by Wendy Knight
"Yeah. I think...never mind."I didn't actually know where Alec went every weekend. I hardly saw him, but I knew he'd spent a lot of time at bars those first few days after the breakup. It was safe to assume he had a girlfriend, but telling Navi was going to hurt her.
Which would be good for her.
"What, Bryson?"
How far to go? I didn't want to devastate her, but I also needed her to forget about Alec and move on. In the back, Konstanz had gone very, very still, watching me with those light brown eyes. Like she could read my very soul. I tore my eyes from hers. "I didn't want to tell you. I think—I think he has a new girlfriend. He stays at her house on the weekends."
Navi looked like I'd slapped her. So much pain flashed through her eyes it startled me and I said the first thing that came to my mind. "I'm sure you're way prettier than she is!"
She swallowed hard. Konstanz growled under her breath, and I knew without a doubt that she would kill me later. But when this inevitably drove Navi into my arms and caused her to forget Alec all together, Konstanz would forgive me, right? I mean, we weren't friends but the thought of her mad at me made me oddly sad.
"Thanks," Navi murmured.
I'd gone too far. I had to make it right. I couldn't bear Navi's pain any more than I could bear Konstanz's anger. "Hey." I grabbed her chin and turned her head toward me. "So he's an idiot. There are a billion guys who would give their right arm to be with you."
She blinked, the long lashes sweeping down across her cheeks.
"Trust me on this," I finished softly.
She pulled away, laughing it off and I ground my teeth in frustration. "If they gave their right arms, they couldn’t hug me."
Konstanz forced a laugh, too, but there was a terrifying threat under that soft sound. I ignored it, focused on Navi. "I'd still find a way."
She met Konstanz's eyes in the rearview mirror and they exchanged an uncomfortable look. Before I could lose the moment, I grabbed it again. "I'll tell you what. I'll even clean out a drawer, just for your stuff. Let's go buy you some extra toiletries right now!"
"What about the museum?"
I shrugged. "I've been to the museum lots of times. Let's get you all set up at my place. We don't want you collapsing from exhaustion or something!"
Too late, I realized what I'd just said.
She frowned. "You told me yesterday you'd never been."
Shit.
Konstanz flopped back against the seat and stared out the window, her frustration at my stupidity palpable.
Damage control. My father had always told me if you can't keep your lies straight, you better be able to think quickly on your feet. I patted her cheek, playing on her weakness. "You're so tired. I told you I hadn't been recently."
My dad would be so proud.
"Oh." She wasn't convinced, and Konstanz was thoroughly disgusted. Maybe my dad wouldn't have been so proud.
We spent the next hour gathering supplies. For girls, they didn't seem to enjoy shopping much, and I did all the work, but picking out the shampoo Navi would use to wash her hair in my shower was fine by me. By the time we went home, I'd spent over a hundred dollars and loved every second of it. I fell back to walk beside Konstanz as Navi trudged up the stairs. "You've gotta give us some space. I can't make any headway with you always here."
She scowled. "I'm not sure I trust you. Maybe you're just another womanizing meathead who can't keep his stories straight. And does Alec really have a girlfriend? Because he hasn't in all these years that I've known him. He barely dated. The guys' a work-a-holic."
"Konstanz, I would never hurt her. You know that."
She threw her hand back toward the car. "You just did, you idiot!"
Navi paused on the landing and Konstanz and I both plastered on too-bright smiles.
"I'm trying to help her. Please, just a few minutes, Konstanz?"
She sighed. "Fine. But no tricks. And if you hurt her or do anything stupid, I will kick your ass. Do you understand me?"
Duly noted. I nodded. "You have my word."
She shook her head and followed Navi the rest of the way up the stairs, where she paused in the doorway. Throwing one last dangerous look my way, she said, "I've gotta run by work. I'll be back in a bit."
Before I could fake-object, she was gone. I could have kissed her.
Navi sank onto the couch, holding her bags. She looked lost and alone and so tired. "You're sure Alec won't be here?"
