turned into the middle school’s circular drive. “Your father’s first obligation is to you. Not his love life.”
I’d managed to avoid being alone with Toni for five days, but my luck ran out Monday after school. I zipped up my jacket and hefted my backpack more securely onto my shoulder while kids jostled me, anxious to smell the sweet air of freedom. Like we hadn’t just come back from almost two weeks off. Anyway, Gram was supposed to pick me up, but sitting in the school’s circular drive was Toni’s stupid pink car. I stopped so fast that the boy behind me bumped into me and I tripped and got bounced around by some of the kids like a ping-pong ball. “Be nice, but not too nice,” I muttered under my breath I forced my feet to keep moving. Times like these, I wished I rode the bus.
At least she’d stayed in the damn car.
The car door groaned and squealed when I opened it. I threw my backpack in and climbed inside. “What are you doing here?”
“Hello to you, too. And your Gram had a doctor’s appointment so I told your dad I’d pick you up.”
I nodded, eyes on the dashboard. No way was I risking making eye contact with any of my classmates. We sat there for the longest, most awkward minute of my life. Was she gonna drive or what? “Well?”
“Seatbelt?” she countered.
I hooked myself in and focused on my backpack. I shouldn’t have. I should have been paying attention to her. Toni started the car but school traffic kept us from moving as fast as I wanted us to.
“So…have you written to your mom?”
I could literally feel my blood slowing in my veins and my jaw clench as I turned my head to scowl at her. “What did you say?”
“Your dad, he told me about your mom being in prison, and the letters.” She swallowed hard, then checked her side mirror before pulling into traffic. “I just thought if you needed help—”
“Who the fuck are you?!” So much for being nice but not too nice. I turned to face her and shouted, “Do I look like I need your fucking help?”
I didn’t care if the people in the cars around us heard me. I didn’t even really care that my dad had told her about Charlene. That was his damn business. But what I did about Charlene—mom—was none of Toni’s goddamn business.
“You don’t have to cuss.” She shook her head. Her cheeks were pink and she was white-knuckling the steering wheel. “Your dad just said—”
“I don’t give a shit what my dad said.” Truth was, I’d been stalling on that letter to Charlene for months. Or not, depending on how you looked at it. I mean, I didn’t really owe her a letter. I didn’t really owe her anything. I figured if her religious crap made her happy—fine. But she’d walked out on me—us—so I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to be her prison pen pal. None of that was any of Toni’s business—or anyone else’s. “You need to mind your own damn business.”
Maybe Poppy was right. Maybe living with him and Gram would be better. The minute we got home, I lurched out of the car and ran inside just long enough to throw my backpack on the bed before grabbing my gloves and heading out to do my afterschool chores. As scared as I was of Poppy actually taking me away from Dad, I still stayed for dinner. He kept looking at me like he wanted to ask me something, but he didn’t. I figured he didn’t want to upset Gram, even though she hadn’t said much about Dad and Toni. At least not in front of me.
Aunt Dee, however, wasn’t shy about asking me how things were going—once we were alone.
I flopped on her bed and wiggled my toes. “Let’s just say this whole getting to know her thing isn’t going like I thought it would.”
“Just be patient. It’s barely been a week. What do you know about her so far?”
I rolled my eyes because I could. “She can cook.”
“If that’s all you’ve learned in a week, then maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”
Maybe she was right. Maybe getting to know Toni so that I could wait for her to slip up so that I could sabotage her relationship with my dad had been the wrong angle. Maybe I needed to be more proactive. I sat up and smiled at Aunt Dee.
“Rene,” she drawled, her eyes cloudy with worry.
“What?” Instead of waiting for Toni to screw up, I needed to find dirt on her. And fast. Before Dad did something stupid and Poppy made good on his promise.
“What are you up to?”
“Nothing.” I rolled off the bed and grabbed my boots, afraid if Aunt Dee got a look at my face, she’d rat me out to Gram or Poppy, and I couldn’t have that.
I’D SCREWED UP badly with Rene, and I was just sick about it. After she took off to do her chores, I kept myself busy in the kitchen. Busy hands were good but they didn’t stop my mind from running overtime. After my talk with Tim the other night, after we’d made love, I’d committed. I might not have said the words to Tim but I was done running. More importantly, I was tired of running. He’d seen all my scars, every ugly thing I had to offer, and I’d seen his.
Funny, I never felt the urge to run.
The ease with which I’d accepted this life scared me but again, I didn’t want to run. Which also scared me but I was staying put this time. Besides if I’d learned nothing from my last run, I’d learned that I wasn’t ready to go ‘home’.
Now I just had to figure out a way to work things out with Rene. When Tim came in I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about our argument.
