by Jane Taylor
‘Of course, it’s through the kitchen to the left,’ I said, while inwardly cringing about the avocado coloured suite and brown tiles. I got my first glimpse of Ethan as he flounced past me without a glance. The ignorant pig. Who did he think he was? Then without warning, my mood changed. What the hell was I thinking? I didn’t have to do this anymore – why was I obsessing about what Eddie or his fancy man thought. This was my home and bollocks to what they made of it. I made an expansive gesture with my hand as I asked Eddie in.
‘Welcome to our home,’ I couldn’t resist saying, for all the world as if the place was a palace.
As soon as he stepped over the threshold, Eddie wrinkled his nose in both a disparaging and intrinsically gay fashion. Had he always been this camp, I wondered? No, surely I’d have noticed it.
‘Oh dear,’ he said. ‘This is certainly… rustic.’
‘Yes,’ I replied brightly. ‘Part of its charm I think.’
Eddie raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. Ethan, back from the bathroom went to stand silently beside him. He was good looking in an effeminate way and his impeccable grooming screamed hours of preparation. OK, be civil, I warned myself.
‘Katie, this is Ethan,’ Eddie said with pride. Obviously, he considered the slim, boyish looking Ethan quite a catch, to be fair he was very pretty. Ethan barely managed a nod in my direction.
The boys were in the kitchen getting drinks and the chink of glasses reminded me of my manners. I offered coffee and then hid my disappointment when they both accepted. There was no way I was offering food though – not so much as a custard cream.
Whilst I was filling the percolator with freshly ground coffee – an extravagance I absolutely refused to give up, I could hear murmured conversation from the two men in the lounge. I’d have given anything to know what they were saying. Toby and Sam were reacquainting themselves with the orchard when I returned to the lounge with the coffee tray. I had stomach lurching moment when I caught Ethan lovingly running his hand up and down Eddie’s thigh as they sat together on the sofa. For goodness sake, couldn’t they do that privately? It wasn’t something I wanted to witness.
‘I’m surprised you bought somewhere like this, Katie. I wouldn’t have thought it was your sort of thing,’ Eddie had the cheek to say when I’d handed him his mug.
Ethan, who up until now had maintained an expression of bored
condescension, sniggered childishly. My hand itched to smack him in the mouth.
With supreme effort, I gritted my teeth before answering Eddie. ‘Well, as needs must…’ I said philosophically, determined not to rise to his baiting. He knew exactly why I’d had to buy a place like this. ‘And anyway it a work in progress,’ I continued, borrowing Robbie’s phrase.
Then, as if I’d conjured him up, he was miraculously standing in the open doorway. I blinked a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Wow! Not only was he gorgeous, he had great timing too. He couldn’t have picked a better time to do the quote. At that moment, he was like manna from heaven. Without thinking it through, I rushed over and grabbed his hand.
‘Robbie! Sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting you this early,’ I gushed. ‘Come in, you’re just in time to meet my husband and his... um…partner.’
Good grief, what possessed me to say that? I was about to be uncovered as a prized fool when Robbie quite rightly asked me what on earth I was on about. Oh God! I gave him an imploring look to back me up. To his credit, he caught on straight away. I had a few tense seconds until I saw the realization dawn in his eyes, but then his quick squeeze of my hand had my heartbeat returning to normal. This was great.
Eddie launched himself off the sofa, as I made the introductions. I assumed he felt at a disadvantage sitting down. The sheer size and good looks of the man impressed him; I could see that, but being a person with his head up his backside, he couldn’t help sneering at Robbie’s cement encrusted jeans and rigger boots. Beside me, I felt Robbie stiffen at the undisguised insult. Why Eddie should feel the need to be such an arsehole escaped me, after all, he was happy enough to flaunt his paramour. Ethan, much to Eddie’s annoyance, had perked up considerably and was positively salivating over Robbie’s muscled physique. Robbie turned and smiled at me.
‘Sorry darling, I didn’t know you had company, I’ll call back later if you like?’
