“What’s wrong, Sophia? Talk to me.”
“You…you’re here…you’re wearing the buckle. You kept it.” I choke out, tears freely flowing down my face.
He pulls me close as he sits beside me, holding me for the longest time. “Yes, I kept it. Oh baby, this is such a mess. I don’t know where to begin.”
“Why now? Why are you here now? Teasing me with the one thing I want most.”
“I’m not teasing you. Sophia, I came here to bring you back to Texas with me. I want you to meet Trey and be with us. My dad, he’s had a stroke. He’s in the hospital, and it doesn’t look good.”
Rage begins to boil inside me. Now I see more clearly. “Oh … big daddy is gonna die, so now it’s okay for me to be around MY son. You didn’t have the balls to stand up to him years ago, but now he’s weak so you can stand up to him.”
Pulling me tight to him as I try to fight, Trenton puts his chin on top of my head. The more I struggle the tighter he pulls me to him, my head against his chest I can hear the acceleration in his heartbeat. My body trembling in mixed emotions. Part of me feels like no matter what is going on, Trenton didn’t have to come here. He doesn’t have to give me this chance. The other part wants him to hurt just as badly as I have for all these years.
We sit silently, his arms tightly embracing me for the longest time. Wiping the tears away, I pull myself together. Looking up, my eyes lock into the golden flakes of his pleading ones. His gaze is piercing me with unspoken words seeking forgiveness. The power and pain behind them have an untold story of longing and sadness that I know are reflected back in my own.
“Regardless of why you’ve waited until now, I want to see my son. Obviously, you hold all the power here. When can I come to Texas?”
Chapter Four
Am I Too Late?
Trenton and I never made it to dinner the night I went to pick him up. Instead, we spent four hours talking about Trey. I left him there and went home to tell my mom what happened. We started making plans. Now, a week later, I’ve taken time off from work, boarded a plane with my mom, and headed back to the one place I thought I would never see again: Firm Hands Ranch.
Trenton offered for us to stay at the house, but that’s one place I don’t want to be. The last time I left that house was the day I went into labor and left for the hospital. When I was released we were already packed and on our way to Georgia. Trenton understands, but wants me to have as much time as I want with Trey. Well, I have to be the adult here and remember that my son may not want to see me. He needs that freedom to escape and take it all in. How much do I share with him of why I haven’t been around? What has he been told? What has he made up in his head?
Teenage angst, how will he react to all of this? Trying to put myself in his shoes, my mind fills with more insecurities and apprehension about all of this. Can he comprehend that I tried to fight for him, but couldn’t win? How can I make him see and believe that not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of him?
All tangled in thoughts, emotions, and getting situated in our room, time passes faster than I realize. Soon, I’m dressed and headed out to dinner, with my mom, to meet my son. Meet. My. Son. Those words carry so much weight, so much meaning. I didn’t know if I would ever see this day. At eighteen, he could have denied seeing me, and it would have all been over before it ever began. I’ve never had the guarantee of seeing him, only the forced restriction of not contacting him at all until he was eighteen.
We arrive at the restaurant where Trenton has reservations in a private room for us. Walking in, my heart practically leaps out of my chest, as I look over at the table and see my son. His tanned skin, dark hair, and eyes that are the mirror image of my own; I can’t stop the gasp that escapes my lips when I see how much he looks like me. He smiles up at me as he rises from his chair. I feel the warmth of the tears falling down my face as my son wraps his arms around me, practically picking me up as he hugs me. He may only be fourteen, but he’s already taller than me by a lot. Trenton, being six feet tall, must have passed his height onto Trey.
I wrap my arms around him and pull him tight to me. He’s holding me like I’m his lifeline. I know I am, as he is mine. The bond of a mother to her child is one that can’t be explained until you become one.
“Mom.” I hear him whisper in my ear. The word I’ve waited so long to hear is pure heaven, leaving his lips.
“Mi hijo.” I squeeze him a little tighter. “My son. This means everything.”
We stand there holding each other for I don’t know how long. Trenton, clearing his throat, brings me back to the moment as I gently pull away. Trey takes my hand in his and leads me to the seat beside him. The smile on Trey’s face even bigger as I don’t let go of his hand when we sit down.
“Trey, this is my mother, Juanita.” I say in quick introduction of my mother.
Without releasing my hand, Trey stands and hugs her with his free arm before she sits down across from him.
“Juanita, I’m glad you could make it with Sophia.” Trenton says, smiling at our son.
Our waitress comes, takes our orders, and thankfully, leaves the room again. I want nothing more than to bombard my son with questions, but I collect my thoughts. Best to tackle this all head on, I think. Tuning out the fact that my mother and Trenton are here, I open the door for my baby boy to find out anything he feels he needs to know.
“Do you have questions for me, Trey?” I ask, forcing myself to make eye contact. Amusement, innocence, love, forgiveness, and understanding all stare back at me in the reflection of my own eyes in my baby.
“I know the truth, mom; if that’s what you want to talk about. Dad told me what Pop’s did. I know you wanted to be with me.”
