“You know nothing.” Tanner wasn’t here for me anymore. My parents gave up once their golden, football star son died. I did well in school, but I didn’t shine at any sports. I didn’t have colleges looking at me because I could run a touchdown in record time.
“I know you’re the reason I’m where I’m at now. You know all the shit I’ve been through. Who knows where I’d be if it wasn’t for you talking to me because I was too ashamed to tell anyone else. Who knows where I’d be if you weren’t packing my lunch because you knew I was low on money and couldn’t afford to buy it.” He brushed away tears with his thumb and kissed my forehead. His mouth moved down to the tip of my nose and then to my lips. It was so quick, I was certain my inebriated mind had imagined it. I touched my lips with a finger and blinked. Was he really even here?
All of a sudden, my breathing grew ragged. I felt like my heart was ready to pound out of my chest and fall onto the ground in front of me. “What is happening to me?” I rasped out, panting. My heart continued its assault on my rib cage, begging to be let loose, and my blood began boiling, my body feeling like an oven. I wrapped my hands around my throat, moving them up and down to try and catch my breath. A thousand tingles spread over my body, feeling like they were burning my skin off, and my throat began to close up. “Holy crap, I’m dying.” I knew I was. If I wasn’t, I was getting pretty close to it.
I felt the tips of his fingers massage my head. “Tessa, baby, you’ve got to calm down.”
I shook my head a few times quickly. “I-I can’t.”
“Yes you can,” he said, his voice soft. “Take deep, large breaths,” he instructed, rubbing my arms with this heavy hands.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me!” I slammed my hands down against the cement.
“You’re having an anxiety attack.” I shook my head and shut my eyes. An anxiety attack? I didn’t have anxiety. No, I was dying. “Look at me.” I ignored him, trying to catch my breath. He dragged my chin back up with a single finger. “Look me in the eyes.” I finally did as I was told because I had no idea what else to do. I was going to die either way, so I might as well not spend my last breaths arguing with him. “Good job, baby, now keep them on mine.”
My eyes focused on his, and his hands went to my shoulders as he began to massage them. “Now, let’s breathe together. One big breath for me. Ready, go.” My hands balled into fists as I took a deep breath and my stomach tightened up. “Good job baby, now let it out.” I breathed out, and my stomach deflated. “Now again.” I repeated the same exercise over and over again as Dawson talked me through each one until I felt like I could control my breathing on my own.
“You feel better now?” he asked, the streetlight flickering above us.
I brought both of my hands up and covered my face. “Oh my God, this is beyond humiliating.”
He chuckled, grabbing my hands one at a time and picking them off my face. “Hate to break it to you, babe, but I’ve seen you in much worse states than this. Well, minus the drunken part. You should be embarrassed about that.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Remember when you got the chicken pox and no one would talk to you at school for two weeks because they thought you were still contagious and it was airborne?” I kept my eyes narrowed. Tanner, Dawson, and Daisy were the only ones who’d play with me at recess. Other kids wouldn’t even touch the same pencil as me. “Or when you tried that new at-home facial you saw online? You practically burned all the skin off your face.” His hand stroked my arm while he tried to make light of my humiliating situation to calm me down.
I kept taking deep breaths and letting them out like we’d practiced when my stomach began to grumble. “Oh crap,” I called out, turning to the side to get sick again, but nothing came out. I heaved again, waiting for a mess to come out of me, but nothing. I spit the nasty taste of alcohol out of my mouth. His fingers ran down my arms and over my back. I rose back up, and he wiped my mouth with the bottom of his t-shirt.
“Feel better?” he asked, and I nodded. “Good, now you need to sleep this shit off. I can’t believe you of all people decided to go out and party on a school night.” He pulled me up from the ground effortlessly, holding my elbow to keep me steady, as we headed to my front door.
“Don’t act like you’ve never done it before,” I replied, remembering how he and Tanner would go out with the guys on the football team on school nights to have “nightly practices.” Then they’d call me late at night to sneak them through the back door. Tanner would always wobble to his bedroom, and I’d usually make Dawson something to eat to help sober him up.
