My stomach fluttered as a bright smile passed his lips. I shivered, goose bumps spreading across my body, at the feel of his moist lips caressing my sensitive skin. I sighed, enjoying the feel of him raining kisses along the edge of my camisole top. I looped my arms around his neck and, leaned into his lips to giving him more access. He pulled at the hem of my top with his teeth before pulling it down and squeezing my breasts together. I moaned in ecstasy. Who was this girl? I’d gone from a girl who was nervous about her inexperience to melting in his arms, begging for more, whenever he touched me.
His hands flew down to my waist, his thumbs digging into my flesh, and he pushed the camisole up and over my head until only my bra was in his way. He tossed the cami to the side and brushed his hands to each side of a breast hesitantly, like he was waiting for me to give him the green light. There was no way I was telling him no tonight. No, I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me. I might’ve wanted him more, actually. I quickly unsnapped my bra clasp, giving him all the permission he needed. There was nothing sexier than watching the expression on his face as I eagerly let my breasts naturally drop as my bra fell into my lap.
His hand clasped onto my hair, bringing my lips to his, and he kissed me urgently. I allowed him to release all of his frustrations with me. He breathed in the moan escaping my lungs, as he squeezed, pinched, and massaged my breasts while I grinded against him. Our tongues danced together, our breathing in sync, and I got lost in his touch.
I hastily pulled his shirt over his head and leaned back to get a look at his bare stomach. Running my hands across the smooth, rippled skin, I outlined the contours of his muscles, and bent down to take a soft nipple in my mouth. His eyes pinched together and his hands went back to my hair. I loved that me, the girl with no expertise, was making him feel this good. It was like a high, increasing my need for him. I dipped my hand along the waistline of his shorts; my need for him taking over my fear of being inexperienced.
He pulled my hand away from him, ran his palm between my breasts, before taking a nipple into his mouth. I reached down, unbuckled his shorts, and pulled them down.
That’s when he stopped me. “Baby, we can’t do this here.”
“Everyone’s asleep,” I assured him. He cursed under his breath as I grinded my hips against his. I slid back and forth on his lap, feeling him through his boxers, and grew more excited with each rock.
His eyes fluttered shut, and his head fell back as my pace quickened. Thank God, I’d won. He began to move along with me, his hips meeting mine, as we moved in harmony with one another, I bent forward, resting my hands against the top of the couch for support, and got the perfect angle of his hard erection hitting the precise spot I wanted it.
He pulled away again, and I gave him a dirty look. “We’re not having sex for the first time on your parent’s couch while we’re trying to be quiet,” he said, his breathing heavy.
I chewed on the bottom of lip. “Then what can we do?”
A mischievous grin spread across his lips. “Lay down, baby.” I took one arm off the couch slowly, balanced myself, and lay across it. I tilted my head to the side and waited for him to tell me what to do next.
He untied the waistband of my bottoms, and slowly dragged them off my legs. “Very nice,” he said, his eyes hooded while rubbing both hands over the red fabric of my panties. His hands spread out, each one caressing me in between my thighs. He scooped down, his mouth moving in between his hands, and kissed me over my panties before blowing on them softly. It was the most intimate feeling I’d ever experienced.
My heart pulled at my chest as all of my blood shot to my core. I was nervous but anxious at the same time. His arm reached back, grabbing a blanket and dragging it over us at the same time I felt the weight of his body climb on top of me.
“I thought we weren’t having sex?” I asked, swallowing hard when I noticed his naked body.
“We’re not,” he said, and I tilted my head in confusion. He grabbed my face in his hand and kissed me hard. I let out a deep breath into his mouth, as his tongue began to lap with mine, and the intensity burning inside of me grew hotter.
He broke away from me, raising himself up on his elbows, and looked down at our bodies underneath the blankets. His hand went under, and I jumped at the feeling of his bare erection sliding against my heat.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
I nodded, not sure what ‘this’ was, but I was definitely okay with it.