I sat next to her, watching the equal part panic and pain in her eyes. Just saying his name hurt her. How was I supposed to compete with that? Realizing she was still waiting for an answer, I said, "No. He's at work and he never comes home before eight. You'll be long gone by then."
She nodded and stared at her feet. I hated that she had to leave every night. I hated that I only got a couple hours of her time every day. I hated that she was still in love with the bastard who broke her heart and called her a whore. It was killing me, all of it. She hurt, and her pain hurt me.
Because I wasn't enough to make it go away. "I wish, just one morning, that I got to wake up with you. Would that be so much to ask?"
Pity flooded her face. I hated pity, but my father had taught me long ago to make it work for me. "I'm sorry, Bryson. I can't miss work. Things are too stressful right now. And then I have school..." she trailed off, letting her head fall back against the couch.
I watched her, trying to think of an argument, trying to find a way to convince her that she didn't need any of those things—that I could take care of her. She could quit her job, quit school. Stay home and do whatever it was she liked to do when she wasn't working around the clock. But by the time I'd formed the words, she was asleep.
I hesitated, my eyes straying to her lips. I fought like hell not to do it, but I failed. Carefully, because she'd kill me if I woke her, I leaned closer and brushed my lips across hers. They were soft like silk, and full. It was everything that had been torturing me for weeks now. Everything I'd wanted.
She groaned, scowling in her sleep, and rolled away.
The pain was too much. Even in her sleep, she rejected me. I leapt to my feet and stormed out of the apartment. Got in the car and drove too fast down the coastline.
Straight to Konstanz.
Chapter 2
Konstanz
I hadn't actually planned to go to work but I didn't want to lie to Navi. Not again. I'd lied to her about Alec not coming over and I didn't want to make this a habit. So I went to work.
It was closed, but there were our overnight guests who had had surgery and needed around the clock supervision. I checked on them, spending time with each one so they would know they were loved. By the time I left, it was dark outside.
And Bryson was in the parking lot, leaning against his car.
He was hot, there was no denying it. Light blue eyes, sandy blond hair expertly messy. Jeans with tears in all the right places. Well cut shirt. It was too bad he was in love with my best friend and that I was in cahoots to get them together.
Also, that he was a jerk.
"What are you doing here?"
He didn't look up, his arms folded across his chest, the fabric pulled tight against the muscle. "Even in her sleep she doesn't want me."
I slung my bag over my shoulder and went closer. When the arrogance was gone, and the fake bravado, he looked so innocent. And lost. And not such a jerk. "What did you do?"
He continued to stare at the ground. "She fell asleep on my couch. In the middle of a conversation. I kissed her. She rejected me."
I wrinkled my nose. "You kissed her while she was sleeping? That's creepy, Bryson."
"She'd never let me if she was awake. I just—I just wanted one kiss."
I stood between my car and him, debating my options. I could tell him to suck it up, get in my car and go home—which I should do because I had homework. Or I could be a good person and a good friend. Sighing, I dropped my keys back in my bag. "Bryson, you're pushing her too hard. Let her
heal. She needs a friend right now, not a rebound relationship. Those don't last anyway."
He finally raised his eyes, and they were so devastated and so tortured, the light blue was almost black. "I would kill to be her rebound relationship, Konstanz."
"And when it ended, because they always do? Then what? You'll be worse off than you are now."
He shook his head ruefully. "With no you to get me through it. She's lucky, you know. To have a friend like you. I've known a lot of girls. Most won't hesitate to stab each other in the back, just for the fun of it."
I scowled. "Then you've known the wrong kinds of girls. Nobody wants friends like those. No wonder you have issues."
"Hey!"
There was the spark of Bryson I knew. Laughing, I backed away, toward my car.
"It's true, though." He followed me, each step pacing my own. "You're an amazing friend. You even put up with me for her."
