Some Kind of Monster

by Albany Walker

  “What was her name?” I croak. My voice is weak now that I know it’s just Grim and me in the room.

  “Louise.” I don’t need to elaborate for him to know who I’m talking about.

  “I don’t know the right thing to do,” I confess. Maybe I should have just let Calix handle this instead of sticking my nose in everyone’s business.

  “Either way, it’s his decision. We can help him see that there are reasons to live, but we can’t make him fight to be here.” Grim sounds wise and resigned. Something inside me thinks he already knows what the outcome will be. Just as I’m about to ask him if he knows what’s going to happen, Calix comes out of the hallway, his head lowered and his palm on the back of his neck. He looks about how I feel—defeated.

  Chapter 10

  “He’s showering,” Calix informs us.

  “Should one of us be in there with him?” I look between the two men.

  “I just wanted to give him a little privacy. I’ll check on him in a few minutes.” Calix leans against the wall with his head tipped back, exposing his throat. But that’s not what’s drawing my attention—it’s his eyes. They’re trained on me as if I might disappear if he’s not watching my every move. I make my way over to his side and slide my hand into his. Grim lumbers around the room, examining everything he can see. There are a few plates—some still full of food on a table near the door—they look like they may have been left there today. At least we know someone was trying to take care of Torin, even if it was half-assed.

  “Kim said his mourning period was almost over. What does that mean?” I keep my voice low. I don’t know how well the wolf in the bathroom can hear me over the spray of water.

  “It’s custom…” Calix shakes his head. “More like a law, I guess. In the shifter community, if your mate dies, you have three months to mourn: no challenges, no duties. That goes for the alpha or any other pack members.”

  “And his time is almost up,” I state, even though it’s not necessary. Kim made it clear that not only is the pack looking for its leader, but there are plenty of others out there who would be happy to take advantage of Torin’s situation to take over his pack. I have no idea what kind of a leader he is, but it would seem that Kim and many others must think pretty highly of him, or they would have just let him rot away up here. Plus, I would have known if she had been lying about wanting to save him.

  Calix pushes off the wall with his shoulders. His face is drawn, he looks tired, and our day has barely started. “Yes, it is,” he confirms, before giving my fingers a gentle squeeze and releasing me to head back toward the bathroom. The door snaps quietly closed behind him.

  I’m still in the same spot when the door opens again, and this time Torin exits with a towel around his very narrow waist. I stifle a gasp when I see his body, he looks emaciated. He’s so thin that his stomach is damn near concave, and something tells me heroin chic isn’t his normal look.

  I avert my gaze before he can catch me staring. The sound of his damp feet shuffling down the hall fades, telling me he’s heading in the other direction. When I look up, Grim is standing before me, his eyes soft and concerned. I have so many things I want to ask, like why would he do this to himself, and why would someone let this happen to him? But the words get caught in my throat when I meet Grim’s soulful gray gaze.

  Having only recently found him and the others, I don’t know how I could go back to life before them. I have no idea how long Torin had with Louise, but does it even matter? Would their only having a few months together lessen his pain? I swallow the lump in my throat and realize the answer is no, it would not matter, and that realization terrifies me.

  I feel Calix at my side. I’m so distracted, I didn’t even sense his approach. I avert my gaze from him and Grim, feeling far too exposed. Sensing the retreat, Calix reaches out and cradles my cheek in his palm, encouraging me to look up. Just as he begins to speak, I see Torin over Calix’s shoulder. His steps falter when he sees the intimate way Calix is touching me. For just a moment, I see something in his eyes that looks way too familiar: longing. “It’s going to be okay.” Calix leans forward, obscuring Torin from view, and places a featherlight kiss on my lips.

  By the time Calix pulls back, the wolf has walked past us and is making his way back to the sofa we originally found him on. His clothes somehow mask the fact that he’s not much more than skin and bones.

  I give Calix what I hope is a thankful smile and return to the living space, taking a seat on the edge of the couch, even though this spot feels scarred with pain and loss. Grim and Calix follow me over, and Calix situates himself next to me on the sofa so he’s between Torin and me.