He laughed, fishing a key from his pocket, and sticking it into the doorknob. I forgot he had a key to our place. I was surprised he wasn’t walking in when no one would answer the door. The door squeaked open, and we walked up the stairs to my bedroom without turning on any lights. I fell into my bed without pulling down the blankets as my bedside lamp flickered on. Suddenly I was being rolled over. Dawson brought down my blankets, rolled me back, and tucked me in tightly.
“Be right back,” he whispered and disappeared into my adjoined bathroom. He came back with a small glass of water and two white pills. I grabbed the pills, looked down at them, and then back at him. “What?” he asked. “You didn’t have any aspirin in there, so I figured these would do the job, too. It helps with pain and moodiness, right? You’ll need both of those tonight and tomorrow.”
“Do you even know what Midol is?” I asked.
“It said relief for menstrual symptoms on the bottle, so yeah, it’s for pain and moodiness.”
“Menstrual means your period.”
“I know that. You complain about headaches when you’re on your period,” he argued, handing over the glass of water. “And you’re moody as hell. It’s also better than nothing. I checked the ingredients, and they’ll help you not be as hung over in the morning.” I popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them down. “I’ll be here in the morning to take you to school.” He kissed my forehead and turned off my lamp.
I blinked against the sudden darkness, wanting to stop him, and beg him to stay with me. I didn’t want to be alone, but I bit my tongue to keep the words from falling out of my mouth. I was terrified of his rejection. I’d been able to handle it before, but I was too fragile now. I only needed one more hit with the hammer before I completely shattered.
Dawson
I’d been pissed off a lot. I couldn’t count the times I’d wanted to shove my fist through the drywall in my bedroom or scream out in frustration for the irresponsible choices my mom makes. I’d had a pretty shitty childhood, so those moments, those pissed off, dry-wall hitting moments, were endless. But the most heart wrenching was seeing Tessa’s drunken, disheveled body collapsed onto the ground as an anxiety attack forced her to tears.
That was the worst. And I wanted to kill whomever had let her drink that much and then let her wander off alone. They hadn’t even gone looking for her. I grinded my teeth together, feeling my jaw tick, and I was certain I knew who the culprit was. Why was she even talking to that asshole? I didn’t know the guy, but I knew of him, and while I usually wasn’t one to pre-judge someone, what I’d heard wasn’t shining. It was dark. He was known for his partying, womanizing, and drug dealing. He was the last person Tessa needed to get involved with. He’d use her, rip her apart, and then leave her on the side of the street to rot.
The horn on my steering wheel blared as my fist slammed into it. Flashes of her defeated, lonely face seared through me. The pain she was going through killed me. Everything she was feeling, I hated it, and I hated how she wasn’t letting me help her. I’d wanted to stay with her tonight, smooth her messy hair away from her face, and hold her until she fell asleep. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my best friend. I’d made the promise to always protect and look out for her. I’d also made the promise to never date her or touch her and that was the dumbest pact I’d ever made in my life. If there were anything I could ever take back, it would be
the day I agreed to that.
Tanner was my best friend. When I’d first moved to Indiana things weren’t going that great. My mom was having a hard time finding a new job, and she was depressed about having to move to follow my dad. My new school was small and not very accepting of new kids, but Tanner stepped in and took me under his wing. He’d introduced me to Daisy, the girl he’d been dating since they were practically toddlers, and his twin sister, Tessa. Before I met her I promised I wouldn’t date her, but the instant I laid eyes on her I wished I could take it back.
The bright, blue-eyed girl sitting at the lunch table mesmerized me. Her eyes reminded me of water reflecting on the pond I’d fished on in Illinois, clear with beautiful blue shades peeking through. I’d gone there every week with my friend Wyatt and his dad, yearning for my own father to fish with. Curls the color of dandelions fell along her shoulder blades and she smiled brightly with a mouthful of braces. Even in her awkward stage, she was breathtaking.
