by Jane Jordan
I had no recollection of how he carried me to my bed and laid me on it, or that he sat by my side all night applying cold compresses to my forehead. When I woke, after the strangest of dreams, Darius was still there, sitting beside me and holding my hand.
“Go back to sleep, I am here and will not leave you,” he said, and I had fallen into a deep sleep. It seemed that Darius remained true to his word, whenever I awoke over the next few days he was always attentive by my side. The heavy curtains were kept drawn and the room appeared dark, so I didn’t know if I ever woke during the daylight hours.
I dreamt of food, perhaps I was conscious of sitting up and water passing down my throat, along with some strange brown liquid. But everything appeared to happen in a distant haze, it felt as though I was not really there, but I must have eaten something and drunk the fluid, because I survived.
When I had collapsed into Darius’s arms I was suffering from a severe fever and early symptoms of malnutrition. Much later, I would realize that Darius had saved my life. Now, I opened my eyes and my head seemed clearer. I slowly sat up, feeling grateful that Darius had not left me alone, although I was disconcerted for a while as I didn’t’t remember undressing myself. I pushed my childish thoughts of modesty away, I wouldn’t’t have expected him to put me to bed fully clothed.
There was a large medical book I recognized from the library, lying open on my bed. Darius later told me he had devoutly read it from cover to cover to understand the cause for my sudden illness. My immune system was low, I was susceptible to anything that was around and with my lack of eating, and I suppose it was only a matter of time before I got sick.
It felt as if I had been asleep for a very long time, but my mind felt clear and I was stronger than before. I couldn’t hear anything and wondered if Darius was in the house, when right on cue, the bedroom door opened and he entered carrying a tray of food. He gazed at me for a moment and then smiled.
“Madeline, you are awake.”
“Yes,” I said sitting up. “I still feel a bit shaky.”
“You should eat something,” he said, laying the tray on the bed.
“How long have I been in bed?” I said ignoring the food, and running my fingers through my hair to dislodge the tangles.
“Four days.” He saw my look of surprise, “don’t worry, you were not alone. I stayed with you most of the time,” he said, and sat down on the bed.
“What happened to me? I can’t recall . . . anything.” Darius related the details of what had occurred and his conclusion from reading the medical book. He paused for a moment.
“When was the last time you ate anything before that night?”
“I cannot remember,” I answered truthfully.
“So were you deliberately trying to harm yourself?” he asked pointedly. I was shocked by his words, there was accusation in his tone, I just staring at him, unable to fully understand what he was getting at.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself,” I replied, feeling indignant. Darius looked at me rather oddly. “Why would I do that?” I searched his face for some clue, but found nothing.
“Perhaps being here in this house; being with me has clouded your judgment,” he replied. “Perhaps your coming here was a mistake,” he said, as if to himself. I felt suddenly scared, that he was leading up to something. I pushed the pillow up further and sat up so that my eyes were level with his.
“Are you going to leave me?”
“No, I won’t leave you. I want you to get well again.” He spoke the words softly. I was quietened by his assurance and my earlier fears subsided. On the bedside table I saw a strange looking bottle and a large vial of brown fluid.
“What is that?” I said, gesturing to the bottle. Darius considered for a moment.
“It helped you get better,” he replied, not answering the question.
“But what is it?” I said, thinking it must have been the strange brown liquid I remembered in my dream. Darius signed.
“It’s just a tincture of opium.” But Darius saw my look of horror, he shook his head lightly. “Don’t distress yourself, I didn’t give you enough to hurt you, only to help you sleep. I know how dangerous it can be, but I know how much to give you,” he concluded. Even though his words were reassuring I felt unnerved, it was easy to poison someone with the incorrect dose, and I had obviously had a few of them. But as I looked at him, I no longer felt afraid, I trusted him completely and was confident in his words and ability that he had given me the correct amount. I thought it was an odd drug of choice, but pushed that thought away.
Over the next two nights Darius came and went as usual, and by the second evening I felt completely well and sat waiting for Darius to arrive. I heard the front door open and got up from the sofa as he entered the room.
“I’m glad to see you are up and looking better,” he said.
“I do feel much better,” I said, walking to him. I leaned up and kissed him on the
cheek. “Thank you for being here Darius.” His eyes were unsettling, he was looking at me but it was like he was seeing right through me. He moved away towards the sofa.
“Madeline, I have to talk to you, come and sit down with me.”
This was it, the moment I had dreaded. He would tell me that he didn’t love me and it had all been a mistake. A lump formed in the back of my throat and my legs felt suddenly weak again, but I sat next to him. As he turned to me and I saw his eyes change, a sudden penetrating coldness, it was like other times I had witnessed his displeasure.
“Madeline, I want you to leave Ravens Deep tomorrow, you are not safe here.” He said firmly. I had not expected him to say that, I was stunned.
“From whom,” I began, but Darius silenced me with a deliberate penetrating stare.
“If you really love me then you must leave. The last few days have shown me that if anything were to happen to you, I would forever exist in misery.” I felt his sorrow, but I was angry that he could even think of me leaving him, he was being over dramatic, the tension I felt me made me raise my voice.
