“Uh, no,” I answered, confused.
“Then what’s holding you back? Everyone starts out inexperienced, babe. You’ll never know what it’s like or what you like if you don’t try it. Trust me, it’s easy, and it feels fucking amazing. It feels even better when you have feelings for the person, like I do you.” He stepped closer, and settled himself back in between my legs. “I want you. God, I want you so bad. I want to feel closer to you.” He ran his hands up my leggings. “Everyday, I think about how great it would feel if you gave yourself to me. I’d know you truly cared about me.” His hands traveled back up and in between my legs. He continued to rub, his finger moving in circles, and I started to feel dizzy. “I’m not trying to push you, love. I’ve just been waiting so long.” He pulled his piercing into his mouth, scraping his teeth against it, while he kept his hand at work. My vision grew hazy and this time when he went to pull off my leggings, I didn’t stop him.
Tessa
“Hey, it’s me,” I said into the speaker of my phone. I adjusted myself against the chilly pillows in my bed and sunk down into comfort of my sheets. “I’ve tried calling you a few times, but you’re not picking up, obviously. Please, just please, call me back,” I pleaded to his voicemail. With every missed call, I was struggling harder to keep my cool. Why was he ignoring me? Did I do something wrong? Fear sunk into the bottom of my stomach as a headache grinded through my skull. This couldn’t be happening.
“Screw it,” I whispered into the quiet of my bedroom and slid out of my bed. There was no way I’d be able to sleep until I talked to him. I couldn’t lose him. I slammed my eyes shut, and sobbed silently. Why did everyone leave me?
I pulled on a pair of sweat pants from the floor and threw on a jacket. I snatched all my hair up in one hand, pulled it into a loose ponytail, and walked down stairs and out the front door.
The party was in full swing when I walked in. I knew he’d be there. He’d mentioned it to me the other night, and he never missed a party. That’s all he did. I nudged a few people with my shoulder, dodging them left and right, and spotted a large group of people standing in the living room. I immediately spotted him standing in the middle of the crowd. I blinked a few times, counted to ten, and tried to calm myself down.
“I’m dreaming,” I whispered to myself. “Please be dreaming.”
I opened them back up and my stomach clenched. Nope, I definitely wasn’t dreaming. His hands were wrapped around a tall, busty blonde attached to his side as he talked to the people around him. He was holding her like he’d held me. His hand was wrapped firmly around her waist like he owned her. A chill hit my spine. Everything we’d done and everything he’d said meant nothing. They were all lies. Stupid bullshit lies. And I’d been suckered into falling for every one of them.
“Hey Tessa,” Maya shouted, noticing me and breaking out of Bobby’s arms. I looked up to see her skipping my way before pulling me in for a tight hug. I hugged her back, but kept my eyes on him. His entire body stilled at the mention of my name, and his head jerked up to look directly at me. He saw me. He acted like he didn’t, but he did.
“Hey,” I muttered, pulling away from her.
“Let’s go get a drink, girlfriend,” she said, grabbing my hand to drag me away. I pulled back from her in suspicion. Was she trying to help me by not letting me see Reese or was she trying to protect him?
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
“Shit,” she spat out under her breath, answering my question.
I stomped over to him. He wasn’t going to get away with this. “Are you kidding me?” I shouted. There were so many thoughts running through my head, and I couldn’t keep up. I’d never felt so angry, betrayed, and hurt before. I’d officially become one of those girls who created a scene in public over a guy.
“Fuck me,” Reese breathed out, dropping his arm away from the girl at his side, and pushing her back behind him in a protective gesture. Was he trying to protect her from me? His hands ran over his face, and he shook his head a couple times. Was this what it meant to have your heart broken? I was realizing every warning I’d been given was right. I listened to his lies and lost people I loved. I lost people who cared about me by choosing him. I’d been blind. Every word, every promise, and every touch meant nothing to him, but everything to me.
“Who the hell is she?” the girl behind him screeched, looking over his shoulder and pointing at me. The crowd had parted, allowing me to walk straight to him, and create the scene they were anticipating.
