“Associate with me? As though I were a disease or a disgrace?” He frowned and moved to sit sideways to better face her. “I’m a respectable lawyer. A successful attorney from a celebrated family. I think you could do much worse than spend time with a man like me.”
Zylphia glared at him. “That’s the point. I shouldn’t be spending time with you, a man. I’m a married woman. I take my vows seriously.”
He scoffed. “Even though your husband hasn’t seen you in months, except for those few weekends you’ve traveled to Boston? You always return to Washington as though you’ve barely survived a tragedy.” He grabbed her hand, fighting to keep hold of it when she tugged to loosen his grip. “You deserve happiness. Joy.” His blue eyes darkened as he met her gaze. “Passion.” He sighed as she jerked her hand free.
“I’d hoped you would understand my desire to remain true to my husband.”
“And I’d hoped you’d have the courage to see that your relationship with him has left you miserable.” He stroked a hand down her arm, stilling his movement when she flinched. “I know we can bring each other pleasure, Zee.”
She stared straight ahead for a few moments. Finally she turned to meet his gaze. “My friends call me Zee. You are not a friend, Mr. Hooper. In the future, please only speak with me when we are in Cameron House and when you have reason to discuss a concern about the cause.” She rose but came to an abrupt halt when he stood in front of her.
“This isn’t over between us, Zee.” His blue eyes shone with passionate intent.
“Seeing as nothing is between us and nothing has ever been between us, you couldn’t be more incorrect. Good day, Mr. Hooper.” She pushed past him, dropping the contents of the paper bag into a trash bin as she marched back to Cameron House.
That evening Zylphia sat on her settee, the events of the day flitting through her mind. She jumped as the door to the apartment rattled and then opened. Rowena grunted as she entered, carrying a pitcher of lemonade.
“Why are you so easily startled? Who were you expecting?” Rowena asked. She held up the pitcher in triumph on this muggy evening and smiled as Zylphia walked to their miniscule kitchenette area for two glasses. “I picked up lemons and sugar on my way home so I could prepare us this treat in the communal kitchen. I thought we deserved this on a hot night.”
When they sat on the settee, sipping lemonade, Zylphia sighed. “I irrationally feared it was Mr. Hooper. He was at the park today when I went there for lunch.” She took a long sip of lemonade. “I’ve been a fool, and you know how much I hate to admit when I’ve been wrong.”
Rowena smiled for a moment before she became concerned. “What did he do?”
Zylphia’s gaze was wild with confusion. “He wants an affair with me. How can that be? I’m a married woman.”
Rowena snorted a laugh. “That’s exactly why he wants an affair with you. Because you’re a married woman with no expectations of marriage.” Her brow furrowed as she watched Zylphia. “What did you tell him?”
Zylphia tilted her head in confusion and glared at her friend. “That his offer or thoughts or whatever you want to call them were offensive. That I was married and planned to honor my vows. And that he had no further reason to speak with me unless it related to the cause.”
Rowena sighed and settled her head against the back of the settee. “I doubt that will dissuade him. You’ve just made yourself an even greater prize by thwarting him.”
Zylphia rolled her eyes. “I’m not a prize. I’m a woman. I have the right to choose what I want. And I want Teddy!”
“Have you told your husband that lately?” At Zylphia’s shake of her head, Rowena rolled her eyes. “You are acting like a child, Zee. I know you don’t have much respect for my opinion on these matters as I’m not married, but you must see the damage you are doing. I’m not the only one at Cameron House who has noted Mr. Hooper’s marked interest in you.”
Zylphia rounded her shoulders in a sulk. “I don’t see how that is important.”
“What would happen if Teddy were to visit? If he heard the rumors flowing around Cameron House as we find ways to distract ourselves from the next time we have to picket?”
Zylphia paled and quivered subtly. “I simply won’t invite Teddy to Cameron House.”
