“We’ll figure that out as we go, I guess,” Ben says.
It’s not really the answer I was looking for. It’s not really an answer at all. To tell the truth, I’m not sure that question even has an answer. All the same, I nod to him.
He moves to my side and takes my hand in his. As we walk towards the exit, I can’t help but focus on the way his hand feels in mine. As though our palms were always meant to be pressed together.
When we arrive at the door, he opens it for me. I jump when his hand moves to the small of my back to usher me through. Every fear leaves me at his touch. The intimacy of his hand pressed against my skin fills me with other thoughts. Thoughts I didn’t imagine would come into my head today of all days.
When his arm remains firmly wrapped around my waist as we walk towards his motorcycle, I suddenly feel as though I will never be afraid again. As long as I’m with Ben, I feel like I’m safe.
*****
Riding on Ben’s motorcycle only increases my fascination with him. I know I should still be afraid of Jake; I should still be worried about what tomorrow will bring, not to mention the next day, and the day after that.
But when my arms are wrapped around Ben’s firm, steady chest; when my body is pressed so closely to his, I can’t seem to think of anything else.
We fly down the road that leads out of town. The lights soon disappear from view and we’re riding carefully down unkempt dirt roads surrounded by dense trees and ivy.
It’s a long while before we reach a small, wooden cabin as dark as the forest around it.
Ben disembarks first and then puts his hands on my waist to help me down. When he does, I look into his eyes and, even though it’s very dark, I can see their brightness by the light of the moon.
His lips are so close to mine; I can feel his warm breath blowing against my skin. Suddenly, despite everything that’s gone on today, despite Jake and everything else, I want to kiss this man.
Before I can act on the urge, Ben turns away and moves towards the cabin door. I follow.
Inside, the cabin is pitch black. Not even moonlight shines through the windows. I suddenly imagine Jake waiting for me in a place like this. I think about him jumping out from behind the open door. I think about him grabbing me and putting that steel blade against my throat.
I jump when I hear a clicking sound from the door. The next moment the lights shine in the room and I turn to see Ben smiling at me.
“I don’t blame you for being jumpy,” he says “You’ve had quite a day.”
“You can say that again,” I answer. Though, my cheeks can’t help but burn just a bit in embarrassment.
I look around the cabin. It’s cleaner and much brighter than I imagined it would be. I imagined a biker club’s cabin to be littered with memorabilia, crushed beer cans and a handful of American flags.
There’s none of that here. It looks as though the house hasn’t been used for a while. Aside from a rather prominent deer head above a dark fireplace, there’s little in the way of decoration. One couch and a coffee table beside the fireplace is the only furniture.
“Mike doesn’t use this much,” Ben says unnecessarily, making his way towards the couch. “He used to come up here to hunt, but he hasn’t done that in years. Now, some of the guys use it to cool off after fights or if they need a place to lay low for a while.”
“Like us,” I say. He doesn’t answer but looks back at me and gives me a small smile. We stop in front of the couch.
“There are two bedrooms down that hall,” Ben says pointing to a still dark corridor, “you can take whichever one you’d like.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly.
We both walk down the corridor and Ben turns on another light. I take the first bedroom on the right. I don’t really have a preference. I’m just happy I’ll have a place to sleep tonight.
Once I set my small pile of clothes down by the bed, I move out of the room. Ben meets me in the corridor.
We stare at each other awkwardly as though neither of us is entirely sure what we should do next.
“Have you eaten yet?” Ben asks finally.
“I’m not really hungry,” I say. It’s true, even though all I’ve eaten since breakfast is a couple handfuls of pretzels, I’m not sure I could stomach anything more.
“If you like, you can get ready for bed now,” he says, “the bathroom’s down the hall. I know you’ve had a long day.”
I shake my head no.
“Not really tired either,” I say.
“Well…” he says putting his hands in his pockets and glancing this way and that as though searching for another activity. I can’t help but think that it’s kind of adorable how nervous he seems.
“I wouldn’t say no to a drink,” I tell him finally. “That is if there is anything to drink here.”
He looks at me, his eyes widening in surprise.
“I thought, after being at the bar all day, you would have had enough to drink,” he says.
“Not really,” I tell him with a shrug, “I just had water and one soda.”
He gapes at me for a moment then gives a surprised chuckle.
“I know Mike told you to have anything you wanted,” he says. “If you wanted a drink, why didn’t you ask for one?”
I shrug again.
“I guess I have a thing about accepting charity,” I tell him honestly. He looks at me for a moment then breaks out into a smile.
“Yet, here you are, accepting help from me,” he says.
“You’re…different,” I tell him. I feel heat crawl up my face and I look down on the ground. I shouldn’t have said that, even if it is true.
My stomach lurches and my head shoots back up when Ben takes my hand.
“Come on,” he says, that bright smile is still on his face.
He leads me to the couch and opens a cabinet just beside the fireplace.
“Mike always keeps some wine here,” he says searching for a moment before pulling out a bottle and two glasses.
“Funny,” I say, “none of you bikers strike me as wine types.”
He turns back to me with that flirty smile and my stomach performs another flop.
“Well, that’ll teach you not to make assumptions,” he says with a wink.
“I guess it will,” I tell him as he heads over to the couch.
