by Lisa Graves
I felt a little uncomfortable, listening in on this very private argument. Then again, he was arguing with me, well a version of me. Elliott’s nervous and uneasy movements were making me more uncomfortable watching them.
“Please just hold off for a while. I want to know more.” Elliott seemed to be pleading for time. “I want you to tell me more about your theory.”
She stepped on her tiptoes and kissed Elliott’s chin. “Alright, mio amore. But the clock is ticking.” Lillianna then strode off down the stoned corridor and Elliott sat, conflicted and beaten, on the rocky floor.
I wanted to hold him. To reassure him that we would end up together. We were together now. Then I remembered what he’d said. That I had done it wrong before. That we would be split apart very soon after this memory. Lillianna did it wrong.
I had done something wrong.
My heart beat out of control in my chest. I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. I was going to give myself a panic attack. Holding my hand to my heart I re-opened my eyes, but I was no longer in a memory of long ago. I was back in my tub and the bubbles were gone.
I turned the hot water back on, and laid back and cried.
Chapter 4. Lemons and Wax
Over the next few days I don’t think I said ten words, to anyone. I didn’t see Elliott. I didn’t hear from Nicholas. I really was alone. And I didn’t like it.
Meredith attributed my sour mood to Nicholas’s move and thankfully was giving me my space. Next to Charlotte, my mother was the last person I felt like confiding in. I mostly just hunkered down in my room and read.
My books were my friends now.
I was really getting into my book on secret stuff. It was all so fascinating. The chapter I was on was devoted to different ways to hide a message. It talked about various ways to code a letter. And there were lots.
There was a way to fold your note that when done properly it read your message, but when fully open it was just a random mix of words. The next section was on invisible messages.
I lay back in my bed, eager to read more. When I turned the page, there in the margin was a drawn-in heart. This book was brand new, and I hadn’t noticed any other graffiti in it. For some reason the heart bothered me.
I flipped through the rest of the book for any other writing, but there was none. Only the heart. I was probably being paranoid, but it seemed like a sign or something. Perhaps the secret book was getting to me and I was reading more into the simple little drawing than was there.
My stomach grumbled. I closed the book. I needed some fresh air, and food. At the last second, I grabbed the book and brought it with me. My thoughts weren’t a pleasant distraction these days, so reading would help me focus on something besides chewing.
Soph was sitting at the counter, drawing as usual. My mother was her normal erratic self. She was cooking, cleaning, and talking to Sophie all at the same time. Meredith could be a spokesperson for caffeine.
I sat down on the stool next to Soph. Sophie looked up from the raven she was drawing and smiled. Meredith started talking at me, not to me. She was so used to me and Sophie’s quiet anti-social nature that the conversations she had with us were usually one-sided. The occasional nod or slight acknowledgement sufficed.
I sat my book on the counter, but found myself caught up in watching Sophie draw. She was really good. The big black bird was the focus of the page, and she was working on its eyes. I just watched, mesmerized at her skill. She even went so far as to draw a cat in the reflection.
I turned away when Meredith put a plate of baked chicken and mashed potatoes down. I took a few bites. Meredith talked. I was enjoying her thinking I was lovesick or depressed or whatever due to Nicholas’s move. It was a convenient situation to cover the reason of my depression. It just sucked that Nicholas wasn’t here, now that I really needed him.
Taking another bite, I opened my book. Three sentences in I dropped my fork. There next to the heart was a passage that told how to hide secret messages with lemon juice.
Lemon seal on my mystery note. Lemon juice secret messages next to a drawn in heart. Nicholas probably drew it to make sure I paid attention, so I would know how to read his letter. My eyes were glued to the page as I tried to speed read on how to reveal such a note.
I hadn’t noticed my mother or Sophie watching me.
“Are you okay, Lilly Bug?”
“Yeah, Lil. What’s up?”
Reluctantly, I looked up. “Huh?”
“Are you okay?” Meredith repeated.