“Where’s Rene?” He wrapped his arms around me, the sleeves of his heavy flannel shirt chilly against my skin.
“Still at your parents, I think. She took off right after we got home.” I shrugged, unable to hide my sad smile.
“It’s okay,” he reassured me. “She just needs time.”
I nodded, but let it go. I had to figure this out on my own, and I didn’t want him asking questions or interfering. Even though I knew I should have told him. I knew it would’ve been better if he heard about what had happened from me rather than Rene.
Other than Rene’s distance, which Tim chalked up to her just being stubborn, the next few days passed much like the week before had. Except with less cleaning. Thursday I left for work early, a part of me glad that I wouldn’t have to spend another evening fretting about Rene, who apparently hadn�
��t told her father about our conversation. I’d take my small blessings where I could get them. Especially since work wasn’t much better than home.
To say I was a private person would have been an understatement, so all eight of Susie’s waitresses knowing that I was living with her nephew presented a completely different challenge. Especially since it seemed I no longer had Kellie or Susie on my side. While the waitresses came and went around me, setting up tables and gossiping, I prepped mixers, sliced lemons and limes, and organized the assortment of longnecks to my satisfaction. The sun set early this time of year, so by the time the crowd began to trickle in and the band had finished warming up, it was already dark outside the French doors. Susie’s twinkling lights made the patio look festive.
Unlike my mood.
I pasted a smile on my face and went to work, glad to have busy hands to distract me from my troubles. And also glad that Tim had apparently decided to stay home tonight. I needed the breathing room so I could figure out a way to tell him about my botched conversation with Rene.
THURSDAYS HAD NEVER been exceptionally busy and tonight was no different. That made it easier to keep up with the waitresses’ orders and keep an eye on the crowd at my bar. One man stood out, though not because he was extraordinary looking or flirty or anything like that. His anger was what made him stand out. It rolled off him, so obvious that more than once, I noticed a patron going out of their way to not stand near him. If I had to guess, I’d say he was a local. At least judging by the way he occasionally nodded to anyone who came within range, before he returned to glaring at the crowd. Dressed in blue jeans and a T-shirt, he was stocky and starting to bald though he didn’t seem much older than me. He’d had three beers by the time I took my break, and it was almost a relief to slip out from behind the bar, catch my breath and clear my head. I hadn’t realized until I stepped out onto the darkened patio how much his barely-contained anger had bothered me.
I exhaled and watched the white cloud from my breath rise up. Then I rolled my shoulders, pulled my ski jacket closer around me, and went to find my usual bench. I hadn’t expected living with Tim to be easy, but the last week or so had been so much more difficult than I’d imagined. Some of it, like the sex and the laughter, was easy. But the talking…the talking might be the death of me.
I stretched out and began to wrack my brain for a way to patch things up with Rene without having to ask for Tim’s help.
The sound of Kellie’s voice pulled me back to the present. “Go away, Johnny.”
I sat up and listened, frowning at the bricks beneath my feet.
“Just gimme Dad’s stuff. I know you’ve got it squirreled away somewhere, you fucking little pack rat.”
“I told you I don’t have any of Dad’s things. Check with Allison.”
As quietly as possible, I walked toward Kellie and her brother. I wouldn’t interfere. I knew better. But something about his voice bothered me, and I wasn’t at all surprised to discover he was the angry man who’d been sitting at the bar all evening. The one who’d made my skin crawl. I watched from the shadows just in case Kellie needed me.
“I did!” He stepped closer, looming over Kellie and invading her personal space. “She said you have them.”
“Well, I don’t,” Kellie insisted with a shaky voice.
“Are you calling her a liar?”
My hands fisted against the rough bark of the tree I stood behind. I pressed my lips together to keep from yelling at him. Kellie might be mad at me, but she was still my friend, and I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her.
“It wouldn’t be the first time.” To my surprise, Kellie wasn’t done. “She lied about her own name, just to get attention.”
His fists clenched and so did mine as he said, “Why are you such a hateful bitch?”
“You know it’s—ouch!” Kellie jerked her arm away and stepped back, stumbling a bit. “Don’t touch me!”
“Give me Dad’s—”
“—I told you, I don’t have Dad’s coin collection. Now let go of me, Johnny.”
I couldn’t see where or how Johnny had a hold of Kellie, but I’d heard enough. I pushed myself forward, my whole body tightening at the sight of Johnny holding a fistful of Kelly’s T-shirt. If anything his anger was even more palpable now; the position of his fist so close to her tiny jaw scared me. “You heard her! She doesn’t have whatever the hell you’re looking for. Now let her go.”
“Mind your own business, bartender.” His fist tightened, pulling Kellie a little bit closer to him. He said bartender the same way he’d said bitch earlier. The chilly breeze carried a nauseating mix of his anger and her fear, and she practically whimpered as I wedged myself firmly between them.
