by Abby Gale
I left Acacia behind, hoping to be back before she even woke up and head toward the city center without minding the long drive in the early morning of a rainy day.
Pulling up at my destination, I sit for a few minutes and take a deep breath in, willing myself to get out of the truck and do what needs to be done. I don’t want to be sad, this is a good day - a happy day.
Getting out of the truck, I breathe in deeply the different smells of this place - the evergreen of the trees, the dampness of the ground. Tightly closing my eyes, I tilt my face up to the sky and feel the fresh cold air on my face; the breeze wraps around me like a blanket, clothing me with comfort.
I walk through the gates and head for April’s final resting place. It’s funny the things you remember when you’re stuck in a world of grief. The exact spot where they are buried, the time, the voices around when they were buried - every single little detail. But then, you find yourself thinking whether they actually wanted it that way.
All April wanted was to enjoy life, but she never had the chance. Maybe fate wanted us both to learn that life does go on… who knows?
I look down at the shiny marble headstone sitting at the top of the grave which reads:
April Estelle
In loving memory of our daughter who was taken from us way too soon.
Rest in Peace our beautiful Angel
Gone but never forgotten.
I kneel down in front of the headstone and place my hand on the marble. I run it across April’s name, and my heart fills with love, not sadness; it knows now how to feel, how to love because April taught me that in our short infinity. This is the closest I can be to her, it’s a pity I couldn’t find the courage to come here before; maybe I wouldn’t have been so confused.
“Hey, April.” A tear slowly runs down my cheek, but rather than wipe it away I let it fall naturally. “I have something to tell you, and I’m hoping this will help us both, baby. I’ve met someone, but I’m sure you know that already.” I chuckle quietly.
“It’s been so hard without you. I know we only had a short time, but you stole my heart. I never thought anyone would be able to compare to you and that’s exactly what I was doing with Acacia. I compared her to you, I tried to find you in her, but she is so different than you, and with every difference, she got beneath my skin more. God April, if I could have one more day, just one more hour with you; I would give up everything in this world - but I can’t. I’ve finally found my way, with Acacia’s help. I love you, and you’ll always have a place in my heart baby, but I have to let you go now… go find your place. Go be the angel I always knew you were.”
I wipe the wetness from my face, blow out a shaky breath and say the words that have been lodged in my throat, “Goodbye April Estelle. I love you. See you in another life.”
As I stand the wind picks up; the leaves on the trees rustle, and I know that’s her letting me know that she’s here. Smiling I kiss my fingers and place them on the headstone.
As I turn a vision appears. “April?” I call out to the air, hoping it will answer me back. But as quick as it appears, the vision disappears, and I know that’s her goodbye. Looking back at the headstone, I smile again.
I’m happy.
Time to move on.
I get back in the truck and look at my phone. There are five missed calls from an unknown number. Frowning to myself I wonder who they could be from. Pressing the call button, a frantic voice answers on the other end.
“Ashton! Where have you been? There’s been an accident, she went looking for you and…” he chokes.
I cut him off, knowing it’s Toby as everything dawns on me - that he said ‘she’ and the happiness that coated me has turned to dread in the pit of my stomach.
No, not Acacia. Please no! Not again...
“Toby, where is she?” I shout down the speaker at him.
“She’s in the hospital, but you need to come now!”
“Which hospital?”
“Gate,” he answers.
The same hospital that I lost April in… and now it’s trying to take the life of my new-found love.
“On my way,” I choke the words as I throw the phone on the passenger seat and put the truck into gear, making my way to the hospital.
Gripping the steering wheel tightly, I send a little prayer. There’s only one person I can call on to help her through this. “Please April, I can’t lose her. I can’t stand this again. I love her, please watch over her for me.”
I drive faster with only one aim in mind: Acacia.
Pulling up at the hospital, I park my truck up and run towards the entrance doors. As I walk through, I see Toby pacing the floor.
“Toby, where is she, is she okay?” Turning around at the sound of my voice, he runs towards me and hugs me.
“I’ll take you there, but I have to warn you she doesn’t look good.”
“Just take me to her.”
We ride the elevator up to the first floor. It isn’t moving fast enough, but I try to keep calm. When we step off, Toby leads the way down a corridor into Acacia’s room. Landon, Toby’s boyfriend, is sitting with her. I look at her lifeless body, a needle going into her hand with some kind of fluid. She has scratches and cuts over her face, her neck, and up her arms.
I drop to the floor on my knees as the tears fall for the second time today, only here is where the sadness lies. Yet again my heart is bleeding. I feel a hand on my back, but I don’t lift my head from my hands to see who it is.
“Come on Ashton,” Toby helps me from the floor as I walk to Acacia’s bedside.
“Please don’t leave me, baby. I need you more than you know.” I place my forehead on the mattress and let my tears flow as I take her delicate hand in mine, kiss the back of it and will for her to wake up with every piece of my being.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
ACACIA
It’s dark. The voices are muffled I can’t comprehend any of it. My head feels fuzzy. My body is numb and heavy. My muscles don’t listen to my commands. I want to open my eyes, but my eyelids stay closed. I’m feeling some pressure on my body, and I can hear my name being shouted in the distance, but before I can respond to any of it, the darkness begins to take back over; the voices get further away, and I don’t fight it, I can’t. I’m sleepy...