Sophie was watching me.
“Yeah.” I needed to keep reading. “Why?” My eyes tried to scan the page for my answer.
“Lillian Black, you aren’t okay. What is so damn interesting that you dropped your fork?”
I looked down. I hadn’t even realized that I hadn’t picked it up, and resumed trying to look and act normal. Mashed potatoes were all over the floor.
“Sorry, mom.” I got down and started to clean up my mess.
She eyed me. A look of deep concern colored her face. “It’s alright, Lil. I can get this. You should eat.” Meredith got down with a rag and quickly wiped up my mess.
I grabbed a new fork and finished eating. I closed my book so I wouldn’t be too tempted to zone out in the presence of others again. My tunnel vision was a bit intense. Instead, I tried to pay attention to Meredith. With the answer so close I could literally touch it, and having to try and act interested in meaningless conversation, as I ate as fast as possible, was an excruciating experience.
“Thanks for dinner mom.” I looked at the clock. It was only seven. “I really should, uhm, yeah.” I got up to leave.
“One minute, missy.”
I turned in time to see her snag my book. I looked at the book, worried. “What is it mom?” She had no idea what she held in her hands.
“I don’t think you should be such a bookworm. There is more to life. Friends. Boys. And TV for starters.”
I wanted my book back. “You know me and Charlotte aren’t speaking.”
“And Nicholas?”
“Moved.” I shrugged my shoulders. She had no more options.
“School starts on Monday. I’m sure there are other cute boys, Lilly.”
“I’m not interested, mom.” I’d already found my soul mate, it just didn’t occur to me that one soul might be the price of forever. I looked at my book.
“I have a great idea. It’s Friday. How about you and Sophie go out to a movie.”
I looked at Sophie. She was giving my mom a dirty look. “I’m busy too mom.”
“Nope. I’m making an executive decision here. I am your mom and I’m making you two go out and have some fun.” She reached in her purse and pulled out her wallet. “I think thirty should be more than enough for tickets and snacks.” Meredith handed me the money.
“Aren’t moms supposed to make their kids clean their room or read a book,” I looked at the object of my desire and she noticed, “or…”
“I’ll make you a deal, you two. You both go out and attempt to have one evening of normal adolescent fun and I will leave you alone for one week. No socializing pressure for seven whole days.”
“And if we don’t?” I asked.
“Then you can’t have your book back until you go out on a date with a boy from school.”
Rude. I can’t believe I ended up with the one mother in the universe that thought being a geek was a bad thing. “Fine. How bout it, Soph?”
“Only if I can pick the movie?” she qualified.
“Deal. Grab your jacket.” I lifted up my hand as Meredith tossed me the car keys. “Meet you in the car.”
“Okay.”
Once in the car and driving out of the neighborhood, I turned to Soph. “I don’t really feel like a movie.”
“Me either,” she answered, “but there is no way we can go home for at least two hours.”
We glanced at each other for ideas as I drove us closer to town.
Finally, I broke
the silence. “Bowling?”
“Sure.”
We were quiet the rest of the way to the bowling alley. We were so much alike, it was scary. I paid for the lanes and shoes, then we both went and found a ball while we waited for our lane.
We got lucky and didn’t have to wait long. It was just the two of us, so the first game went by fast. Especially since we weren’t talking. Together we tried to endure our task. Everything was going fine until I saw Charlotte walk in.
“Shit.”
Sophie had just bowled. She turned and looked at me. “What’s the matter?”
“Charlotte’s here.”
“Don’t worry, she probably won’t even notice we’re here.”
Sophie spoke too soon. Charlotte bee-lined it for me. Her long blond hair shining, and she looked pretty as ever…until she opened her mouth that is.
She smiled. “I’m so sorry your boyfriend moved away.” The menace in her voice was blatantly obvious.
I saw Soph look at me, uncomfortable.
“Don’t you mean your boyfriend? Or did you never give Nicholas the memo that you were dating him?”