"I am a good friend." Realizing he wasn't looking for my flippant answer, I shrugged and pretended to dig for my keys. "I failed her in high school. Big time. And then I lost her to Alaska for three years. I won't do it again. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah. See ya."
He watched me get in my car and made sure it started before he got in his own and drove away. He turned left and I turned right, and he waved as he left. I drove home with the radio off, which was not normal. I was oddly unsettled, seeing this side of Bryson. I wasn't sure how to handle him when he wasn't being a pain in the ass. One thing I was sure of, Terrie was right. Love sucked. All three of these people, miserable because of love. It was crippling.
Not something I was in any hurry to find.
It was almost nine when I got home. Navi was gone to work, obviously. Reese and Terrie were eating take-out because it had been Terrie's turn to cook and she didn't do anything like that, ever. When it was her turn to clean the kitchen, she usually paid some broke college student fresh out of high school. She didn't work and I wasn't sure she even actually went to class. She was here for the college experience—which meant partying as much as possible and meeting as many guys as she could. Everything else just got in the way.
"Did Navi already eat?" I dropped my bag on the table. It still smelled like Bryson's cologne and the smell did odd things to my senses.
"She never came home." Terrie didn't look up from the TV.
"Well, that's not good. She can't work all night with no dinner." Reese waved her fork around like it was her scepter.
"Navi's a big girl. She'll get dinner if she wants it," Terrie said dismissivley. Navi was a big girl, but she'd forget to eat the way she'd been lately. Sighing, I slung my bag over my shoulder and snatched two of the meals off the table.
Neither of them noticed when I left.
I'd never been to Navi's work before. She'd never been clear about where it was, and said she couldn't talk about it when I asked. I didn't know any other probation officers so I couldn't exactly ask details, but I figured the police station would be a good start. Or the jail? I had no idea. I'd never even been in a police station before.
Or a jail.
Astoria was small, and touristy. I was a college student who worked full time. There wasn't a lot of chances for me to get into trouble. I did know where the police station was, though, so I went there first. It wasn't like on TV, with criminals handcuffed on every available chair. There was a room with a lot of metal chairs and a window on the right with a speaker to communicate through.
Way safer than on TV.
"Hi."
The woman looked up. She didn't seem particularly thrilled to see me. "I'm looking for a probation officer."
She raised an eyebrow. "Any particular one? Do you have a problem?"
I plastered on my most cheerful smile and raised the bag I was holding. "No. My friend is one. She forgot her lunch. Her name is Navi."
"You'll have to check the jail." And she went back to her computer.
Super polite.
I trudged back to my car and drove through town to the jail which was not near the station. It was housed in the same building as the sheriff's office, which was not the same building as the police station, which was super confusing. On TV they always were in the same place. Again, I went inside and was met by a fairly sterile room and a glass window. Hoping this one was friendlier than the last, I found my smile again and approached. "Hi. I'm looking for a probation officer."
This man actually looked up and smiled. "Who are you looking for?"
"Her name's Navi."
"Navi?" He frowned and something stirred in my chest. Pain, already. Betrayal. As he clicked through his computer shaking his head, I knew his answer. "There's no Navi in our system."
"But—but I brought her lunch." I numbly held up the sack I carried.
He shook his head, face all kinds of apologetic. "I'm sorry miss. Maybe for another town?"
But I had a feeling he had checked his computer already and knew the answer to that.
"Okay, thanks."
She had lied to me. Not just to me, to all of us. To everyone. Why? Why would she do that? Was she secretly something nefarious and didn't want us to know? Did she not trust us with whatever it was she did?
Did she not trust even me?
I'll admit it, I went home and cried. When she came in at six in the morning, I was still awake, staring at the ceiling. "How was work?"
I scared her. She screeched and fell over, bounced off the bed and landed on her butt on the floor. "Konstanz! What are you doing still awake?"
The sun was just peeking over the horizon and I could barely make her out in the dim light. No bruises this time, no cuts or gaping wounds. That was a relief. Her clothes were torn, though, still the same ones she'd been wearing the day before.
