He’d always been a selfless lover, but this was beyond anything I’d ever experienced with him before. He was lapping at me, forcing his name past my lips as I alternated between pleading and cursing.
When he finally zeroed in, I was already sinking into a twister of desperation. I needed him to…
Oh God, yes, that’s what I needed. Right there.
“Don’t stop,” I begged, past the point of caring whether I sounded frantic. I was desperate to experience something I hadn’t in forever… a release at the hands of a man who cared more about my pleasure than his own.
My outburst was powerful, rocking me as I cried out his name, while the tingling sensation careened through my body, leaving nothing untouched. My heart was beating harder than it had in forever, and it felt so good to give in to something more powerful than myself, something I couldn’t control and didn’t want to.
He inched up my torso, dropping kisses as he went until we were finally eye to eye. I held my breath, waiting for him to tell me he loved me again. But he didn’t. He didn’t have to. I could see it in his eyes, read it in his smile. No one had ever loved me the way this man did. With his whole heart.
He reached for his shaft, sliding it through my slick heat. There was no question in his eyes. He didn’t ask if he needed protection, and I didn’t try to stop him even though I wasn’t on the pill. We were both mature adults, not kids. We knew unprotected sex could result in pregnancy, and we were okay with that. I loved being a mom, and I’d believed him when he told me was ready to be a parent too.
He closed his eyes as he penetrated me slowly, stretching me in way I hadn’t been stretched in years. It almost felt like the first time all over again. Only this time I was old enough to appreciate how good it felt without being scared. Spence was the biggest guy I’d ever been with—in every way—and sex with him satisfied me in a way nothing else could. We fit together. It was perfect.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he whispered, his breathing shallow as he rested his forehead in the crook of my neck.
“It’s been a long time for me,” I said, kissing his shoulder as I caressed his back. He was lying perfectly still, and I knew he was trying to adjust to the feel of me surrounding him. “For us. You feel so amazing.”
“You have no idea how fucking good this feels for me, baby. I don’t know how long I can hold out.”
I loved knowing he was as affected as I was by our connection. “Don’t worry about it. I wanna feel you… unchecked.”
He chuckled, but it sounded strained. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me. If I do that, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow without thinking about me.”
That threat sent a delicious heat through me as I gripped his ass, holding him tighter. “That’s what I want.”
He started moving slowly, as though he was still trying to pace himself, but I could see the moment when he gave up the fight for control. He gripped my wrists, holding me down as he plunged deeper inside of me, his tempo a little rougher and wilder. The sounds echoing through the room reflected that too. His grunts were harsher, the sound of the headboard smacking the wall more pronounced.
I savored every second, knowing it was a gift to be sharing this kind of intimacy with him again after so many nights fantasizing about how good it had been.
It felt like seconds, though I knew it was minutes before I was approaching that crest again, crying and clawing for another orgasm. He slowed, drawing it out as he kissed me. My head was swimming in a state of arousal and the freedom that came with being lost in the moment as I surrendered my pleasure to him.
“Son of a bitch,” he whispered when I started throbbing around him.
I could feel the sweet ache of completion coupled with his rigidity as he tried to hold on a little longer, knowing full well it was a losing battle.
He raised his head, and his eyes locked with mine. His gorgeous face contorted in a mask of ecstasy as I felt the first burst of his release flood me.
I gasped, taking it all in as I absorbed what it could mean for us. A baby. I could be pregnant with his baby.
When he finally pulled out, I whispered, “Would this be a bad time to tell you I’m not on the pill?”
His laugh was shaky when he said, “Don’t you think I would have asked if I was worried about that?” He fell backward, his head falling on a thick stack of pillows.
“A baby is a really big step, Spence.” If we decided it was too big, it wasn’t too late. I could always go and get the morning-after pill tomorrow.
“Yeah, it is.” He looked at me a long time before he said, “I’ve seen the way you are with your son. You’re an amazing mom. Chris told me he thought you might want to have another baby.”
I knew my son had picked up on my reaction when I’d held my beautiful newborn niece for the first time. I’d felt this stirring deep in my belly as I realized the years were slipping past and I may never have the experience of being pregnant again.
I lay on my back, closing my eyes. “I loved being pregnant,” I said into the darkness. “I mean it. I loved every minute of it. I didn’t have morning sickness or crazy cravings, so maybe that had something to do with it.”
“I bet you were beautiful when you were pregnant,” he said, his voice sounding even huskier than usual.
“I don’t know about that.” My hands subconsciously trailed down to my slightly rounded stomach and the faint scar that would forever remind me of the first time I laid eyes on my son. “But I felt amazing, growing that little being inside of me.”
“I want to see you pregnant, Hallie. With my baby.”
My eyes opened, flicking to his. It was a bold claim given the short time we’d been back together, but I knew he was sincere. He wanted to be a dad, and he wanted to give me the opportunity to be a mom again because he knew how much I wanted that. It should have scared me, but I knew he was nothing like my ex. He wouldn’t change his mind about wanting a baby as the date drew near, and he sure as hell wouldn’t leave us high and dry the way Rob had. Even if we realized we couldn’t be a couple, for whatever reason, we could still be good co-parents.