At his words, my gaze moves to make eye contact with Trenton. My heart constricts as I take in my son’s words. This is a revelation to know that Trenton made sure Trey knew the truth. I mouth a silent, “Thank You,” to Trenton, as Trey is still smiling at me and continues to open himself to me.
“It’s okay mom. We are together now and we have all the time in the world to get to know each other and have you around. Dad says he’s not going to let my grandfather control everything anymore. Things are going to change mom and it begins now with you and me.”
“Yes, baby, it does.” I smile at my son. True happiness fills my entire mind, body, and soul, just from being in his presence.
We spend the next two hours eating, getting to know one another, and just enjoying this moment. My son enjoys art. He’s actually sold a few charcoals online. He also plays football and already, as a freshman in high school, has college scouts watching him for the future. His favorite meal is enchilada casserole, made with my mom’s recipe that she apparently shared with Trenton years ago. Trenton also made sure Trey was bilingual; my son is fluent in Spanish. My heart swells when he tells me that when he was younger he would play the recordable book I left behind, over and over.
Trenton really has not only done a good job of raising our son, but he’s also made sure that he knew about me and my mother. The very first thing Trenton and I bought when we found out I was pregnant was one of those recordable books and a baby blanket. When I found out that I would not be able to keep my baby, I recorded myself reading the book that was written in English, but with me reading it in Spanish. All these years, I’ve never thought about whether the book was given to my son or not. I guess I assumed it would be gone, just as I was. To know that during those early years Trey heard my voice, daily, brings comfort to a part of me that’s so broken.
The next four days pass in a blur, as my mother and I spend every waking moment with Trey. We even went to a football game at his high school and cheered on my linebacker. It’s a bittersweet moment as I think on the many games I’ve missed throughout the years, but I force myself back into the moment and cherish what I have in the here and now.
Chapter Five
Facing It Head On
The week is passing by all too quickly. I�
��ve seen my son, my baby, my boy. There is no way I can leave him again. Trenton and I have discussed mom and me relocating here. After I started working for Marcus and making a solid living tattooing, I paid for both mom and me to get our citizenship papers. Wayne can’t deport us. Trenton assures me Wayne can’t hold the legal ramifications of the papers we signed against me if I move back here.
Mom and I discussed everything, including relocation. Marcus has some contacts and can set me up with a job. Trenton says he will help, financially, to get us here, settled, and established. I want and need to do this for myself though.
As wonderful as all of this is playing out, I need to face the biggest demon of my past. Things need to be said and done without Trey around. With only two days left until we have to go back to North Carolina, to finalize our move, mom and I agree we need to face the man that took everything away.
Entering the hospital, emotions run through me at a rapid pace. The last time I entered this building was when I gave birth to Trey. Pausing outside the door to his room, I calm my shaking body.
Facing him brings forth a long buried rage. The man lying in this hospital bed pales in comparison to the overbearing, intimidating man that once was. Wayne’s presence once brought out fear inside me. Now though, I feel pure hatred and anger.
His eyes flash for a moment before recognition dawns on him. An evil grin spreads across his face, causing my skin to crawl with anxiety.
“If this isn’t an unexpected visit…” He says with a snarl to his tone.
“Wayne, we came to let you know we are moving back to Texas.” I firmly state, keeping my body hard and showing a confident front while my mom stands quietly behind me in emotional support.
“My stroke and inability to walk again doesn’t change your circumstances, Sophia.”
“You no longer have control over my situation, Mr. Thurman. That’s all I came here to tell you. Ready yourself Wayne, you can’t easily dismiss me anymore.”
Sitting up in his bed, his look is one of defiance as he takes in my demeanor. Waving his hand toward us in a shooing fashion, he glares as the monitors begin to beep in a rapid pace, confirming that I’ve affected him. His heartbeat getting faster is not a good thing. Making an enemy of Mr. Thurman isn’t what one would consider a good thing, but I will not be kept away any longer.
“We’re leaving now only because we’ve delivered our message not because you are waving the mighty Thurman hand. Prepare yourself, you’ll be seeing more of us in the future.” On my last words, my mother and I leave the hospital.
Chapter Six
Threats and Promises
Given my history with Marcus, he understood my need to wrap things up in North Carolina swiftly. After securing a job for me in Texas, he rescheduled my appointments so he can take on my clients. Always the caring Dom, he paid me with a bonus to make sure we had more than enough to get started. My mom gave her notice to her job. We packed up and were in Texas in three weeks, starting over.
Trenton has been more than liberal with Trey staying over. In fact, since we moved here, he’s only been back at the ranch for two nights. The boy eats a ton. My mom loves cooking for him and he loves all the Mexican specialties she has made for him. Trenton has come over for dinner quite a few times as well. It’s hard, some days, to look at him and keep my resentment at bay. He’s trying and ultimately, he’s given me more than I ever could’ve expected.
Wayne is home from the hospital after completing the rehabilitation program for stroke patients. His left side is still paralyzed; he’s in a wheelchair. Permanently confined and dependent on others, the tyrant certainly has been knocked down a peg or two.