"I couldn't sleep. How was work?"
"It was—it was long. Go to sleep. You have class in four hours."
"Navi," I rolled over onto my side so I could face her. "You...you would tell me if..." I didn't even know how to ask her. I wasn't even sure I knew what I wanted to ask.
She pushed herself to her feet and pulled off her boots. "What's wrong, K?"
"Is your job dangerous, Navi?"
She paused mid-boot-half-off-her-foot. "Yes..." she said slowly. Never mind the fact that I had spent hours stitching her back up and I already knew her job was dangerous.
"More dangerous than regular probation officer jobs?"
She was quiet for a long time, watching me in the twilight while I watched her back. Finally she answered, so quietly I almost didn't hear her. "Yes."
"That's why you don't tell me details? Because it could get you in trouble?"
Her face was hidden in shadows but her voice was infinitely sad. "No. I don't tell you because it could get you in trouble."
"You're protecting me with your—" lies "—secrets?"
She crossed the floor on her knees and knelt next to my bed, smoothing my hair away from my face. "I would tell you everything if I could, K. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I don't like keeping so much from you. You, of all people. But I don't have a choice. And it kills me every. Single. Time."
I could hear it in her voice, just how much it hurt her to lie to me. She didn't want to. And it hit me then—her secrets, her isolation, it made her miserable. She was isolated, in a world completely her own, fighting whatever she fought all by herself. And she was so, so lonely.
"You don't have to be alone," I said without meaning to. "I'm here, Navi."
Pretty sure there was a tear tracing its way down her cheek, but she made no move to brush it away. "I know, K."
I wasn't sure she did know. She held the weight of the world on her shoulders, and it was slowly killing her. She went to take a shower and then went to class and I stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let her do this. Not alone. No wonder she was always half-broken hearted.
BRYSON
"Look, I know we aren't friends," I said as soon as B
ryson showed up for dinner the next night. Navi was cooking, so I pushed him outside and shut the door.
"What the hell, Konstanz? We parted on okay terms yesterday." He scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.
I waved my hands through the air. "That doesn't make us friends."
He quirked an eyebrow but I continued before he could explain. "Anyway, we've gotta work together for Navi. She's...work is rough right now. She needs support. She needs sleep. She does not need someone trying to seduce her all the time or someone else asking all the questions."
His eyes narrowed. "I don't try to seduce her, and I definitely don't ask all the questions. I gave that up. She never gave me the answers I wanted."
I shook my head, shoving my hair out of the way but my fingers just got tangled. Dang baby fine hair, anyway. "I'm the one that does the asking. Right now, can we just focus on getting her through this rough patch at work?"
He shrugged. "Fine. Not like I was making a lot of progress anyway."
I jabbed a finger in his chest. Yeah, he was, like, seven inches taller than me, but it didn't matter. "And no more mention of Alec at all. Got it? No girlfriends, no bar scenes, nothing."
"So I guess telling her he said he'd never liked brunettes was a mistake?" He winced.
I threw my hands up, nearly ripping my head off because my fingers were still caught in my hair. "Why on earth would you think that was ever a good thing to say?" Seriously, his stupidity amazed me sometimes and I thought long and hard about strangling him right there on the front porch.
"I—I'm not sure..." he ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair and stared at the ceiling. "She makes me crazy. You know, before her I was completely normal. I didn't say stupid things, I didn't pout, I wasn't desperate."
"Yeah yeah, she's powerful. Blah blah blah. Do it again and I'll kill you while you sleep. Do you understand me?"
He smiled, which I wasn't expecting, and reached up to gently untangle my fingers. "You're ripping all the pretty curls out," he said.
I glowered for several long seconds, waiting for an answer. He smoothed the hair back and met my eyes. "Yes. I promise. I will be the best friend-zoned guy you've ever met. Biggest cheerleader. Wahoo. Can we go eat now? I skipped lunch and I'm starving."