He was boring holes into the back of Rob’s head, and the fear seeped into my bones. I imagined an all-out brawl in my shop. Original art ruined along with the dreams of the artists who’d entrusted me with their work.
“Rob, you need to go,” I said quietly, hoping he’d heed the warning.
“I need to see him,” he said softly, not bothering to turn around. “You know why, Hallie. I can never have another child. Chris is my only shot at being a dad. Don’t take that away from me, please.”
“You selfish prick,” Spencer said, coming at him from behind. He grabbed his shoulder, turning Rob to face him. “That’s all you can think about it, isn’t? Yourself? What you want? What about what your son wants? Do you even care about that?”
“This is none of your business,” Rob said, knocking Spencer’s hand away. “This is between me and the mother of my child.”
I could tell Spencer hated that Rob could claim that connection, but to Spence’s credit, he let it go. “I heard Hallie ask you to leave. You need to go. Now.”
Rob’s gaze locked on mine before he sighed heavily and stomped out the door, his big, black boots echoing off the high ceilings.
Spencer turned to me slowly as soon as the door closed. “You okay?”
I realized I was shaking. It had been such an emotionally charged conversation that I didn’t realize how long I’d been waiting to vent to that man. I’d thought I was over him and what he’d done to me, to us, but it wasn’t until I saw him again and said my piece that I realized I could finally let it go.
Spencer rounded the desk and hauled me into his arms, letting me cry on his shoulder. I wasn’t crying because I was sad or confused, as he may have suspected. I was crying because I was relieved that it was over. I didn’t know if Chris would want to have a relationship with Rob, but even if he did, I was going to be okay. I finally felt free of all the bitterness and resentment that had been weighing me down for years. That man, whether I begrudged him or not, was a part of my son, and for that reason alone, I had set us both free.
“I’m okay.” My eyes were still watery as I met his. “I really am.”
He closed his eyes, the pain obvious as he tried to rein it in. “I hate that he can still affect you like that.”
“I know what you’re thinking,” I said, curling my hands around his wrists. “That I must still feel something… to be so hurt and angry, but you’re wrong. I don’t. I feel nothing for that man anymore. Nothing.” I let that sink in before I said, “For so long, I’ve resented him, maybe even hated him, but seeing him again was the best thing that could have happened to me because it allowed me to let all that go.”
“You’re really over it?” he asked, his voice gruff. “What he did to you?”
“I am.” I smiled, wiping away the tears. “I couldn’t have said that just a few days ago. I thought the bitterness was something I’d have to carry around with me forever. But I don’t. I know that now.”
He hung his head as his hands curled around my hips. “I still hate him.”
I chuckled. “Maybe it’ll take you some time to get over that, just like it did me.”
“I know it’s stupid and I have no right to feel this way, but I feel like he took something from me too.”
“It’s not stupid. You have a right to your feelings too.”
“It’s just that he got the things I wanted… you for his wife, a baby with you. And he didn’t even appreciate it. Makes me so fucking mad every time I think about it.”
“So don’t think about it.” That was easier said than done, but I knew how much holding on to anger could hurt in the long run, and I didn’t want Spencer to have to deal with that. “Don’t even let him enter your mind.”
“It might be hard if he’s a part of your life again, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know that he will be.”
He looked hopeful when he asked, “Does that mean you’ve decided not to let him spend time with Chris?”
“No, I’ve decided to let Chris make up his own mind about that.” I rested my hands on his chest, hoping he could understand my position. “You know it’s the right thing to do, don’t you?”
He sighed, tipping his head back. “Yeah, but I don’t have to like it, do I?”
My lips twitched as I patted his chest. “No, you don’t have to like it.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I forgot all about my ex. Spencer was the only man in the world for me in that moment, and I suspected my heart had already known that truth. “What brings you by?” I asked, when we finally broke the lingering kiss.
“I wanted to see where you work,” he said, looking around at the various paintings featured on the walls.
“Liar.”
He laughed. “Okay, you got me. While your gallery is cool, I couldn’t get you off my mind. I hate that we fought over that douchebag last night.”
I pushed him back so he was seated on the leather stool behind my counter-height glass reception desk. I slipped between his open legs while he curled his arms around my waist. “We are gonna fight sometimes, you know. That’s what couples do.”
“I know. It just felt like kind of a big deal. I know you probably think I overstepped last night. Even though we have history, we haven’t been seeing other long, and it’s a big decision, whether to let your ex be a part of your son’s life. You must have thought I had no right to voice my opinion. You didn’t ask for my advice—”
I shut him up the only way I knew how. With a kiss. “I would’ve asked for your advice, Spence. That’s what people in relationships do when they make a big decision. I just needed a little more time to process it first.”
“I get that.” He made my heart melt when he burrowed his face into my neck. “I’m sorry I went off on you like that, babe.”
That was the great thing about Spencer, then and now. Even though he was a passionate man with strong beliefs, he wasn’t afraid to back down or admit he was wrong when the situation warranted it.