‘We’re just leaving, so don’t go on our account,’ Eddie said stiffly. ‘I’ll just go and say goodbye to my boys.’ With a nasty look at Ethan, he made his way to the back of the house with Ethan following behind like a kicked hound.
‘What was that about?’ Robbie whispered once they were out of earshot.
‘Shush, I’ll tell you in a minute… I’ll have to see them off. I’m so sorry Robbie, I feel such a fool.’
I rushed out to the drive, desperate to see Eddie go. What on earth was I going to say to Robbie?
Ethan was already ensconced in the passenger seat of a sleek, silver Mercedes and Eddie was giving the boys their suitcases from the trunk when I reached them. With a last hug for their father, they dumped their bags and the rest of the paraphernalia they had accumulated on the lawn and scooted back to the orchard.
‘So, you like a bit of rough these days,’ Eddie couldn’t resist saying once they’d gone.
Don’t rise to it, I reminded myself. It’s what the bastard wants.
‘No Eddie, what I like is a real man these days and Robbie is certainly that.’
I slid my gaze up and down his flabby body with as much disgust as I could muster before letting rip with my parting shot. ‘I mean, come on Eddie, even Ethan could see that.’
He reacted as if I’d slapped him and as he took a step towards me, I felt an arm round my shoulders.
‘Everything all right, sweetie?’ Robbie enquired casually.
Sweetie? Oh, that was going too far.
‘Yes fine hun, they’re leaving now.’
Eddie swung round and got in the car without another word. One to me, I mentally chalked up, as I stood in Robbie’s embrace watching Eddie trying to manoeuvre round Robbie’s van parked in the lane.
I allowed myself a moment to enjoy Robbie’s arm around my shoulders, before stepping aside once the Mercedes had disappeared from view. I couldn’t look at him though. We were both silent for several seconds, then Robbie cleared his throat.
‘Your husband is gay?’
‘Soon to be ex – but yes, he’s gay.’
‘Jesus.’
‘Yeah.’
I wanted to thank him for his act of kindness, but he cut me off before I could finish the sentence.
‘Think nothing of it; I was glad to be of service.’ There it was again, that incredible smile. I mentally shook myself as he continued talking.
‘The boy’s I saw… yours?’
I nodded.
‘And his?’
‘Yes, Toby and Sam.’
‘They don’t mind – you know – about their father?’ It was a perfectly reasonable question, but I couldn’t be sure of the answer.
‘They don’t seem to and I think Eddie is careful. To be honest, I think they’ve just accepted it, at least it hasn’t been a problem so far.’
‘And if it becomes one?’ Robbie asked.
I shrugged and forced myself to meet his gaze. ‘Then I’ll deal with it in the best way I can.’
Robbie’s curt nod of approval produced an unexpected glow of pleasure in my chest. That reaction surprised me; after all, this was nothing to him, so why his opinion should matter was beyond me. It was odd.
‘So,’ Robbie asked. ‘Shall we get on with the business in hand?’
He pulled a dog-eared pad and square red pencil out of his plaid work shirt and took notes while I took him round the various jobs I needed him to do. The boys, curious about the newcomer interrupted a couple of times, but Robbie fended their questions with good humour. He left with the blue prints I’d had drawn up, promising the quote in the next few days.
A month
later it was Robbie’s first day on the job. Did you ever have any doubt he would get it? For me, it was a given from the fish tank episode. I mean, am I really going to employ a pot-bellied, crack-showing, hairy-arsed builder when I could have Robbie? I think not. And methinks, neither would you. To be honest, I’m not a complete fool, his quote although not the cheapest, was competitive. Even paying the slightly higher cost, I was left with enough money to keep me going for quite a while.
The onslaught of a team of four builders, their various tools and machinery came as a shock. I was used to my quiet life by then, and the sudden advent of testosterone-based humanity wandering everywhere was taking a bit of getting used to. Charlie, Geoff and Dave seemed a close-knit crew, it wasn’t long before raucous laughter and good-natured banter filled the back garden. Seeing Robbie interact with his men showed me another side of his character. His easy manner and quick wit was a revelation. Even though I was determined to keep everything on a business level, I couldn’t help wishing he was as free in my company.
