by Abby Gale
~*~
I open the bar, it is clean and tidy; Toby and Lily have done an awesome job. I put my bag behind the bar and take off my coat. I switch on the coffee machine and pour myself a coffee as my boss walks in through the door. I pour him one too and hand it to him as I say hello.
“Where were you yesterday, it’s not like you to call in sick.”
“I couldn’t get to work, I stayed at a friend’s house the night before...when I tried to make the journey to work there was a tree in the road; it was completely blocked. I’m sorry I just couldn’t get here…”
“Well, I expect more from my bar manager, you really should be more responsible.”
“I’m always responsible!” I screech. “I run this place on my own when you can’t be even bothered to check on the place. How dare you say I should be more responsible!”
Taking a deep shuddering breath in, I close my eyes for a second and wait for the anger to abate.
“Look, Acacia, when I took you on as bar manager I expected more from you.”
“What are you saying? You don’t want me here is that it? Do you want to know why I had to stay at my friend’s house?”
He shrugs his shoulders and takes a long pull from his cup of coffee and looks over the rim at me, waiting for me to carry on.
“I was attacked the other night when I was walking from the bar, in that alleyway!” he moves his cup slowly and stands there watching me with his mouth hanging open.
“That’s why I was at a friend’s house. He lives in the mountains, so there was absolutely no way of getting around it. I’m sorry, I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” I take my cup into the kitchen, wash it up and place it on the drainer.
I wipe a stray tear from my eye before it’s allowed to drop because I’m stronger than that. When I walk back into the bar, the boss is still there but sitting down - obviously, so he can take in the news of my attack.
“Sia, did you tell the police?” His voice is a lot softer than it was when he walked in, feeling sorry for me I’m sure - well fuck that I don’t want his pity!
“What for? They can’t do anything. He was interrupted, he knocked me out; hit my head on the wall, my friend happened to be coming to the bar and found me. I don’t know what happened really after I lost consciousness I can’t remember everything. And… I don’t want your pity, I just want to do my job.”
“It’s not pity, I know you’re stronger than that, I remember when your parents died…” He rubs the back of his neck, feeling awkward. “Right you are going to be okay, yes? I have to get going,” he asks.
He pauses before walking through the exit. Nodding at him reluctantly, he nods back and gives me a small smile before leaving. I watch him leave as Toby walks in.
“Sia. Oh my gosh you’re here then?” He hugs me, and I let him console me for a minute or two. “I missed you yesterday, but I want to know everything - where you were and whether you were with the Hulk because that man is fine!”
I loosen my hold on my best friend and tell him to take a seat, he’ll need one. I launch into full exposure of the last 36 hours, the attack, what happened with Ashton - everything. By the time, I’m finished even Toby is lost for words and that never happens. I may even deserve a pat on the back for leaving him speechless.
“Sia, Jesus. Why did I let you walk to your car alone? I could have walked you out - or Landon could’ve. God, I feel so guilty. I’m so sorry.” Toby covers his face with hands in regret.
“Stop it, Toby! I mean it. It was my decision to walk down that alley, I was so tired that I didn’t give it a second thought about walking on my own… and you know this wasn’t the first time I did that.”
Shrugging with a heavy sigh, I go on, “It was just bad luck, I think.” I say, wishing I could turn back the time to that night and stay away from that alley. Something else to add to my list of regrets.
Toby wraps me in another hug mostly to reassure himself that I’m fine, I know. After he finally loosens his grip we set about opening up for the day and Lily shows up just at the right time for the lunch rush.
In this bar, I’m in my own space, my element. Brushing off my regrets of the last few days, I get ready for a busy day.
~*~
I wasn’t wrong earlier about the busy day, we’ve been run off our feet. We close the bar and walk to the parking lot together. We’ve vowed now that no one leaves the bar alone at night anymore. Even though we are safe in numbers I still don’t walk down the alley - I can’t.
We all walked around, Toby and Landon waited until Lily and I were in our cars and pulling away, then they pulled out after us. Once I’m home the thoughts of Ashton flood back again, I can’t handle this, I grab a glass of water and go to bed.
I lie there for hours tossing and turning. There is a coldness coming from the inside that I can’t shake. Getting out of bed, I grab the thick throw from the cupboard and place it over the bed and get back in. Physically, I’m warm, but emotionally, nothing has changed. I’m numb.
I must have fallen asleep at some point as I wake up to banging on the door. Picking up my phone I check the time it’s five in the morning.
Who could that be?
I decide to leave it, they’ll go away eventually, but when the banging doesn’t stop I put on my robe and walk towards the front door. Looking through the peephole, I see Ashton.
What the fuck is he doing here?
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I open the door to a tall, brooding, figure of a man. His look is smoldering as he takes me in. He doesn’t say anything just looks, his eyes flit all across my face, from my mouth to my eyes as he did the night before, then steps forward cautiously.
“Acacia,” Ashton breathes my name, all the emotion I’ve been feeling comes bubbling up to the surface, like a volcano ready to erupt.