Her eyes glared at me and I returned the gesture. Sophie tried to stay out of it. I noticed her take a step back.
I ignored Charlotte, and stepped up to grab my ball.
“We were almost official.” She sounded smug. “His stupid parents went and got a divorce on me!”
“I’m pretty sure they didn’t get a divorce just to tick you off.” I threw my ball down the lane knocking seven pins down. “Pissing you off was just a perk.” I smiled.
Sophie let a grin slip.
Charlotte turned to Soph. “You think that’s funny, do you?”
I stepped in between. “No. No.” I shook my head. “Your crazy ways don’t involve my sister.”
Charlotte put her hand on her chest in an overly exaggerated gesture. “My crazy ways. Me crazy? Back when we were friends, I wasn’t the one with an imaginary boyfriend. I wasn’t the one fooling myself into dating some non-existent male model. At least I was going for a real one.” She glance at my left hand. “Still wearing your fake present from Elliott I see.”
“Are you done?”
“No.”
“Then we are.” I looked at Sophie. “Let’s go.”
We hurried and changed our shoes and left without finishing the game. Charlotte couldn’t follow us. I had a lock on my door for a reason.
More time passed than I would have thought arguing with Charlotte. It was pushing nine. Sophie and I could go home in peace. We weren’t in the car long though when Sophie asked me a question.
“Who’s Elliott?”
My fingers tightened on the steering wheel. Stupid Charlotte! “A guy I know.”
Sophie looked at the opal ring on my hand as I drove us home. “What did Charlotte mean about your ring?”
“She doesn’t think Elliott gave it to me.” Which he did, twice now.
“Well, it’s pretty.”
“Thanks.”
We pulled into the driveway, and before we got out of the car Sophie added, “I’m here if you need me, Lil.”
“Right back at ya, Soph.”
“Night.”
“Goodnight.”
My book was waiting for me on my bed. I couldn’t open it fast enough. The words all seemed to blur as I read the page. I read the answer to one of the mystery’s in my life. And the answer was a wax candle.
According to the book, it was possible to write a message in lemon juice and the only way to reveal it was warm it with a wax candle. I snatched up the now crumbled paper Nicholas had given me and tried my hardest not to run to the bathroom. I didn’t want to look suspicious.
The door was locked.
Seriously?
I knocked.
“Yep?” was the reply. It was Sophie.
“Can I borrow a candle, Soph?” She would have to open the door to hand me one. I didn’t have her talents.
“Uh.. yeah, but I accidently got them wet.”
“Dammit.” I whispered to myself. Unfortunately, Meredith was walking by on her way to bed.
“Lilly!”
“Sorry mom. I just…” I didn’t have a reply.
Sophie opened the door. She had a towel around her and a dripping candle in her hands. “Will this do?”
I took it. “Thanks Soph.”
Meredith looked at us one at a time. “Did you two have fun tonight?”
We both rolled our eyes. “Yep.” Sophie answered as she re-closed the bathroom door.
“Yep.” I said as I crossed the hall to my room.
Meredith let out a how-on-earth-did-I-get-these-kids kind-of sigh, before resigning herself to go to bed. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t get the candle to light. The wick was just too wet.
I clicked the lighter in another vain attempt at lighting the candle. I really didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to read my note from Nicholas. I was one hundred percent positive that this was the way to read it, if only I had a dry candle.
A lightbulb flickered on in my head. I didn’t have a candle, but Nicholas did. He had several in his hideaway.
I was out the window, note and lighter in hand, and a bounce in my step that hadn’t been there for awhile. I made sure to take the backyard route to avoid running into anybody. It was late and I was lucky.
Nicholas’s dad still lived in his house, and I was certain the cellar was still Nicholas territory. It was so well hidden in the far back corner of the property, amongst the trees and bushes, I wasn’t sure many people even knew it existed.