As the work progressed, it became apparent that Robbie was of the same opinion as me about keeping a professional distance. Other than making sure I was up to speed with what he was doing, we hardly spoke. And contrary cow that I am, it was getting on my nerves. You see I couldn’t win, could I? He was great with the boys though, and when he erected a rope swing in the orchard, I detected a smidgeon of hero worship in the offing.
Bonfire night proved an eye-opener in more ways than one, when Alison invited the boys and me to a fireworks party. Robbie was there with a tall brunette in tow.
‘I didn’t know Robbie was coming,’ I whispered to Alison. We were in the kitchen sorting the food for after the fireworks. ‘He never mentioned it today.’
‘Didn’t he, I wonder why?’ she mused. ‘He comes every year.’
I watched out of the window as Robbie leaned down to hear what Luke, Josh and Toby were saying. Then Josh took his hand and pulled him towards a box of sparklers placed out of harms reach. Alison joined me at the window.
‘Ah, he always gets commandeered by the kids; he has endless patience with them.’
We watched as Robbie lit sparklers and handed them out to the excited children.
‘He never had any of his own?’
‘Robbie? Lord no! Actually, it’s quite possible that I’ve never seen him with the same girl twice.’
‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ I laughed.
Her quizzical glance suggested she had seen straight through my seemingly innocent questions. ‘Oh dear, you’re not harbouring any notions in that direction, are you, Katie?’
‘Why would you say that? Robbie? Not in a million years, anyway, I told you I was off men, so you can rest assured I have no aspirations there.’
‘I’m very glad to hear it, because that road will lead to heartbreak and I think you’ve had enough of that to last you a lifetime.’
Mark chose that moment to interrupt our conversation, and in his usual jovial manner ushered us outside to watch the fireworks. I was glad of the abrupt ending to our conversation, because although I told Alison I wasn’t interested in Robbie, there was still something about him that intrigued me. He was an enigma; there were facets to his character that didn’t sit right with my overall opinion of him. To me, he had this indefinable “thing” about him. A confidence that bordered on arrogance, but no one else found him arrogant. I found him aloof, yet he happily helped me during Eddie’s visit. Alison thought he was a great friend, but also a womanising pied piper, loved by children. He even got on well with men; his workforce showed him great respect. It was all so confusing.
I made my mind up there and then, to avoid Robbie Collins; he was no good for my peace of mind. From now on, I would be a “man phobe”. With that settled to my satisfaction, I stood shivering on the patio ready to enjoy the display.
Now that should have been an end to it, shouldn’t it? But you won’t be surprised to hear that it wasn’t. However, I take no blame for what happened next, after all, haven’t I just told you I was going to avoid Robbie? So, see what you make of this.
About half way through the fireworks, I scanned the guests to see where the boys were, and came face to face with Robbie. He was lounging against an old Victorian lamppost (Alison’s pride and joy from a reclamation yard), nursing a bottle of beer in the crook of his arm. To anyone else, including his date, he looked the epitome of casual ease, but I could see differently. The light from the kitchen illuminated his features; and to my surprise, he was watching me intently. It was unmistakably, one of those man to woman looks, and so unexpected it sent a jolt of awareness right through me. Then without warning, his gaze changed and for a brief moment, I saw raw honesty reflected in his eyes. They held an openness that showed confusion, bewilderment even. What did it mean?
No, no, no – I wasn’t doing that again. Was I out of my mind? I’d had enough of unsuitable men in my life. That was typical of me, why should I want every man who came into my orbit to fancy me? Because I’d had it too damned easy, that’s why. I’d wanted Eddie all those years ago and got him, and look how that turned out. On my girly nights out with Stacey, there had been no trouble attracting men, a glance or a smile was all it had taken, and in the end, I despised them all. Now, Robbie was giving me the eye (well sort of) and I didn’t want him to.
