by Ally Sky
"Elizabeth," he says firmly.
"You come here with your money and think that you deserve rights, that you can buy us."
"That's not what I think. I can take care of the two of you."
"We don't need favors and surely not from you!”
"How long do you plan on having her in your bedroom?" His insolence interferes with my life.
"Who the hell are you to criticize me?"
"I'm Vivian's father!" he thunders in front of my stunned face.
"Mommy?" Vivian's rather alert voice catches us both off guard. We turn our eyes to the girl who is standing in the living room, staring at us in confusion, my pulse accelerating to a frightening speed and the blood running out of my face.
"Are you my dad?" she looks at him and then at me, and the words just disappear from me. She wasn't supposed to hear that, not yet. She didn't have to find out, and it's all his fault. Everything!
"Come to bed," I manage to whisper, leaving the door and moving toward her with my hands outstretched.
"You said he wasn't coming back," she refuses my embrace.
"Colin," I look at him quickly, "please go, please, let me . . ." Let me fix the tremendous damage you've done.
"Good night, Vivian," he says quietly.
"No!" she shouts, "I don't want you to leave!" The invisible cracks in my heart widen a few inches.
"I'm just going to my house," he tries to reassure her. "I'll be back when your mother calls me."
"Why isn't this your house?" Tears come to her eyes and begin to flow down her cheeks. She is frightened and confused and wants answers at nine thirty in the evening. Answers we don't have. "Why don't you live here?"
"Because I had to leave and I hurt your mother very much." At least he knows who is to blame for the situation. I wrap her in my arms and lift her in spite of her resolute resistance.
"Don't go!" She's fighting me. "Mama, tell him!"
"I'm not leaving again," he gasps and sounds almost as frightened as she is, "I promise."
"Don't promise anything!" I shout at him, "Just go!"
"I don't want Luis," Vivian sobs, "I want Colin, I don't want another dad!" God, it can't get any worse.
"Vivian, I'm your dad, and I promise not to leave again." He glares at me as he defies my request.
"I don't want to sleep, I want to stay with Colin!" I carry her crying and shouting into the bedroom, slamming the door with my foot.
"Colin!" Viv cries hysterically. I put her in bed, cover her with a blanket, lie down beside her and stroke her head. "Why can't he stay?"
"He lives in another house." I curl up and hug her.
"Where was he?"
"In all kinds of places. He'll tell you about them." I wipe her tear-stained face.
"Doesn't he love me?" Her question breaks my heart, as if she's closing her tiny fingers on it.
"You're his daughter," I calmly answer, "he loves you very much."
"When will he come again?"
"Tomorrow, okay?" I surrender, only to put her to sleep. "He'll come tomorrow."
"In the morning."
"I don't know if he can."
"Ask him," she doesn't give up.
"After you fall asleep."
"I don't want him to go, I want a dad like everyone else."
I wanted her to have a father like everyone else. I also wanted a husband to be by our side, someone who would be part of the family we were going to raise together.
"I know." I kiss her head softly, until she closes her eyes. "I know, go to sleep".
I answer Colin's phone call shortly before eleven, slip into the living room and sit down on the sofa. The television he bought is lying against the living room wall, mocking me. How much money does he have? When did he earn it? I know almost nothing about him. We can't seem to have a single conversation in which I get all the answers. He's dodging, and I let him, not demanding explanations.
"Did she fall asleep?" His voice sounds worried.
"Eventually." My head slumps forward in defeat.
"She shouldn't have heard, it should have been your decision when to tell her, but I'm not sorry she knows." He ends the sentence less apologetically then he started it.
"She wanted to know where you were," I update him on my conversation with Vivian, "and if you love her."
"You know I'll do anything for her."
How easy to say, Colin, and how hard to prove. His words crush my ability to fight my tears and I let go of the brakes, now that Vivian is asleep. She knows who her father is and I know what I've been through because of him. How I loved him and how I hate him, and where I ended up because of the mess he caused.
"I'm a failure." I burst into tears and try to silence my cries so as not to wake Viv, biting my trembling lips. "Look at me."
"I admire you," he whispers on the other side, "for everything you did, for everything you've achieved. I know you don't trust me, but I'm here. If you need money, it's yours. It belongs to you and our daughter, and my time belongs to you. If you need help taking her out of daycare or putting her there in the morning, just say."
"I was supposed to be a doctor, I gave on up my dreams."
"Don't you have other dreams?"
"How exactly do I get them, you'll play Santa Claus again?" My voice is full of accusation.
"Start by saying what you need."
"I don't know what I need," I whimper in despair, "I don't know what I want, I didn't stop to think about it."
"So stop now, you're only twenty six."
"I feel like I'm forty," I grumble through tears, "I look forty."
"Elizabeth," he sighed, "you don't."
I do. He didn't see the scar on my stomach, he didn't see how I tried to squeeze into the blue dress tonight and I looked awkward, and he doesn't know about my lost womb.
"She wants to see you." I refuse to talk about my appearance anymore. "She's scared, she needs to see you're staying."
"Just say the word, and I'll be there." His voice is strong.
