by Mercy Amare
“Do you think he knew? That I was his?” she asks.
“I don’t know,” he answers. “I suppose it’s possible. I don’t understand what kind of relationship your mom and my dad had, but I would think they talked about it. It’s just he couldn’t do anything about it as long as she was with your dad. I’m sure neither of them wanted to split up their families.”
“What sucks is how this has affected us now. Maybe it would have been easier if we had known about it our whole lives…” Mona take a deep, sharp breath. “It hurts. And I bet they didn’t once stop to think about the consequences. How could they think it would never get out? And why did it get out after they died? I want to talk to my mom. I want her to explain it to me…”
“I’d love for my dad to explain it,” Stephan agrees. “I can’t understand what he did. I love Scarlett so much, I would never do something like that to her. I couldn’t.”
I smile at Stephan’s words but can’t help but think about my own screwed up life. Cheating really does tear up families — mine included. Of course, in Mona’s and my case, we wouldn’t be here if our parents hadn’t cheated.
“I don’t want to be mad at them anymore.” Mona’s voice comes out in a whisper, and then she looks up at Stephan. “I don’t want to be mad at you anymore.”
“So let’s not,” he says easily. “There is no reason for us to hate each other. You’re my sister, which I admit still feels weird to say, but we have to look out for each other. Really, we are all we have.”
“At least your mom loves you. My dad couldn’t even stand looking at me after I told him.” I can hear the anger in her voice, and I can’t blame her for being mad. “But you’re right… You are all I have left. I think we should definitely give this brother-sister thing a chance.”
“I want to,” Stephan agrees.
Mona turns to me. I think she’s desperate to get her mind off of everything. “So, Stephan updated me on how busy you’ve been. Crazy!”
“I know, right?” I sigh, thinking about all we have planned. “Tomorrow I’m spending the day in the studio again, and then leaving for New York right after. I have to do a few television interviews to promote the documentary.”
“New York! Wow!” I can see the stars in her eyes. “I’ve never been there before.”
“You can come with us,” Stephan tells her and then turns to me. “Right?”
I nod. “Of course! It’ll be great.”
“What about school?” she asks.
“Stephan and I have a tutor,” I tell her. “She is coming on Sunday, and we are going to catch up on like a weeks’ worth of school. You’re welcome to study with us. To be honest, with the documentary, you’ll probably be too busy to be in school anyway.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Well, you’re on the show,” I remind her. “And you’re a pretty big part of my life, obviously… So MTV will probably have you doing promotional stuff too.”
“Oh…” I can tell she hadn’t thought about it before. A huge smile breaks out over her face. “So I’m going to be like… famous?”
I shrug. “I suppose.”
“Wow.”
“So you’re home early,” Stephan comments, looking at me. “I guess everything in the studio went well?”
I nod. “Very much. We actually have the song recorded. It sounds great. Tomorrow I am actually recording a different song. I can’t believe how well it’s going. Alec and I work very well together. And Otto is the best. Seriously. I need to work with him on like every project. He listens to me and does what I want instead of controlling it himself. Maybe I can convince him and Alec to produce every album from now on.”
“Your life is a fantasy,” Mona says. “You’re so lucky.”
“What do you want to do now?” he asks.
Sleep, I think, but I know Stephan and Mona probably want to do something. “I don’t know. What do you want to do? There’s a lot of touristy stuff around here…”
“Actually,” Mona jumps in, “Stephan and I are going to Hollywood tomorrow. We are going to do some tourist stuff. He said that you would probably be too busy to come.”
I nod. “Yeah, sorry. I wish I could. In New York City, all my interviews are in the mornings. So I’ll be free all afternoon. We can do something fun there if you want.”
“How long are we going to be in New York?” Stephan asks.
“Well, I have a photo shoot Saturday morning here in LA, so one day,” I answer. “I have to be in the studio by five AM, but it won’t last long. I should be done by noon, and then we can hang out. Maybe we can go on the yacht again?”
“Sounds fun.”
Yeah. Fun. Except, of course, there is like no time for me to sleep. Ugh — this sucks. I can see now that it’s definitely going to be hard keeping up my relationships and my career.
One year, Scarlett, I tell myself. But I know it’ll be more than just one year. My life will never be normal. The sooner I accept that, the better.
But I wanted this.
Want. Not wanted.
7:30 PM
You’re in love.
After we left the studio, Alec actually followed my advice and went home. I think Bridgett is a little surprised that he isn’t here, but she isn’t saying anything. I decide to take the opportunity to talk to her about him. I’m hoping she doesn’t mind talking in front of the cameras, but honestly I think we’ve all gotten used to having them around.
“So, what’s going on with you and Alec?” I ask her.
She shrugs and averts her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar.”
“He’s a pain in my butt, that is what’s going on between us. He annoys me, and I tolerate him because I have to,” she answers with an eye roll. “That is it. Nothing else. And if Alec told you anything else, I will hurt him.”
I laugh, because I have no doubt that Bridgett could hurt him. Maybe not physically, but emotionally she could do some pretty bad damage. “You know he’s crazy about you…”
“No. He’s crazy about the idea of me. He’s probably never been with a virgin before, and I think it’s his mission in life to deflower me.”
