Extreme Bachelor

by Julia London

  So much for his attempts at sentimentality.

  “Hey, Michael!” He glanced to his right, saw Jamie and Michele. Jamie pointed to the orchid stuffed carelessly behind her ear. “You have great taste.” The two of them obviously thought that was hilarious, judging by how they dissolved into laughter as they walked on.

  With a sigh, Michael walked into the commissary tent and picked up a foam cup.

  “What do you think, Michael? Does this flower match my sweater?”

  Great. Michael suppressed a sigh and turned to see Nicole, who was hanging out around boot camp again. She had the orchid stuck in her recently purchased cleavage, which was amply displayed in a tiny little top with spaghetti straps.

  “Love it,” he drawled. “Nobody wears an orchid better than you, sweetheart.”

  She looked down as she put her hands against her breasts and pushed them together, making the flower bounce. “It’s nice, isn’t it?” she asked with a little laugh. “Just curious, Mikey—how come you never sent me a busload of orchids?”

  “Nicki—”

  “Oh, don’t worry,” she said, flicking her wrist at him with one hand as she rearranged the flower with her other. “I’m just giving you the business, baby, that’s all. Besides, you sent me roses, remember? Yellow roses. And that’s exactly what I told what’s-her-name this morning.”

  The day just kept getting better and better, and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet. “Nicki, what else did you tell her?”

  She winked. “Just that every girl has her favorite flower, which is why you have a frequent flyer card at the local florist.” She laughed at his sigh of exasperation. “You should really be more original, Michael.”

  “You’re right. I should be.” He winked at her and turned away, opened the spigot in the big coffee urn and filled up his cup while Nicole stood there, waiting for him to say something more. When he didn’t, she clucked at him. “Don’t be like that Michael,” she purred. “It’s not like I care if you are seeing her. Do whatever you want, I don’t care.”

  He picked up his cup, took a sip, smiled charmingly at Nicole, and touched her flower before lifting his gaze to hers. “While I appreciate your permission, I am not seeing her.” And he walked away.

  He could almost feel the daggers from Nicole’s eyes in his back.

  He walked out of the tent, back to the little office, and groaned when he saw that all of T.A. was fully present and accounted for.

  Jack started chuckling the moment Michael entered, which made Cooper and Eli look up and around. “What’s so funny?” Cooper asked.

  “Mikey is having some issues,” Jack offered.

  “Oh yeah?” Eli asked, looking at Michael curiously. “Not more budget issues, I hope.”

  “Oh hell no, not budget,” Jack said, swiveling around in his squeaky seat again. “Mikey’s having issues of a more feminine nature.”

  That certainly garnered Eli and Cooper’s attention—simultaneously, they broke into wide, gleeful grins.

  “Say it ain’t so!” Cooper laughed. “Not Mikey. Not our golden boy, who’s never had a feminine issue in his whole sorry life.”

  “Now Coop, go easy,” Eli said, grinning just as broadly as the other two bastards. “Every dog has his day.”

  In response, Michael slapped Cooper’s boots down from the only empty chair in the room so he could sit down.

  “So who is it this time?” Eli asked. “The brunette with the big sunglasses?”

  “Who, Yin?” Cooper asked, and wrinkled his nose. “That one has as a mouth on her. But I’ll give you credit for having picked a looker.”

  “Actually,” Jack said, leaning forward between Eli and Cooper. “It’s Yang.”

  “Yang!” Eli whistled at that. “Now that is one fine-looking woman. I’ll tell you what, if I weren’t otherwise attached, that gal is the one I’d be following around like a hound dog,” he said, nodding enthusiastically. “And she’s a little more coordinated than the others. That’s a plus.”

  Michael had to wonder about a guy who thought coordination on an obstacle course was actually a plus.

  “So what’s the deal?” Cooper asked, and leaned forward to clap Michael on the shoulder. “Something we can help you with? A few bedroom tips? New moves?”