“She’s a friend,” he answered, biting his piercing roughly as his words seared through my heart. I was a friend? He threw his head back and cursed a few times before looking directly at me. “Look Tess, we need to talk.”
“I’ve been trying to call you all day.”
He patted his pockets like he was searching for his phone. “Fuck, sorry, I forgot my phone at home.” My ribs squeezed when I eyed the bulge in his right pocket that was strangely the size of his cell.
“Okay,” I drew, looking around at the curious looks around us. Alexa was standing in the corner of the room, her attention on us as she shook her head, and looked at me with what looked like pity. I spotted Dawson in the kitchen, oblivious to what was going on, playing a drinking game with his friends and a few girls. I watched him help a girl get the perfect aim for her beer pong ball, cheering when she hit the opponent’s cup. He’d moved on. I couldn’t be mad at him for it. I’d practically shoved him out of my life and handed him to her.
“This probably isn’t the best place to have this conversation,” Reese said, gritting his teeth, and I looked away from Dawson as he jerked his head to the gawking crowd. “Call me tomorrow, stop by, and we’ll talk.”
The girl behind him scoffed and pushed into his back. “What the hell do you need to talk to her about? Is this your girlfriend? You told me you were single.”
“Chill out, babe. She’s not my girlfriend,” he fired back, grabbing her angry hands and settling them to his side.
She’s not my girlfriend. I’d been so naïve. He’d made me feel like I was the most important person in the world to him. I thought we were in a relationship. I was falling in love with him. I hated love. I wanted to rip love into shreds, shove it down his throat, and let him choke on the emotions until it made him feel as sick as I did.
“You can go fuck yourself,” I seethed, taking a few steps forward. My hand whipped back, and I felt the sting of my palm connecting with his face before he had the chance to stop it. The girl behind him shrieked as he fell back into her chest, and she was shoved against the wall. Tears burned at my eyelids, begging to be released, but I refused to let him see me cry. I wasn’t giving him, or anyone else, that satisfaction. He stared at me in shock as I shoved a finger into his chest. “You’re an asshole, and I hate you!” I pushed him again, causing another shriek, and he finally shoved me away from him.
Fire burned his eyes when he pushed me again. “You need to fucking leave, Tessa,” he spat.
Bobby instantly appeared and grabbed his arm to pull him away. “Dude, chill out. Let’s go smoke,” he said. “Don’t do anything fucking stupid.”
“He’s already done something stupid!” I yelled. “You’re a coward, and you’re worthless.”
“Fuck you, you crazy bitch. Don’t get mad at me because I don’t want you!”
I charged at him, but was suddenly pushed back. “Tessa, calm the fuck down,” the familiar voice said in to my ear as another pair of hands helped him keep me still. Rage ate at me. I wanted to hurt him. I couldn’t hurt Reese emotionally like he’d done me, but I could physically. At least I thought I could. I was pulled into a chair and hated myself when the tears began their course down my cheeks. Dawson leaned down in front of me, placing his palms on my kneecaps, and swiped spirals of hair that had fallen loose from my hair-tie.
“Listen to me, baby, you need to calm down,” he said gently, moving his hands from my hair to my eyes, wiping away the evidence of my hurt
. “I’m here for you, you know that. I’ll always be here. Forget about him, and let’s go home.”
“You said you were done with me,” I sobbed, choking the words out. He’d left me, too. He’d said he was done with me. He’d left me just like everyone else. His chest was the next one I pushed back. “You lost your best friend and now you’re looking for someone to fill that void. I get it, Dawson, oh trust me, I get it. That’s what I’d done with that stupid jackass.” Every word that spewed out of my mouth shocked him and me. Who was this girl? I’d become a monster. “But it’s not real, so stop! I’m not going to let you, or anyone else, use me again! I’m done.”
“Jesus Christ,” he hissed, the intensity of his blue eyes peering down at me. “Use you? Are you even listening to the bullshit you’re spewing? That guy over there.” He pointed to Reese standing with his hands clenched as Bobby tried to calm him down. “The guy you’re crying over, that’s what using someone looks like. He used you, not me, I’ve done nothing but try to help you!”