"She asked if you could come in the morning. I don't know if that's a good idea." Again the unbridled crying takes hold of me, "I don't know anything, Colin."
"Give me the opportunity to help."
"What do I know about opportunities?" I shake my head in frustration. "I went on a date tonight, you know? With the doctor from the ER. I was wearing a dress and high heels and I sat in front of him for twenty minutes and felt like I was nothing. I felt like someone who had a bright future and screwed it up."
"You shouldn't have given up your dreams for me," he falters.
"I gave it up because I thought I'd won something much bigger. I won you, you were my bright future." The tears burn my cheeks, running down my face like rivers rushing in the winter, like there's no end to them. It took me forever to dry them, and now he's back, and the dam has broken, and again my face gets wet at night on the couch, seeping into the pillow.
"You can't leave again," I threaten, "not now that she knows about you."
"I don't think it would be right to talk to her in the morning, I doubt it would be a good time to answer her questions."
"In the afternoon, then." If he doesn't show up, he's dead. I'll kill him with my own hands if he hurts my daughter.
"I'll be there around five."
"Okay." I wipe the tears with my palm.
"Good night, Elizabeth, try to get some sleep."
"Good night, Colin." I hang up the phone, place it on the couch beside me, and cry.
Chapter 14
Vivian doesn't want to go to daycare.
I struggle with her, beg and then glance at the clock for the third time, watching the minutes pass, as she refuses to budge from the sofa, ignoring my pleas.
"He'll come at five," I say again as steady as I can, "he promised."
"Is it because of Dr. Diaz?"
"He's got nothing to do with it, honey, we've got to move, I can't be late."
"You don't want Colin to come because of Dr. D
iaz," she accuses me.
"We're leaving now." I refuse to acknowledge her comment.
"No." She crosses her arms on her chest.
"Your birthday present is in danger," I threaten and regret immediately. Only yesterday she found out who her father is, she needs me to reassure her, understand her, put her difficulties before my own. She doesn't need threats.
"Dad will buy me what I want." Her words send a lightning bolt into my guts. Is she already calling him Dad?
"Colin and I will talk about your birthday present. I beg you to get up from the couch and get into the car." I try with all my might to keep my cool, a task that comes to me with great difficulty in this moment.
"I want him to pick me up from daycare." She doesn't move.
"He can't, he'll come at five." How many times do I have to say that?
"You're lying," she throws at me, and I lose my patience.
"Young lady, if you don't get up from the couch now, your actions will have serious consequences!" She opens her big eyes and they begin to shine. Her face turns red and she bursts into tears.
"I'm sorry." I jump toward her, lift her and wrap my arms around her, kissing her head again and again. "I'm sorry, Viv, everything will be all right, I promise, your father will come at five. Shh . . ." She buries her head in my chest and shivers with tears. Her life has turned upside down and I know the feeling. I know what she's going through, and I'm the only one who can protect her and help her through this change.
My day can't get any worse. I left Vivian at daycare after I updated Mrs. Robbins on everything, and in the last half hour I've been forced to hang out in the store with Danielle Cole, who has smiled at Henry nonstop.
I pack pictures, close them in crates and back again. Above all else there is the understanding that my time is running out.
"She's not going to fire me," Henry whispers as we bubble wrap one of the coffee tables.
"You think?" I whisper back.
"I know, she told me." I stop abruptly and stare at him. What is she up to?
"Did she tell you?" I follow him back.
"Yes."
"As far as I know, she's not the new owner," I say quietly.
"She said Colin wouldn't fire me," he says, adding, "You're really not staying?"
"To work for him?" I grumble. "No, thanks. When did you talk to her?"
"This morning before you came in, late." He stares at me disappointedly. Does he think his look will change anything?
"I had things to do at home." I don't elaborate.
"She was nice." He continues to describe the morning he spent with Danielle. "She asked a lot of questions."
"What else did she want to know?" They've rented the place, what else can she want?
"She wanted to know how old I was and what I liked to read, ah, and she asked if I had a girlfriend."
My body tenses with motherly defense at the last question. I don't trust her at all. I know girls like her. She flirts with Henry for fun, makes him develop hopes, just to feel better about herself.
"Watch out for her, okay?" I whisper as the door opens. I look up, my eyes fixed on Colin standing at the door. He doesn't move, looks troubled and tired, and doesn't take his eyes off me.
"Liz," Henry tries to attract my attention.
"Sorry." I shake my head and go back to wrapping the table with him, hearing the footsteps coming toward us.
"Elizabeth," Colin's voice rises above our chatter, "can we talk?"
I can't get away from him. He's everywhere.
"You're okay here?" I make sure Henry doesn't need me.
"Yes." He nods and looks up at Colin, who doesn't smile at him. I get up, then accompany Colin to a quiet corner and try to control my breath, which becomes strenuous when I think of Vivian in daycare.
"How was it this morning?" Colin inquires quietly, his eyes dark with worry.
"Difficult." I don't sugarcoat the situation. "She cried a lot. I think I'll pick her up early."
"Maybe I should have come anyway." He pulls his hair back.
"I don't know," I shake my head. "I don't think it would have made a difference, she has a lot to assimilate to."
"You're right, you know her and you know what's best."