“Apology accepted.” As I wrapped my arms around him, it felt good to know I’d never have to forgive him for the kind of sins my ex had committed. Spencer was twice the man Rob was, and both my son and I were lucky to have this man in our lives.
Chapter Nine
Spencer
It was my first sleepover at Hallie’s place while Chris was home, and I was nervous as hell about it. Mainly because my girlfriend hadn’t been the one to suggest it. It had been her son’s idea for me to spend the night. And I didn’t know how she felt about it. We’d only been dating a couple of months, but we were getting close, all three of us, and I knew Chris’s invitation stemmed from the fact he wanted to see me and his mom together for the long haul. Maybe give him that little brother he’d been praying for.
Chris and I were outside grilling while Hallie was in the kitchen preparing the roasted potatoes and dessert when he asked, “What do you think I should do about my dad, Spencer? You think I should see him?”
Shit. I’d been bracing for this question ever since I’d heard they’d had a couple of phone conversations. “Do you want to?” I asked, turning the steaks as I tried to keep my tone neutral.
“I don’t know.” He kicked a stone off the patio before he said, “He’s a firefighter. That’s pretty cool, huh?”
It felt like a bit of a sucker punch, hearing Chris’s admiration for another man. Even though we hadn’t known each other long, I fucking loved this kid. And I’d have gone to the mat for him. It killed me that this guy had the power to hurt him again.
“Yeah, pretty cool.” I reached for my beer, taking a pull before setting it back down.
“You don’t like him, do you?”
I couldn’t be so transparent. Chris had every right to a relationship with his biological father, whether I liked the guy or not. “I don’t even know him, buddy. If you like him, that’s good enough for me.” I pretended turning peppers required all of my effort as I felt his eyes boring into me.
“
If you were me, what would you do?”
Tell him to fuck off! “Uh, I’m not sure. I believe people can change. Maybe he has.”
“But you don’t think so?”
This kid was too smart, too observant for his own good. Or mine. “I think…” He’s an asshole for walking out on you and your mom. “He made a big mistake leaving you guys. Maybe he’s learned from that mistake. Maybe he hasn’t. It’s not for me to say.”
“I like having you around.” He smiled up at me, making my gut clench. “Don’t get me wrong, it was cool when it was just me and mom too, but she’s a lot happier now. With you.”
I put my arm around him, drawing him closer. “She’s made me a lot happier too. So have you.”
“Me?” he asked, sounding surprised. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. You don’t have to do anything to get me to like you, Chris. I just do.”
He ran his thumb over the cool, stainless shelf of the grill, leaving his fingerprints on the shiny steel. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“I wish my mom had married you instead of him. Then you’d be my dad.”
Fuuuuuccccckkkkk. This kid was killing me. “Can I tell you something?” I whispered, leaning over so my lips were a few inches from his ear. “I wish that too.”
“You do?” he asked, wide-eyed.
“Just about every day.”
He grinned, revealing two slightly crooked teeth that would probably require braces in a couple of years. Braces I’d be more than happy to pay for if Hallie would let me.
“Seriously? You’d wanna be my dad if you could?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat before answering. “I sure would.”
“My friend at school, Colton, his parents divorced when he was really little too.”
“Uh huh.”
“He doesn’t even remember his dad.”
I had a feeling I knew where this was going, but I let him keep talking, sensing it was important to him.
“But his mom got remarried a couple of years ago.”
“Oh yeah? Does he like his new stepdad?”
He nodded vigorously. “He really likes him! They go to ball games and fishing together and everything!”
“Wow, sounds like fun.”
He looked at me thoughtfully. “You like to fish?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I use to fish with my dad a lot when I was growing up.”
“Think you could take me some time?”
“I’d love to.” I’d have to invite my old man on that outing, or he’d never forgive me. My family had already met Chris and Hallie, and they treated Chris like the grandson they’d always wanted, spoiling him rotten with homemade treats and new video games.
“That’d be awesome.” He paused for a minute before he asked, “You like any other sports… besides soccer?”
I threw my head back, laughing. “Sure, I was a multisport athlete when I was your age. It wasn’t until I turned thirteen I knew soccer was it for me.”
“What other sports did you play?” he asked, backing up to sit on the deck’s built-in bench so he could watch me.
“Basketball and baseball.”
“You played baseball? I bet you were good!”
I chuckled. “What? You don’t think I was good at basketball too? I’m tall enough.”
“I bet you were good at every sport!” he exclaimed, laughing. “Think you can teach me to play? I like to watch baseball. Maybe I’d like to play too.”
“We could talk to your mom about tryouts. Maybe you’d like to play on a team, huh?”
“But what about soccer? I don’t want to give that up!”
I’d seen too many kids take an all-or-nothing approach to the sport of their choice. When they became teenagers and realized that their dreams weren’t going to come true, they quit playing. At a time when having too much time on their hands was a dangerous thing. I didn’t want to see that happen to Chris.
