by Kara Parker
I scanned the parking lot for him, but the darkness and the flames made it almost impossible to see. I opened my mouth to shout for him and then thought better. I didn’t want to give his or my position away. I reloaded my gun and took stock of my surroundings. Julian would be fine, and he knew how to fight. I needed to look after myself and any Los Desperados who were in trouble.
I saw a group of about three men circling around the clubhouse, trying to find a way in. As quietly as I could I ran over, hugging the exterior walls of the clubhouse as they came into my sights. And then I recognized them:
Jamie, Jeff, and Joey, they were three eager young idiots who had only joined Los Desperados in the last year. Jamie and Jeff were Big Mike’s nephews and Joey was a friend who had joined the gang with them. They were all twenty-one and had more energy than sense. They were the first to run into any fight and usually the first to run out of it, as well. They were loud and boisterous and too young to lose their lives in this fight. I wondered who had allowed them to come. Were The Bandits so desperate that they were sending kids in to fight their battles now?
“Hey!” I hissed at them, and as one they turned towards me wide-eyed and terrified.
“Holy shit, Daniela, it is you,” one of them said through gasping breaths.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demanded.
“We’re rescuing you,” one said, but there was a wavering confusion in his voice. “And we’re looking for Paul. No one’s seen him since he went to track you down.”
“Daniela, they’re saying you joined Los Desperados. Is that true?” another asked as he looked warily at my gun. “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”
“It’s complicated. And Paul’s dead,” I said. “You guys need to go, go back to Big Mike and tell him he can’t win this war against Los Desperados. They have more guns and money than we thought. A lot more. The Bandits need to leave this thing with Los Desperados alone. Go back to business and forget about me.”
“We can’t forget about a brother...er sister.”
“Plus, Daniela, Uncle Mike has a plan. A good one.”
“No-” I started, but I was interrupted.
“Uncle Mike knows you know about the upcoming heist with the gold bars. He figured that either you or Paul told them. But we can screw them over, Daniela. The empty lot where we work, wait with Los Desperados there.” I looked at them confused, that had been my plan. How could they have known? “The thing is, we aren’t taking the truck to the lot. We got a guy on the inside. He’s going to fuck with the engine and the radio, the van is gonna break down about thirty miles into the trip, it’ll pull over to the side with a smoking engine, and we’ll be waiting for them. Meanwhile, you lead Los Desperados to the lot. You lead them in and we’ll take them out. We can destroy Los Desperados and make ten million in one swoop.”
“You’ll do it, right, Daniela?”
“Of course she will, stupid. No one is more loyal to The Bandits than Daniela, Uncle Mike said so himself.”
I stared at them open-mouthed. Mike had that much faith in me. I almost couldn’t believe it. But Mike had always supported me, ever since the beginning when I was a rookie twenty-two year old with a brand new bike. It was a typical Bandit job, well planned and, with my help, perfectly executed. If I could, would I help? I didn’t even know anymore. Could I do it? It was a good plan. That was how Big Mike had come to lead The Bandits, with good strategy. It was why Los Desperados had attacked us; even in their best moments they couldn't plan like BIg Mike could. They could only pick up his scraps.
“Let’s go, time to ride!” I heard a voice yell as a cheer went up from the Los Desperados side. The Bandits had been beaten back again and they were all racing towards their bikes and hurrying to get out of there.
“Go, you morons,” I screamed to them and I watched as the three of them gratefully turned away and raced for their bikes, tripping over each other and their own feet. I tried not to think about what they had said. I wish I hadn’t heard it all. I didn’t know what to do with it. I could help Big Mike and my own crew and all I would need to do is nothing. For The Bandits to win I would just needed to stick with the plan I had given Los Desperados. But if I did that they would all be killed, even Julian. He was bound to be there. There was no way he would let me steal ten million in gold bars alone.
Where was Julian? I ran back towards the fire that was being doused with water and dirt by Los Desperados, but there was no sign of him. I ran farther out into the parking lot where I could hear the grunting and hitting sounds of two men fighting. I raced towards the sound in time to see Julian pounding in the face of one of The Bandits.
“Julian!” I screamed, but he just kept hitting the other man over and over again, turning his face into hamburger meat.
“You don’t know shit!” I heard Julian shout and I realized he was yelling at the man on the ground. But The Bandit he was talking to was out cold.
“Julian, stop!” I yelled as I grabbed his arm and pulled him off The Bandit. He turned to look at me with fire in his eyes and his fist raised and for the first time in my life I was scared of what I saw there. But once he saw me he started to calm down and he lowered his fists as I took his face in my hands. “It’s over,” I said “we won.”
“Did we?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Again, we were cleaning up Los Desperados’ headquarters, but this time the damage had been minimal. Most of the windows on the west-facing side had been broken or shot out and already men were quickly putting plastic sheeting and plywood over the empty frames. They let the remaining fire burn, using it to light their work. But without additional fuel it was reduced to embers within a few hours.