Was I crazy to even be considering this, or should I gratefully accept the gift he was offering me?
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, kissing my shoulder.
“I’d tell you that were crazy if I wasn’t already a parent. I know how amazing it is, and I know that I want to have that experience again.”
“With me?” he asked, sounding hopeful.
When I didn’t respond right away, he said, “You’re not sure, are you? That I’d be a good dad.”
“It’s not that, Spence.” I’d seen him with some of the younger kids at his academy. You couldn’t fake that kind of genuine connection with kids. It was obvious they loved them and he felt the same way about them. “I know I’m ready, but you’ve never done this before, and there’s nothing I could say that would help you understand what a huge commitment this is. Your life isn’t your own anymore once you have a kid. Everything changes. I mean everything.”
He nodded. “I get that.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah, I do.” He sighed. “I don’t blame you for having your reservations given the way I’ve lived my life. It’s not like I’ve ever been responsible for or to anyone before, but I really want this, Hallie.”
I threaded my hand through his, and we both lay there for the longest time, lost in our own thoughts before I finally said, “I want this too.”
His eyes lit up as he rolled over, facing me. “Really? You mean it?”
I laughed at his excitement. “It’s not like I’m going to start taking ovulation tests or anything, trying to get pregnant, but if it happens, I’ll take it as a sign that it was meant to be.”
He frowned at my explanation. “But if we get married, we’ll try, right? We won’t leave it to chance? ‘Cause I really do want a family.”
I loved that he was thinking that far ahead, imagining wha
t it would be like to be married to me. “Of course we’ll try.”
He grinned before dropping a kiss on my lips. “Good. You want a drink?”
“Sure, water would be great. Thanks.”
I watched him walk away, laughing when he shot over his shoulder, “Quit checking out my ass.”
***
Spencer asked if he could come with me to pick Chris up from my mom’s house. He wanted to take him for a burger and talk to him about us being a couple. I was nervous that my son wouldn’t open up to me with someone else there, but I didn’t want Spence to feel I was trying to shut him out, so I agreed.
I was half-listening to their conversation about soccer after the waitress took our order when my gaze landed on a familiar stranger. Oh my God. Rob.
“You okay?” Spence asked, putting his arm around my shoulders. “You look kind of pale.”
My gaze darted to Chris, who was innocently slurping his soda. He had no idea his father, a man he’d never met, was just a few feet away. My gaze locked with Rob’s, and his face took on the same pale hue I was sure mine had. He glanced at Spencer, his shock only intensifying before he took in his son for the first time.
I jumped up as soon as I saw him take a step toward our table. He was not going to ambush Chris like this in a public place. I wouldn’t let him. “Excuse me,” I said, sliding out of the booth. “I see someone I know.”
As I approached Rob, he started to speak, but I nodded, gesturing to the door. “Outside.” I sucked in a huge mouthful of air as soon as I stepped outside. I couldn’t believe I was standing face-to-face with the man who’d abandoned us after all these years.
I led him around to the side of the building, out of earshot of restaurant patrons.
“You look amazing, Hallie.”
I stared at him, unable to believe those were his first words to me after almost eleven years. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me?”
“Gimme a break here,” he said, running a shaky hand through his hair. “I’m as shocked as you are.”
I closed my eyes, trying to gain control. There were so many things I wanted to say to the man who’d given me the greatest gift of my life then ripped the rug out from under me, but this wasn’t the time or place.
“So you married the soccer player, huh?”
I glared at him. “We’re not married. I’ve been alone since you left me, Rob. Raising our son. Spence and I just reconnected recently.”
“You looked pretty close to me.”
“What about you?” I demanded. “Where’s your wife?”
“We’re divorced.” He lowered his head. “I was an idiot for leaving you and marrying her. Is that what you want to hear, Hallie? I’m sorry.” His eyes softened when he looked up at me, like he was battling the urge to touch me. Which would have earned him a smack upside the head, public place or not. “I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you.”
“You’re sorry,” I repeated, thinking of all the times I’d wished he would say those words. Especially in the beginning, when I was an overwhelmed new mom desperate for help. “You’re sorry that you never got to know your own son? You’re sorry for cheating on your wife? For leaving us for the first willing woman who’d spread her legs for you?”
He cringed. “I’m sorry for everything. Don’t think I don’t know what a piece of shit I am. Believe me, I do.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. “I’m not the same guy who left you. Believe me, a lot has changed. I’ve changed. Maybe we could have a coffee and I could tell you about it?”
“A coffee?” I felt like a fucking parrot, echoing everything he said, but I couldn’t help myself. This guy had some set of cojones on him. “You expect me to go out for a coffee with you, like we’re old friends? We’re not friends, Rob.” Sadly, I wasn’t sure we ever had been. Maybe that was why our marriage fell apart.
