by Smith, Mary
“I’m going out with Andrew and his dad, and I have nothing to wear. Can I raid your closet?” I begged, clasping my hands together.
“Of course.” Lindsay pointed over to her door.
I slid the door back, and stared at the huge wardrobe. Flipping through hanger after hanger, I had almost given up hope of finding anything. Then I hit the jackpot.
It was a slinky black dress with long sleeves. It had a beautiful lace overlay, and when I pulled it out, it shimmered in the light.
“Hey, do you mind?” I held the dress up.
“Not at all, have fun.” She put her glasses back on and went back to her homework.
I took the dress and went to the bathroom. I needed to hurry.
**
I double-checked myself in the mirror as Lindsay answered the door. I walked out to see Andrew in a black suit with a red dress shirt.
He looked me up and down. “Wow,” he breathed out. I had smoothed the dress out and paired it with purple heels. I had put my hair up in a low bun, applied my makeup a little darker than usual.
“Guess you like what you see?” I picked up my purple clutch. “Are you ready?”
He nodded, and I saw him swallow down his desire to shred this dress. He helped me put on my dress jacket, and we strolled out to the car.
Once we were in the car, Andrew leaned over and kissed me. “You’re stunning. I can’t wait to get you out of that dress.”
I bit down on my lip. I couldn’t wait for him to get me out of this dress, , too.
Andrew drove downtown, and there was a valet service. He helped me out of the car, but I was shaking I was so nervous.
“Stop worrying. It’s not like this is the first time you’ve met him.” Andrew whispered in my ear as we walked into the lobby of the building.
“Shut up. I should have had a couple more Tequila shots before coming here.” I had to do two of them as soon as I got out of the shower because I was shaking so bad.
“Oh that would be smart, babe, because being drunk and having dinner with my dad is such a great combination.”
I couldn’t help but smile. He called me “babe.”
Andrew told the hostess his name, and we followed her to the back of the restaurant. Gold glittered everywhere; the silverware, the rims of the glasses, and even the napkin rings. My mouth went dry as I said a silent prayer that I wouldn’t break anything. I saw Mr. Moore sitting at the far corner of the last table, on the phone. He wore a black suit, like Andrew’s, with a green dress shirt. When he appeared at the hockey game, I wasn’t sure what to say to him. Fortunately, we were both focused on the game.
“Katie, so nice to see you again.” He had hung up the phone, and kissed my cheek.
“Mr. Moore, very nice to see you again as well,” I said formally. Andrew helped me with my jacket and pulled out my chair.
Andrew sat next to me. “How about a drink?” He started to pour me some wine, but I pinched his leg. I was only nineteen, and I wasn’t old enough to drink, no matter what my fake ID said. “Oh, right, sparkling water for you.”
I heard Mr. Moore chuckling under his breath. He obliviously knew I drank, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression of me.
“Katie, I have to say how impressed I am with you and how you got the grades up so quickly for Andrew,” Mr. Moore said.
“That was all Andrew,” I said, taking a small sip of my water to keep my voice from cracking. “He has been working so hard this semester.”
Andrew squeezed my hand as a thank you. I was telling the truth. Between his hockey schedule, our study sessions, and our “alone time,” I didn’t know how he had time to sleep.
“I am still glad to hear that, considering how much money I gave this damn school to keep those grades under wraps until midterms.” He took a large gulp from his wine glass.
I looked at Andrew, and his eyes were closed. Maybe I heard him wrong. “Wait, what?”
Before Mr. Moore could answer, Andrew cut him off. “Dad, stop talking, please.”
He looked at me, then at Katie’s shocked express. “What, didn’t you tell her?”
“No, Dad, I didn’t tell her anything,” Andrew confirmed.
He lied. Andrew had lied to me. He used his money to hide his grades to make sure he remained eligible to play. That was the push for midterms. It all made sense now.
“Excuse me,” I said, throwing my napkin down onto the table and getting up. I was not going to spend another minute with Andrew or his father. I grabbed my jacket and raced out of the building and into the snowy night.
I welcomed the cold air. I needed it because I felt like I was smoldering right now. I turned to my left, pulled my coat tight around me, and started walking as fast as my heels would let me.
“Katie!” I was about a block away when I heard Andrew yell my name. “Katie, stop running.” He jogged up next to me, tugged on my arm, and spun me around.
Anger pumped through my blood. “You are nothing but an arrogant ass!” I shouted at him. “I can’t believe I thought you were different.” I felt the tears building, but I willed them away. I refused to let him see me cry.
“I am different.”
I put my hand up to cut him off. “No you’re not. You’re no better than Wes.”
“Hold up, I’m nothing like Wes.” He pushed my hand away. His face was distorted with anger.
“Really?” I put my hands on my hips. “Because I think you are just like him. He was a liar and so are you.”
“I didn’t lie,” he said softly. Hurt replaced the anger on his face.
“Yes you did!” I shouted at him. “Your dad paid the school a little extra stipend so they would look the other way until your grades came up. That way you could still play hockey. Am I wrong?”
“Look,” Andrew began, but I cut him off.