“Why? . . . because I got sick? People get sick all the time, but I’m fine now, I survived because of you, and it’s no reason to leave” I said defensively.
“No, not because you got sick, but because there is real danger here for you. This house is truly cursed. You must leave,” he repeated patiently. I stared at him, he had to be joking, and the amusement crept into my voice.
“Don’t be silly Darius. A few creaks and mice are not much of a curse.” He stood up abruptly, pulling me with him. His grip was tight on my wrist and his nails were digging into my flesh. I saw anger in his eyes and felt the sting of the venom in his words.
“I am not asking you to leave Madeline, I am telling you,” he said angrily. “Look what has happened to you. You almost died -- isn’t’t that proof enough?” He hesitated for a moment. “I thought you would be safe, I thought I could keep you safe, but I cannot for I am the reason you are sick, my presence distorts your reality.”
“No,” I protested. “You give my life meaning, Darius,” I choked out the words
bewildered by his statement. Darius’s eyes narrowed quickly and his words came out cold and clear.
“Do you want to die?”
Shocked by the intensity of the way he spoke, his aggression and the pain pulsating through my wrist, I stared at him in horror. He was frightening me, but I wasn’t about to back down that easily. I was angry at him, but I tried to calm down and changed my tone.
“Then come with me Darius; come away with me.”
“Don’t you see? I am as cursed as this house,” he snapped. The darkness in his eyes increased, I was afraid of the way he stared at me, the coldness that appeared to surround him and the sheer intensity of his presence over me, but I would not back down that easily. I had to appease him and appeal to his gentler side.
“Is it because of your illness? We can find a good doctor that can help you. You know your illness has no bearing on how I fee
l about you.”
“There is no doctor that can cure me,” he said sharply and I watched the strange darkness grow into a terrifying entity in his eyes. “You will leave this house by tomorrow. The presence you feel is real, you are not imagining it. It is evil and it will cause your destruction.” I found my voice, but unsteadily.
“But Darius, I love you and I know you love me. Why are you doing this, why are you saying this to me?” I could not believe him, I refused to. We stared at each other for several moments, I tried to understand the reasoning behind his words, and to think reasonably, but my own frustration and temper was rising.
“Tell me that you don’t love me then.” I meant to sound calm, but my voice betrayed me completely. Darius narrowed his eyes, before he coldly voiced the deepest cut to my rapidly breaking heart.
“Madeline, I do not want to ever see you again!” I let out a gasp of pain, from the
physical pain of my wrist and the emotional sting of his words. Darius looked down at my wrist, gripped in his nails and he released it. I was only vaguely aware of the deep marks he had left in my skin. I felt the instant relief from his tight grip, but was reeling from his remark.
“You will leave, Madeline, or I will make you!” he concluded icily, and turned to walk towards the door.
Regardless of the consequences, I was not ready to end this here, I stepped in front of him, fearful of what he might do as an oppressing darkness seemed to surround him. I could feel his resolve, and see the terrifying rage in his eyes that would not be quietened. It felt as though he was capable of actually killing me, so ferocious did he seem, and that perceived threat hung menacingly in the air, but I just couldn’t’t let him leave me like this.
“No Darius,” I said defiantly. “I will not go until you tell me why. . . I cannot live the rest of my life not knowing the truth. I need to know.” I said emphasising the point. “Do I even mean anything to you?” my voice wavered, but I could not stop. “All the evenings we have shared, all the moments we’ve spent together, what were they? A figment of my imagination?” Darius stared at me grimly, and instinctively I drew back a little. I was challenging him, defying him, and he was not used to that, but the fierceness was receding, and there was sorrow in his voice.
“Madeline,” he said at last, “don’t do this, I cannot reveal this to you. You must go.” His tone was softer than before. “I do not want to see hatred in your eyes when you look at me, and it’s only a matter of time, before I find it there. I do not want to remember that. It is better for us both if you leave now.”
“I would never hate you,” I said in surprise. “I would do anything to remain by your side. I promise that I will never hate you and I would never break my promise to you, you know that.” Darius considered for a moment.
“If that is so, then promise me you will leave here before tomorrow evening,” he said firmly. That was not what I had wanted him to say and I started to protest, but his threatening demeanour once again possessed him.
“Madeline, prove that you love me, and give me your promise?” he demanded. The tears were freely flowing down my face, I could not resist him, and he was staring at me so intently, making my mind succumb to his wishes.
“I promise,” I said miserably, looking at him through my blurred vision. Darius’s hand briefly touched my wet face and he brushed by me as he walked out the door. I stood still for a few seconds, I felt numb, and reality hit me, I might never see him again. I ran after him crying out his name, but I was staring into a void of total darkness. He had gone.
“Darius please . . . please come back. I love you . . . come back to me,” I cried choking back the tears. There was silence.