As I got to know her, I found out there was more to her than just the mini-skirt and blonde hair. She wasn’t stuck up about the fact that her parents had money. She was kind to everyone and volunteered every Saturday at the local YMCA and played bingo at the local nursing home. She laughed at my jokes and always made me food when I’d come over to hang out with her brother. She’d stay up with me late at night, helping me cram for tests, and research projects. She was brilliantly smart and the temptation to make her mine hurt like a bitch every day. I’d wanted her for years and now it was too late to even ask Tanner to give me leniency on my promise.
I twisted the broken dial of my radio, and music began to pour through my cab. Blake Shelton’s “Mine Would Be You” sounded more like static than music through my nearly blown-out speakers. I took the long way home, cruising through the country roads, and passing the miles of cornfields before stopping at a dead end. Getting out of my truck, I pulled down my rusted tailgate and plopped down. I needed to clear my head. Anytime Tessa was involved, I needed to clear my damn head. She’d been the most complicated, yet intriguing, person I’d ever met. And that was saying a lot considering my family was screwed up enough to be cast in a Dr. Phil special.
I leaned back, and my elbows hit the cold metal as I cursed at the duskiness. My mom had dragged me to this small town to follow my deadbeat dad. He’d traveled to Indiana to do what he’d done, and now we were stuck there. She’d always follow him. No matter how badly he treated or used her, she’d always be there, and take me along for the ride. I had to stand by her and watch her get excited about his call, only to find out he only wanted money. When I met Tanner and his family, they took me in as their own and showed me what it was like to have a real family.
“Where the hell have you been?” the shrill voice asked when I walked through the front door. I stopped in step, blinking until I made out the silhouette of her sitting in the dark.
“I had an emergency,” I answered, pushing my truck keys into my pants pocket and flipping the lock to the door behind me. She leaned forward as the lamp beside her flickered on.
“You’re in high school, what possible emergency could you have?” she mocked. “A little slut wanting to get laid. You better be safe Dawson Thomas. I ain’t raising no grandkids, and you know your father won’t either.”
I shook my head and took a good look at her. My mom had once been a beautiful woman, inside and out. She graduated from high school and enrolled in the community college in our small town. She’d wanted to be a nurse and help deliver babies. Enter my dad. He came ripping through her life like a hurricane and destroyed everything that was her. She lost her scholarship, her job, and every ounce of confidence she’d had. My grandparents turned their backs on her when she’d taken jewelry from my grandma’s room and gave it to my dad to pawn it. Apparently, he needed a new TV and a casino trip with the guys.
Some people do really stupid shit for love. She was his puppet, allowing him to dictate everything that happened in our lives. Her dirty blonde hair flickered with pebbles of grey was cut into a tangled, frizzy bob. Crows feet underlined her almond-shaped, emerald green eyes, and wrinkles were building up around her lips. Sepia colored liquid filled the glass in her hand and she leaned back in her old rocking chair wearing an old, frumpy robe.
“No one’s getting pregnant, Ma.” I didn’t feel like getting into it with her tonight. She wouldn’t remember it tomorrow, anyways.
“When your father comes back, you know he isn’t going to allow this kind of behavior to happen in his house.” Anger flashed through me at her calling it “his house.” He’d never paid one damn bill for this place. It was my mom and I working to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. When the cold winters came and our heat bill doubled, I picked up extra shifts delivering pizzas in the freezing cold to pay it. Not him. He didn’t do anything but selfishly take.
My head dropped back, and I inhaled a deep breath. “We both know he’s never coming back.”
I didn’t even flinch at the sound of glass shattering against the wall beside me. She hated hearing the truth. “Don’t you dare say that,” she demanded, pointing her bony finger at me. “You’re a goddamned liar. He’ll be back, and you’ll respect him, otherwise you’ll be out of here.”
I shook my head. “Goodnight. You need to get to bed and sober yourself up. You’ve got to work in the morning.” She worked at a factory in town and couldn’t be hung over while working machinery, or she’d lose her job. That was the last thing we needed or could afford. I turned around and walked down the short hall to my bedroom. It was useless trying to talk sense into her, especially when it was about him.