Rowena let out a low groan of frustration. “Zee, you’re not being sensible. Yes, today in the park you were. You told Mr. Hooper to leave you alone. But you know as well as I do that he won’t stop. And you’ve acted in such a way that no one will believe that you aren’t truly interested in him. Your flirting has been embarrassing to witness.”
At her friend’s fierce glower, Rowena shrugged. “It’s true, Zee. You’ve been acting no better than a silly schoolgirl with her first crush. Although a bit more desperate than a schoolgirl. As though you had something to prove.”
Zylphia swiped at her cheeks as her tears poured along them. “Do you know what it is like to tie yourself to a man and then be dreadfully unhappy? To see no way back to happiness?” She let the tears flow now without any intervention. “I love Teddy. At least I think I do. But I don’t know that I’ll ever be happy with him again.”
Rowena patted her friend’s hand, concern lighting her eyes. “You say you want Teddy, but everything you do makes it seem as though you don’t care to have anything to do with him.” She took a deep breath. “Do you regret marrying him?”
“I regret the loss of my citizenship, and that only occurred because we married. I regret that our relationship is one giant argument.” She again swiped at her cheeks.
“None of that is new, Zee. Do you regret loving Teddy?”
Zylphia sighed and curled into herself on the settee. “No. Never.” She shared a resigned smile with her friend. “Part of the reason I’m so upset with Teddy is that I can’t make him bend to my will. But that’s also why I admire and respect him. His independent spirit, his belief in what he knows to be true, has always been inspiring to me.”
“Until now,” Rowena whispered.
Zylphia nodded, wrapping her arms around her waist as she rested her head on the edge of the settee. “I have this irrational love-hate relationship with my husband. How can the very person I love so very much also cause me the worst sort of agony?”
She glanced up at Rowena, not really expecting her to answer. “On one of my recent trips to Boston, I heard Teddy and my father talking. Teddy wondered if I would become more content if I were a mother.” She let out a deeply held breath.
“Don’t you want children, Zee?” Rowena asked.
“Someday. Not right now. Not when I want to do so much for the cause. If I’m a mother, I won’t have the freedoms I have now. And I fear Teddy sees this as a way to control me.”
Rowena tsked her admonishment. “You know Teddy isn’t like that. He’s upset to see you so discontent.”
Zylphia shook her head. “Some days I don’t know what I believe anymore. As for my interaction with Mr. Hooper, flirting is freeing and avoids this tangle of emotions.” She met Rowena’s disapproving stare. “Octavius makes me feel young and alive, Ro. I know that’s a weak excuse, but it’s the truth.” Her closed eyes blinked open at Rowena’s snort.
“You just turned thirty. That’s far from ancient.”
Zylphia waved her hand and sat up, taking a sip of lemonade. “How are you, Ro? I fear I spend so much time thinking about myself that I never ask about you.”
Rowena shrugged. “As long as I don’t highlight the fact that my mother was German and that I speak German fluently, I’ll be fine.” At her friend’s frown, Rowena fiddled with a coaster on the table. “I was instructed that I had to cease all correspondence with my family last month.”
“Oh, Ro.” Zylphia clasped Rowena’s hand. “Why?”
“My father worries that his business colleagues will remember his German connection and that his wealth will suffer. He never stops to consider this lack of communication with my grandparents and family there will be difficult for me.” S
he shook her head and let her tears fall. “I’ve written weekly since my mother died ten years ago.”
“Although you haven’t visited.”
“Of course not. My father couldn’t spare me nor did he care for the expense.” Rowena’s brave smile emerged, tinged with bitterness. “I defied his order and wrote one last letter, explaining my upcoming silence. My only hope is that it reached them.”
“I’m sorry, Ro,” Zylphia murmured. “I hope you’ll hear from them soon.”
“The hardest thing about all of it is that I’m now supposed to feel shame for that part of my heritage. As though I no longer should acknowledge that side of my family or where my mother came from.”
Zylphia’s cynical smile did little to ease her friend’s tension. “You know as well as I do that we’re supposed to be ‘Americans’ and that the hyphens after our names that we’ve used to define ourselves are expected to magically disappear.”