“Thank God.” He began rocking back and forth between my legs, stimulating me with his cock, but never going inside of me. The friction awakened every sensation flowing through me. My head flew back as I moved my hips to meet his every stroke. We moved together in sloppy coordination, as his free hand dipped underneath the covers, and the tip of his finger put pressure on my clit. I moaned, tipping my head back, as our momentum built.
He lifted himself up to get a better angle. His stomach muscles tensed while he worked me as pressure built inside of me like a balloon ready to bust. I buckled my knees, bringing them up around his side, and opened wider for him. I got completely lost in his thrusts, my head growing foggy, and my nerve endings began to tingle. Until suddenly, I felt like my body was weightless and Dawson’s hand covered my mouth as I cried out my release.
“That was amazing,” I said, and he looked down at me, pained.
“Oh shit,” I said, still feeling his hardness against me, “carry on.”
He laughed, shaking his head, but went back to work, his pace quickening, and he groaned deep into this chest before I felt something hot hit my stomach.
I looked down at the white, thin substance covering my belly. “Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t know where else to go, and you felt so good I didn’t have time, or the strength, to pull away.”
“It’s fine,” I said. I took my hand and rubbed it down my stomach, the sticky substance spreading like lotion across my skin. I wasn’t sure why, but I liked it. I liked the evidence of him being there. He bent down, grabbed his shirt from the floor, and wiped my stomach clean.
I breathed hard watching him, still coming down from my own excitement, as he grabbed my panties and pulled them up my legs. “Your parents might not be too happy if they find us down here butt ass naked,” he said, dressing me because I didn’t have the energy to do it myself.
“I love you,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and positioning myself into his body after he’d slid his shorts on.
“I love you, too,” he replied, kissing the top of my head.
You know that feeling when you’re really sleepy, not exhausted, just sleepy, and you finally get the chance to snuggle into the comfort of your sheets? You get comfortable, shut your eyes, and know that sleep is approaching. That was what being with Dawson felt like.
“Shit!” a loud voice called out, waking me up.
My eyes flashed open, and I pulled away from Dawson’s chest.
“Damn, this couch is uncomfortable as shit,” his deep voice growled above me. “But I did slept pretty well.”
My eyes peeked up to look at him as I yawned loudly. “Me too,” I added, snuggling closer into him. “I didn’t even take my sleeping pill.” My stomach growled loudly and he chuckled.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat,” he said.
Cold air cloaked my body as he flipped the blankets off of us. I felt the weight of him rolling over me as he landed on his feet, and picked up the tangled blanket on top of me, and tossed it to the side. I fixated on him, watching him move around the couch, as he picked up pillows on the floor before helping me up.
“Good morning, kids,” Derrick called out when we walked into the kitchen. He and my dad were both sitting at the kitchen table with a plateful of food in front of them. Derrick used the back of his hand to wipe the milk off his upper lip, and a grin was plastered on his face. “My bad if I woke you guys up.”
“I told you to quit cursing,” my mom told him, standing at the stove and pouring batter int
o a pan. I was waiting for her to say something about us sleeping together, but I got a smile instead. “Good morning, I hope you guys have an appetite.”
Derrick ignored her and eyed us. “Looks like someone was up to no good last night.” His eyes flicked over to my mom flipping a pancake. “Mom, when am I allowed to have girls stay over? There’s this girl in my Science class who’s seriously smokin’. She wants me.”
“Shut it, twerp,” I warned, smacking him in the back of his head and taking the seat across from him as he forked a mouthful of eggs into his mouth.
“What?” he asked, eggs falling from his mouth. “I’m just looking for equal rights in this place.”
“I’m sorry. We were talking, and we must’ve fallen asleep,” Dawson explained, taking the seat next to me and across from my dad. There was no way my parents missed the blush on my cheeks, or his bare chest, as I thought about what we’d done last night. It definitely wasn’t talking.
