When she was at college, she didn’t really get homesick. Having Ashley there with her kind of felt like being with family, so Alex never felt alone or lonely. But in the city, it was different. Alex spent so much of her time working that she didn’t really get the opportunity to make friends, and most of her colleagues were older than her anyway, so they didn’t have much in common.
Alex missed being surrounded by familiar faces. She was even beginning to miss Woodsdale, the small hometown she’d been so eager to leave. Everything seemed so simple back there. The pace of life was slower; there were fields and wide-open roads.
In New York, space was at a premium, and everything felt crammed together. At first Alex didn’t mind, but now as she walked through the city, she’d look up and feel claustrophobic when she saw the steel giants of skyscrapers bearing down on her.
The air always smelt of car exhausts and fried food. Alex longed to inhale fresh, clean air. When she caught sight of her reflection, she noticed how pale and withdrawn she looked, a product of existing mainly indoors. Even commuting to work, she was mostly indoors, doing the majority of her travelling beneath the city on the subway.
Absence seemed to have truly made her heart grow fonder as she thought about parts of Woodsdale that she missed, even the loathed trailer park was now not without its charms. It was at least open and full of clean air.
Groaning, Alex moved and lay down on her bed, reaching for her iPad. She needed to take her mind off thoughts of home. She considered watching a film or television show, but it was never the same without someone to share it with.
Living alone was taking its toll on Alex. She even started going to the office seven days a week just to avoid being alone for prolonged periods. But Jeff had noticed and called her into his office.
“You’ve been putting in a lot of hours lately,” he noted, nodding to himself.
“I’m just eager to get the work done.” Alex smiled nervously across from him in the black leather chair she was sitting on.
“And that’s great. I appreciate all the extra effort.” Jeff smiled back, but then the smile fell away slightly. “It’s just that here at Goldstone, we believe in a work life balance, and we try and uphold that as best we can. Since you’ve been working so much, you’ve earned yourself a week off.”
“But I don’t want a week off!” Alex protested, her eyes widening with fear.
“Look, I know the city can be a scary place when you’re alone,” Jeff said knowingly, his tone soft and kind. “But maybe use the time to make some new friends, go out to places and meet new people.”
Alex knew that Jeff was just looking out for her, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him that the thought of going anywhere alone, like the cinema or a club, was utterly terrifying. She missed the constant support of having Ashley around. Or even Oscar or Mark. Despite living amongst millions of people, Alex had yet to meet anyone she felt that she really connected with.
“I’ll try to meet some new people,” Alex lied.
“Good.” Jeff smiled warmly at her.
Alex didn’t tell her mother that she had a week off work. She knew there would be an expectation for her to return to Woodsdale, and she couldn’t afford it as she already had to save for the train fare to go back over Christmas, which was ridiculously expensive. It seemed that people got fleeced when they all inevitably wanted to return home for the holidays.
So with a week alone in the tiny apartment looming before her, Alex felt despondent. She considered calling Ashley and begging her to come stay with her, but she knew that wasn’t fair. Ashley had her own career to deal with and was working hard to establish herself within the difficult arena that is politics.
With her eyes trained to the ceiling, Alex began to trace a crack that extended from one corner to the center of the room. She wondered what had caused it and who had been in the room when it happened. When she thought about who else might have slept in her bed, it usually freaked her out. She tried to console herself with thoughts that the previous occupant was someone just like her, starting out in the city and trying to make their way.
Alex was lost in thought when her phone started to ring, making her jump. She fumbled for it, still lying on her back, and glanced briefly at the name flashing on the screen. When she registered it, she quickly sat bolt upright, not quite believing her eyes. The incoming call was from Oscar. Nervously Alex pressed the accept button and put the device to her ear.
“Hello?” she said uneasily, her voice sheepish.
“Alex, hey.” Oscar’s familiar voice came flooding through the speaker, though he sounded equally nervous.
“Oscar! How are you? I’ve texted you a few times but hadn’t heard anything back! I was worried about you,” Alex admitted, her initial nerves relenting a little.
“I’m sorry. I should have gotten back to you,” Oscar said, his voice regretful.
“Are you okay now? Are you well?”
“Well, I’m out of the hospital.” Oscar’s tone lightened, and she could imagine him smiling into his phone as he spoke. She missed his smile. Just one look from him used to have the power to make her weak at the knees.
“That’s good!” Alex declared with a bit too much enthusiasm.
“So yeah, I guess I’m better,” he added nonchalantly.
“I’m really pleased for you, Oscar.” And she was, she’d spent so many hours worrying about him, wishing he could recover.
“How about you? Did you have a nice summer?”
“Yeah,” Alex answered awkwardly, not comfortable with discussing the trip she’d taken at the expense of leaving Oscar alone in the hospital to deal with his demons.
“Did you and Ashley enjoy Europe?” If Oscar was at all resentful about her trip, he didn’t sound it. She could make out only genuine interest in his voice.
“Yeah.” She gave the same stock answer, unsure how to respond.
“You’re crazy talkative,” Oscar joked.