He reaches out his hand, I watch as his fingers reach my face, he cups my cheek and strokes my face with the pad of his thumb tenderly. I lean into his big hand, the feelings I have overcome me. Tears well in my eyes.
Ashton has that look of confusion. “I had to come, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think. I needed to see you.” His words are slurry, I know he is drunk.
“Ashton, you’re drunk,” I murmur even though all I want is to kiss him.
“Yes, because of you!” he snaps.
His body is flushed to mine. Our lips are only inches apart as he looks at me with lust and anger.
“What are you doing to me?” he hisses.
“Nothing,” I whisper.
“You complicate my life. You mess with my mind,” he growls. “You’re making me forget her!” He hits his fist onto the wall right next to my head, making me jump.
“Then let me go,” I whisper again.
“I don’t want you to go. You’re doing something to me, something I can’t explain, but you’re making me feel alive like I didn’t die with her that day… I want you in my life.” His voice was soft and intense. I know he is talking with his heart and soul.
A feeling in my stomach like butterflies starts to flutter around as he leans toward me. He uses his other hand to cup my neck, and his thumb goes under my chin. He tips my head back, his fingers tangle into my hair at the back of my neck, and he inches his mouth closer to mine.
Ashton stops merely millimetres from me until I can feel his breath on my face. “But I hate you for making everything so hard for me!” he hisses again.
“And I hate you because of this back and forth!” I snap at him.
Before I can take a breath or think this could be wrong, Ashton crashes his lips to mine. I moan loudly with the mixed sensations of shock and lust. He roughly increases the pressure against my lips until I push back against him, my hands go to his hair, and I roughly pull him closer, making him groan with pain. His tongue seeks entrance to my mouth, licking, biting, and sucking ‘til I open up a little for him. His tongue finds mine, owning me and tangling in desperation I match him, giving him back just as much. Every feelin
g I’ve had for him over the last couple of days, wow - how has it only been days?
I feel like I met him so much longer than a few days ago. Sadness, anger, confusion, lust, it all goes into this one kiss. I may never get this chance again.
I place my one hand on his face, feeling through his beard remembering how it felt on my fingertips the last time I got this close to him.
He pulls his lips from mine, moving his mouth to my neck and continues his rough kisses. I know he will stop any second and regret it, if not now he will regret it in the morning.
The thought pains me, “I hate you,” I whisper even though it’s total opposite of my feelings.
Ashton lifts his head and smiles at me before catching my lips for another intense kiss. His tongue almost fights with mine for domination desperately, so I surrender to him.
Finally, he stops to look at me. A tear makes its way steadily down my cheek until it hits his thumb and he wipes it away.
“I hate you,” he whispers with a smile on his face.
Pushing the hair from my face, he leans down to kiss my forehead. I melt into his arms as he holds me close and realize in that moment that I need him more than my next breath and I’m irrevocably in love with Ashton Kennedy, but instead I whisper, “I hate you, too.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ASHTON
I try to remember my whereabouts as I look at an unfamiliar ceiling. A warm body is flushed to my side on the couch, we are tangled up in each other like vines of ivy. My head is throbbing because of the alcohol I consumed last night.
Taking a deep breath, I look down at the woman next to me, Acacia… she looks so peaceful as she sleeps on my chest. Slowly caressing her blue hair, I smile at the absurd color. Her eyes flutter as she moans, moving closer to my body.
Reminiscing the night - or early morning - I close my eyes with the guilt that consumes me. I came here to balance my life, to freely feel my pain from losing April, to grieve yet all I managed to do is complicate my life more and more, pulling her into my fight with me.
I groan when I remember her trusting eyes last night, but also, I remember seeing her pain as she tells me that I would regret this when I woke up. It’s so sad that she’s right. It’s so sad that I acted that bipolar towards her that she knows my reaction in only a few days.
Fuck! What have I done?!
“Awake and regretful, yeah?” she whispers in remorse.
“Acacia-” I start but trail off as I don’t know what to say. She slowly sits up and looks at me. I was expecting to see her hate in her gaze, but instead, she smiles sadly and caresses my face the way she always does.
“Go, Ashton. Leave. I can’t accept you showing up on my door and regretting it the next day. I don’t want to be anyone’s mistake. I want to be someone’s reason, Ashton. You need time… take it and come back when you’re ready to let me in your life,” she whispers. Her eyes are shining with unshed tears.
“Acacia-”
“Shh… it’s okay. I’m not angry at you. Just please, don’t make me fall in love with you if you’re not ready to try.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod and sit up. It could have been so easy for me to let her into my life if it was later on. But not now… not when I’m still trying to fight against my own demons.
Heading toward the door, I say over my shoulder. “You’re too early for me.”
She smiles through her tears before saying, “I hope you won’t be too late for me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ASHTON
Two Weeks Later
Cold.
I’m surrounded in the bone-deep cold since I left Acacia behind me, but this is not the same comfort I’ve been feeling; this is prickling my skin, burning me inside… like anger, like a disappointment. I’m punishing myself with the idea of April’s anger toward me. Embracing this cruel coldness as my penance for betraying her, for hurting Acacia, for all my stupid mistakes.
And I’m a mess.