“You guys were on the couch, so I’ll let this one slide,” my dad said, lifting his mug and taking a drink. “I know we’ll have to set some ground rules with you staying here.”
Derrick dropped his fork. “You’re going to be staying here?” he asked, and Dawson nodded. “Saweeeet.”
My parents went through the rules. No hanging out behind closed doors before going through the birds and the bees, which was not only embarrassing, but ruined my appetite. They set a plan for all of us to go through Tanner’s room together, and Dawson would be staying in there so he wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch every night.
“Looks like we’ve got another member in the family,” Derrick said. “I’ll take it.”
I looked over at Dawson and mouthed, “Me too.” He took a drink of orange juice and winked.
Tessa
Snowflakes floated from the cloudy sky, and I smiled brightly as I watched a winter wonderland form in front of my eyes. I loved snow on Christmas. If there was anything I looked forward to every year, it would be waking up to a cold, frosty morning and watching the cascade of snow paint everything in sight. Tanner hadn’t been here with me for Christmas, but he made sure to send down butterflies of snow.
“Can we get to the present unwrapping part now?” Derrick asked, storming down the stairs and plopping down onto the carpeted floor in the living room in front of our tall Christmas tree decorated with bright golds, dark reds, and flashes of green with white luminescent lights entwined through the branches. He climbed forward and pulled down his stocking that was surrounded by the rest of ours. I looked up at the glittered names of my parents, my own, Dawson’s, and Tanner’s. We’d put his up so he could be here with us in spirit. I’d written a letter for him and tiptoed down the stairs last night to carefully place it in the stocking. I made a promise to myself to do it every year.
I took in the view one last time before turning around and sitting on the couch. I hummed along with the Christmas music spilling through the speakers. I looked over as Dawson took the seat next to me. His arm slid out, wrapped around my shoulders, and my body drifted across the leather and into his arms. I got comfortable, and Derrick began passing out brightly colored, wrapped presents when my parents walked into the room.
I unwrapped a few gifts from my parents and Derrick as everyone else in the room did the same. I was relieved when I looked over to see several presents sitting in front of Dawson. They’d made sure not to make him feel left out. His mom still hadn’t called, even after I’d called her myself and left a message inviting her over for the holidays.
“What’s this?” I asked, looking at the long, rectangular box that was handed over to me. A bright red ribbon was precisely wrapped around it and tied into a small bow at the top. I looked up to find my parents and Derrick leaving the room and walking into the kitchen.
“Open it,” he insisted, giving me a nudge with his elbow and looking at me eagerly. My heart pounded against my chest with anticipation. I untied the bow slowly, dragging the ribbon off and setting it down next to me, before pulling the lid off the box.
I gasped as bright gold sparkled against the sunlight peeking into the room. I looked at it with awe and traced my fingers against the chain link bracelet in front of me. “It’s beautiful,” I said. He grabbed the box from my hand and carefully pulled the bracelet out. His hand then captured my wrist, and I expected him to clasp it, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned it over and pressed his lips to my scarred skin.
I instantly pulled away. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
I looked down at the ugly lines on my wrist, and frowned. “They’re ugly.”
“They’ll heal.”
I shook my head. “They’ll always be there.”
“Baby, everyone has scars they don’t want people to see, yours just happen to be more visible than others.”
“How lucky,” I grumbled.
“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue, did you know that? That means that these marks right here,” he grabbed my wrist again and this time I let him. He turned his attention back to my healing skin and kissed it again lightly, “are the strongest part of you.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears. He turned my hand back around and attentively wrapped the bracelet around before clasping it together.
I held out my hand and eyed it in awe. The links looped together in the middle of the bracelet. “It’s a knot bracelet,” he explained.
“A knot bracelet?”
He nodded. “It symbolizes two people coming together. We’re weaving our lives together, embarking on a new journey, and no matter what happens, we’ll never break. We’ll always loop back around and meet each other.”