“I know we’re not friends,” he said, turning in a slow circle before facing me again. “But maybe we could be? When you see how much I’ve changed, maybe you could let me back in.” When I opened my mouth, he said, “In Chris’s life. That’s all I’m asking for. A chance to get to know my son.”
“You don’t have that right! You gave up that right when you walked out on us. You haven’t paid a dime of support—”
“You told my lawyer I could fuck myself, that you didn’t need me or my money.”
There were times I’d regretted that decision and wished I hadn’t let my pride prevent me from taking his money. Making it on my salary alone hadn’t been easy. We’d had to make plenty of sacrifices Chris wouldn’t have had to with his father’s monthly support check.
“I hated you then,” I said honestly, crossing my arms. “And I’m still not a fan, so if you think you can walk back into our lives and start making demands—”
“That’s not what I’m asking, Hallie.” He held his hands up. “I don’t want to fight with you. That’s the last thing I want. I just want a chance to be a better man. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?”
I shook my head, unable to process what he was asking of me. I didn’t want to deprive my son of a chance to know his father, if that was what Chris wanted, but I hated the idea of letting Rob back into our lives.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not sure what you deserve. If you’d asked me that question even a week ago, I would have said you deserved to be castrated for what you did to us.”
He grimaced. “People usually get what they deserve, Hallie. Don’t think I haven’t been punished for what I did. I have. I live with it every day.”
His regret wasn’t enough. I wasn’t the type who’d wish pain on another person, and I believed everyone who asked for repentance should get it. But this was different. This was too close to my heart, still too raw, even after all these years.
He was a man I’d thought I’d loved. Someone I’d trusted, and he’d betrayed me in the worst possible way.
“I should ask, does my son have any siblings he doesn’t know about?”
He shook his head, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “No, I couldn’t have any more children. A medical issue a few years back. That’s why she left me.” When I closed my eyes at the irony of the situation, he said quietly, “I told you, people get what they deserve, and I got mine.”
So he felt the universe had punished him for leaving us? Good! He deserved to be punished. The fucker! “I have to get back to my son and boyfriend.”
“I know all about your lives now,” he said, stopping me in my tracks. “I know about your art gallery, where you live, where Chris goes to school. I even know where he plays soccer.”
He knew about Spencer’s academy? “Have you been stalking us?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Because there are laws against that, you know.”
“You post pictures on social media sometimes.”
I would never have guessed he’d been creeping my social media accounts. I hadn’t thought he cared enough to invest any time trying to discover what we’d been up to. “If I’d known you were looking at my pictures, I wouldn’t have posted at all. What did you do, use a fake name to friend me?”
He looked at the ground, letting me know I’d guessed right.
“When? How long has this been going on?”
“A few years,” he admitted, biting his lip. “I thought about reaching out to you so many times, but I was afraid you’d shut me down.”
“You were right.”
“But seeing you here today was a sign. I really believe that.”
“I don’t care what you believe. I—”
He reached for my hand, his eyes pleading with me. “Please. Just hear my side of the story.”
“No.” I snatched my hand back. “And don’t touch me.” I practically jogged back into the restaurant and was relieved to find Chris wasn’t at the table when I returned. I needed a few minutes to collect myself.
“Where’s Chris?” I asked, sliding into the booth next to Spencer.
“Restroom.�
�� He looked through the window, watching Rob get into a late model pickup truck. “Who the fuck is that guy, and why were you out there with him so long?”
I sighed, dropping my head in my hands. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. “He’s my ex-husband.”
Chapter Seven
Spencer
Ex-husband. Ex-husband. That word had been rattling around in my head ever since she said it. I’d suspected the guy was her ex. The way he’d looked at her and Chris told me he wasn’t just a casual acquaintance.
I wanted to ask her what he said, but Chris came back to the table before I could, and I had to sit through dinner, making small talk, trying to answer all of Chris’s questions while my stomach was tied up in knots.
I could tell my girl was edgy. She didn’t hide it well. Her eyes kept darting to the window, like she expected him to come back.
When I dropped them off at home, Chris was the one to invite me in. I accepted the offer, not waiting for her to make excuses. We needed to talk this shit out. I wanted to know what that guy said to get her so rattled. Did he want her back? Did he realize that letting her go was the biggest mistake he’d ever made? If so, that bastard was in for the fight of his life because I wasn’t letting her go.
Chris was chatting excitedly, racing down the hall of their small bungalow to show me his room, while his mom held back, looking like she was about to crawl out of her skin.
He showed me all of the soccer memorabilia he’d collected as gifts for every occasion since he was four. This kid wasn’t exaggerating—he was a serious fan.
My gaze strayed to the poster of myself hanging above his double bed. I was in my gear, one foot resting on a soccer ball with my arms folded. I looked like a badass player… my glory days. Most days I didn’t miss the rigors of being a pro, but there were times when I was feeling out of sorts, like today, that I missed have that solitary mission. To win.
“You want me to sign that?” I asked, gesturing to the poster.
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