by Dyanne Davis
Tears seeped beneath Mia’s lids as she held on to her husband. She felt ashamed for the thoughts she’d been having, wishing that something would happen, that Charles would be his usual selfish self and not show up to ruin their day. Now for her husband’s sake she was praying that he’d come. And she’d do her part to make the day pleasant.
For the last several weeks, in her sessions with Dr. Grey, Mia had spent a lot of time reliving the things she’d missed having, not ending the thoughts when she left the session. She’d been so occupied with her own raw deal that she’d never considered that the man she loved with all her heart had had an even worse life than hers.
She’d had joy in her life. She’d had Keefe. And a couple of those years she’d had Jerry. She’d even had a mother for several of her Christmases. She hugged Damien tighter, knowing now that was the reason he’d fought her about working. He hadn’t thought he could have this family day. Now Mia was glad she’d fought with him, glad that he wanted his father.
“I made the pecan pie,” Mia said into the flesh of her husband’s neck.
“You did?” he said, pulling away and looking at her as if she’d created a miracle.
“You said your dad loves pecan pie and I promised that I would make one special thing for everyone. Just wait until you see what I made for you.”
“I only want dessert,” Damien leered, “and I don’t think it goes in your oven.”
“You’re bad,” Mia grinned. “But I really do have a surprise. Come on into the living room.” She pressed the button on the CD player.
“‘It’s been such a long, long time.’”
Damien started laughing. “Gladys Knight.” He held out his arms and danced with Mia, singing the words to her.
When the song was over, Mia pushed away and went to the CD player and pushed another button. Another version of “Misty Blue” came on. Damien frowned slightly. “That almost sounds like Gladys but it’s not. Who is it?”
“Dorothy Moore. Now I want my black card reinstated.”
Damien burst out laughing, “‘Just the thought of you.’”
“‘Turns my whole world, misty blue,’” Mia sang.
“Now about that dessert.”
“You can have dessert,” Mia said, meaning it, “Any time you want.”
“Even now?”
“Even now.”
“Do we have time?”
“We’ll make time. There is nothing more important than us. And if dessert is what you…what we want, then dessert it is.”
They sank to the floor and made love to what was now their song. After they were done with their special dessert, they showered quickly and Damien went out to the kitchen to help.
“I never knew I was getting such a great cook in the bargain. How did you learn?” He laughed, “Don’t tell me your brother taught you?”
“Sort of. He made me take cooking classes in school, then whenever the college or park district had a cooking class, he’d enroll me.”
“He wanted you to make a great wife?”
“He wanted me to cook food he could eat and he hated cooking. Besides, he said it was time I learned how to eat healthy. Remember, we ate out a lot for a lot of years. So he was right. One of us needed to cook.”
“And for that, I’m saying, hooray, hooray, to your brother.”
Mia turned from the oven. “You like him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do. I never thought the day would come, but we get along and we’re becoming friends.”
Mia smiled. “Good, we’re becoming family. I like your mom too.” She saw Damien’s raised brow and the grin on his face. “It’s going to be fine.”
“I don’t know about that. Your brother hates my pops, and with good reason, I might add. I’m thinking it might get to be a little tense in here. Actually, I’m surprised Keefe’s coming, knowing my pops going to be here.”
Mia turned her attention back to the turkey and basted it.
“You didn’t tell him, did you?”
“No.”
Damien sighed. “This is going to be an interesting day.”
“An interesting family day and remember, there is no such thing as a perfect family. They’re all dysfunctional and we’re not a bit different.”
“You’re sounding more and more like an expert,” Damien teased, then went to open the door for their first guest.
“Merry Christmas.” Damien kissed Ashleigh’s cheek and shook hands with Keefe, clapping him on the shoulder.
“Umm, it smells good in here,” Keefe said and made his way to the kitchen. “Mia, he said as soon as he saw her, “you’re really going all out, aren’t you?” He gave her a hug before peeping into the covered containers. “It looks like you’re cooking every dish you ever learned how to make.”
“I am,” she answered. “I want this day to be special, a new tradition, the start of our new, blended family.”
She looked away and decided to get it over quickly. “Charles is coming.”
She walked closer to her brother. “Please be nice. Damien has never had his parents together for a holiday. Neither have we,” she added. She saw the muscle twitch in her brother’s jaw. They never spoke of their own father. There was no reason. They didn’t know who he was or where he was. But Mia knew her brother would understand what having his parents together for Christmas meant to Damien.
“I don’t know how long we can stay,” he shrugged.
“You will stay until dinner is over and an hour or so of conversation after that,” Mia ordered. “And if you’re hating it, at that time you can leave.”
She picked up a tray of canapés, ordered Keefe to pick up the platter of shrimp she’d prepared from the refrigerator, and went out to begin serving. The bell rang again and it was Kathy.
“Mom, where’s pops?” Damien asked.
“I didn’t come with your father. I have to leave no later than eight. I have a date.”
Everyone in the room turned to look at her with the exception of Mia.