Arrogant and aloof, I could cope with; to be another notch on his bedpost, I could not, which you have to admit is odd, given my record. A week before, I’d have been thrilled to be the focus of Robbie’s attention, but now, I didn’t want to be one in a long list.
Yes, I know I’m confusing you – I’m confused myself. Let me try to explain. While Robbie was virtually ignoring me, I was miffed about it, not because I wanted him, but because I wanted him to want me – I think that’s a woman thing. Is this making sense yet?
I could sense danger in the look he gave me. He wasn’t immune to me as I imagined, and I wanted him to be, because if he was immune, I was safe. No way would I ever trust a man again and for once in my ridiculous life, I wasn’t going to dive in headfirst. Now that I knew Robbie wasn’t as disinterested in me as I thought, it was easier to put him out of my mind. By openly admitting to myself my past mistakes, and my very real desire not to repeat them, I now wanted to move on. Hurrah!
Gosh! I felt better knowing I was going to be man-free for the foreseeable. I felt grown-up and in control. Did it last? Well yes, actually it did… are you surprised?
Chapter Fifteen
There was only one real drawback to my plan, you see by eliminating the possibility of relationships; I had virtually sentenced myself to a life of boredom. Let’s face it, there’s nothing like a man for spicing up your life, even if all you do is argue. However, I decided to accept this downside as payment for peace of mind. In the two years since the bonfire party, I had, in my opinion, achieved great things. I’d started slow, making small changes so I didn’t scare myself to death.
The first thing to go was my Volvo Estate, which I realised I was holding on to for no reason other than I had always had a big car. I replaced it with a small run-about and a bicycle. Yes, you read right, a bike! It even had a wicker basket on the front.
I managed to land a good position too, a job share working three and a half days a week in the wages department of a timber yard. It paid well and left me with free time to enjoy a new passion. Now, don’t laugh – but after attending flower arranging classes with Alison (my excuse for that is the boredom I’ve already mentioned), I found a new talent. I was great at flower arranging. Yippee, an actual talent!
The first time I went out on my bike, I couldn’t help chuckling at what Stacy would have said – something along the lines of, “Darling, it doesn’t do much for your image, does it?” But I wasn’t interested in image any more. I was searching for something, I didn’t know what at the time, but I knew I had a need for something in my life other than men and designer clothes.
I’d managed to maintain a
working relationship with Robbie while the building work was underway. I can’t take all the credit for that as he returned to his normal distant self with me following the party. Whatever was behind the look he gave me, he had no intention of acting on it. That was fine with me, but I still found it easier when he completed the work.
I must admit to a feeling of relief when I had finally finished decorating the house. At the back, it bore no resemblance to its previous state. The kitchen ran the full length of the house, with a dining area at one end, which looked out onto the garden through patio doors. I had chosen country style cupboards in keeping with the rest of the house and spent many hours scouring shops for knick-knacks. I loved the homely feel of the room. Very soon it became exactly what I wanted, the heart of the house.
The bathroom was now upstairs above the kitchen and I had a new garage, which had been Robbie’s suggestion. As far as I was concerned, the place was perfect.
Over time, with a little help from Mark and Luke, we tackled the back garden and orchard. Much to my amazement Sam started to read up on all things horticultural. It fascinated him, and he was soon explaining how to prune the fruit trees and had even dug himself a little patch to grow things. The look of pride on his face the first time we sat down to a salad he had grown entirely by himself, was amazing.
So? Is that it? Did I succumb to The Good Life? Tucked away in my little corner of Nottinghamshire, man-less, boring, dull even?
Not a chance! Well, I did for a while – for three more years to be exact, and then I buggered everything up in spectacular fashion. It started on a beautiful summer day. Alison had come over with her kids because Mark was off to a race meeting. He didn’t normally desert his family on a Saturday; but one of his friends had managed to secure seats in a director’s box.