by Lisa Graves
“Oh look at that Soph, it’s your turn.”
She picked up the pink ball she was using, and kept right on talking. “Did you and Elliott break up or something?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the matter?”
I really didn’t want to drag my little sister into my crazy world. “We’re just having a hard time figuring a few things out.”
Sophie was still too young for a boyfriend, or to understand relationships, but as far as I could tell she was starting to notice boys. This answer seemed to make sense to her. “Can I do anything to help?”
On my last frame I managed to knock down seven pins. “Nope. Thanks though.”
“Is it one of those things that just takes some time?”
Time? Ironic. Zing. Time was the one thing that had seemed to be screwing with me these days. Whether it was going backwards or forwards, it was messing with me. The gruesome flashback, the quickly passing days, and my past lives were all linked with time. Time and Elliott.
Sophie bowled her last frame. At least she had managed to break one hundred.
“Good game, Soph.”
“You too.”
I looked up at my pitiful seventy-three. “Thanks.”
As we pulled into the driveway, I said, “It was nice talking to you, Soph.”
“You really didn’t say much, Lil.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It was still nice. Thanks.”
“No problem. Anytime.”
Entering the house we went our separate ways. She went to draw. I went and got the letter I’d hidden out from under my mattress to see what Nicholas had to say.
Chapter 12. Accordions
From the second I opened the envelope, I knew this note was different. For starters, the paper wasn’t blank. It read:
I think that too. I am sorry that you are excited
to go to school. So see yellow flowers thou
I’ll believe it when I am there because you are mine fore
you ever. Don’t you know it. I saw a movie And
I have some hoes for you sometime in Dec. The thing
special sauce and gravy for dinner. Merry x-mas.
Love your hair.
Nicholas
Second, it didn’t make any sense. This had better be a code. I felt kind-of screwed since I hadn’t a clue how to decode it. I couldn’t remember anything like this yet in my book. Maybe it was covered in a later chapter.
I thumbed through my book, which I hadn’t opened in months, searching for something that resembled the piece of paper in front of me. A quick pass through didn’t help. And since I didn’t know what this type of coding was called, the glossary was no use to me. Reluctantly, I turned to the last page I’d read and started skimming through it again, taking a little more time to at least read the titles of each section.
“Lilly,” Meredith yelled from downstairs after what felt like forever of looking. The print on the pages was starting to blend. I needed a break.
“What?” I yelled back.
“Dinner.”
I headed downstairs, grateful for the distraction.
After two days of blankly staring at the paper, and book too, trying to will some clues out of either, I’d about given up. I was sitting on my bed crumpling up the note out of frustration when Nicholas waltzed into my room.
“That’s not how you read that,” he smiled.
I threw his crumpled up letter at him.
“Are you throwing that at me because you don’t know what it says, or because you do?”
Smart ass. “I haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Well, it’s kind-of pointless now, so let me show you.” He picked up the paper ball and sat down at my desk to smooth it out.
I watched as he folded the paper, back and forth in a sort of messed up accordion fashion, until it read plain as day:
I am so excited
to see you.
I’ll be there before
you know it. And
I have you something
special for x-mas.
Love
Nicholas
Then it dawned on me that my book did mention this kind of code, I just hadn’t realized what it was. I read it through, trying not to be impressed by the ingeniousness of my new note. But Nicholas could tell.
“So do you want your present now?” he asked.
“Uh…” Talk about caught off guard.
“That’s cool. I’d rather give it to you on Christmas anyway.” Nicholas suggestively raised his eyebrows at me. “It’ll make it more special.”
That was all I needed. Nicholas, me, and “special” all in the same room on Christmas. If it happened to be snowing three days from now, I just might scream!
He came over and sat down next to me. “I haven’t seen you in months and I don’t even get a hug? I was kinda hoping you would run and jump into my waiting arms, but I’ll settle for a hug.”
I couldn’t help but smile. And I really had missed him. My arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged him close and smelled the familiar scent of my best friend. It would be a lot easier if he didn’t keep trying to alter our relationship. It didn’t help that he knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I think he could even feel my pain, and the overwhelming depression I’d been feeling, in our embrace.
Not letting go of me he whispered in my ear, “Are you alright, honey?”
I sighed. Pet names were one of his ways of pushing the envelope.
“Lil?”
“I’m fine.”
“Liar.”
Urgh! “I’m just a little down in the dumps, that’s all.”
“Missed me that much, huh?”
I shook my head. “You know it.” My eyes couldn’t help but roll. Good thing Nicholas couldn’t see.
“So, since you’ve missed me so much, what turbo awesome activities do you have planned for us?”
“Uh…”
Nicholas pulled back to dramatically place his hand over his chest. “Lilly, I’m crushed.”
“Not to worry. Charlotte already has the rest of your life planned out, I’m sure she has a general idea on how she would like the weekend to go.” I smiled.
Nicholas didn’t. “You didn’t tell her I was coming, did you?”
I had to think for a minute. When Charlotte and I last hung out was when the flashbacks began. Understandably I was a little distracted to remember most of the conversation. “I don’t think so.”
