by Jo Cassidy
Good Girls Stay Quiet
Jo Cassidy
Copyright © 2018 by Jo Cassidy
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Cover design by Cammie Larsen
* * *
ISBN (Paperback): 978-1-948095-11-2
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-948095-12-9
ISBN (Audio): 978-1-948095-13-6
For Mom & Dad. Thanks for giving me a stable, happy home in this crazy world.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Acknowledgments
Discussion Questions
About the Author
Also by Jo Cassidy
Willow Marsh
Chapter 1
I ran my fingers along the white eyelet canopy surrounding my bed. Daddy said it would protect me at night while I slept but still allow me to breathe. Sometimes I liked to sit on the bed with the canopy closed, soaking in the comfort and safety it provided.
I'd already finished my homework for the day. It was always the first thing I did when I came home from school so I'd have the evening free to spend with Daddy.
My leg bounced, my fingers drumming along with the motion. I glanced at the twin bell alarm clock on my nightstand. Only twenty more minutes until Daddy came home and unlocked my bedroom door. I could hold my bladder that long. I'd done it before. I needed to distract myself so I wouldn't think about it.
I leaned over the side of my bed, the canopy draping over my hair, and retrieved the journal tucked under my mattress.
Noah, my stuffed elephant, cleared his throat, which did nothing for the rasp in his tone. "Oh, Cora dear. You know not to write in that during the day. He may come home and see it."
I glared at the elephant sitting on my bed, his bright, blue eyes staring back at me. "I know that, Noah dear. I was just seeing how much room I had left." I thumbed through the empty pages in the back. "I'll have to steal another journal soon."
Noah guffawed. "So you can write more thrilling stories about me?"
Whoever manufactured the stuffed animal didn't bother with getting the facts straight. I'd never seen an elephant with blue eyes that sparkled. It certainly didn’t match with Noah’s sometimes rough and sarcastic demeanor.
Daddy had bought him for me when I was eight. He’d said the elephant's eyes matched mine. Little did he know, he’d brought me home an elephant with a soul that came alive when we were alone.
"Or is this about brushing up on your shoplifting skills?" Noah asked.
I put my hand on my hip. "Please don't judge me. There are extenuating circumstances."
"Keep telling yourself that." He laughed louder, though his stuffed body remained completely still on the bed.
I was about to flick his trunk when I heard footfalls in the hallway. Daddy was home early. Shoving the journal back under my bed, I surveyed the room to make sure nothing had been left out that I didn't want Daddy to see. I fumbled to refasten the top button on my shirt so only half of my neck was exposed. Then I rolled down my sleeves and buttoned the cuffs. Daddy liked his little girl to look a certain way.
"Are you going to start hiding me?" Noah asked.
Daddy didn't know about my relationship with Noah, and I wanted it to remain that way. Luckily, I was the only one who could hear Noah. It was the main reason our relationship was special and why I confided in him so much.
Right as the lock unlatched on the outside of my door, I settled into place on my bed holding a regency book I'd brought home from the school library. At the last second, I moved my braid so it rested on my right shoulder. The door opened, and Daddy stepped inside the room. He still wore his blue work coveralls, and I immediately took in the scent of grease and sweat. I noticed his pomade had held his perfectly brushed hair in place all day.
Even though his presence caused unease to swirl inside, I plastered on the smile he loved so I wouldn't have to deal with his explosive anger. It was why I referred to him as Daddy in my head. I never wanted to accidentally call him something else to his face.
"Hi Daddy!" I set the book on my nightstand and went to him. I put my arms out to hug him, but he took a step back.
"I need a shower." He rubbed at his tired eyes. "My last appointment was a bit of a mess."
"Why don't I cook dinner while you wash up and then you can tell me all about your day over our meal?"
Daddy leaned forward and kissed my forehead, his dry lips causing my stomach to roll. "What would I do without you, Cora?"
"Not be such a creepy old man?" Noah offered in a haughty tone.
It took everything in me to not turn around and scold Noah. He shouldn't talk about Daddy like that. Thank goodness Daddy couldn't hear him, or we'd both be locked in the basement for the night.
"I could really use a decent BLT," Daddy said.
"Consider it done." My tone was as sweet as honey, but my insides were heavy like molasses.
He turned to leave, but then faced me and raised his eyebrows. "Make sure the bacon is crispy, but not overcooked." He placed his hand on my arm and squeezed as a small storm brewed in his eyes. "Last time it was practically burnt."
I clasped my hands tightly in front of me so I wouldn't flinch from the pain. "Of course, Daddy."
The storm in his eyes retreated, and Daddy left the room. I wanted to yell at Noah, but I really needed to use the bathroom. It had been hours. As soon as I finished, though, I headed back into my room.