  Michael couldn’t help but laugh wryly at that. “The day I need tips from you is the day I shoot myself.” That earned a round of guffaws.

  “Come on, Mikey, tell us,” Jack urged him. “We’re your partners. We’re here to help.”

  “Like hell you are. And besides, there’s nothing to tell.”

  “Who are you kidding? You forget I saw you do that weird little jump in New York when you saw her,” Jack reminded him.

  “New York?” Cooper asked, squinting at Michael.

  “He saw her in a commercial and almost came out of his shorts,” Jack happily explained.

  Cooper, Eli, and Jack looked to Michael for confirmation. He shrugged his answer, which prompted a round of very loud howls.

  “A commercial?” Eli gasped through his laughter.

  “A laxative commercial!” Jack squealed, and the three of them doubled over with laughter again.

  Fortunately, Michael had a healthy sense of self. Otherwise, he might have been highly offended. But he knew these jokers and just sipped his coffee until they’d laughed themselves dry.

  “Okay, okay,” Cooper said, wiping a tear from beneath his eye. “Since when do you fall for the chick in a laxative commercial?”

  “I didn’t fall for the chick in a laxative commercial,” Michael said evenly. “I knew her a long time ago. And I . . .” He what? He swallowed hard, but couldn’t seem to force the words.

  “And you . . . what?” Jack asked, still smiling.

  “I ah . . . I . . . ahem . . . I guess I had a . . .” He gestured lamely. “Had a thing for her,” he muttered.

  That was met with silence all around—all three men were staring at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted a couple of extra noses.

  Cooper was the first to speak. “You had a thing for a woman? Like a real thing? Like Eli-has-for-Marnie thing?”

  With a sigh, Michael nodded. “You could say that.”

  “I’ll be damned,” Jack said, leaning back in his seat as Michael took another sip of coffee. “I’ll be damned.”

  “What?” Michael said, suddenly coming to his feet. “What’s the big deal? You guys act like you’ve never had a thing for a woman before.”

  “Whether we have or we haven’t, the fascinating thing is that you’ve never had a real thing for a woman that we know of,” Eli said. “So if you do, that’s great. What’s the problem?”

  Everything was the problem. That he was sitting here having this conversation was a problem. He sat back down, braced his arms on his knees and looked at the guys. “The problem is that I dumped her a few years ago. And now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

  No one said anything for a moment. Cooper looked at Jack, who looked at Eli. Eli looked a little smug as he stretched his long legs in front of him and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Women. They’re a tough crowd.”

  “You can’t rely on them to think rationally,” Jack added.

  “When it comes to women, you gotta play balls to the walls,” Cooper said, “or they will eat you with eggs over easy for breakfast. It’s that simple.”

  “Okay. Here’s what you do,” Eli drawled. “You gotta make her want you. You gotta make her think you are the only guy out here and the one she has to have.”

  “Okay,” Michael said, nodding. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

  Eli shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

  “Look,” Cooper said with great authority. “If you want her to come around, you have to show her you are her friend first, then a healthy male wanting in her pants.”

  “Pull out all the stops,” Jack added. “They like big, fancy stuff.”

  Honestly, these were the last guys Michael needed any advice fro
m, and frankly, between their lame suggestions and the dozens of orchids floating around out there, he realized this was going to be a long damn day.

  Subject: Guess What Now

  From: Leah Kleinschmidt

  To: Lucy Frederick

  Time: 6:50 pm

  So get a load of this. Michael sent a car for me this morning because my piece of shit car broke down, and it was filled with the most beautiful orchid plants I have ever seen. The car, I mean. Can you believe that? I thought it was so sweet until I got to work and Trudy almost coughed up a spleen. She said that was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen a guy do (and of course we had to listen to how her lousy-assed boyfriend has never done anything nice for her, which obviously begs the question of why she is still with him, to which the answer is—and I know this because I have asked—he pays the rent, basically). But then Nicole Redding comes up (yes, THAT Nicole Redding) and hears the conversation and helped herself to one of the orchids and announces that Michael often sends her yellow roses. Apparently, it is his M.O. Can you believe him?? I guess he thinks I am stupid or desperate enough to fall for it.