“You have a date?” Damien’s face held the surprise that his voice relayed. The bell rang again and Damien answered it, hugged his father and returned to question his mother. “You have a date?” He noticed his father was listening.
“Yes.”
“Where did you meet this man?”
“Mia introduced us.”
All eyes were on Mia and she knew it but pretended that they weren’t as she went from person to person, holding the tray of delicacies out for them to sample. Charles stared at her for a moment.
“Merry Christmas, Charles. You remember my brother, don’t you?”
Charles and Keefe looked toward each other and nodded. Mia had not expected them to shake hands and the nods of acknowledgement were enough for now. Charles’ eyes had quickly swung back to her. Mia could tell he was evaluating her. He smiled and she knew he’d found her a worthy adversary. But that wasn’t what she wanted to be today. Mia didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted to give her husband something he’d never dared hoped for. A family. She wanted to give that to all of them.
“Damien, how long has it been now that you’ve been on lockdown, six months?”
Mia walked toward the kitchen, leaving her husband to deal with his father’s question. When she returned, she walked directly up to Charles and held her peace offering out to him. “This is for you to take home.” She handed Charles the pecan pie. “I have another one for us to eat here.” She stared at him until his smirk turned into a genuine smile. She’d called a truce and he’d agreed.
“This pie looks good, Mia. Thanks.”
Damien grinned. “Wait until you taste her cooking.” Then he looked at the paper saucer of goodies his father was munching on. “Those are homemade, by the way, not store bought.”
Everyone watched in anticipation as Charles bit into first one, then another hors d’oeuvre, and sighed. He didn’t comment but the fact that he continued eating was all the answer that was needed.
Mia went to stand beside Damien and felt his arm slide around her. He was beaming.
“Wait until you taste Mia’s mashed potatoes,” Keefe piped in. “She does things with potatoes that no one has ever thought of.” He looked at the pecan pie that Charles had put to the side with a bit of envy. “I didn’t know she’d learned to make pecan pie as well.”
Mia smiled up at her husband, knowing that everyone was trying, even her brother.
* * *
With the last morsel of food either eaten or wrapped for someone to take home and the gifts exchanged, Mia knew the day had been a success. They were a patchwork family with plenty of warts and never for one moment did she believe they would always get along so well. Still, Mia knew they had taken a small step toward becoming a family.
“It’s over.” Damien smiled up at Mia. “Thanks again, baby girl.”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled back as she heard the beep from their answering machine in their bedroom. I guess it’s time to get that.”
They had not allowed anything to interrupt the day, not even the ringing phone. They had let the answering machine pick up. Only when Keefe and Ashleigh left did Mia even hear the constant beeping sound.
“It was a very good day, baby girl. Are you sure you want to get that now?”
“We might as well,” Mia said and pushed the play button. Let’s see who called.”
“Mia, hi, Merry Christmas. I figured you’re probably still in your little snit since I didn’t get a gift from you. But I know you can’t stay mad. You feel too guilty for that. Hey, you sure didn’t get that from me. Listen, since you’re married, and by the way tell that handsome husband of yours I said hi, you can afford a better gift now. Don’t buy me anything you pick out. God knows you have atrocious taste. There is this bracelet that I want. It’s a little over a thousand dollars. Oh, just make it twelve hundred. Send me the money and I’ll get it myself and while you’re at it, tell your brother that I saw a necklace to go with that bracelet. Tell him to give you a thousand dollars to send me. That shouldn’t put him out too much. Okay, Mia, I’ll be looking for the check. Merry Christmas
Mia closed her eyes for a long moment, then felt her husband’s arms coming around her and the feel of his lips on her neck as she whispered to herself, “Baby steps, Mia, baby steps.”
Chapter Twenty-One
“I want to have a baby?”
“Why?”
Mia stared into Damien’s dark eyes. She had not expected this, his questioning. She had expected his acquiescence.
“Why do I have to have a reason?” she asked.
“Because I don’t think we’re ready.”
Pain sliced into her. Mia winced. It was her. Damien didn’t think she was ready.
“I want a baby,” she repeated, holding his gaze.
“Why?”
Couldn’t he think of a different word? Did he really want her to say it? She wanted to give a child what neither of them had had, two loving parents, a stable home. Mia was becoming annoyed. It shouldn’t be this hard. Damien should be kissing her, making love to her, giving her the baby she desperately wanted.
“Mia, a baby won’t change our pasts.”
“I didn’t say that it would,” she answered testily. “I just said that I wanted to have one.”
“A baby’s not an experiment. I don’t think we’re ready.”
“You mean you don’t think I’m ready,” she lashed out at him. “Look, Damien, you’re my husband, not my father, so stop trying to fill that role. And don’t bother throwing Keefe’s name into this.”
“Why not? I was going to let that one go, but since you’re the one that brought it up, we both know I couldn’t act like your father if I tried,” he replied, rising to the bait. “Like you said, your brother has that one covered.”