“I hope not, hoe. I don’t really feel like fighting off unwanted advances this holiday.”
I couldn’t help but glare at him. I’m pretty sure that that was to be my plans.
“Besides,” he continued, “if you don’t have any plans for us, I can think of a few inside activities, if you know what I mean.” Nicholas puckered up his lips and gave me his mock seductive smile.
Yep. Fighting off unwanted advances would fill my day.
Meredith happened to walk by my room, and she poked her head in. “Oh, Nicholas. You must be in town for Christmas. If your dad can spare you, you’re welcome to stay for dinner.”
She didn’t sound the least bit surprised to see him. She was a worse liar than me. I bet she was even the one who let him in, since he didn’t use the window. Stupid snow.
“That would be great, Mrs. Black. I’d love to.”
My jaw clenched. “Mom.”
“Yes, Lilly Bug?”
I glared at her. “I don’t think Nicholas’s dad would like that too much.”
“You’re right, Lil.”
Whew! I sighed.
“I’ll just call Louis up and invite him too,” she said.
Urgh! I wasn’t going to win.
Nicholas looked ecstatic, and they both looked smug. I really didn’t need Nicholas to have Meredith for a cheerleader. Each of them individually was already a bit more than I could take.
“I better go give him a call before he orders you two pizza.” She went to leave.
&nb
sp; “Mom.”
“Yes, Lilly?”
“Would you rather Nicholas and I hang out in the living room? Who knows what kind of shenanigans we might get up to unsupervised up here.”
She smiled. “I trust you kids.” And off she went.
So much for responsible parenting. Nicholas scooted closer. “So, how about my activity?”
I stood up. “I have to pee.”
After spending a good fifteen minutes twiddling my thumbs in my porcelain retreat, I drudged back to my room. But it felt more like a lamb walking into a lions den. As I walked through my doorway, seeing Nicholas sprawled on my bed and looking to snuggle, the flashback hit me like a slap in the face.
Every single time it was the same thing. But every single time, I would swear it felt like an eternity. It was probably the pain. The bottomless crippling hurt I felt each time I came back to the present. It didn’t help that I knew Elliott was alright. For whenever the flashback was happening, it was as if it was right now. It was as if I was watching my heart being crushed by the cave-in. And Elliott’s lifeless hand was the last thing I saw prior to suffocating in the pain.
I fell forward onto my bed as the tears began to stream down my cheeks. Nicholas was there to catch me.
He wrapped his big strong arms around me. His blond shaggy hair tickled my face as he asked, “What the hell just happened?”
“I…am…fine,” I choked out in staggered breaths.
“The hell you are. Lilly, let me help you.”
I just lay hidden in his embrace. It was probably the fact that Nicholas was here that I was having such a hard time hiding the pain. I’d really gotten good at blinking back the tears most of the time. Nicholas rubbed my back and I breathed him in. It was calming having my familiar security blanket friend back. Even if it was temporary.
“Dinner!” Meredith called from downstairs.
“You two better not be messing around up there,” Louis yelled up the stairs.
Nicholas whispered in my ear, “Are you okay now, honey?”
I wiggled out of his arms and sat up. “We better get downstairs before they come up after us.” I stood up and headed towards the door, motioning for him to follow me.
The next few days I rarely had a moment that was Nicholas free. He was determined to spend as much time as possible with me while he was in town. I’m not even sure he’d seen his dad besides at the airport and the first night dinner with my family.
When I’d go down for breakfast in the morning, Nicholas was there. When I’d try to escape to my room, Nicholas was there. Even going to bed, Nicholas was there until his curfew. If it weren’t for the fact that my rooftop was a deadly ice trap right now, I’m sure he’d be sneaking right back in as soon as his dad would go to bed. Thank god for winter.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy having him around. Nicholas was the same old happy, carefree person he’d been when he lived here. He was the sort of person people liked to be around. The only trouble for me was that he was relentless.
I was constantly the target of his fantasies. Or worse, he was trying to get me to tell him what was bothering me. If it weren’t for all of his best friend qualities, he would really be getting on my nerves.
“So, would you like your present tonight or in the morning?” he asked me as we sat in the corner of my living room sipping eggnog.
Meredith had the bright idea of inviting the bachelors over again. She was trying to ride it off as being in the spirit of Christmas, but I knew it was in the spirit of getting me a boyfriend. She and Louis sat on one end of the christmas tree lit living room talking work and other boring subjects, and Sophie sat listening to christmas music while drawing in her notebook. Nicholas and I were as close to alone as we were going to get with his dad in the house. I took another sip of my eggnog as I took in the sights and sounds of the holiday.
“Lilly?”
“Oh,” I looked over at Nicholas. “Sorry, what was the question?”
“Would you like your present now?”
That reminded me. I glanced outside to make sure it wasn’t snowing. The setting already was a bit too romantic for me. The window was fogged up, and unfortunately it was snowing. Damn.
I sighed. If I waited until tomorrow, until Christmas day, it would probably be worse. Tomorrow I couldn’t guarantee that I would have Louis as a chaperone. At least one of our parents acted all parental.