“I think he’s in love with you.” Okay, I know he is, but I’m not telling her that.
“He may think he is, but I know guys like him. He doesn’t want me.” She sighs, almost sadly. “He thinks he wants forever, but he has no idea what he’s saying. He’s just being like that because of you and Stephan. I know that once we go on tour, girls will be throwing their panties at him, and he will be on a mission to screw as many girls as he can. Once he starts screwing his way through Europe, he will forget all about me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. Been there, done that…”
I know she is referring to Martin. “Have you talked to Martin since him and Mia did what they did?”
She shakes her head. “I never walk to talk to him again. Ever.”
“Maybe you should. Before you can move forward maybe you need closure,” I suggest.
“No. I’m done, Scar. I am not going to talk to him ever again, and I’m not going to move forward with Alec. He will break my heart, and once he’s done he will forget all about me. It’s inevitable.”
“Okay. But I want to know one thing…” I pause for a second before asking. I’m hoping she doesn’t get mad at me. “Do you like Alec? As more than just a friend? And maybe even more than like?”
She doesn’t answer for almost twenty seconds. I swear, it’s the longest twenty seconds of my life. Then finally she says, “I like Alec a lot more than I should. But it’s not going to happen. I won’t allow myself to fall for the Hollywood Playboy. I will guard my heart.”
“Maybe you should take a chance.” I get up from the couch. “Stephan, Mona, and I are going to go out for sushi. Want to come?”
She nods. “Sure. I’m kind of sick of my own drama. I think listening to those two fight it out is exactly what I ne
ed.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Whatever you say.”
We both head into the foyer, where Stephan and Mona are waiting with the security team. Peter and the camera crew, as always, are right there.
“Will I ever have my privacy back?” I ask Peter, jokingly.
“Eventually,” he answers. “We are taking a week break from filming during Thanksgiving. So you should enjoy the break.”
“My mom wants to know if we are going home for Thanksgiving,” Stephan tells me.
Home. There is nowhere else in the world I would rather be. “Definitely,” I answer.
We all pile into Bob’s big SUV. Once we are all packed inside, the camera crew follows us. Peter sits in the front, filming us. I guess he thinks he’s going to film something good. He’s going to be disappointed.
“My mom wants me to come home for Thanksgiving,” Bridgett tells us once we leave.
Oh.
Well, maybe Peter will get something interesting. “Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know. I would kind of like to get some answers, and she is the only one who can give them to me.” She looks sad as she tells me. “I thought about taking Alec with me for moral support. She wants to invite Martin over.”
“Seriously? Why would she do that after what he did to you?” I wonder.
“Well… She doesn’t know that he cheated on me. She thinks I just dumped him because we were drifting apart.”
“Right. And Alec isn’t really there to be a buffer between you and your mom. He’s there to be a buffer between you and Martin.”
She half nods. “I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?”
“No. I just think you should be careful. I don’t want you to break Alec’s heart. Don’t lead him on.” It seems like déjà vu. I’m pretty sure I had this exact same conversation with Alec not too long ago. Only then I was worried about him hurting her. I never thought it would be the other way around.
“Maybe you’re right… Maybe I should confront Martin. I should tell him what I think. What he did to me was awful. I still can’t believe he did that.” She takes a deep breath. “I thought I was going to marry him.”
“Were you in love with him?”
“Honestly? No. I thought that I was. And what he did hurt, but I almost felt relief because I had a reason to break up with him. Before that he had been perfect. But he never made me feel the way that Alec does.” The second the words leave her mouth, I know she instantly regrets them. She looks at Stephan and Mona, who are in the middle of their own conversation, and then she looks up at Peter. “Please cut that out of the show.”
“I don’t control what goes in the show. I control the filming. Somebody else controls the editing…”
She looks at the camera. “Please, whoever is editing, don’t put that in. That’s embarrassing.”
I ignore the camera. “So how do you feel about Alec?”
She turns back to me. “Like I’m hot and cold at the same time. And my heart feels like it’s literally going to beat its way out of my chest. My palms get sweaty, and my stomach feels nervous. No matter how much I’m around him, it never goes away. He gives me freaking butterflies. What am I? Twelve?”
I laugh. “I still feel that way about Stephan, and we’re married.”
“I’m pathetic.”
“No,” I protest. “You’re in love.”
She groans. “Please, don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“Either way, I can’t act on my feelings. So it doesn’t do any good.”
“You can act on them. You’re just too stubborn to.” Wow. That sounds familiar. Bridgett truly is my twin. It’s just another thing we have in common… Stubbornness — even when there is no reason to be stubborn. I can see that now. Hopefully I learned my lesson, but I somehow doubt it.
“You’re stubborn too,” she says, echoing my thoughts.
“Yep,” I agree. “I was just hoping that you had learned from watching me.”
She rolls her eyes.
“The heart wants what the heart wants. No matter how bad you want to control it, sometimes you just can’t. I think you should give in. If Alec says he wants to love you forever, let him.”