“With Wes, his daddy paid for the school to take him and look the other way after that little World Juniors mishap.
“Sounds about the same to me,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “Parents just bailing out the rich kids to make sure everyone has a perfect little life for the NHL Network.”
“Perfect life?” Andrew shouted at me. “You think I have some wonderful life in some fucking magical kingdom? Is that what you think?” I didn’t say anything as he got right in my face. “Let me tell you something you’re so wrong, and you’re just trying to blame everyone else for whatever secret that you are holding back.”
I stepped back. “Secret? What the hell are you talking about?” My voice cracked.
“Tell me about the necklace.” His voice was firm, and serious. I protectively cover my neck. “Why do you wear the letter ‘N’ when none of your names begin with it?”
“That is none of your business” I said through gritted teeth. “And I sure as hell am not going to tell someone who is nothing more than a liar.” I spun on my heels, ready to storm off, but I stopped. I was so livid, I turned back to him. “Thank you, Andrew,” I said with an evil smirk on my face. “Thank you for showing me your true colors.”
Andrew got right in my face. “No, Katie,” he sneered at me. “You say that you trust me, but you never told me anything about you. And I’m trying to change my life. My dad is helping me with a second chance. You have always kept everyone at arm's length. That means you never trusted me.” His words cut me deep. “So thanks, Katie. Thanks for showing me the true you.”
Our eyes remained connected for a moment, before Andrew turned to leave. Hurt, anger, betrayal, made my heart beat faster. The one person I loved was now the one person I hated the most.
I waved a taxi down, and headed back to my apartment. My legs were bouncing, trying to release my anger. I paid the cabbie and went straight into the kitchen. I didn’t even know if Lindsay was home as I slammed the cabinets looking for the tequila.
I located the one bottle that was left. I cracked it open and chugged it like it was water, letting the burn ease the pain that was ripping my soul to pieces.
“What the hell is all the noise?” Lindsay asked, coming into the kitchen. “Oh my God, Katie.”
That was the moment I broke. I fell to my knees, clutching the bottle, and exploded into tears. Lindsay wrapped me up in her arms, and I sobbed.
I didn't know how long Lindsay held me, or how much I cried, but when I stopped, her shirt was covered with my makeup.
“Sorry,” I said, trying to wipe it away.
“Who cares? Tell me what happened. Why did my best friend just have a nervous breakdown in our kitchen?” Her face was filled with worry.
I leaned back against the cabinets and drank some more from the bottle. “Andrew’s a liar.”
“Could you elaborate on that?”
I replayed to her what had happened and how he had lied about his grades to continue to play. Even telling the story now, it was like a dream. I trusted him. I loved him. And he broke my heart.
“I can’t believe this.” Lindsay raked her hands through her hair.
“Yep,” I said, popping my lips around the bottle again.
“What are you going to do?” she asked softly.
“I’m going to finish this tequila, pray that my liver doesn’t fail because of it, and then I’m going to pass the fuck out.” I stood up and stumbled a little bit.
“Katie.” Lindsay stood up next to me. “Please don’t go back to the old Katie.” She looked at me with wide, sad eyes.
“What?” I was confused. I was me, always the same.
“Since you’ve been tutoring Andrew, you’ve been different, and I like this new you. The one that isn’t so rough and tough. Please don’t go back.”
What the hell? How dare she tell me who I was or had been? I'd never changed. I was Katie Miller. I took another chug of the bottle and put it down. If I kept going, I was going to be sick, and I wasn't going to do that to myself.
With Lindsay’s dress and shoes still on, I fell into bed. Then the tears started again.
**
I didn’t make it to class the next day, and I didn't care. I took a hot shower and lay on the couch watching cartoons, because it was the only thing that was on that wasn’t remotely related to romance.
Lindsay had left for class early, and I had no clue if Andrew was in class or not. I knew he had a game tonight, but I wasn’t going to any of that shit. My head was still pounding from last night's tequila binge, so I didn’t move around a whole lot.
A knock at the front door brought more throbbing to my head. I slowly got up and answered it without looking through the peep hole. Standing on the other side was someone I didn’t expect: Mr. Moore.
“May I come in? It’s quite cold out here.”
I nodded, stepping aside for him to enter my apartment, shutting the door behind him. “I guess you’re here for the money, huh?” I figured this morning I would have to return what I hadn’t worked for.
“On the contrary, Katie. I came to make sure you fulfill your obligation.” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“I can’t tutor Andrew anymore.” I shook my head and looked down at the white socks on my feet.
“I didn’t peg you for someone who went back on her word. Our agreement was the whole semester, and that is what you’ll do,” he stated mater-of-factly.
He was right; I didn’t go back on my word, and even though I didn’t want to do it, I would.
“Katie,” Mr. Moore sighed. “I don’t pry into Andrew’s love life, or lack thereof, but I think something needs to be explained.”
”You don’t need to—”
“Katie,” he said, cutting her off. “The reason I bailed him out this last time was because I knew he needed you. When Professor Williams described you to me, I knew you would be the right fit for Andrew. I’m sorry I said anything last night. I didn’t realize you two were an item. But I’ve never, ever seen him as upset as he was last night.”