“Fuck you!” Reese shouted, leaving Bobby before he had the chance to pull him back, and charging our way. “I didn’t fucking use her. You don’t know shit about what happened between us.”
Dawson pushed him away before he got any closer to me. “Oh, so you didn’t fuck her for the fun of it and then bail when you got what you wanted?”
“Dawson!” I shouted, humiliated at his accusation.
A menacing smile crossed Reese’s lips. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, pretty boy,” he taunted, and Dawson stumbled into my chair as Reese’s palms smacked into his chest. He rubbed his chin a few times and looked down at me. “You know why I bailed? You want me to tell all of these people why I freaked out?”
“Don’t you dare talk to her,” Dawson said, pulling himself up and pushing Reese away from me again. Spit flew from his mouth, and he looked at Reese like he was ready for murder.
“Dude, not here,” Ollie said, grabbing Dawson’s arm when it reached out to hit Reese.
“You want to hit me, pussy boy?” Reese said, slamming his fist against his own chest. “Let’s see how big of a badass this momma’s boy is, shall we? Have you ever punched anyone before?” He snorted. “I bet you haven’t and now you’re trying to play prince charming boy for the girl who chose me over you. I wonder how it’s going to feel to get my leftovers?”
“Fuck this asshole,” Cody yelled, appearing at Dawson’s side. “Please tell me I can beat this arrogant fuckhead’s ass because he fucking needs it.”
I’d seen Dawson get into a few fights, but nothing serious. He’d punched a guy for grabbing my ass one year during spring break and another for calling me a dick tease at a bonfire. But Cody, I’d seen him fight. I’d seen him fight a lot. I knew he’d hit Reese, no questions asked, no over thinking it. That was Cody’s release. It was his high to beat the shit out of people.
Dawson shook his head as Reese continued to taunt him. “No man, this is my shit.” He snagged his arm out of Ollie’s grasps and slammed his fist into Reese’s smirking face, catching him off guard. Reese fell into Bobby’s big frame, wiped his bloody lip with the back of his hand, and regained his composure. I gasped, watching him charge back at Dawson and hitting him in the side of his face. A few girls shrieked, jumping away from the fight, while guys crowded around to watch. But nobody tried to stop it.
I tried to watch what was going on, but there was too much commotion. The crowd zeroed in on the two and blocked my view.
“Fuck me,” Cody yelled, darting into the crowd. I kicked my legs up and stood up in the chair to see what was going on. I gasped when I saw it. Bobby and another guy had joined the fight. They were holding Dawson down on the ground while Reese kicked into his stomach.
“No!” I screamed. “Somebody stop him.” I jumped down from the chair and pushed through the crowd of people. “Get off of him!” I continued to scream, elbowing lingering bodies before I reached the edge of the fighting ring. Cody and Ollie had jumped in, pulling Reese’s friends away, but Reese continued his assault on Dawson. Dawson was on the floor, crouched into the fetal position, as he took each blow. My legs locked, and I grabbed onto the stranger next to me when I noticed Dawson’s bloody face. I looked over at Reese, his face full of rage, and rushed towards him. “Get off of him you asshole!” I shrieked, pulling at the back of his shirt with all my strength until Cody pulled me away.
He grabbed Reese in headlock and slammed him against the wall at the same time his fist met Reese’s nose. Reese pushed Cody away and held his hands up in surrender, like he knew he was going to get his ass kicked. “It’s fucking over,” he yelled, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and holding it up to the blood dripping from his nostrils. “Bobby, Kurt,” he said, and his friends quit trying to fight Ollie. “It’s fucking over!”
I bent down to grab Dawson’s hand, and Ollie and Cody helped me drag his limp body up. Tears streamed from my eyes when I took a good look at him. His face was bleeding and already beginning to bruise. Blood covered his shirt, and his lip was busted. He spit blood onto the carpet and cursed out loud.
“You good to walk, bro?” Cody asked.
“I’m good,” Dawson said, staggering a few feet, and Cody grabbed hold of him before he toppled over.
“Dude, you ain’t cool,” he said.
I tried to help them, but Ollie stopped me. “We got it,” he said sternly.