Bikes had been damaged, there were large craters in the parking lot, but otherwise there wasn’t much to do. I went around gathering empty magazines and dropped guns with everyone else, but my found myself before long with nothing to do.
I didn’t want to have nothing to do. I needed to stay busy. If I wasn’t busy, I would start thinking about what Joey, Jeff, or Jamie (I wasn’t sure which one) had said. My loyalty to The Bandits had been unquestionable according to them, and it hurt me to realize just exactly how many people I would be letting down when I switched to Los Desperados.
It didn’t have to be when, it could be if – if I switched to Los Desperados. My heart had joined over my mind’s objection, but now my heart was being pulled back to The Bandits. Those kids had absolute faith in me, they were so sure I was reliable, a Bandit through and through, but what did a couple of boys like that know about love?
“Hey,” I said, when I finally found Julian.
He had been off by himself in a dark corner of the parking lot, a broken M16 in his left hand.
“Oh, hi,” he said, but he looked strange and he refused to look me in the eye.
“Are you okay?” I asked him. I was worried this last attack had crossed line somehow, that Los Desperados were going to retaliate hard against The Bandits in a way I couldn’t live with.
“Yeah,” he said after a long pause. But he looked unsure; mostly he was looking at me, like he was trying read something written on my face. Had he heard The Bandits’ plan? No, it was impossible. No one else had been around us, yet I had the sinking sensation he knew more than he was saying.
“I think we’re all done here,” David said, walking over to us and talking to Julian. “The fire is almost out and the broken windows have been boarded up. Jake talked with the police, told them it was just a bonfire that got out of hand, no need to send a car.”
“Good,” Julian nodded.
“Marco wants to see you,” David said over his shoulder as he walked back towards the clubhouse.
As if he was peering through a haze Julian looked at me for a long time before he finally spoke.
“Is there anything you want to tell me?”
“No,” I answered as my stomach squirmed. I technically hadn’t done anything wrong, I just had more information no
w. But I hadn’t decided what I should do with that information. But Julian could read me like a book and I saw the way his eyes traveled across my face. What did he know? What did he suspect?
“I need to go find Marco,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m pretty tired. I’ll probably just go to bed,” I replied. But our conversation suddenly felt forced and fake. Maybe I wasn’t the only one hiding things. What had he heard in the attack and why wouldn’t he tell me? I gave him one last look and then walked back to the clubhouse. I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn't turn around to check.
Sleep, I just needed to sleep. I could figure out what my plan was tomorrow. Tonight I needed to close my eyes and forget about everything. I couldn’t help but notice that, once again, there had been a firefight after Julian and I had come together. Why did it have to be like that? Why did destruction have to follow passion?
“You’ve both done well in what has been a very trying period,” Marco said. It was just him, me, and Julian in his office. The big heist was planned for tomorrow and I was already getting those pre-heist jitters. The waiting was the hardest part for me. All the planning and preparation just pinpointed all the potential problems and when you’re involved in illegal activities problems generally mean the end of your life, whether it’s death or a jail cell that greets you after. I didn’t like to worry; I didn’t like to fill my brain with what-ifs. I wanted to get behind the wheel and do actual, good work. Not talk about work.
It had been two days since the fight with The Bandits. But I had been working on the heist and Julian had been running around working on repairs to the clubhouse and we hadn’t seen each other since. I had stayed at Marge’s apartment in my own bed. The first night I expected Julian to come to me, but I fell asleep before I had time to be disappointed. The next night the same thing had happened. I wasn't sure if Julian was avoiding me, or if life was cruelly getting in the way of our being together. Marco had called us to his office and we stood before him as he spoke, neither one of us looking at the other.
“Julian,” Marco continued. “I have always been impressed by you. I watched you grow from a young, headstrong foolish boy to a man I would trust you with my life. I've seen the long hours and hard work you’ve put it and hard work is rewarded in Los Desperados.” Next to me Julian stood a little straighter and we both waited with bated breath for what he would say next. “If this heist is successful and you bring the gold back here to Los Desperados, you will officially be my second in command. If something were to happen to me, leadership of Los Desperados would fall to you.”
Julian let out a deep breath and said,” Thank you, Marco.” I glanced over at him, but his expression was blank. I knew inside he must have been celebrating inside; this was what he had wanted for so long.
“And, Daniela,” Marco said, turning to me. “Our Bandit-hostage-turned-driver. This has been an especially difficult time for you, but I am impressed with how you’ve handled yourself. Your reputation preceded you and yet you’ve surprised my greatest expectations. If this heist goes well you will be a lead driver for Los Desperados, you will be allowed to plan your own heist division, and you can use and member of Los Desperados you want.” I nodded in agreement, not quite able to say the words thank you. It wasn't that I didn’t feel grateful. I did. But I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I hadn’t told Los Desperados anything about The Bandits plan. I don’t know why, all I knew was that when I went to open my mouth and tell them, my words stuck in my throat and I was at a loss where to begin.