"Don't say things like that about him," I hissed. When it came to Daddy, Noah and I didn't see eye to eye. He didn't like the way Daddy treated me.
"The truth?" Noah whistled. "Fine. I'll feed myself lies like you do."
Going to the bed, I put my face in front of his. "Being nice to him makes him happy. He's done so much for us, Noah." I poked his trunk. "Remember that."
"That's right. All the things he does out of love. Well, if you want him happy, then you should start dinner and stop lecturing me."
I gave him one last glaring look before I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I put on an apron so the grease wouldn’t splatter my shirt. That would make Daddy real mad. I kept a close eye on the bacon, making sure every inch turned brown but had no hint of black. Once it was perfectly cooked, I took the plate of bacon and gently placed it on the table. I used a towel to wipe away a drop of grease on the edge of the plate.
After smoothing out a wrinkle in the tablecloth, I used my hand to measure the length of the mater
ial hanging over the edge, double checking it was even all the way around, just how Daddy liked it. We had a round table so the chairs could be spaced perfectly apart; far enough so Daddy could look at me, but not too far so he could reach out and touch me if he needed to. It had been almost a year since I’d stepped out of line at the dinner table and he’d sent me to timeout. I planned on keeping it that way.
The white ceramic plates and bowls were on their placemats, with a fork on the left, fork above for the salad – even though we weren't having salad, it always had to be there – and a spoon and knife to the right. The glasses were up and to the right, with the cloth napkins flawlessly folded in a standing triangle on the center of our plates. It was perfect.
"Smells delicious, angel," Daddy said, joining me in the kitchen. He’d switched to his usual button-down shirt tucked tightly into his casual slacks. His shirt was buttoned all the way to the top like mine. My chest tightened at the sight of his leather belt.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head, my hair creating a barrier between his lips and my skin. His sweat and grease stench had been replaced by soap and Selsun Blue shampoo and his brown hair hung down, still wet from the shower. I preferred that look to his perfectly sculpted hair. It made him appear carefree.
"So, tell me about this last client of yours," I said, hanging up my apron in the pantry and softly closing the door.
Daddy grabbed a bottled beer from the fridge. "Not much to tell. A guy inherited everything in his dad's garage, which included some tools that hadn't been used in a very long time."
Keeping my hands steady, I pulled out his chair for him. He sat down, his thin lips turning into a smile as he did. I returned the smile, though my stomach fluttered. I hoped I cooked the bacon just right.
"Did you get them working again?" I sat down and tucked my napkin into the top of my shirt, just like Daddy had done. Then I made sure my braid hung over my right shoulder.
He winked. "Always do."
I grabbed two pieces of bread and spread mayo on them. "Never leave a client unsatisfied."
He laughed. "So you do listen to me."
I tilted my head to the side and winked at him. "Always do."
The laughter reached all the way to his eyes and some of the tension released inside me. His eyes were much kinder when they weren't housing a storm.
I loaded up his sandwich with bacon, lettuce, and fresh tomatoes I had picked from the backyard the day before. I tried to keep my hands stable as I placed the BLT in the center of his plate.
Clasping my hands in my lap, I waited patiently for Daddy to take a bite of his sandwich.
"It's perfect, angel." He wiped his mouth with the napkin and nodded at the bread. "Go ahead and make yourself a sandwich now."
My heart calmed. "Thanks, Daddy."
“You deserve it,” he said. “Having you gives me a reason to wake up every morning.”
Tears welled up behind my eyelids. I was lucky to have a father who loved me so much.
After dinner and cleaning up under Daddy’s watchful eye, I grabbed the playing cards from the closet in the hall. It was tradition to play every night. I let him win all the time because he hated to lose. The last time I won, he didn't let me out of the basement for two whole days.
Once Daddy locked me in my room for the night, I switched to my long sleeve crew neck shirt and cotton pants. It was what Daddy liked me to wear to bed. They were comfortable, so I didn’t mind. I waited for him to go to bed before I pulled out my journal. I sat down on the floor next to the large dollhouse and used the flower-shaped nightlight as my guide.
I wrote in my journal every night. I recounted everything that happened to me during the day, not leaving a single detail out. At the end of the entry, I’d sketch a drawing of my favorite event from the day, whether it was something that happened or someone I saw that I thought looked interesting. Sometimes I wrote poems or song lyrics imagining myself in a happier life.
"Don't forget to mention my charming personality," Noah said from the bed.
"Hush!" I whispered.