I pulled at the heavy door, using mainly willpower to get it open. I clicked the lighter on as I made my way deeper into the darkness. My heart practically skipped a beat when I saw the candles on his make-shift shelf.
I lit three, and sat down to read my note.
Chapter 5. The Note
The musty, dusty air seemed to add to the anticipation. I pulled the folded up paper from my pocket and held it up to the candlelight. At first nothing special happened, and I thought I’d been wrong in thinking that this was what Nicholas had in mind for me all along. I held the paper a little closer, being cautious of the flames, and that’s when magic seemed to happen.
The wordless paper seemed to come alive. Writing appeared as if from nowhere. Dark brown lines formed the hidden words where the candle warmed. It was mesmerizing.
My heart raced. Excited, I carefully moved the paper around to be sure to reveal the entire message. It was exhilarating uncovering my own secret message. I was so used to reading about them, but actually seeing a secret appear before my eyes was a whole other experience.
When I was sure I had exposed the entire note to the candles magic, I leaned up against the wall of the cellar and read Nicholas’s letter by the light of the flickering flames.
Lilly,
You are the most important thing in my life. It kills me to be away from you. I’ll be in Oregon in a few days, and I can’t bear to be away from your smile and the limitlessness of your sky blue eyes. I know you are the one for me. We will see each other again soon.
You are always in my thoughts,
Nic
What the romantic? When did Nicholas get deep? I hadn’t realized how much he liked me. I bit my lip and read it again.
The candles flickered as his words, and the trouble he went to in making me a secret love letter, sank in. Tears involuntary started to stream down my cheeks. How did I get so lucky?
Two gorgeous guys loved me. Unfortunately neither one was close by though. Nicholas was in Oregon. Elliott was… somewhere. Stonehenge perhaps? And me. I was alone. Maybe it was better that way.
It would be nice to have someone to confide in. But growing close to someone right now was the last thing I wanted to do. It would only make my choice harder. And in all honesty, the choice had already been made. Nicholas was great. But I loved Elliott. I had always loved Elliott. I just worried about what it would take, what it would cost
, to be with my love.
I held the note close to my chest and lay back to think.
Then something happened.
It was nothing anyone would notice. No. It was more of a feeling. Soft, sensual jolts, like someone caressing from my opal to my heart, consumed me. I could feel Elliott calling to me.
I hadn’t projected in a while now. And though I was missing Elliott dearly, I still was shaken by our last encounter.
The sensation grew stronger. It was as if my heart was willing me to him. I tried to resist. I’d never gotten the chance to come to terms with the task that lay before me. It didn’t look like I’d get my time to think. The sensations were so strong I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist for long. And I didn’t want to resist them. With Elliott was where I wanted to be.
I sat up, the dust stirring all around me as I blew out the candles. I lay back on the familiar quilt with my letter clutched tight, closed my eyes and projected to Stonehenge.
Before I opened my eyes, Elliott’s lips were on mine. Placing his hand behind my neck, he lay me down and kissed me deeply. The tingles and energy rushed through my body to my heart. The gardenia scent of his skin and the grass we lay on was amazing. My body and mind seemed to sing of happiness. Elliott was for sure my choice.
He broke the connection of our mouths long enough to say, “Mia amore,” before he resumed. The sensuality that emitted from Elliott was intense. His lips, his eyes, his hands, even his breathing were as if this were the last time we would be together, and he was going to make the most of every single second.
Passion radiated from Elliott. Everything he did, he did whole-heartedly. For one fleeting moment I let my mind wander to what it would be like to make love to such an intense person. Just as my mind started to get away from me, Elliott released his grasp and spoke.
“I am sorry if I frightened you, Miele.” He kissed my cheek.
I looked down and lied. “I’m not scared,” but the words were barely more than a whisper.
“Yes, you are.” His hand lifted my chin up, so that he could look me in the eyes, “And I don’t blame you.”
“Can you tell me something?”
“What do you want to know?”