It’s been two weeks since I drove straight to the cabin and locked myself in this room. April’s eyes are watching my every move from every corner of the room. I want her to be angry at me, judge me for not being a man enough to keep my promise to her about not forgetting her or not being brave enough to go after the woman who loves me even though I never gave her any reason to.
‘Don’t make me fall in love with you if you’re not ready to try.’
Damn… Acacia’s voice is haunting me. She was ready to give her heart to me just in exchange for a promise from me. She just wanted to know I was willing to try, willing to accept her into my life.
I grab another bottle of whiskey I’ve stocked in this room. Gulping it, I let it burn my throat on its way down. I hope that would be enough to kill the bastard in me.
What kind of a man am I?
Because of not being able to handle the pain of losing one love I’m sacrificing the other. I don’t know what hurts me the most - not having enough time with April or knowing if I could have been braver so we could have had more time together.
I hope you won’t be too late for me. What if I am too late for Acacia?
I used to think that I didn’t like Acacia, that she means nothing to me, but now I can see how stupid I was. I’m in love with that girl in her cut jeans and leather. I wonder which color her hair will be when I see her next.
“Go away, Casper,” I yell at him when I hear him bark outside the door. He’s been trying to get inside for two weeks.
I caress the photo in my hand, the first time I’ve seen April. She didn’t even know I took this photo of her, kind of pursuant I know, but I’m glad I did. This photo of her is showing her true beauty, how her eyes are shining like two obsidians, how her smile lights up her face. But now at that moment, I’m looking in her eyes with regret and with another woman’s thought in my mind.
“I want to see her, April,” I whisper. My voice is croaked with all the emotions.
For a second the pain of the cold has left my heart, letting me breathe easier and I know this is the right decision. I should go to Acacia. I should see her even if it is only from afar.
Standing up I unlock the door and let myself out as Casper jumps up and down with happiness to see me. I rub his soft fur as I search for my keys and without a second glance, I leave the house, heading to the bar.
~*~
Walking inside my eyes are searching for Acacia, but she is nowhere to be seen. I’m about to turn back and head for her apartment when Toby notices me.
“Ashton? Come inside,” he calls out, waving his arm enough to turn everyone’s attention to me. Without making eye contact with anyone I walk toward him, sitting on a barstool.
“Where is Acacia?”
“You look like shit,” he says like I didn’t ask him a question.
“I feel like shit. Where is Acacia?” I snap at him, but the amusement on his face tells me he doesn’t mind.
“You should… and you’re not seeing Acacia like that. I won’t let you,” he says calmly, but his eyes get bigger as he adds, “You’re drunk, wait… did you drive like that?”
“Yeah, I drove like that! So, sue me. Where is Acacia?” I say as I push him. Who does he think he is, keeping me away from her?
“Like I said, I won’t let you see her. Over my dead body. You’re drunk, and you’re emotional, I get it… but then the next day you will regret it and hurt her even more than you have already. I can’t let that happen.” His eyes are stern.
I could leave the bar and go straight to Acacia’s apartment… I could, but I can’t. Because I know Toby is right. I know if I see her I will kiss her, hug her… anything, and the next morning I will regret it. Again.
“Whiskey?” I sigh.
“Nope. You need water and a shower… and a good night’s sleep,” he says, placing a big glass of water in front of me. “Drink that, big boy. We’re leaving.”
“What? Where?”
“To my place. You can’t drive like thi
s, not again. And I’m not planning on dragging your drunk ass all the way to the mountains. Drink all of that.”
“Lily, I’m calling it an early night,” he yells. I see him nodding toward my way. “Landon, can you get my car? I’ll take his.”
I don’t hear the answer, but I don’t care I sulkily drink the whole glass like a child.
“Let’s go, big boy. And before you get other ideas by my perfect body, I’m taken,” he says, dragging me out of the bar.
~*~
When we arrive at his apartment, he pushes me to the bathroom, “Go, take a shower, dude. I’ll let you borrow some of Landon’s clothes. He won’t mind, I hope… or I’ll need to make it up to him.” He laughs.
Without argument, I go to the bathroom. I need to clear my mind and to be honest with myself I stink. After a warm shower, I wear the sweatpants, and hoodie Toby has left for me. The fit is a little tight, but I don’t mind as my head throbs with the effect of alcohol.
“Here, I made you coffee. Damn, dude. Your one lucky son of a bitch for still breathing after driving in this state.”
Sitting on the couch where it’s been turned into a bed for me I rub my face. “I had to see Acacia. How is she?”
“Perfect. Farting rainbows and wearing her unicorn costume.”
Rolling my eyes at him, I push, “Seriously, Toby. How is she? Has she… has she forgotten me already?”
“You’re a good-looking bastard, but you’re more stupid than average,” he snaps at me as I narrow my eyes at him. Sighing he adds, “I don’t know what you did right with her, but that girl is utterly in love with you, dumbass.”
Hearing those words from her best friend ease the invisible hold around my heart, but trying to hide it I say, “Are you always this insulting?”
Toby smirks. “Nope. It’s special for you.”
“Well, I’m honored.”