  Subject: Re: Guess What Now

  From: Lucy Frederick

  To: Leah Kleinschmidt

  Time: 9:59 am

  What the hell is going on out there? Last night you wouldn’t even talk and tonight you are telling me he sent you orchids?? He’s obviously trying to apologize or something. Just let him keep trying, and maybe he’ll cough up something really cool, like earrings from Tiffany’s. Hold out for as long as you can. But really, girl, don’t get sucked in. He’ll just crush you again. Leopards don’t change their spots.

  Okay, back to me. Are you really okay with chartreuse? I thought it was a little

  too yellow-y.

  Subject: Re: Re: Guess What Now

  From: Leah Kleinschmidt

  To: Lucy Frederick

  Time: 7:12 pm

  I am SORT of okay with chartreuse. I don’t really think it is my best color, but hey, if that is what you want me to wear, I am so going to wear it.

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Guess What Now

  From: Lucy Frederick

  To: Leah Kleinschmidt

  Time: 10:15 pm

  So I am thinking about a really pale yellow. Almost cream- colored. I am sending you a picture in the next minute. Look at it and tell me what you think.

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Guess What Now

  From: Leah Kleinschmidt

  To: Lucy Frederick

  Time: 7:29 pm

  Okay, I LOVE the color. But I sincerely hope that is not the dress. I can’t believe they even make pouffy sleeves anymore, Lucy. Girl, this is the 21st century, so you have to accept it—disco is dead! And so is that dress!

  Chapter Twelve

  TRUDY, Michele, and Jamie were waiting for Leah Monday morning, all three of them behind new, giant sunglasses.

  “What’s this?” Leah asked as she walked into their midst. “I didn’t get the bug-eye memo.”

  Jamie lifted hers and squinted at Leah. “Trudy bought them for us at Marshalls. They were having a sale.”

  “Don’t worry, Leah,” Trudy said as she flicked a long ash from her smoke. “I have a pair for you, too.” She took a drag off the cigarette and blew smoke. “By the way, I don’t see anything.”

  “See what?” Leah asked.

  “Flowers. Diamonds. Anything the Extreme Bachelor might have shown up with to lure you into his den of luuuuv.”

  Michele and Jamie sniggered. One would think the three of them had laughed enough yesterday, when they had screeched like night owls over the orchids.

  Leah waved Trudy’s smoke from her face. “After yesterday, I don’t think we need to worry about orchids.”

  “Good thing,” Michele piped up. “Nicole Redding was fit to be tied yesterday, and you are on her team now.”

  “She was?” Leah asked, surprised.

  “Mm-hmm,” Michele said, nodding with great authority. “Everyone knows she’s still got a thing for the Extreme Bachelor. Apparently, he broke up with her, and Nicole doesn’t like being blown off. Can you even imagine breaking up with a big star?”

  Frankly, Leah didn’t want to imagine Michael with Nicole at all. “Well it just goes to show you,” she said, adjusting her backpack. “You can’t trust a carload of orchids.”

  “So how do you know him, again?” Jamie asked, her shades back down.

  “I knew him a few years ago in New York.”

  “You dated, right?”

  Why did the word date sound so trivial? It had been so much more to her, so much deeper. She avoided Jamie’s gaze. “Right,” she said with a shrug. “It was a long time ago.”

  “I think he is regretting the breakup, or whatever it was,” Jamie said as they turned to walk into the gym. “Orchids are not cheap. It was really sweet.”

  “Don’t let them fool you,” Leah uttered, and began walking.