“Sure,” I finally answered.
Nicholas looked over to make sure no one was paying any attention to us. This wasn’t going to be good. I tried to mentally prepare. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. Plus we did have witnesses.
I saw him reach his hand into his pocket. He pulled it out with my present hidden in his palm. “Give me your hand, honey.”
Reluctantly, I placed my empty hand on his lap. Very carefully he placed a small object in my hand, keeping it covered with his own. “Lilly, you are very important to me.”
My heart started to thump loud in my chest.
“I really wanted to get you something special.”
My breathing was becoming fast and shallow.
“Something to keep me in your thoughts when I go back to Oregon.”
I was beginning to feel light-headed. If he revealed a ring I think I just might faint. He pulled his hands from mine revealing a pretty oval opal necklace.
“Merry Christmas, Lilly.”
Distracted by my gift, Nicholas snuck in and gave me a kiss. He wasn’t trying anything too fancy with his dad in the room. He just smiled when I shook my head, and motioned to a piece of mistletoe he was holding above us.
“You’ve been keeping both of these in your pocket all week haven’t you?” I accused.
“Yeah, hoe. I had to be prepared for when the opportunity presented itself.”
Note to self: watch out for any more opportunities tomorrow.
Finally, I was able to inspect the beautiful rock I held in my hand. It was amazing. It was just as beautiful as the opal ring on my finger, but bigger, and in necklace form. The many rainbow facets that glittered from within the stones hidden realms were breathtaking.
I felt kind-of bad that the only thing I got Nicholas was a couple of movies. Then again, I did have to be careful that whatever I got him didn’t in any way seem romantic. I think my choices of a quotable comedy and a shoot-em-up action flick were going to work perfectly. They might even double as a safe Christmas day activity.
Nicholas picked the necklace up. “Here, let me put it on you.”
It had a long chain. I held up and inspected the stone more closely once Nicholas had done up the clasp. “Do you like it?”
“Yes Nitch-o-las. I really do. Thanks.”
He beamed.
“How did you know I like opals?”
The way he fidgeted made me realize I’d made him uncomfortable. He tried not to, but I saw his eyes glance down at my ring from Elliott.
I quickly changed the subject. Holding up my gift, I asked, “Where did you get this? It’s so big.” The stone was larger than a quarter.
He smiled. “I found it for you myself. The opal, and then I had a local jewelry store turn it into a necklace.”
“Huh?”
“Up in Oregon, I don’t have you to stalk,” he winked, “so I was checking the place out, and it turns out they have a really cool opal mine.”
WHAMMO! Opal mine was the magic word. I tried to hide it, but Nicholas saw the change in me.
“What did I say?”
I shook my head. “Nothing, I’m just tired.”
“Liar.”
“Nicholas.”
“Lilly,” he mocked back at me. “I thought you’d like that I found it myself. I heard girls’ like that sort of thing. Romantic, you know?”
“It’s not that.” I admired my pretty present. “I just…”
“You just… are keeping something from me.”
I sighed, but it was as good as saying yes and he knew it.
“
What is it? What is making you so sad?”
Christmas Eve really wasn’t the time, or the place for that matter, to be having this conversation. I motioned over towards our parents. Technically they were talking, but I’m positive Meredith was secretly eavesdropping, and Louis too. Though they were doing it for completely different reasons. I took another sip of my eggnog and gazed off at the colorful lights on the christmas tree.
When I spoke it was barely above a whisper. “I’ve been having these weird flashbacks.”
Nicholas moved closer to hear me. “What about?”
“I’d rather not say.” My eyes moved to our parents suggestively. At least they could be a good excuse.
“How can I help you if I don’t know?”
“I don’t think you can help anyway.”
Nicholas gave me a look of deep concern. “Lilly, don’t talk like that.”
“What?” He wouldn’t be able to help me. Elliott was the only person I thought that might be able to make the flashbacks go away, and he didn’t know what was happening to me, or why for that matter. I probably felt the sadness of the memory so intensely because besides losing Elliott everyday in my mind, I hadn’t seen him for a very long time. I couldn’t project like this. My mind was in defensive mode. The few times I’d tried, I’d failed. It was like learning to project all over again. And it was frustrating.
Now it was Nicholas’s turn to distract me. “So did you forget to get me a Christmas present, or are you going to make me wait until tomorrow?”
I made myself smile. “You can have it now.” I got up to find his gift amongst the pile beneath the tree. I remembered wrapping it in the silver and green paper and hiding it near the back. After a minute of searching, I surfaced with his totally non-romantic gift in hand.
“Here you go. Merry Christmas, Nitch-o-las.” I had been lazy and wrapped all of the movies as one. He ripped through the wrapping in one fatal swoop.
“Thanks, Lil.” He took advantage of having an excuse to hug me.
“You’re welcome. I hope you haven’t bought any of these since you moved,” I added.
“Nope. I almost did though,” he held up the action flick. “This one. It looks awesome.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”
“Hey, do you want to watch one now?”
I scrunched up my face and shook my head. It was Christmas Eve and it was later than I think he realized. “Probably not tonight, but we can tomorrow if you want.”