“Sorry, I’m just exhausted. I’ve been working a lot.” As if on cue, Alex then let out a long, drawn-out yawn.
“At your fancy city job?”
“It’s not as fancy as you’d think.”
“I bet it is.”
There was a pause in the conversation, and the sound of a screeching siren outside bled into the silence between them.
“So what are you doing now?” Alex asked brightly, trying to move the conversation forward.
“I’m back with my folks,” Oscar admitted sadly. “Back in Boston.”
“I bet they’re glad to have you home for a bit.”
“Yeah.” It was Oscar’s turn to sound vague.
“I miss home sometimes,” Alex admitted.
“Have you seen all the sights in New York? Did you check out the Natural History Museum yet? Or Coney Island?” Oscar asked, sounding excited.
“Actually, no, I haven’t had a chance yet,” Alex answered, feeling lame for not having taken in the sights of the famous city she was currently living in.
“I mean, I want to see all those things. I just don’t have anyone to see them with,” Alex continued, feeling compelled to explain herself.
“Well, maybe I could help with that.”
“Oh?” Alex asked, bemused.
“Well, basically I called because, I know it’s been a while…” Oscar was rambling slightly, which Alex knew meant he was nervous.
“But I was wondering if I could come and stay with you for a bit? Catch up on things, maybe check out the city. Just as friends, of course,” he hurriedly added the last part.
Alex thought of the week ahead where she had numerous days just to spend alone in her tiny apartment. It had been so long since she’d seen Oscar, and they’d hardly parted on good terms. But she did miss him. She missed his sense of humor and his fervent opinions on anything and everything. The time apart had made her realize that as much as she loved him, as passionate as their relationship had been, there was an underlying friendship there which was
why everything had progressed as quickly as it did, and why they had become so utterly lost in one another for a time.
“I know I probably shouldn’t have asked,” Oscar said sadly, taking her delayed response for a negative answer. “I just miss you. Not us, you. I miss just hanging out and having fun together. And I’m home now with nothing but time, supposedly still recovering from everything. But Boston is literally like an hour away by train, but if you’d rather I didn’t come, if you think it would be too awkward—”
“Actually, I’m off work next week,” Alex interrupted him, having made up her mind while he was rambling again.
“You are?” Oscar sounded surprised.
“Yeah, I am,” Alex clarified. “And actually, it would be really nice to see you and spend some time together. It’s been far too long.”
Now Oscar was quiet as he took her answer in.
“You really don’t mind me coming?” he asked after a few moments, his voice small with disbelief.
“Of course not! I mean, we’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Of course.”
“Then I’d love to have you come and stay with me. With you in tow perhaps I’ll finally go see the museum and Coney Island.”
“Maybe catch a show on Broadway?” Oscar added hopefully.
“I didn’t have you down for a fan of musicals,” Alex said, her tone deadpan.
“Not everything on Broadway is a musical!” Oscar scoffed. “I’m talking about real, legitimate theater, where you find Hollywood actors treading the boards and returning to the roots of their craft,” he continued, sounding more like his old self.
“It all sounds great.” Alex smiled.
“Okay then, Alex Heron, I shall see you Monday,” Oscar said, smiling to himself.
“Sounds good, Oscar Deloitte, I shall see you then.” Alex hung up the phone, also smiling. She felt a stirring sense of excitement within her stomach at the prospect of being able to explore the city with a friend. She felt happy and hopeful. She was no longer alone and couldn’t wait to see her old flame, Oscar.
Alex spent the next few hours planning what she and Oscar could do the following week. It made her realize just how much of the city she’d yet to explore. She wanted to show him that her choice to live and work there had been a good one. She also knew how much he’d enjoy taking in some of the more cultural elements.
It felt good to be having a visitor, even though she wasn’t sure where he would sleep since she only had the one bed.
Part Three
Alex waited nervously within the famous foyer of Grand Central station. Any minute the man she had fallen so deeply in love with while at Princeton would come surging through with the oncoming crowd to spend a week with her in New York City.
She had not seen Oscar Deloitte since that fateful day in the hospital when he reluctantly let her go so she could spend her summer travelling Europe with Ashley. Now they were to be reunited once more, and Alex’s stomach flip-flopped with a mixture of nerves and excitement.
His train had arrived on time, so the large arrivals board stated. He had travelled in from Boston, his hometown, a place Alex had once summered with him when they were together. His house, his family, all things which had once felt so familiar, felt foreign to her now as though they now belonged to someone else. It was as if any time she’d spent with them was merely borrowed, not really hers.
Looking through the crowd, Alex tried to find him. There were families of tourists bustling nervously together, students meandering through, and professional commuters moving with intense purpose. Then, amongst the crowd, she saw the familiar black tangle of hair and, beneath it, the intense eyes that she used to get lost in for hours.
Almost as soon as she spotted Oscar, his eyes locked on hers, and he raised his hand in greeting, smiling.
“Oscar!” Alex went over to him and put her arms around him. It felt so good to see him that for a moment she forgot herself, holding him close and inhaling his heady scent of cigarettes and cedarwood. Then she remembered that the friend barrier was now between them, and self-consciously she pulled back.