“My father doesn’t want me in any position where I could end up in trouble with the law. He fears that, if I become embroiled in a legal issue, the fact my mother was from Bavaria could cause many to believe I’m acting on behalf of the Germans.”
“I can see his point. But you’d be much better off than the average immigrant.” Zylphia stretched out her legs to rise, opening a window to let in the cool night air.
“I hate the stories in the papers talking about the ‘vicious Huns.’ They’re not all cruel. And they forget that the German soldiers are following orders, just as our boys will. It’s not their fault.”
Zylphia frowned and shook her head. “Never say such things outside our apartment, Ro. Even though you’re right, I’d fear for what could happen to you. Too many are infected with war fever.”
“It’s not a crime to speak the truth. You do it every time you picket.”
“I know. And, even though I’m not legally a citizen, I’m at least from an allied nation.” She gripped her friend’s hand. “It’s not right, and it’s not fair, but you must be cautious.”
Rowena nodded. After a moment’s silence, she said, “What about you, Zee? What will you do about Teddy?”
“I’ll see him in a few weeks. Hopefully we’ll make our peace then.”
Chapter 3
Teddy Goff scribbled at a new business plan, seated in his home office in Boston, stacks of orderly papers on the corners and sides of his large desk. The curtains were pulled back, allowing sunlight to stream in. He looked up at his wife’s abrupt entrance. His gaze roved over her, momentarily unable to hide the longing from his gaze. She wore a dark eggplant-colored dress with black lace at the collar and wrists. “Hello, Zee. I wasn’t expecting you to return from Washington today.” He moved to rise but remained seated when she watched him with an impassive stare. “How are things there?”
“The same as ever. I expect I’ll return soon.” She stared at the framed cherry tree painting she had given him years ago rather than at him.
“What’s the matter, Zee? Not even art is calming you today.” He glanced at his papers a moment, the tip of his pen tapping on the top sheet.
“I don’t have much use for art anymore.”
“You no longer have much use for anything not related to your cause,” he muttered, unable to conceal the bitterness in his voice.
“Many admire me for the steadfastness of my commitment,” she snapped, before flushing at her rash comment.
His eyes narrowed as he beheld his wife blushing with embarrassment and feigned indignation. “And would your admirers prefer a more intimate relationship with you?” At the flash of guilt in her eyes, he ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I see. I can only hope that you remember what we once were to each other.”
“A memory should suffice?” she whispered.
“That’s all either of us has had for far too long.” He blindly focused again on the papers in front of him, his injured fingers tapping a nervous pattern on the desk. When she slammed her hands to his desk, he bolted backward in his chair, noting the mess she made of the pile of papers on top, smearing her hands and the papers with ink.
“Don’t you dare judge me. Not when you are the reason for my discontent.” Her breath emerged in a rapid pant, and her cheeks were a bright red from her agitation.
Teddy took a deep, stuttering breath. “I see. Things aren’t advancing as you had hoped with your wild antics, and you’re looking for a fight to help you feel better. Why must you always turn to me as your punching bag?”
She plucked a handkerchief from her pocket and swiped at her fingers to scrub at the ink stains as she paced in front of his desk. She ignored most of his comments and latched on to what she wanted to discuss. “You read the newspapers with as much interest as I do. You know we’re making progress.”
Teddy settled into his chair and took a calming breath. “If you call progress making a spectacle of yourselves on a daily basis, then I would suppose you are. However, you’re losing popular support with your picketing, Zee. Regular citizens do not believe you should act in such a way during a time of war.” His voice sounded even more precise and English with his disapproval. “They believe it is unpatriotic to criticize the president and that such actions border on treason.”
“Do you know what it is like to picket? To have citizens yell at you, throw things at you and call you un-American because you are speaking your truth?” she demanded as she turned to glare at the maid who entered. Zylphia pointed to a side table near Teddy’s desk to deposit the tea tray and then motioned for her to leave. “Do you?”