Hearing that Andrew was upset hurt me, but I brushed it away.
“Please accept my apology, Katie, and give Andrew another chance. He really isn’t what you think he is.” He patted my shoulder as he went to the door. “I expect to see the weekly reports still, until the end of the term.” He opened the door, and left.
I stood there in the middle of my living room. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to. I could feel the tears in the corners of my eyes, but I wasn’t going to shed a single fucking tear over Andrew Moore. If I still had to tutor him that would be it.
I picked up my phone and sent the text I dreaded.
Your father is requiring me to finish tutoring the semester with you. Tomorrow at 1 in the library
I put the phone down and flopped back onto the couch. I heard the ping from my text alert. I wasn’t sure if I should pick it up, but I did. It was from Andrew
Fine
That was it. One word. That is what we had come to. I flipped off the TV and sat in silence. Where was Nick when I needed him the most?
I decided the cartoon marathon was not helping me. I got up and went into my bedroom to finish my photography project.
I focused all of my attention on the pictures I had spread out all around me. I hardly noticed when Lindsay came into my room and asked me to come to the hockey game. “Seriously?” There was no way in hell I was going to some stupid game. I didn’t even feel like going to a party later.
When I was finished with the first set of pictures, I decided a good night’s sleep was what I needed. And that’s what I did.
**
I sat at the table in the library, waiting on Andrew. I tried to remain calm, but I was a ball of nerves.
I saw him walking towards me, and I began to shuffle the papers around to make it look like I was doing something, and not staring at him. He sat across from me, not next to me.
Andrew spoke first. His voice was rough, and I could hear the hurt. “Are we going to talk?”
I mustered every sad feeling I had, and turned it to hatred. “We are going to talk about school, tests, projects, and anything class-related. If you want to talk about anything else, you can just forget it.” When I stared right into his eyes, I saw that they were bloodshot, and I could tell he wasn’t sleeping.
“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Fine,” I hissed back, and the tutoring began.
Chapter 22 – Andrew
I sat in the very last pew. My heart hurt. I just wanted to stay in bed all day, until game time, but I didn’t do it. It was Sunday. The congregation shuffled down the aisle, leaving the church, and I remained in my seat. When the church was empty, Uncle Mike sat in front of me.
“I need my uncle right now,” I said.
“I’m right here, Andrew.” He patted my knee.
“How do I fix this?” I knew he could hear my voice crack, because I felt it.
“Talk to her. Keep talking to her, and when that doesn’t work, keep trying harder. If you want her that bad?” he questioned.
“I do. I’ve never felt this kind of pain, not even when Mom died. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my hockey is suffering, and all I want is her. She’s all I want.” I can’t get the image out of my head of her face, and the way she was on the sidewalk outside the restaurant. It was so hard for me not to pick her up and protect her from the hurt she was feeling, .But it was my fault she was hurt, and she didn’t want me around.
“I have to go.” I got up and was about to leave.
“Andrew Michael Moore.” I stopped in my tracks and turned to my uncle. I knew it was serious if he used my full name. “I love you, but don’t do anything stupid.” I could see the the worry and fear in his face.
I stepped forward and hugged him. “I promise.” He hugged me tightly back.
I drove to Katie’s house. Uncle Mike was right; I needed to talk to her. I parked behind the BMW, which she wasn’t driving anymore. There was snow all over it, and I knew it had been sitting there since that night at the Capital Grille. I knocked on the door, and Lindsay answered.
“She
here?” I asked quickly, somewhat out of breath.
“In her bedroom.” She stepped to the side and let me in.
Katie’s door was open, so I just waltzed right in and shut it. She looked up from the pictures on her bed, and rolled her eyes.
“What do you want, Andrew?”
“We need to talk,” I announced.
“Is it about school?” She tossed the pictures that were in her hands.
“No, it’s about us.” I crossed my arms.
“Ha, well there is no ‘us’, so you can leave now.” She scooted off the bed and went to open the door, but I put my hand up to keep it shut.
“Yes, there is an ‘us’, and you’re going to listen,” I growled at her.
She got right up in my face. “Five hundred dollars.” Katie stated.
“What?”
“Well, isn’t that what you rich people do, just buy anything you want? If you want to talk to me, it will cost you five hundred dollars. I prefer cash,” she said coolly.
“Fine, you win, Katie. You don’t want to be mature enough to have a real conversation, then fine.” I opened the door and left, leaving the only girl I ever loved behind.
I couldn’t do it. I could reason with her. She was too stubborn to listen to me. Even though I remembered what Uncle Mike said, there had to be another way to get her to understand and let me explain.
I went home and fell into my bed. I missed my mom. She would have been able to help me get through this, and I needed her. I knew the game was coming up in a couple hours, but I didn’t care. It was the first time I didn’t want to play hockey, but I knew that I had to go.
I had played the worst game in my career. I was pulled in the third period, and Crusher had to finish it out. I was pissed because it was all Katie’s fault. If she had just listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened.
I didn’t talk to anyone in the locker room. I just showered and left. I didn’t even speak to Franks when I got back to the house. I went to my room and went to sleep.