“Alex, hey.” Oscar smiled warmly at her, and she looked him over. He was slimmer than he had been in Princeton, which made his cheekbones more pronounced. No doubt, the months spent in the hospital were responsible for his weight loss.
Being slimmer made him seem all the more gothic in appearance, with his pale skin, black hair and sharp eyes. It could be argued that the term brooding had been coined solely to describe his dark allure. But there was something different; he was somehow changed. He looked the same, spoke the same, but his sparkle was gone. He was still Oscar but without the extra dose of that fatalistic essence often referred to as the ‘it’ factor.
It saddened Alex, but she figured he’d be back to his magnetic self once his internal wounds were fully healed. He just needed more time.
“So how was your trip?” she asked politely.
“Okay.” Oscar shrugged, his eyes still boring into hers.
“Just okay?” Alex pressed, certain that the Oscar she knew would be full of a tirade about how crowded it had been and the terrible people he’d been forced to endure for the duration of the journey.
“It was lame, okay?” Oscar conceded, sighing. “But I knew that at the end of it I was getting to see you, which made it not so bad.”
Alex blushed at the compliment and began leading him out of the famous terminal.
“My place is a couple of stops on the subway away,” she explained as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. Oscar glanced around approvingly, taking in the sights and smells of the city.
“Do you mind if we grab some lunch first? I’m starving,” he asked, hungrily inhaling the scent of a hot dog vendor’s cart they passed.
****
They headed into a small diner. Alex ordered a Caesar salad while Oscar had a grilled cheese sandwich that he hungrily delved right into as soon as it arrived.
“You haven’t eaten since I last saw you?” she joked, watching him wolf down his food.
“Hospital food is so bad,” Oscar said between mouthfuls. “And my folks refused to sneak me in any food, which was pretty lame.”
“How are your mom and dad?”
“Okay.” Oscar shrugged. He was saying okay an awful lot.
“They didn’t mind you coming here to stay with me?” Alex queried, wondering if perhaps she should have spoken with them prior to his arrival, checked on his mental state in case there was anything she needed to be aware of, any medication he needed to take.
“They trust you.” Oscar finished his sandwich and noticed the troubled look on Alex’s face as she gazed distractedly out the window.
“I’m a big boy, Alex,” he told her. “I can look after myself.”
“Are you… are you on anything?” she asked, lowering her voice.
“I’m on some meds, yeah,” Oscar answered, his jaw clenching slightly. “And I’m on top of taking them, before you ask.”
“So you’re feeling much better?” Alex’s eyes grew wide with concern.
“I’m feeling better. Let’s leave it at that.” Oscar said sternly, not enjoying being scrutinized. He’d had a whole summer of people assessing him and overanalyzing his every move; he didn’t want that behavior to follow him here to the city.
“Well, I’ve thought up lots of things we can do,” Alex said brightly, trying to lift the mood.
“Oh yeah?” Oscar asked with genuine interest.
“I’ve booked us some theater tickets for tomorrow night, and I was thinking we could go ice skating.”
“Ice skating is a tad cliché,” Oscar commented, his old persona surfacing, much to Alex’s relief. She liked the old opinionated Oscar who had something to say about everything.
“I know, but I think it will be fun.” Alex smiled sweetly.
“For you maybe, I can’t really skate that well,” Oscar admitted.
“Still it will be fun,” Alex declared.
“I guess.”
“And I’m determined for you to have fun while you’re here,” Alex told him, feeling guilty about the summer and desperate to make it up to him.
“So when do we start having this fun?” Oscar teased, flashing his mischievous smile, which Alex had missed seeing.
****
A couple of subway stops later and they arrived at Alex’s apartment. If Oscar thought that it was in a salubrious neighborhood, then he kept his judgments to himself. Instead, he commented on how brief the journey there had been and how old and interesting the buildings all seemed. Alex appreciated that he was trying to be nice and not mocking where she lived.
As they walked towards her apartment building, she was glad to have Oscar with her. As much as she’d learnt to walk the streets of New York alone, she still got unnerved when she saw a solitary figure lingering too close. She felt safe to have Oscar with her, it was comforting to sense his presence so nearby.
“So this is it,” Alex announced grandly as they stopped at the stoop leading to the main entrance of the building.
“It’s got character.” Oscar nodded.
“You think?”
“Sure!”
Upstairs, in the one-room apartment, Oscar glanced around at the four small walls and then out of the window onto the street below. He was silently taking it all in.
“I know it’s small,” Alex said apologetically. “But it’s all I can afford.”
“Alex, stop stressing.” He turned to face her. “It’s me. I don’t care what your place is like. What matters is that you’re happy here.”
Alex smiled fondly at him. Oscar had never been one for airs and graces. He’d always rather stay in bed with a pizza and a DVD than go out to a fancy restaurant.
“I mean, you’ve done it. You’ve come and got a job in New York, and now you’re living here!” Oscar told her excitedly. Then his face dropped, and he moved back to the window. “I envy you,” he admitted sadly, looking out through the glass.
Living with Love (Lessons in Love) Page 7