  She wouldn’t admit it, of course, but that was the thing sticking in the back of her mind, too. Not only were orchids not cheap, but they weren’t exactly easy to find on such short notice. And the note. The note. It still gave her a shiver, those two little words, I remember. She would have kept the flowers, but Nicole Redding had made her feel so small and inconsequential with all her talk of dating Michael, and Trudy had laughed at the whole thing, and Leah had suddenly felt like a chump. That was why she had torn the flowers off the tree and handed them around.

  But the rest of the women thought the gesture of orchids was swoon-worthy, judging by the way some of them were surrounding him yesterday, hanging on his every word. She could practically see them drooling when he’d smile and touch the flower they wore in their hair, or make some complimentary remark. Great, she thought. Have at it.

  But this morning, for reasons she did not understand, she was regretting that act. She didn’t want any of them to have the orchids.

  The four of them walked into the gym and were met at the door by a perky girl who looked like she might be all of twelve, who cheerfully told them they would begin scene blocking today. She asked for their names, checked them off of a list, and told them where to report after changing into scene-blocking clothing, which the four of them took to mean shorts and T-shirts.

  Fortunately, Trudy and Leah were in the same group, assigned to the western half of an old empty bay, one street over on the lot. They walked over a quarter of an hour later, pausing between buildings so Trudy could smoke. “I really ought to give up the damn things,” she said, grinding the butt out with the heel of her sneaker. When they arrived, there were a handful of soccer moms milling about, one of the stunt doubles, a couple of people in street clothes sitting in chairs—there were always a couple of people in street clothes sitting in chairs—and Michael and Jack were standing at the far end, looking at some paper, both of them dressed in knee-length jersey shorts.

  Her heart skipped—after the other night, she wasn’t ready to appreciate how hot he was in flimsy jersey pants. She hadn’t remembered how muscular he was—he had a butt that wouldn’t quit, sturdy, well-shaped legs, and broad shoulders. When she looked at his arms, she was reminded of a day they had spent on Rex’s boat off Long Island. The winds had been calm, and they had been floating in serene waters. She and Michael were on a deck chair, his arms wrapped securely around her, arms that held her like two bands of steel, and he’d said, “I wish this day would never end.” Had he known then he’d be leaving soon? Had he truly regretted it?

  “Hey, this should be good,” Trudy said, her face lighting up as she took in the group. “I’m starting to really like Jack, ya know? He’s got that sexy super-stud thang going on,” she said, and tossed her tote bag against the wall. “And fortunately for him, I’ve got that sexy s
uper-chick thang going on,” she added with a salacious wink, and sashayed away, her eyes locked on Jack.

  Leah hadn’t noticed until that moment how short Trudy’s shorts were.

  As for her, she was wearing yoga pants. Since that day she had hung from the harness with her ass on display for all of Los Angeles to see, she’d stuck to clothing with legs.

  She looked past Trudy, noticed Michael was talking to a Starlet, his arm braced against the wall, that killer smile shining on the Starlet, who was smiling back like a simpleton. Leah turned away. She didn’t need to see that, and walked to the opposite end of the room to stretch a little before they got started. She spread her legs wide and bent over, letting her arms hang, stretching her back. She closed her eyes, practiced some breathing, and when she opened them, she saw, through a curtain of her blond hair, his sneakers. Leah bobbed back up so quickly that she felt a rush of blood leave her head, and swayed a little.

  “Whoa,” he said, catching her by the elbow. “You okay?” he asked.

  Her gaze instantly fell to his lips, which of course reminded her of that fabulous kiss, which naturally reminded her of sex—honestly, she was always thinking of sex when he was around. “Yeah,” she said, moving back a little. She put her hands on the small of her back and bent backward. “Actually, I’m great.”

  “That’s good. We have a lot of work to accomplish today.”

  “I’m ready,” she chirped, shaking one leg, then the other, before bending backward again.

  Michael nodded, folded his arms across his chest, watching her as she bent backward, straightened, then bent backward again. “So . . .” he said, as she leaned to one side. “I take it you’re not a big fan of orchids anymore?”