~*~
Beep, beep, beep.
What the hell is that annoying noise?
Where am I, what happened?
Am I dreaming?
Where is Ashton? I need to see him. We need to talk.
There’s crying in the background, and I can feel the pain, I don’t even know if it’s mine or someone else’s… but it’s all around me - so much pain.
“Acacia, can you hear me?” I hear a sweet voice calling for me, “Acacia?”
“What - who are you?” I try to see the source of the voice, but I can’t see anything except a blinding light. Then, the light transforms into a figure, and I know who she is before she gives me the answer, “Acacia, I’m April.”
She is so beautiful… more beautiful than the picture I’ve seen in Ashton’s house. Seeing her makes me a ball of emotion.
“How can I see you? Am I dead?” My words catch on a sob as I realize who I’m talking to, but surely, I shouldn’t see her.
“Shhhh, calm down, you’re not dead.”
“Then how? I don’t understand.” She comes closer to me, she reaches for my hand, and I feel the coldness as it seeps through me.
“You’re going to wake up from this Acacia, you have to. And you’re going to love Ashton for both of us. He loves you, I know; he told me that.”
“Does he really? I’m afraid he loves me because I was there when he was grieving. He loves you, April. He will always love you.”
“We loved each other, but we weren’t meant for each other, Acacia. He was a gift to me before I left this world. But you two are meant for each other. I was just the reason to bring your paths together in a way.”
“Do you re
ally think he loves me? Do you believe him?” I whisper.
Her smile is the sweetest thing I’ve seen, it fills me with warmth. “You and I are the total opposite of each other, Acacia. I had never been as brave as you. You’ve waited for him, you’ve loved him from the beginning, and you haven’t given up on him. You’re unique, and he loves you for it, but not because of the pain and not because of the loss.”
“How will I go back to him?”
“You’re just sleeping at the moment, but you’re going to pull through, and you and Ashton are going to be happy, but I need you to do me a favor, can you do that?”
I nod my head frantically.
“I need you to love and cherish him, you have to hold on to that for as long you’ve got together. Promise me, then I can move on knowing he’s happy. You’re perfect for him Acacia, I’ve watched you together.” she says.
I feel her tears even though I can’t see a trace of them. “I have to go now…”
“No, don’t go yet there’s so many things to ask - to say.” I reach out to grab her hand, but it slips through my fingers.
“You’ll figure it out along the way, you’ll be fine. Bye Acacia.”
“April?” I try to reach for her again, but the sound of crying from afar gets my attention.
Who is crying?
“Acacia, baby, please wake up I need you.”
Is that Ashton?
I try to lift my hand to touch him, but it’s heavy. All I can do is lie here and watch, listen to him cry. Why won’t I just wake up...
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
ASHTON
“Why won’t she wake up doctor? It’s been days.”
“She’s had a traumatic experience, Mr Kennedy. It’s her brain’s way of healing. The bleeding on the brain has stopped, and we’re confident she’ll pull through and make a full recovery. She’ll wake up when she’s good and ready. Just be patient.”
The doctor places a comforting hand on my shoulder and squeezes it before walking towards the door. “Try talking to her, she’ll hear you. Let me know when she wakes. I’ll be here.” I nod at the good doctor and let him leave.
This is the first time I’ve been on my own with her in three days. There’s always been someone in the room. Toby, Landon, and even her boss has been by to see how she’s doing.
There’s been flowers sent to her room by some of the regulars at the bar. I just want, no, need her to wake up now - it’s been long enough. I need her to know how I feel about her. I can’t let her lie there without knowing my feelings for her because of not being brave enough.
I wonder if she can hear me?
“Acacia, can you hear me?”
“I need you to come back to me now, baby. I love you!” I wipe the tears away and lift her hand to my lips. I kiss her knuckles, watching for movement.
“Why were you in the car, I don’t understand. You were sleeping peacefully when I left, you were supposed to be in bed when I returned, not like this.” I stand up, leaning down to kiss her lips.
I hope my touch would be enough to wake her. I watch closely for the smallest movement, but there’s nothing. I groan in frustration and slump back into the chair, burying my face into my hands. I let the tears pour out, a mix of anger, frustration, and sadness.
I whisper at her as she lies peacefully in the bed, “Please wake up for me.”
I hear the door open from behind me, but I don’t look to see who it is; I’m frightened to take my eyes from her in case she wakes. I want to be the first one she sees when she opens those beautiful eyes of hers.
A hand rests on my shoulder.
“Hey, how is she, any change?” I recognize Toby’s voice before taking my eyes off of her. I shake my head, subdued.
“I just want her to wake up. I need to hear her voice again, Toby.”
“Why don’t you have a break? I’m not saying go home just get yourself a coffee or a bite to eat - you need to keep your strength up, Ash.
“Not gonna happen. I’m not leaving her, ever again. There’s a reason she got in that car, Toby. She was on the way to my house, she had to be. I can’t shake the feeling that I caused this in a way. I need to know she’s alright and then I need to tell her how much I love her.” I settle back down into my seat and watch her some more.