Teddy watched her, his gaze guarded and passionless, as though he were listening to a discussion of little interest about growing hybrid roses. “Of course I don’t. You forbid me from traveling and supporting you. It seems you prefer the company of strangers over that of your husband.”
Zylphia’s hands fisted atop her hips. “So this is my fault?” She waved one hand around at the space between them.
Teddy rose and moved toward the tea tray. He ran a hand over his slacks and pulled on his waistcoat. He backed away just in time to avoid Zylphia’s agitated movement as a half-shriek, half-growl emerged, and she grabbed the tea tray and upended it. The sound of shattering china ricocheted off the wood paneling and through the office.
“Don’t ignore me for some godawful tea.” She heaved out her breaths as she watched him with tear-glinted eyes. “I’m gone for a month, and this is my reception?”
Teddy fisted his hands as he stepped around the china shards and hot tea pooling on the floor to retreat behind his desk again.
She followed and hit him on his back. “Yes, do what you always do. Retreat. Hide. Evade.”
He spun and gripped her raised arm about the wrist, grasping it to the point of bruising. He yanked Zylphia toward him until she stumbled against his chest. His calm facade shattered as effectively as the china, and his irate gaze roved over her face. “What would you have me do? Defy you and accompany you to DC, even against your eloquent request at my absence?” His low, angry voice was more powerful than any shout. “Would you have me jump for joy that you deigned to return to me?” At the tic of his jaw, he clamped his mouth shut until the involuntary tic stilled. “Would you have me beg you to remain here with me?”
He thrust her away, causing her to stumble backward, shards of china splintering under her weight, and he moved to stand on the opposite side of his desk near the window. “Be very careful what you ask for, Zylphia. For, if it is within reason, I will always work to grant it.” He met her shattered gaze. “Call me a beast. Call me unfeeling.” He raised his chin. “Call me a cold-hearted Englishman.” His eyes flashed with pain when her gaze expressed agreement at his self-assessment. “But don’t blame the mess our marriage is in on anyone other than yourself.”
He took a deep breath and sat. “Now, … if you will excuse me, I have important matters to attend to.” He raised an eyebrow and nodded at the door.
“Teddy,” Zylphia whispered as her voice broke.
Later in the afternoon a soft tapping on the door interrupted Teddy. He took a deep breath as he anticipated another altercation with his wife. The maid who’d cleared the floor of the mess had refused to meet his eyes while he had acted as though an accident had occurred. “Yes?” he called out.
He forced a smile as his father-in-law, Aidan McLeod, entered.
Aidan watched Teddy closely before shutting the door behind him. “How are you progressing with our new acquisition plan?”
Teddy laughed. “Good to see you too.”
Aidan smiled as he sat in a chair near the windows. “I failed to get the impression you were interested in chatting.” He watched as Teddy squirmed in his seat. “I hear Zee has returned.”
Teddy stilled and met his father-in-law’s gaze. No overt censure was present, although he knew a warning when spoken. “She has. Her time away has not dimmed her animosity toward me.”
Aidan nodded. “She is used to receiving what she believes is fair. However, I think she is unable to see your point of view.” Aidan sighed as he relaxed into his chair. “Or the harm her actions are causing.”
He shared a sardonic smile with Teddy. “She has always had a singular focus. At times that is a blessing. It has allowed her to become a sought-after painter. It helped her when you were missing during the first part of this horrible war because she concentrated with such fierce intensity on the cause.”
“Now it may lead to our ruin,” Teddy said. He waved at Aidan as though indicating he should ignore him.
“Is it as bad as that? Do you wish you’d married another?” Aidan asked.
Teddy sighed and leaned forward, his head on his hands. “I know the answer you want to hear is ‘Of course not.’” He gripped his head between his palms and pulled at his longish sable hair. “But I can’t say that right now. I’m miserable when she’s here. I’m in agony when she’s away. There is no peace from the torment that is my married life.” He closed his eyes in regret. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t speak like this with you, her father.”
Resilient Love: Banished Saga, Book 7 Page 3