"Why?" he asked. "It's not like someone else can hear me." He raised his volume. "I could shout all night long, and nothing would happen. Maybe I'll sing you a few songs. Except I'd have to make up the words since you can't listen to music."
I reached for my backpack, fished out an eraser, and threw it at Noah. "You're distracting me. Now please be quiet."
He grunted. "Was that necessary? Hitting me? Please don't turn into your precious Daddy."
His words punched me right in the gut. I was trying to be playful with him, not intentionally harm him. I never wanted to resort to violence to get my way. Noah had just proved that words could be more powerful than actions.
Suddenly the latch on the outside of my door lifted. Daddy. I wasn't close enough to the bed, so I stuffed the journal inside my backpack and pulled out my math book as the door opened.
Daddy flicked on the light and stared at my empty bed. He was still in his regular clothes. He never liked me to see him in anything less.
"I'm here, Daddy," I said.
He turned his attention to me on the floor, his voice coming out low and rough. "Were you just talking to someone?"
I held up my math book, holding tight so my hands wouldn't tremble. "I have a test tomorrow, and I wanted to review the material one more time. It helps me to repeat it out loud."
His eyes scanned the room, looking for anything out of place. He folded his arms. "Why are you doing it in the dark?"
I thumbed the pages of my math book. "I didn't want to wake you, Daddy. You work so hard for our family, and I wanted you to be able to have a good night's sleep for work tomorrow."
The strain in his face relaxed. "That's very thoughtful of you. But it's late. You also need your sleep."
I stood, hoping my legs didn't look as shaky as they felt. "Of course, Daddy."
He waited until I climbed back into bed. He tucked in the sides of my sheets, snuggling me in. "You're smart, angel. You'll do fine on your test." Grabbing my braid, he pulled it forward to its proper place. He kissed my forehead, but dark clouds flew into the back of his eyes as he squeezed my shoulder. "I never want to catch you outside of bed at night again, do you hear me?"
A painful lump landed in my throat, and it took me a second before I could speak. "Yes, Daddy."
“Sleep tight, my angel girl.” His low, breathy voice caused me to shiver.
Once Daddy was out of the room, I took Noah and held him in my arms. His soft fur was soothing to the touch. My heart thudded in my chest from how close I'd been to being caught. Daddy would be furious if he knew I had journals that held our family secret.
He could never know I had them.
Chapter 2
Daddy’s blue van sidled up to the curb minutes before school started. He never wanted me to have time to linger before first period. That would give me time to socialize and form friendships, and that was high up on the list of things I couldn't do.
"What are you going to do today?" Daddy adjusted himself in the driver’s seat so his body and focus were turned toward me. His work coveralls had been washed and pressed. Looking at him – hair, outfit, and smile in perfect place – no one would ever think he housed a dark side.
I hugged my pink backpack close to my chest. "Only talk to students in my class if it's required for an assignment." I broke that rule daily with Jenna, the girl who sat next to me in French. But it would be rude to ignore her. "Be respectful to my teachers and answer questions correctly when called on."
"Are you going to talk to anyone during break or lunch?" He kept his strong hand on the passenger side headrest, letting me know he could touch me in a heartbeat.
"No." My thumb brushed along Husky, my Beanie Boo keychain on my backpack zipper, clinging onto the comfort he offered me. Daddy had given him to me when I first started public school so I’d have a friend. One he’d authorized. "I'll keep in a spot where no one can
see me so they won't get suspicious."
"We can't have anyone asking questions, can we?" His eyes were a calm blue, the dark gray nowhere near the horizon. I wished they would stay like that forever.
I shook my head in response.
"Have a great day, Cora." He leaned over and his cold lips found my forehead. “You’re my perfect angel girl.”
With my head down, I positioned my braid so it rested over my right shoulder, walked up the stairs and into the old brick, two-story school. If I avoided eye contact, the day was always easier. I had my school persona down to a science. To my teachers, I appeared quiet, yet hardworking and smart. To my peers, I was invisible.
I didn't mind being invisible. The few times I'd had to socialize for school projects had never gone well. I always ended up saying something wrong, and I'd get the strangest looks or worse – they’d laugh at me.
If it hadn’t been for a new neighbor that moved in next door, I may have never had the chance to go to public school. Before that, Daddy had started trusting me and letting me out of my room more, but he didn’t like the idea of the world tainting me, so he kept me locked up at home during the day while he went to work. He’d done a good job of keeping me hidden from all the neighbors.
Then the Roberts moved in, and one day Mrs. Roberts saw me getting into the van with Daddy. She ran out of her house and flagged us down before we could even pull out of the driveway. She rambled on for at least ten minutes about how she didn’t know Daddy had a daughter and that I reminded her of her daughter who was away at college.