  The look I saw on the wolf’s face in the hallway is gone. It’s been replaced with hopeless indifference. The silence in the room is thick, as if no one knows what to say, or at least how to say it. I’m tempted to open my mouth and blurt something out, but I bite the inside of my cheek to make sure I don’t give into the temptation. I’m way out of my element here, and I don’t want to say or do something that would make matters worse.

  “I get why you’re here… but there’s really no point.” Torin breaks both the silence and my heart, if I’m honest, with his words.

  Calix gives a barely discernible nod as if to say he understands. Surprising me, he asks, “Do you have a successor in mind?” I can’t believe he’s going to accept the fact that this man is willing to die so easily. I open my mouth but snap it closed when I feel Calix place his big, warm hand on my leg. Instead, I focus on Torin and his reaction to Calix’s question.

  The wolf’s eyes go a little unfocused as he thinks. After a long pause, he says, “Maybe, but I’m not sure they would win a challenge from an outside threat.”

  Calix sucks in air through his teeth, making a whistling sound. “Not strong enough to secure the pack? That’s a lot of upheaval if outsiders think they have a chance to take a pack this size.” Torin’s brow furrows deeply, and he frowns at Calix’s statement. “That could mean challenge after challenge. Someone will have to protect the females, maybe we could see if another strong pack would be willing to…”

  “Wait a fucking minute,” Torin growls, interrupting Calix. It’s the first time I’ve seen the wolf show any fight.

  One corner of my crafty, scheming lion’s mouth tips the tiniest bit before he schools his features. “Do you have another solution? An alliance with another pack maybe?”

  “Do you ever shut up?” Gunnar’s snarled words make it to the room before he does. The door gets bumped open hard enough that it hits the wall. No one seems to notice or care.

  “I was only pointing out the obvious,” Kim replies as she enters the room, her nose turned up in the air.

  “Well don’t,” Gunnar snaps while glaring at the back of her head like he wants to rip it off. I can’t help the little grin that graces my lips. I like the fact that my kitten doesn’t seem to like the shifter.

  Kim ignores Gunnar’s comment for the most part. Her eyes are now glued to her alpha as she slowly steps over with a tray in her hands. The smell of soup isn’t nearly as unpleasant as usual. It actually causes my stomach to let out a small growl. Calix’s head snaps around in my direction, his eyes a little wide. “Was that you?” It comes out more like an accusation than a question.

  I place my hand over my belly, feeling like it betrayed me. “Shut up.” I half pout that he called me out.

  Torin leans around Calix. “Are they not feeding you, little dove?”

  A crashing noise draws my attention just as I’m about to answer. I look over to see Gunnar close to full Berserker mode as he glares at Torin. Oh, I think I might wait this one out and see what happens. I’m usually the one who gets all jealous. Of course, I’ll stop it before anything happens to the wolf. A fight just wouldn’t be fair for him right now. Plus, I have every confidence Gunnar would kill him, even on Torin’s best day.

  “If you would like death that badly, I can assist.” Grim’s cool, detached voi
ce detonates much like I would expect a bomb would, and everyone in the room stops breathing—including me. The sexy fucker. I can’t help but get all excited about his willingness to kill for me.

  “Aren’t they the best?” I whisper to Kim, forgetting we are not anything even remotely close to friends.

  She has her fingers curled around the fork that was on the tray as if she’s ready to use it to defend Torin. Maybe she’s not as unredeemable as I thought. I guess I should get a handle on this before they end up killing the guy we kind of need to save. “Kitten, come sit down before you break anything else.” I pat Calix’s hand, which is still wrapped around my thigh. His movements seem ultra-slow as he tilts his head to examine the wolf next to him. “No need for concern, Wolfy, they take very good care of me.”

  Gunnar’s jaw is still squared out when he stomps over to the couch and takes up residence behind me with his beefy arms crossed over his chest. “Quit calling him that,” he demands. I pretend not to hear him and cover my smile with the back of my hand. Leave it to him to be territorial over a nickname.