"Why did you leave me?" I can't control the rage in my veins.
"I promise to explain." His answer is vague, again.
"Enough with the promises, Colin!" I raise my voice, completely ignoring the fact that we aren't alone. "You've had more than five years to explain why you disappeared and left nothing but a note. I deserved more than that, I deserve so much more!"
"I know."
"So stop dodging," I lash out sharply, "and start providing answers!"
"I told you it was complicated," he bursts back.
"Don't sell me stories!" I raise my hand in front of him. "I want to know why one day you stopped loving me. I need to know how your twisted head works before you run your tricks on my girl."
We both fall silent as the door opens and two men, who look like thugs, appear at the entrance, inspecting the store. Something in my guts signals that they are not here by chance. Something inside me screams that they are looking for trouble. What did Mr. Blunt get into?
"Elizabeth," Colin's voice drops, "take Henry and go to the back office."
I can't move. My feet refuse to cooperate as they step inside, walking past Henry in total disregard of his existence and moving toward me.
"Elizabeth," Colin grits his teeth, "to the back office. Now."
"Young!" Bully number one locks his gaze on Colin, who stands up, his huge body radiating danger. Are they looking for Colin?
"Not now, not here," Colin answers in a menacing tone, stepping in between me and bully number two.
"Just making sure you remember us." Bully number one cracks his knuckles, making a disembodied sound as he presses them in his palm. I can't breathe, my eyes running from one creature to another, to Henry who's bending behind one of the couches.
"I said not now." Colin manages to keep his cool. "You'll get the money by tonight."
God. What did you do, Colin? My knees are trembling and the nausea is growing in my stomach.
Please god, don't let me vomit.
"By tonight, Young," bully number two threatens and looks over Colin's shoulder, his eyes catching me. "Is this your lady?"
"No." Colin moves his enormous body so that he hides me better.
"What do you say, Craig, do you believe him?" bully number two turns to his silent partner.
"She's his lady, I saw them with the girl. Nice family you have there, Young."
I'm about to collapse. I want to push Colin, jump to the door, and fly to Vivian's daycare.
"Elizabeth, give me your driver's license," Colin says in a cold, sure tone.
"What?" My voice is shaking.
"Your driver's license," he repeats the words without looking at me, his eyes on the thugs.
"It's in my bag, behind the counter."
"Go get it," he instructs me.
"I can't move," I whisper to him in horror, a tear streaming from the edge of my eye.
"Her bag's right there," he turns to Craig, "see for yourself. Her name is Elizabeth Heart. She works here, just a friend."
"Heart?" Craig tries to catch my eye.
"Yes," I nod, "I work here, we're just friends."
I hope they believe me. I hope they just look at the license, see that I'm not married to him and leave.
You owe me so many explanations, Colin! What did you get us involved in? To what complication did you get yourself in?
"Don't screw up." Bully number two gives Colin another threatening look.
"Don't come here again, Jimmy." Colin shows no signs of fear. "And don't threaten me or my friends, or I won't be responsible for what I do."
"Your old man didn't lie," bully number two, or Jimmy, smiles a nasty smile at Colin, who clenches his fists. "The army made a man out of you."
"Get lost, and don'
t come back." Colin seems as if he’s about to leap at them any second regardless of their numerical advantage, the way he must have leaped on my father and his friends waiting outside the gym.
Jimmy points a warning finger at Colin, "The clock is ticking." He turns slowly to the door and Craig follows him kicking in a mirror that stands on one of the armchairs, shattering it. The door opens and they both go outside, leaving behind a tense silence that lasts only for a single second.
"Idiot!" Danielle's voice is carried around the store in full force. "I told you to take care of it, Colin!"
She knows what this is about? Am I the only one who has no idea what the hell happened? I push Colin back with all my strength. He steps forward and turns to me with a shocked look.
"What did you do?" I scream at him hysterically.
"Not now, Elizabeth." He stares at me intently.
"Are you kidding me?" I open my eyes wide. "What's the story, Colin, what did you and your father get into?"
"My father died four months ago," he grumbles.
His father died four months ago? God, Colin, how did you not say anything? With all the hatred I have for the man who raised Colin, my heart brakes. Brakes for the man I loved whose only family he has left is the daughter I'm trying to keep away from him. No wonder he is fighting me.
I want to hate him, to remember how much he hurt me, how he abandoned us both, but I fail in a big way.
My head and my heart are struggling with each other and the strong desire that spreads in my veins to hug him.
"Colin," I whisper in astonishment at the news that has landed on me and the feeling that holds me, as it did in the past, to protect it.
"I can't talk about it now." He takes his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans.
"Your father is dead," I can't keep my thoughts in order.
"Now isn't the time!"
"Now is the time, tell me what you got into and what you got me mixed in!"
"Stop being stubborn!" I see the storm growing in his eyes.
"If you want to see your child, don't evade me!" I shout without any ability to stop. A second later he closes his fingers on my arm and pulls me behind him to the office. My footsteps fail, trying to keep up with him.
"You brought this on yourself," he says as he slams the door behind us, and there's silence in the office. I gasp, my heart going wild, until I can swear Colin hears it.