Cody whipped around before they headed to the doors. He pointed to Reese’s friends standing at his side. “You fuckers are pussies for jumping in. You want to talk shit and act like bulldogs, be sure that your Chihuahua asses can back it up. Real men don’t jump people; they fight their own fucking battles. Who’s the pussy now?” he asked, his attention turning to Reese.
“I think it’s time for you to go, and I’d steer clear of parties around here,” Alexa said, coming to my side. “I didn’t peg you as a troublemaker, but I can see it now. Look at you,” she said, her eyebrows rising. “You’ve got two hot guys fighting over you. I don’t know what it is, I mean you’re not even that cute, but I guess the whole innocent thing works. Maybe I’ll buy some turtlenecks and try it out.”
“Why are you talking to me?” I asked.
“You need to stop or it will get worse.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop relying on other people to fix your shit. You need to fix it on your own, honey. I’d suggest staying away from our crowd. They’re not fans of overly dramatic girls and girl, you’re over-dramatic as hell. Stay away from the bad boys or this is what you’ll get every time.”
“I’m not overly-dramatic,” I said defensively. “You know nothing about me.” Dawson spit out blood again while he and Reese gave each other the stare-down. I could tell they were ready for round two. I looked over at his friends, both looking like they could go another round as well.
“I’m honestly not trying to be a bitch,” Alexa said, bringing the cup in her hand to her lips.
I snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“I’m helping you. You need to stay away from social events and people for a minute before you get shunned completely, otherwise, this will happen again. Now get your friends and get gone. I’ll get this shit sorted out.”
She walked away from me, her knee-high boots stomping into the carpet, and stopped in the middle of the crowd. “Gentleman, this is over,” she announced, swinging around in her tight jeans and pointing to Dawson. “It’s time for you guys to go.” Without listening to his response, she turned to Reese. “And you, leave the room so they can get their shit together and leave. Go clean yourself up because all of you look like pathetic idiots.”
Reese’s friends scurried away like she was the queen giving orders. Reese slid his arm across his nose to wipe away the still blood dripping down on the carpet. “Show’s over!” he called out to everyone.
“Let’s fucking go, Tessa,” Dawson yelled, swatting away his friend’s hands to help him move. He used the arm of a chair to
balance himself and began to walk out of the house. “My keys are in my jacket pocket,” he told Cody. Cody grabbed them and hopped into the driver’s side.
“Help him in,” he instructed us. Ollie came to my side, and we both lifted Dawson into the seat of the cab.
I rummaged in my pockets and pulled out my keys when Ollie snatched them from my hand. He looked over at Cody. “We’ll take care of your car later. For now, get in.” I nodded, not knowing what else to do, and I didn’t want to leave Dawson. He helped me into the cab before jumping in next to me.
“Holy shit!” Cody yelled, starting the truck and gunning the gas. “That shit was not cool.”
Ollie snorted. “You think? Those dickheads straight jumped him.”
Dawson stayed silent beside me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to grab his hand, but he jerked away.
“Not now, Tessa,” he snapped, looking straight ahead.
“Please don’t hate me,” I pleaded.
He shook his head. “I don’t hate you. I hate what you’ve turned into, but I’ll never hate you.” I flinched at his words. That stung.
“But, just let me explain.”
“There’s no explaining. My head hurts like hell. Just stop.” He couldn’t even look at me, and I didn’t miss the disgust on his face.
“You want me to stay at your house tonight, bro, or drop you off and bring your truck to you tomorrow?” Cody asked.
“Just drop me off at my house,” Dawson answered, his voice flat. It was a punch to the gut each time we passed a streetlight and I got a glimpse of his battered face. Even after everything I’d put him through, he’d stuck up for me. I didn’t deserve him. He deserved someone else, someone who wouldn’t turn their back on him for a worthless loser, and someone who wasn’t so fucked up in the head they didn’t know right from wrong. I’d done this to him. I was breaking him because I couldn’t fix myself.
Tessa
I killed the engine of my car and took a deep breath. Different scenarios played in my head about what was going to happen today. I’d shut my phone off for the rest of the weekend and stayed in my bedroom. Dawson had canceled plans with Derrick, and I knew it was because he didn’t want him to see his battered face.
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