“Okay, I’ll be right back. I’ll get us something.” I don’t answer him, I know he’s gone when the door closes quietly.
I lay my cheek on top of her hand and close my eyes, thinking back to the last time we were happy, the last time we were together.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
ASHTON
It’s been five days.
Five whole days of Acacia being in the coma…
I can take no more, I just want her to wake up now. I need to see those gorgeous eyes and hear her sweet voice.
I gently stroke her hair. “Baby, I really need you to wake up now. You’ve slept for long enough. I need you back with me, by my side. I love you, Acacia.”
I kiss the back of her hand, raising my eyes to her face and still see no movement, no reaction. The door opens and in walks the doctor.
“Good morning, Mr Kennedy.”
“Hey, Doc.”
“Let me take a quick look at her, and I’ll be out of your way.” I nod at him.
“Why doesn’t she wake up yet, doc? She’ll come out of this, right?” I’m desperate for him to reassure me again and again. I can’t cope with losing someone else I love. I say a silent prayer to every god above and my very own guardian angel; Please April bring her back to me. I need her!”
“Ashton, she’ll come around in good time, like I said the other day - while she’s sleeping, she’s healing. We’re monitoring her, and everything is going fine. She is strong.”
I nod again and watch him leave before going back to willing her to wake up. I stroke my fingers down her cheek, touch her lips. They’re dry, not soft like they usually are. I pull myself closer to the bed and rest my head on her tummy, keeping her hand in mine before closing my eyes.
~*~
Fingers comb through my hair lightly, teasing caresses. “I love you, Ash.” She whispers softly.
“Hmmm.” I look at Acacia lying there soundly in my bed, her hair fanned around her on the crisp white pillow. She looks so beautiful.
I lean over, my lips grazing hers, teasing her before I finally kiss her. Increasing the pressure slightly I lick her bottom lip and push my tongue into her mouth to tangle it with hers. It soon turns more passionate, I want to consume her. I kiss her to show her how much I love her, how much I need her, how there’s no one else but her for me now.
Her fingers are still moving slowly through my hair…
“Ash?”
A croaky voice brings me to the present and out of my dream, but I’m not sure if it is real or if I’m making up things I want to hear? I keep my eyes closed a little longer, I don’t want to wake up and see her still asleep. She’s here in my dream, with me. If I wake up, I’ll lose her again, and I’ll go back to watching her sleep.
Just a little longer…
“Ash-ton?”
I open my eyes and look up to see those gorgeous blue eyes looking back at me.
“Acacia?” I lift my head slowly to look at her properly, clearly. “Baby?”
Her eyes are half closed, but she’s still looking at me through her eyelashes. My heart thumps excitedly when I see one side of her mouth pulls up into a small, lopsided smile.
“Oh, my god, you’re awake! I’ve missed you.” I tenderly caress her face, trying to reassure myself that she is real. I press the call button for the nurse before turning my whole attention to Acacia, “Are you alright, do you need anything?”
“Water... please?” She croaks. Her voice is quiet, barely above a whisper.
“I’m not sure if it’s allowed, Acacia. The doctor will come now… just wait a few seconds, babe,” I tell her.
She nods her head, giving me another small smile and I can’t keep m
yself away from her any longer. I do what I’ve been dying to do for the last five days, I softly press my lips to hers and wait for her to reciprocate. I sigh when she moves her lips on mine. That’s all I need as an assurance.
“Good afternoon, Miss Winters. How are you feeling?” The nurse comes in, smiling at us before focusing her eyes on Acacia.
Acacia tips her head and tries to smile. “Drink?”
“Ah, let’s just wait on the doctor he wanted to see you when you woke up, sweetheart. He’ll be here in a second I’ve already paged him.”
The nurse takes Acacia’s blood pressure, and her temperature as the doctor joins us. I have her very frail but warm hand in mine; I don’t want to let go. I hear the nurse’s voice asking the doctor for permission about water, but I don’t take my eyes away from the woman who looks at me intensely.
A hand on my shoulder gets my attention. “Will you let me examine the patient, Mr Kennedy,” Dr Ryan, the doctor, asks me with amusement in his eyes.
Reluctantly I let Acacia’s hand go and busy myself with my phone to text Toby the news. No doubt he’ll be here within half an hour, and I will have to share Acacia with him. Not that I’m jealous of Toby, I’m not that delusional; I’m just afraid of losing even a second with her. She scared me this last few days.
I lean back on the chair, enjoying the peace that surrounds me once she is awake. The silence is peaceful for the first time in five days, it won’t last long though since Toby is on the way to the hospital. He talks way too much, enough for everyone in the room, and could give any women a run for their money… I smile at myself with the thought. But he’s grown on me now, especially after I saw his concern and love for Acacia while she was unconscious. He is a good friend to her, and he’s become a good friend to me, too.
I watch as the doctor put his flashlight into her eyes and check her reflexes to make sure they are reacting the way they should be. When he’s finished, he smiles warmly at her.
“How are you feeling?” he asks. Nodding the small cup that nurse has given Acacia, he adds, “Take small sips for now.”