Chapter Twelve - Darius’s Vision
Darius moved silently through the garden, moved the ivy curtain aside and unlocked the ancient wooden door. He paused for a moment and then stepped onto the staircase. He was at the top within a second, her aura lingered with him still as he entered the dark chamber. He sat heavily upon an old chair; alone again in his own domain he waited patiently for her to appear in his vision. But the walls felt as if they were enclosing around him, a never ending burden of being entombed and trapped in his own underworld.
Time had always passed slowly, but this night the passing of time was unbearable. He waited until a sudden beam of light radiated from a recess in the wall, sending a small amount of light to his chamber. Darius hesitated, knowing it would only cause him more pain, but he could not resist temptation and leant forward, his eyes fixed in an unwavering gaze, the better to see through to the room beyond.
Madeline entered the room, he was haunted by her image again as he committed to memory every last detail: her hair, her skin and those green eyes to match his own. She was still crying and distraught and Darius feels what he perceives to remain of his heart -- break.
He watched with sorrow, as she pulls a suitcase from under the bed and starts to throw clothes into it, then gathers items from the bedside table and throws them in as well, everything is strewn together in a jumbled mess.
Darius feels her intense grief, he is the cause of this suffering, and he reflects again that this situation should have never happened, for he is not supposed to be capable of love, only devastation and ruin. But how could he have known that she would have awakened feelings in him that he believed no longer existed. It was a mistake to have made himself known to her, for now he will be forever fallen from grace, and listening to the agonizing voices in his head that remind him constantly of the pointlessness of his existence.
Madeline finishes with her suitcase and throws herself down on the unmade bed. Her whole body is wracked with grief, he wants with every ounce of his being to go to her, to hold and comfort her, to caress that silky hair and smooth skin, but he also wants something else, to possess her, a dark, dangerous possession that he must resist.
Agonizing minutes pass, and she stands and crosses the room. She is so close to him now as she sits down at the dressing table, her beautiful green eyes are red from crying and Darius sees her visibly shiver as she suddenly looks over her shoulder. She has sensed his presence again. Madeline takes one last look at her reflection, and then rises to go and pick up the suitcase. The next moment the light has been extinguished and the chamber darkens, she has gone.
Darius is suddenly aware and surprised by the wetness on his hands; fallen tears? He didn’t think that was possible anymore. This vision alone could destroy him entirely, for now he has sent her away, what shall his life become? Surrounded only by the shadows of the night, he shall have nothing but regret and remorse. Without her, his life is meaningless, his being nothing more than a tortured and tormented dark prince watching his beloved for the very last time. Tonight, more than any other, Darius feels himself fading into the darkness of the damned.
Chapter Thirteen - Back to London
It was early when I left Ravens Deep. The haze of the morning mist filled the air and the pre-dawn eerie silence that haunted the house was apparent, and everything seemed cold and foreboding.
In my grief, I had thrown books and papers into a bag, not caring if they got destroyed in the process, and then I struggled to the car with my suitcase and possessions. Tears fell freely down my face, my vision was blurred and my heart was broken. Ravens Deep held no more magic for me, no more enchantment. My enchanter was gone, or at least, he didn’t want me anymore.
I drove away slowly and regretfully, but glanced back at the house before it disappeared for the last time behind the hedgerows. It had held such promise and hope, and I had been happy, but now I could not understand why it had ended like this, and why this whole experience seemed not real.
I had to go back to London, back to the desolate and lonely place that city life now seemed to be. I had found what my life had been missing, in Ravens Deep and with Darius, but it had been abruptly ripped away from me and I was reeling from the shock.
During the entire journey back to London, I replayed the events of the past few mo
nths in my head, trying to figure out exactly what disturbed me about this whole experience, but nothing that made any sense came into my thoughts.
The traffic was light and I made good progress, but my heart was heavy heart as I left the wild moors far behind and entered into the urban life of London.
Has there always been this much traffic and noise in London?
Everything seemed more frantic than I remembered. And when I eventually pulled into the street beneath my flat and looked up to my small balcony, searching for some spark, something that would tell me that I belonged here, but I felt nothing save emptiness through the constant drizzle that had begun shortly after leaving Exmoor. How appropriate, I thought, even the weather had turned on me. On Exmoor my life had been colourful and wondrous, but now, alone and far away from Ravens Deep and Darius, it was grey and dismal.
I pulled my keys out of my bag, opened the main door and walked slowly up the flight of stairs dragging my suitcase after me. I felt exhausted, not just physically tired, but emotionally drained. It felt as though I would never feel normal again, not that I even wanted to, for how could I have a normal life again, when I was completely in love with Darius.
I should have defied him.
But in truth he had frightened me intensely, and I had made him a promise, he knew I would have promised him anything, although now in the cold light of day, I was more terrified of never seeing him again. I reached the top of the stairs and let myself into my flat. I looked around the silent and forlorn space.
Was everything always so grey in these rooms?
Perhaps I had not noticed before or my eyes had been shut to the mundane and the sheer drudgery of everyday life. I left the suitcase on the floor and lay down on my bed, letting my mind to succumb to an all consuming numbness. I couldn’t’t even cry -- there were no tears left.