Dropping Trey off for the night, he asks me to come inside. He wants to show me a charcoal sketch he made specifically for me. How can I deny him this?
Entering the house, an eerie feeling washes over me. I make it into the great room when he wheels in front of my path. Trey’s eyes widen as he sees the menace in his grandfather’s face towards me. I wave Trey on to go upstairs, smiling reassuringly that everything is going to be okay. He doesn’t need to see what may, or may not, go on here.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see my son’s artwork.” I answer, remaining firm in my position and tone. He will not intimidate me.
“You know you can’t be here. You can’t have him, Sophia. Pack up and go back to Carolina before I get you and your mother sent back to Mexico.”
Before I can respond, Trenton charges into the room. “You will cut the shit right now, Dad! Sophia has every fuckin’ right to be here. Gone are the days you threaten her and her mother.”
“It’s not a threat Trenton. She’s always had a hold on you. Your weakness is wrapped up in a five foot tall package of Hispanic beauty. You’re a fool to think she’s more than border trash. The spic hasn’t followed the agreement both she and her mother signed. The consequences are simple and easily enough managed with a phone call.”
“You son of a bitch. You forced them to sign papers without proper legal representation, without witnesses, and under duress. Blackmailing Sophia to give up her son, to lose everything to protect her mother and herself was a low blow, even for you. She’s missed more than any mother should. Worse than that, Trey has missed the amazing, beautiful woman that is his mother, being there to raise him.”
“You are blind. She’s playing you. This was a way to be supported financially and an assurance to stay in America. She never loved you or the boy.”
Before anyone can stop me, I slap Wayne across the face. “Don’t you ever say I don’t love my son.”
“Assaulting a disabled man, oh you can serve jail time before going back to your poverty stricken dirt street filled small town homeland.”
“She’s not going anywhere.” Trenton states, reaching into his back pocket to pull out folded legal papers. “This grants her joint custody of her son. As his father, I have rights…rights that I’ve used to give her back what was once stripped from her needlessly. Your papers hold no weight in a court of law.”
“You bastard. All these years you sent her money, I never said one fucking word. You’ve taken care of that bitch since we took over this farm when you were just a boy. I told you to send her all the fucking money you want, but she wasn’t to get the boy or she would be sent back to Mexico. Obviously, you think you’ve found a way around this.”
My heart is beating a mile a minute as the truth of so many things comes crashing down on me. Trenton sent money to my mom to take care of us. He’s never let go of me, but thought he was protecting me. He was blackmailed into this as much as I was. Trenton’s chest in rising and falling in exaggerated breathes as he’s trying to control himself.
“Mr. Thurman, I can no longer be deported, nor can my mother. I understand that my mother came here on a work visa with the first family and it expired. We came under your employ and you made sure she never got the proper paperwork. As we were taken care of financially, she made the mistake of trusting you. Once upon a time, you used all of this against me and I lost my heart when you ripped my son away. Well, Mr. Thurman, you are an intimidating man, but one that no longer holds the power here. After we tried to fight the papers and the lawyer stated we must clear up our citizenship before we ever stood a chance against your connections and money, we did. Give it your best shot, you old bastard, but I’m here to stay.” Leaning in, face to face with him, I continue. “I will fight for my son with every breath I take until the very last beat of my heart. Use every threat you can come up with, but I promise you with everything inside of me, I won’t go without a fight this time.”
With nothing more to say, I brush past him and make my way upstairs in search of my son. The hold is gone, no one will keep my boy from me again. Now I can live my life.
Chapter Seven
Maybe Someday…Never Say Never
Once the leverage Wayne had over me was eliminated, he became quite the docile being. The last year we’ve all settl
ed into life in Texas, and our roles here, together. Trenton no longer wanting to face the daily reminders of what his father stole from both us and our son, he put Wayne in a nursing home. He’s cared for in the basic ways and out of all of our lives. Having someone hold so much over your head for so long, it’s been an adjustment for Trenton, as well as all of us.
Trey stays with me from Sunday through Thursday. He goes home to the ranch for Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays. Trenton comes over for dinner almost nightly to eat with us, as a family. We discuss everything with Trey, together. He really allows me to be involved and co-parent with him. To the outsider watching us, they would never realize I missed so much of my son’s life. When Trey’s friends meet me, they immediately want a tattoo. I have to remind them they must be eighteen and these are permanent and so much can change in the course of time.
Tonight, we are taking Trey and his newest girlfriend out to dinner and a movie. He’s fifteen; neither of them can drive yet, so mom and dad are taking them to the mall. Trenton and I will walk around, grab a bite to eat, and do some shopping while Trey has his date.
Trenton and I are sharing a pizza when he cups my chin in his hand. Bringing my face up to eye level, he searches my stare for something, but what I’m not sure.
“It’s always been you, Soph.”
“Trenton.”
“No. Let me say this. I know you’ve gone through hell at the hands of my father. I did what I could, but it wasn’t enough. I hurt you. I took years from you and our son that can never be given back. But you, you…it’s always been you. Can we have something for us? Or is it all lost with the years that have passed by?”
Love and Repair Series Box Set Page 39