I grabbed his bicep, locating the tender nerves underneath, and squeezed just a little bit. My other hand was curled into a fist ready to punch him in the throat as I looked him in the eye. Being a tall woman had its advantages. From the expression on his face, Johnny was obviously not a man who appreciated being confronted by a woman, any woman, but especially a woman as tall as him. “You need to leave. Now,” I said, my voice firm, clear, and loud as I leaned into him.
“Get your hands off of me, you goddamn—”
“Johnny, please just go.” Kellie’s voice shook as she softly pleaded with her brother. “Okay? I’ll try to find Dad’s coin collection, but I don’t have it. I swear.”
“She doesn’t have anything you want,” I added for good measure. Again my voice was loud and clear. I wanted to make sure that anybody and everybody nearby heard us in case, God forbid, something happened to Kellie. Much as it pained me to think it, I seriously doubted this was the first time Johnny had laid hands on his sister, but it would be the last. At least, if I had anything to do about it. I squeezed his arm a little harder, biting back a smile as he failed to conceal a wince of pain. Finally he stepped back and let go of Kelly’s T-shirt for good.
“The ladies are correct,” Susie’s voice rang out in the dark just before she stepped into view, a bouncer on either side of her.
Behind me, I could hear Kellie quietly sobbing. I reached behind me and patted her, offering what little comfort I could as I released my grip on her brother’s arm.
“Johnny Baker, it’s time for you to go.” Susie motioned to his escorts and said, “Please show him out. And for the record, Johnny, you no longer welcome here.”
I kept myself between Kellie and the bouncers. Once they’d dragged Johnny away, I turned and wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her against me. “It’s okay now,” I said as she sobbed against me. “It’s okay.”
Susie joined us, resting one hand on each of our shoulders. She held out a clean bar towel to Kellie and instructed her to dry her face. “You’ll be fine now.”
She sounded a lot more certain than I felt, so I added, “Tonight you’re coming home with me.”
Kellie dabbed her face and said, “Oh, no. I couldn’t impose.”
“You can stay with me,” Susie said.
“No.” I shook my head and stared Susie down until she grimaced and looked away. “She’s staying with me.”
“I can’t,” Kellie muttered as we walked toward the patio doors.
“—argue with me. Exactly, you can’t argue with me. I won’t allow it. And I won’t allow you to stay alone tonight. He’s been drinking—”
“How many did you serve him?” Susie asked, the censure clear in her voice.
“Three. How come your boys weren’t watching him?” I countered. I’d be damned if she’d blame any of this on me. “He was sitting at the bar, and you obviously knew that he was Kellie’s brother. You would’ve had to be deaf, dumb, and blind to not see how angry he was.” I gave Kellie another little squeeze as we stepped into the brightly lit dancehall. “Head up, eyes forward.” I nodded at a few familiar faces as I led her toward the bar, then let her go first as we ducked behind it. “You’ve got fifteen minutes in the break room to pull yourself together.”
Ke
llie gave me a confused look but nodded in understanding. From behind me Susie added, “Or if you can’t, that’s fine, too. We’ve got plenty of hands to help cover your tables.”
That wasn’t how this worked. I turned and glared at Susie as Kellie pushed open the break room door and let it swing closed under. “She needs to get back to work.” And so did I. Tawny, the waitress who been filling in for me behind the bar, gave me a high five as we swapped places. “Who’s next?”
Susie stood at my elbow while I opened four fresh longnecks. “She doesn’t have to work if she’s not up to it.”
Smiling, I took twenty dollar bill the customer offered and quickly made change, which he waved away. I thanked him before I turned back to Susie. “If she stays busy, she can’t wallow. Which is what she’ll do after she spends the rest of the night beating herself up and analyzing where she went wrong. You know that as well as I do. Maybe even better.” Nodding, I added, “She needs to get back to work.”
Kellie was my family, too. Maybe in some ways more my family then Susie’s, and I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.
LATE FRIDAY AFTERNOON Rene joined him and Zack in the big barn where they were cleaning out some of the empty stalls. Leaning on his rake, he exhaled heavily. “Good! You’re just in time. Climb up in the loft for us.”
“Okay, but, Dad, why is Kellie the waitress at our house?”
He frowned at her back as she started climbing the stairs, then he turned to his brother, still frowning.
Zack shrugged and said, “There was some trouble with her brother, Johnny. But that’s all I know.”
“If I ain’t careful, she’ll have every waitress at the dancehall living with us.”
“She better not,” Rene shouted from overhead. She’d shrugged out of her coat and leaned against the pitchfork.
“I’m sure it’s just temporary,” Zack said.
“Good! Because I’m not sharing my bedroom.”