“I love it, thank you,” I said, sniffling and admiring my wrist. It covered the scars perfectly. When I looked at my wrist now, I wouldn’t see the grotesque flaws in my skin, Instead, I’d see beautiful gold glistening against my skin. It wouldn’t remind me of when I’d been alone. It’d remind me of how Dawson was there to protect me. I’d remember how much I was loved.
“I think it’s a good symbol. I was thinking we’d get our wedding rings engraved with the symbol,” he added. I suddenly looked up at him, and he grinned at the expression on my face. “What? Did you think we weren’t going to get married? Incase you didn’t know, I’m not letting you go.” I smiled and closed the lid to the box before placing it next to the bow. He wiped tears from my eyes. “What kind of wedding do you want?” He asked.
“I’m not sure,” I answered, still not thinking clearly.
“You and Daisy never played with Barbies and acted out your wedding day?”
“Uh no.” He gave me a look, and I leaned back into his arms. “Okay, maybe just a little.” He grinned. “What kind of wedding would you want?”
He shrugged. “The one that would make you my wife.”
I pushed myself up and looked up at him. “Seriously? How can you even have an answer that perfect?”
He laughed. “I’ve held it in for years, waiting for you to bring it up.”
I nudged his chest playfully and he grabbed my face to kiss me. “God, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He grabbed my wrist and kissed it above the bracelet. “Merry Christmas to the most amazing girl I somehow landed.”
Tessa
The back of my throat burned as my head spun lightly. I held onto the door handle of my car like I was on a roller coaster hanging on for dear life. “I can do this,” I kept repeating in my head but with one look at the parking lot, I changed my mind. Nope, I definitely couldn’t do it. The courage I’d spent days building up had stayed at home, tucked itself in my bed, and wasn’t coming out.
We’d stayed in the majority of winter break, hibernating, with the exception of loading on our snow gear and going sledding with Derrick for a day. I’d visited Daisy on Christmas while she was home visiting her parents. We’d caught up, and she’d told me about the guy Dawson had argued with when she came to visit me at the hospital. And Dawson apologized to h
er for the way he’d acted. She was afraid to move on, she thought people would think badly about her if she started dating someone new, especially my family. But we understood Daisy couldn’t wait for Tanner because he was never coming back. She needed to let go and find someone else to make her as happy as he did.
My mom went back to her job at the pharmacy, and my dad didn’t lose his at the law firm. He’d still overhear the snide remarks about his arrest and my mom driving him back and forth to work, but he kept his head up. He knew it wouldn’t go away, just like my suicide attempt, the whispering would never stop, and we’d just have to learn to ignore it.
They decided to tear down the wing where the shooting happened and build a new one on the opposite end of the school, keeping the site as a memorial. It was going to take a year to complete, which meant I didn’t have to walk the halls of that school again. And I was okay with that. I didn’t want to keep re-living that nightmare. I wasn’t sure if I could put my books in my locker and not expect Tanner’s to be next to me.
“You’re going to do fine, babe,” Dawson said, turning off the ignition to my car.
I didn’t answer him. Instead, I watched the groups of people walk across the parking lot and into the school. Different scenarios of what today was going to be like streamed through my head like a movie. Did everyone know? They had to know. Would they call me a freak and make fun of me? And Reese, I’d have to see him. Would he and his friends still want revenge for the whole party incident?
The people in here, they’d hurt me. I couldn’t blame them for everything. I’d already walked to the ledge, my heart pounding, as I contemplated whether or not to take the jump, but their words hit me in the back, causing me to lose my balance, and topple down.
“I shouldn’t be here. I changed my mind,” I said, rushing the words out. My parents had given me the option of being homeschooled for the last semester. In the past, they would’ve never given me that option, but I think they were still in fear of me relapsing. When they’d asked me, I wanted to be strong. A large part of my recovery was moving on and facing my fears. These people, this school, they were one of my fears. They might’ve pushed me down, but I wanted to drag myself up, and charge back with full force. That was, until I was actually facing them head on. Everyone is mighty until it’s time to step into the ring.
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