  “You can hold on to that if it makes you feel better, but I think it would serve a much better purpose if you gave it to him for eating. It wouldn’t help you anyway,” I advise Kim just above a whisper. I don’t mean for it to come out as a threat, but that’s how it sounds, even to my own ears.

  Kim takes one slow step backward after placing the fork back down on the plate. It’s the first time I notice there’s much more than soup and rice on the tray. I roll my eyes but don’t say anything. I’m sure she knows much more about a shifter’s diet than I do. The slab of meat might be just what the doctor ordered for Torin.

  “Food makes them much less dangerous,” Torin tells Calix, as if he’s departing some sort of wisdom on how to take care of a woman.

  “So, we were talking about new alphas,” I blurt, to get them off the topic of my stomach. I eye the soup again, wondering why it looks and smells so damn good.

  “Right,” Calix grates through his teeth. “If you don’t have a successor, then you need to appoint one, unless you’re just planning on handing over your pack to the first shifter who challenges you.”

  Torin leans back against the sofa, his eyelids sliding closed. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” he admits dejectedly.

  “Well, you better. We aren’t baby-fucking-sitting a wolf pack for months. We have to stop a witch from killing Charmed,” Gunnar interjects, his aggravation clear in his tone. I think he’s feeling insulted that Torin implied they weren’t taking proper care of me.

  “Alpha.” Kim’s voice is low, a little pleading. I watch the side of Calix’s face as he eyes her, trying to tell her to shut up with just a look, but she’s too focused on Torin to see Calix’s warning. “The pack needs you. We need you.” The way she says the word ‘we’ makes me think she’s speaking in more than the royal term.

  Torin lifts his arm and uses his inner elbow to shield his eyes. Calix takes the opportunity to thrust his arm in the air to get Kim’s attention. “Shut up,” he mouths viciously. Kim’s face sours, but she holds her tongue.

  “We have three days to get this handled. Your involvement isn’t an option,” Calix states. I can hear the frustration in his voice. I feel like he was having at least a little success at getting Torin involved in the pack before Kim opened her mouth.

  I give her a scowl, but she’s not even looking in my direction. Three days isn’t a very long time to convince a man who seems ready to die that he has plenty to live for, especially if Kim keeps reminding him that he has an entire pack relying on him.

  “You need to eat something. You can’t be passing out before we get some of this shit sorted,” Calix urges.

  Torin lets his arm fall away from his face and flop to the side. “I’m not hungry, feed it to your dove.”

  “What’s with the nicknames?” Gunnar snarls.

  “Tell you what, Wolfy, I’ll make a deal with you. You eat, I eat. And no more of the dove crap. My fellas don’t like it.” The food really does smell good, and if I have to puke it all up in a little while, it will be worth it just to make sure Torin gets something in his system.

  “Damiana.” Grim says my name as if he’s warning me.

  I wave away his concern and talk to Torin. “I usually have a very special diet, you see, but I consumed a few souls” —I roll my eyes— “and now my system is all out of whack. But that fucking soup smells divine, and I’m feeling a little peckish, so what do you say?”

  “Consumed a few souls?” Kim’s words are laced with horror.

  “She’s kind of judgy for being a wolf shifter.” I hook my thumb in her direction then turn to face her. “They were witches—witches who were performing rituals on baddies to steal their powers. Should I have let them go around killing my friends?”

  Kim’s curly dark hair slides forward from behind her shoulders when she looks around at everyone else as if she can’t believe she’s the only one who finds it offensive. She thinks I’m a monster.

  I’m not sure if I should feel proud or pissed off. How would she react to Uncle or Dare? Hell, she would probably run from the room screaming if Bloody Mary showed up. A deviously nasty idea forms in my mind.

  I tsk my tongue and dismiss her. “She’s not just judgy; she’s also an asshole. Let’s eat before I decide I want another soul instead of the soup,” I remark, and it only horrifies Kim even more. I have no intention of killing her, but she doesn’t need to know that.

  “She’s still young.” Torin inches forward and grabs the large bowl of still steaming soup before extending it out to me. I can see a fine tremor work its way up his arm, but I ignore it, just like he does.