Mia forgot the plans she had as her annoyance turned to anger. “I think it’s better that my brother thinks he’s my father than your father thinking he’s your pimp.” She regretted the words the moment they were out. The look of pain that crossed Damien’s eyes darkened his features and relayed his feelings.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Mia, not about this. You’re dumping on me because of the phone call your psycho mother made to you. That was two weeks ago, Mia, deal with it.”
“This has nothing to do with my mother.” She knew she was lying and what was worse, she knew that he knew it. “Sometimes it’s just you, Damien, that makes me angry. Believe it or not, you’re not perfect.”
“Why don’t we stop before we say things we don’t mean? Like I said, I don’t want to fight with you.”
“No, of course not,” she sneered, unable to stop the hateful words. “Mia’s too delicate, she might snap or worse yet, she might stop sleeping with me. That’s your real worry, isn’t it?”
She shoved aside her memories of their passion just a few hours before. She wanted him to understand how important it was to her to have a child and she didn’t want to explain or beg him to impregnate her.
“I’m not going to fight with you,” Damien repeated again. This is stupid.”
“So now you think I’m stupid.”
Damien shook his head and stared at her for a moment.“Is it your time?”
“What are you talking about?” Mia looked at Damien as if he’d taken leave of his senses, watching as he marched toward the calendar.
“No, you have another week and a half. So what’s the problem?”
Mia watched Damien in fascination, feeling insulted that he’d thought her wanting a baby had anything whatsoever to do with PMS. At that moment she was relieved that there was no more time to debate the issue. She simply glared at Damien.
“You are still taking the pill, aren’t you?” he asked.
“If I’m not taking them it’s my choice. It’s my body.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. It is your choice,” he said as he kissed her goodbye and walked out the door shaking his head as though to say, Women, who needs them?
* * *
“I’m thinking of having a baby,” Mia announced to Dr. Grey the moment she was seated. She watched the older woman carefully, studying her reaction. When the therapist didn’t speak, Mia became slightly annoyed.
“I know what you’re thinking, so go ahead and say it.”
“If you know what I’m thinking,” Dr. Grey began, “then there is no need in my saying it.”
Mia got up from her chair and walked around the room. “You really should repaint your office. It’s really ugly.”
“Thank you for your critique, Mia. Did you come here to discuss my décor?”
Mia turned and smiled, feeling that she’d just had a bit of the stuffing knocked out of her. “What do you think about what I said?”
“About your phrasing, or the subject matter?”
“Both,” Mia answered.
“This one’s for free, Mia, and only because you’re a friend. You’re wondering if I noticed that you said you were thinking of having a baby, not you and Damien, just you. Of course I noticed. I would be a fool not to and a very bad therapist to boot. So now if you want to stop playing games and testing me, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.”
Mia exhaled noisily and returned to her seat. “I told Damien that I wanted to have a baby.”
“And?”
“And he said no, that we weren’t ready.”
“Do you think you are, Mia?”
“I think I’ll make a wonderful mother and I know Damien would make a wonderful dad.”
“I agree. Any child that the two of you have will be very lucky to have the two of you as parents.”
“But?” Mia asked.
“No buts. It’s just in a very short time you’ll have your Ph.D. You will have accomplished your goal. Have you considered what having a family is going to mean and how it’s going to impact your career?”
“You have a family,” Mia countered.
“And my family has suffered, Mia. What do yo
u think I talk about with my therapist?”
Mia cocked her head to the side and waited.
“I tell him how I’ve screwed up my kids’ lives, how I wasn’t there raising them and I know they’re more than likely in therapy somewhere or they will be, telling someone what an awful mother I was.”
Mia looked thoughtfully at her therapist who was acting as her friend. “I think you had to have done a good job, you were so good with me when I was young.”
“I was good at giving to my patients, Mia. I forgot to give to my family.”
Mia swallowed and looked away. She’d seen the glint of tears in her friend’s eyes and it saddened her.
“Mia, don’t you dare feel guilty for what I just said. I know you. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not everything that happens is your fault. Your mother being a bad mother is not your fault, your brother not having a childhood is not your fault, his ex taking him for a bundle of money is not your fault. And the fact that I was a bad mother and could more easily bond with you than my own kids is not your fault.”
Tears slid beneath Mia’s lashes as her friend came toward her with tears on her own cheeks.
“I am so proud of you, Mia, and all that you have become. Whatever choices I made in my life were mine to make. You were such a lovely child. And I loved you instantly. It’s been a pleasure watching you grow and the idea that I influenced you in some way to help others is thrilling.”
The two women embraced for a long moment until Mia pulled away and wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I think we both know I don’t need to come to you anymore.”
“You haven’t needed to come to me for a long time, Mia.”
“I know. I just like talking to you. I guess it’s time to look for a new therapist. You’re too close to me and I like it that way. I like that you’re my friend.”
Mia gave her friend another quick hug and headed for the door.
“So what are you going to do about the baby, Mia?”