I shut my door carefully, hearing the lock click as I threw my keys down onto the wooden desk at the corner of my room next to my computer. I opened a drawer and grabbed a pill from the bottle. Pulling my t-shirt over my head, I flipped the light off and collapsed onto my mattress. My doctor prescribed me Ambien because I was having trouble sleeping. It’s hard to sleep when you get flashbacks of shots tearing through the your best friend’s chest. I was grateful I’d forgotten to take them tonight, or I would’ve been too knocked out to hear Tessa’s call, and who knows where the hell she’d be. I shut my eyes, and my mind ran back to one of my many Tessa incidents as I drifted to sleep.
“I just don’t get what you see in her,” Tessa said, stretching out onto the couch in her living room beside me. It was the night, or early morning, of their annual pool party. Every year, their parents went out of town to visit their aunt, and we’d throw a badass pool party. The party had ended, and we’d kicked everyone out, leaving just the four of us. Daisy and Tanner had escaped to his bedroom, and Tessa and I were hanging out in the living room eating leftover chips.
Her hair was pulled back into a wet ponytail showing off her flawless face. She hadn’t changed out of her skimpy-as-hell bikini covered with black stars against white fabric. My fingertips throbbed, longing to trace the outline of each star. My eyes traveled down and admired her breasts pushed up by the strings tied around her back. I licked my lips, moving my gaze down her toned, tan stomach and her sleek legs. I shut my eyes, envisioning what she’d looked like if I carefully untied each string, revealing every inch of her.
“Dawson,” she said loudly, snapping her fingers in front of my face and breaking me away from my dirty thoughts.
“Huh?” I asked.
“Kassidy,” she answered, and I slumped deeper into the couch. Not this shit again.
“What about her?” I hated when she brought up other chicks.
“What do you see in her?”
I also hated it when she got jealous. Kassidy Belcher didn’t mean shit to me. But I couldn’t tell her that. I should’ve, but I couldn’t. I ran my hands through my hair before grabbing my water bottle and taking a giant gulp to bide me some time before answering her question.
“She’s cool to hang out with, I guess.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like I’m going to marry the chick or anything. We
just chill.”
She scoffed, kicking her bare feet up on the table. “You just chill? That’s what you say about all of them, but you forgot to mention the fact that you chill naked while you’re inside of her.” I choked on my water. Tessa always got brave and outspoken when she drank. “Are you trying to conquer the entire female student body before we graduate?”
I laughed, trying to make light of the situation. “I wouldn’t say the entire student body per se.” She gave me a serious look, letting me know she wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “I don’t want to conquer you.”
Wrong damn thing to say.
I watched her face go from serious to seriously pissed off. “Wow, Dawson,” she snarled. “I apologize for being so unattractive and inexperienced that I’m not up to your standards to conquer, but girls like Kassidy are okay. What? Do you not want your girls to be smarter than you because you suck in bed?”
I ran my hands over my face in frustration. The girl knew how to push my buttons. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. When she drank, she always ended up pissed off at me. Then she’d say some stupid shit, and I’d get pissed at her. She only brought up her feelings for me when she had alcohol in her system. Then the next day, she’d act like nothing happened. It was a game to us, only more emotional, and not very entertaining.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” I replied, trying to backtrack my words.
She rolled her eyes and tucked her feet under her butt. “Whatever.”
“You want to be conquered?”
Her light blue eyes narrowed my way. “No, I don’t want you to conquer me, jackass. I’ll never be one of your three day flings.”
“Then why are you so pissed?”
I scooted closer to her and didn’t miss the sudden heightening in her breathing. Her glossy eyes stared straight into mine. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, pushing a hand against my chest to shove me away from her. She began to get up, but I reached forward and grabbed her arm to stop her. Wrapping my hand around her chilly face, I used a finger to outline her full, rounded lips and remembered what they tasted like. I’d felt her lips on mine. I’d felt her tongue against mine. We’d get caught in the moment, and do shit that wasn’t supposed to happen. I’d pull away before we’d get too far, telling her we had to stop. That it wasn’t allowed to happen. And she’d get pissed at me, run away, and not talk to me for days.
Revive Me Page 4