  “Are you sure, Dami?” Calix softens his voice, taking a little of the weight of the bowl from Torin and making sure it gets passed safely to me.

  “I’m sure.” I give him a reassuring wink then add, “A deal’s a deal. I eat, you eat.” The heat of the bowl feels good in my hands. My mouth actually waters a little when I cradle it in my lap. Damn, I think I really am hungry. What the hell does that mean?

  I can feel Gunnar looming over my shoulder and Calix scooting closer like he might need to grab the bowl at any moment. Ignoring them, I stir it with the spoon and make sure I get just the broth. From experience, I know that passes through my system just like water. My first sip is tentative, but hell if I don’t moan in approval. It’s delicious.

  I lift the spoon and nod to Torin. “My compliments to the chef.” A small grin forms on his lips, and he reaches for the plate piled high with rice and what looks like ground beef in a rich brown sauce.

  “As long as you don’t eat him,” Kim mutters under her breath. I hide my smile behind another spoonful. She’s got moxie, I’ll give her that.

  Torin makes a low rumbling sound in his chest that has me looking up. I assumed he was appreciating his meal, but he’s glaring at Kim instead. I think that noise was meant as a warning. She lowers her eyes and her chin.

  I keep my gaze on Torin as he gracelessly shovels a few bites into his mouth, barely even chewing before he has his fork loaded again. It seems his body is taking over for him. The dish is empty before I even get brave enough to eat a noodle. He reaches for the slab of meat next, his fingers pulling it apart as he shoves chunks into his mouth. It reminds me of Theius. Something on my face must betray my thoughts, because Calix reaches over, ready to take the bowl. “Everything okay?”

  “Fine, I was just thinking it’s been a while since I’ve seen Theius,” I reply. He hasn’t been back since I asked about the witches and told him about Gunnar. “Can you let him know it’s okay to come back for a visit?”

  “I’ll see that he gets word,” Grim volunteers rather quickly while eyeing me, his forehead furrowed in a slight frown. I’m sure watching me eat is as strange for him as it is for me, but I can’t seem to help myself. It’s too damn good. I stir the soup again, this time bringing up a small carrot with a spoonful of broth. Before I hav
e the chance to overthink it, I eat it too. “Oh, yum. Why is this so good?”

  “I don’t think you’ve been feeding her enough,” Torin comments, while tearing into another chunk of meat, still fully engrossed in his food.

  Lifting the bowl from my lap, I hand it over to Calix, even though all I want to do is eat more. Not understanding why I want to eat it is making me hesitant. I’ve held up my end of the bargain though. I ate. Torin is still eating, so I can call that a win.

  Chapter 11

  It’s early morning by the time we make it back to Kim’s house right outside the pack property. The sun is just coming up over the horizon. Instead of seeing it as the catalyst of my loneliness, because none of my baddies would visit me during the daylight, I see the beautiful way the early morning light twinkles on the slightly dewy grass, and the way it shimmers on Kim’s metal roof, causing a mirage of heat waves to rise up into the sky. I’ve seen all these things before, but before my vision was distorted with isolation.

  Gunnar parks the car and Calix, who’s been very quiet since we left Torin’s, climbs out the rear passenger door. I open my door to find Gunnar standing just outside waiting for me, further proof I’m no longer alone just because the sun is out. I take his proffered hand, and we make our way up to the porch. The front door is propped into place from the inside. Calix reaches in and shoves it to the side, allowing us to enter.

  “You didn’t have to kick the door down,” Calix scolds over his shoulder, stating the obvious. I’m sure Gunnar knows he didn’t have to do it. He did it to be an asshole, because Kim was being an asshole.

  “But it was fun.”

  Calix scoffs at Gunnar’s response but heads straight for the kitchen. Unlike me, none of them ate while we were at Torin’s. Blessedly, I never did get sick, not even a little, and I’m wondering how long it’s going to take before someone wants to talk about it. Thankfully, everyone still seems to be too engrossed in pack issues to worry about why I’ve suddenly developed an appetite.