“You don’t have to give anything up. If you want to play another sport, I’m sure we can find a way to make it happen.”
He smiled. “I like that you said ‘we.’”
“I guess I did say that, didn’t I?” I shook my head, feeling a little embarrassed he’d called me on my slip. “Don’t tell your mom I said that. I don’t want her to think I’m overstepping.”
He sighed. “I want you here all the time, not just a few nights a week. Why can’t you move in with us? Or we could move in with you! Your house is way bigger than ours, and you’ve got a pool and a game room and—”
“Hey, hey,” I said, holding my hand up. “You’re getting ahead of yourself there, man.” As much as I’d have loved to have them move in with me, I knew Hallie preferred the slow and methodical approach to relationship building.
“Excuse me,” Hallie said, her smile tight. “The, uh, potatoes are just about done. I was wondering how much longer for the steaks and peppers?”
“Five more minutes maybe?” I extended my hand, encouraging her to join us. She did, but her body seemed rigid when I pulled her to my side. “You okay?” I asked, kissing her temple.
“Fine.”
***
Hallie
I’d tried to be the polite hostess all through dinner, but now that Chris was in bed, I was done. Hearing why my son was ready to take our relationship to the next level, and before my boyfriend was… that was a kick in the teeth. I felt like Chris was trying to force us on Spencer, and he was pushing back.
“You okay, babe?” Spence asked, scrolling the options on Netflix. “You were kind of quiet at dinner. Are you sure you’re okay with me staying here? I know it was kind of Chris’s idea. Not yours.”
I pulled the wool throw over my bare legs, suddenly feeling chilled. “I’m fine with it… if you are? I wouldn’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with just to make my son happy.”
He side-eyed me, frowning. “What’s that about?”
“What?”
“You snapped at me. You pissed about something?”
I stared at the TV screen, my jaw tense. “No, why would I be pissed?” Just because my son wants this more than you seem to?
He tossed the remote aside. “What the fuck, Hallie? You gotta talk to me. I can’t read your mind. Is there a problem here?” He gestured between us. “With us?”
I crossed my arms. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
He tipped his head back, closing his eyes as he covered his face with his hands. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, just say so.”
“Why would you think that?” Because that’s what you were thinking?
“I just get the feeling something’s wrong.” He finally pulled his hands away from his face and looked at me. “And that scares me.”
I softened immediately. I could see it in his eyes, the genuine fear. He really thought I was going to break up with him. Didn’t he know I’d been happier the past two months with him than I’d ever been before? Our relationship had been amazing the first time around, but we were young then. This time it felt solid… and real. The kind of relationship you could build a future on. If that was what he wanted. I had to know for sure.
“I overheard your talk with Chris. The part where he suggested we all live together.”
He grimaced, swiping a hand over his face. “Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t want you to think I was putting those ideas in his head. I wasn’t.”
I nodded slowly, unsure how to respond. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to rush things, but I wanted him to know that I would be ready to take our relationship to the next level as soon as he was.
“I know you weren’t,” I said finally, when it became obvious he expected a response. “Chris just gets carried away sometimes. He really likes you, and he’s proud that you guys have a relationship.” I smiled. “His friends can’t believe he really knows you.”
“I’m crazy about him,” he said, biting his lip. “He said some things tonight that r
eally got to me.”
Uh oh. I knew my kid. He was sweet and likeable, but he could also be relentless when he had his mind set on something. “Like what?”
He reached for my hand. “He said he wished I could be his dad instead of… him.”
He’d been careful not to bad-mouth Rob in front of Chris, but it was obvious he still had issues with my ex-husband being back in our lives. “I wish that too,” I whispered, squeezing his hand.
“You do?”
It seemed like he was holding his breath, awaiting my response. “How can I not? I’ve seen the way you are with him. Any woman would consider herself lucky to have you father her child, Spence.”
He released a shaky breath. “I want that so much,” his said, his voice faint. “A family… with you.”
“You do?”
“You have to know that.” He looked at me a long time before he said, “How can you not know that? I tell you all the time how much I love you. I think it’s pretty obvious I love your son too. And I want more kids, like we talked about a couple months ago.”
I smiled, my heart swelling at his comment. “You said more kids.”
“Well, yeah, of course.”
I leaned in, kissing him before looking him in the eye. “You didn’t say you wanted kids of our own. You said you wanted more kids, like you already consider Chris to be yours.” He didn’t know it, but that made me love him even more, if that was possible.
“I do.” When I crawled into his lap, straddling him, he settled his hands on my hips. “That’s why this is so goddamn hard for me, Hallie. I’m developing this great relationship with Chris, but there’s this other guy in the picture, ya know? It would be different if he’d been in his life all along, if he’d been a real father to him and Chris loved him. If that were the case, I’d totally understand. But it’s not.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed, kissing him.
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