“I’m scared,” she whispers.
I look at Stephan. He’s talking to Mona, but sees me watching and winks at me. My heart feels like it does a dive into my stomach. I will never get tired of that. I turn back to Bridgett. “I was scared too, but there is no reason to be. Alec isn’t Martin. He’s not your mom. He’s not our dad. Give him a chance to prove he’s not going to hurt you.”
“I will. Eventually.”
“Just do it before it’s too late.”
She nods, but I can see the fear in her eyes. She’s scared to be with him, but she’s also scared to not be with him. I wish that I could help make the decision for her, but I know this is something she has to work out on her own. All I can do is be there for her, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Thursday, November 13
6:14 PM
I wish I could teleport
I had another successful day in the studio. If it keeps up like this, I might actually have some chill time before the tour. Maybe we can spend a week in Hope for Thanksgiving, and then maybe a couple weeks for Christmas. That would be nice.
In an hour, we are going to be leaving for New York City. It’s a first time visit for Stephan, Mona, and Bridgett. I can’t wait for them to see it. I’m kind of sad that Alec can’t come with us. He says he has stuff to do here, but I know what he’s really doing… He’s giving Bridgett space like I told him to do. It makes me smile, because I know that he really would do anything for my sister.
Stephan and I are packing our suitcases before we leave.
“I feel like I never get to spend any time with you,” he says.
I know exactly what he means. “It won’t always be like this. Plus, if everything goes well, I’ll have some free time before the tour. You and I can spend some time together. Alone.”
“I’d like that.” He puts his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. “So we get to spend some time together tomorrow, right?”
“Yep. Well, all of us. I thought we could do some touristy stuff in New York.”
“Maybe you could pretend to be sick, and we could just head back to the hotel room.”
I like Stephan’s idea. “It’s your first time in the city, and you want to spend it in a hotel room?”
“Yes. I do.”
“We’ll have plenty of time for that later.” I gently push him away. “You need to finish packing.”
Stephan steps into the closet and pulls out some more clothes to put in his suitcase. “So basically we are going to have to schedule time to have sex over the next year?”
“You would be correct. But I warned you.”
“I know you did. It just sucks. I really want to just throw you on the bed and spend the rest of the night making love to you.” He looks at me and gives me his seductive smile. “Maybe we could just fly out early in the morning.”
“I have to be there at four in the morning. Which would be one in the morning our time, which means we will have to leave… at nine. Yeah, so basically I’m already getting zero sleep as it is. As much as I want to have sex with you, I can’t. I haven’t slept more than five hours every night this week, and I’m exhausted from all the sex we’ve been having.”
“You have a lot of sleep to catch up on this weekend,” Stephan says.
“I wish.” I frown when I think about having to be up at five Saturday morning for a photo shoot. “I have the photo shoot early Saturday morning.”
“Right. And then we’re going on the yacht.”
“Yep. And I’m going to take a nice long nap on the boat.” I sigh dreamily just thinking about it.
“So, when you say you’ll have free time before the tour… How much free time are we talking about?”
“Two or three weeks,” I answer. “I’m taking
a week off for Thanksgiving, and hopefully two weeks off for Christmas. To do that though, I’m going to have like zero free time for anything else between now and then. I still have to finish recording my new album, promotion, and I have to get pictures taken for the cover. Also I have rehearsals for the tour. I have to pick a set list, and Alec and I still have to pick a theme for our tour.”
“Can I help with any of that?” he asks.
“Actually, I think MTV wants you to do some promotion for the documentary. You and Mona are going to be doing that next week, so you’ll be pretty busy.”
“Wow.” He zips up his suitcase. “I really had no idea what I was getting into.”
“Are you regretting it yet?” I ask.
“Never.”
I zip up my own bag. I didn’t pack a lot. My stylist, Monica, lives in NYC. She already has my outfits ready for me. “I wish I could teleport.”
“That would be nice,” Stephan says. “I have spent more time in an airplane since meeting you than I ever have before in my whole life.”
“Since I turned fifteen, I’ve spent probably thirty percent of my time in the air.” I can’t help but laugh. “I used to be scared of flying. And I always heard about rock stars and celebrities dying in plane crashes… It didn’t help my anxiety. It took me months to get over it.”
“You don’t get nervous at all anymore?”
“Nope. Not even a little.” I grab my acoustic guitar case. “Otto wants me to write a few more songs for the album, so I figured while we were on our way to New York I would. Maybe Bridgett can help me write.”
“Good idea.”
“So how was sightseeing yesterday with Mona?” I ask.
“It was actually good. We talked a little about everything, and I feel like I’ve gotten to know her a lot better. It’s crazy to think that I actually have a sister. I wish Dad could have gotten to know her. He would have loved her.”
His words surprise me. “That’s quite a change. You two hated each other when I first came to Hope.”
“You changed everything, Scar. I feel so lucky to even know you. Without you, Mona would still be hating me. I would be the loner. I wouldn’t know… And I will admit, Mona and I still fight, but it’s different now. We’re brother and sister. It’s more like sibling rivalry.”