“To sweeten the pot, I will make you rich, Daniela. I know how much The Bandits were paying you, but when you’re my driver, you’ll make twice as much. That’s not an exaggeration or an expression, but the exact number I will give you.”
My heart stopped. That was a lot of money, more than I would know what to do with. But I also knew I deserved it. I worked hard and I was a good driver. The Bandits had been underpaying me for years, but I had rarely complained. What other gang is going to use a female driver? The Bandits had asked me when I complained about money. Well, here was the answer to that question.
I couldn’t pretend like the money didn’t matter. Bikers talk about nobility and brotherhood when they're out with other people, but when we’re by ourselves we talk about money. Was the club giving out a fair cut, were some people making more than others? You had to stay on top, or you ended up getting screwed over. I didn’t have anyone else in my life; there was no one for me to fall back on, so money was all I had.
I nodded my ascent and stared straight forward. I had nothing left to go back to with The Bandits. Paul had been my last link to them, but Paul was gone. What was I going to do? Go back to Big Mike and his screaming and make less than I would make with Los Desperados? What was the other option? To betray the people who had given me a chance in the first place.
It was strange, both Julian and I were getting what we wanted and yet neither of us seemed happy about it. Not me, and certainly not Julian who looked like he hadn’t slept at all in the last few days. His handsome face was lined and there were heavy bags under his eyes. But Marco seemed oblivious to our confused and tired states and he nodded at both of us, giving us permission to leave.
There were no right or wrong answers anymore. There was just a swirling cloud of grey that hovered above and around me. I knew I needed to make a decision; I needed to stop looking for something else to make that decision for me. I wanted Julian, and I wanted to be with him. But how many women had ruined their lives throwing them away for some man? I didn’t want to end up like that. If I chose Julian over The Bandits I might end up as just another warning for other girls. Don’t be like that fool Daniela, their mothers would tell them.
But Julian and I had just found our way back to each other, and now that I remembered what it was like to be with him, I didn't think I could stand to be without. I wished I could convince Julian to join The Bandits with me, but that would never happen. Julian made more money with Los Desperados and he was higher up in the food chain. With The Bandits he would just be another biker. It was a foolish dream anyway. The Bandits would never allow him to enter; he had kidnapped me and killed Paul. They would never let him be a member, but they would make sure he suffered.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
“We’ll stick with Daniela’s plan, we ride in early and set up camp in the lot and attack The Bandits when they arrive,” Marco said. “In the meantime I suggest you two get some sleep and get ready for the morning.” With a nod he walked out the door and closed it behind him leaving Julian and I alone.
I was expecting him to take me in his arms, to grab me and kiss me, but instead he remained frozen in place staring down at Marco’s empty desk. He looked deep in thought and confused. I wondered what he was thinking about. I wondered what had happened to the confidant Julian I had been so crazy about.
I wanted to kiss him and be kissed by him. I needed a reminder of why I had fallen in love with Los Desperados. Their smarts, their power, their comradery, I had liked and wanted to be a part of all of those things, but didn’t The Bandits have that, too? I needed to make a decision and I needed Julian’s help. But I couldn't tell him what the boys had said after the shootout. It was too late now, too much time had passed, and he would demand to know why it had taken me so long to tell him, and what would I say?
I wanted Julian. I wanted his strong arms and his iron will. I wanted the Julian who never had any doubts and was strict in his convictions. I wanted the Julian who was assured and confident. Why did I want that? So I could tell him. It would be the easy way. I could tell Julian and then he could tell the rest of Los Desperados and they could form a plan. I would be out of it, far away, somewhere else, removed from the action. Let them handle it. But no, that wasn’t who I was. I never let a man make a decision for me. Besides, I needed to be there to try and broker some kind of peace. The Bandits and Los Desperados could both exist; there didn’t need to be a war.
It was sheer un
certainty that had led me to this point. I technically didn’t have to act. If I kept the plan the same then it meant The Bandits’ plan would work, was that what I wanted? It was all so confusing. Everything had been easier when it was nothing but loyalty oaths. I had meant the oaths I had taken with The Bandits when I had taken them. But then I had met and spent time with Los Desperados and everything changed.
In truth I think I belonged here, with Los Desperados. I liked them and felt accepted by them, but was my loyalty so easily swayed. What did I owe The Bandits, except everything I had? And what about Julian? They would kill him, for sure. They would probably do much worse. I wanted to warn him, I wanted to tell him to run far, far way. But he would never do that. He wouldn’t leave Los Desperados; he would die first.
“Is there anything else I should know about tomorrow?” Julian asked. But he still wasn’t looking at me. He was staring into Marco’s desk and his voice was flat and without expression.