He pours the wine then lights a fire. It’s not really necessary. It’s barely chilly outside. But it sets a nice atmosphere all the same.
We sit on the couch next to each other the rest of the evening. With each glass of red wine, I notice myself moving progressively closer to him.
By the third glass, I’ve leaned my head against his chest and his arm is draped around my shoulders. We continue to sip and talk about inconsequential things: movies, celebrities, the weather, even politics. Always lightly dancing around the elephant in the room.
It’s not until Ben gulps down the last sip of his third glass that he looks down at me seriously. I can tell by the gleam in his eye that he wants to talk about Jake. About what I’ve been through.
At the moment, I discover that I’m just drunk enough not to mind. Nonetheless, I take a deep breath and steel myself before he asks.
“Why now? I mean…why are you just now leaving him? You’ve been together forever, haven’t you?”
“Since high school,” I say.
“And you’ve only just realized that he’s not good for you?”
I take another sip of wine, hoping it will give me the courage to answer as honestly as I can.
“I’ve known for a while,” I say finally. “I just…I don’t know. I guess I was just scared.”
“Scared of what?” he asks turning towards me. He’s looking into my eyes now and I’m looking into his. It would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him. I know that would stop the whole uncomfortable conversation in its tracks.
But, I also know that wouldn’t help either of us one bit. If I’m going to trust him to protect me, and
if he’s going to trust me, I’ve got to be as honest as I can be.
“I…I guess,” I falter turning away from Ben, “Jake and I’ve just been together so long. I was scared that there wouldn’t be anything else out there for me. I was scared that…without him…I wouldn’t have anyone.”
I stare down at my hands, letting my admission fill the air around us. Suddenly, I feel the soft tips of his fingers come up to my chin. He cups my face and moves my eyes to meet his.
“Ali,” he says gently, “there is so much out there for you. Something’s sitting right in front of you. You’ve just got to open your eyes and see it.”
His eyes have brightened and a half smile lines his lips. I shudder inwardly as he opens his hand to rest it against my cheek. I feel the soft skin of his thumb caressing the side of my face. I lean into his touch, unable to take my eyes off his.
The next moment, he’s bringing my lips forward to meet with his. When they do, the kiss is gentle, tentative. As though neither of us is really certain what we’re doing.
In half a second, the uncertainty vanishes and he deepens the kiss, pressing against my lips, forcing my mouth open with his tongue. He moves his hand from my jaw and I feel it tangle in my long hair.
Unable to stand it anymore, I climb into his lap and press myself against him. I move my hand to the front of his white shirt and touch his smooth, tight abs hidden by the thin fabric.
Moving further into him, I feel his member begin to stir beneath his tight jeans. That’s when he pulls back and looks at me once again.
I almost let out a whine of disappointment. I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to worry anymore. After so long, I just want…no…I need to feel a man touch me, caress me, love me. And I need that man to be Ben.
“Ali,” he whispers, “Are you…are you sure about this? I mean, you’ve been through a lot-”
“I’m sure,” I cut him off desperately. He still looks slightly uncertain. That’s when the idea comes to me. I give him what I hope to be a seductive grin before slowly moving my hand between us.
I cup his growing member through his jeans and he groans. I smile again as I move to put my lips by his ear.
“I want you to fuck me, Ben,” I tell him. “I need you to fuck me. I need it hard and fast and dirty.”
As soon as the words fall from my lips, I hear a growl come up from deep in Ben’s throat. The next moment, he grabs hold of my waist and shoves me back onto the couch pillows.
“You want me to fuck you?” he asks. He’s straddling me and he brings his hand up to my breast lightly, teasingly, touching it through the shirt fabric.
“You want me to pound into you so hard that you come shaking and screaming my name?” he asks. His hands move underneath my shirt. Now I can feel him cupping both of my breasts against my bra.
“Ye-yes, Ben,” I gasp. “Please.”
He smiles and leans down, whispering into my ear.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
One hand moves from my breast and dips down to my pants. He unbuttons them and I move to shake them off my hips and legs. We repeat the movement with my shirt.
Soon, I’m lying on the couch, exposed and naked before him.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he mutters pulling away slightly to gaze at my body. I feel my eyes widen and my cheeks color. I’ve never been called beautiful before. Jake used to call me ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’, but beautiful was a word he never used.
“You don’t know, do you?” Ben says as though he’s read my thoughts. “You really have no idea how fucking perfect you are.”
He pushes himself away from me on the couch and stands. I make a sound of disappointment and confusion before I see him slowly take off his shirt, revealing perfectly tanned washboard abs. His pants and boxers follow.
Now, he’s standing naked in front of me. Every bit as vulnerable as I am.
“Let me show you just how beautiful you are,” he says moving back to the couch.
The next thing I know, I’m gasping as his tongue swirls around the nipple of my breast. I let out a desperate moan as his hand moves between my thighs and touches me…there…just there….
Suddenly, I’m gasping and laughing and trembling and moaning and...
“Oh, fuck,” I scream as pressure builds inside of me. “Oh, God! Ben!”
He looks up at me and our eyes meet as I come; shaking and panting around his fingers.
There are more moans after that. More ‘oh, Gods’ and ‘holy fucks’ from both him and me. Just as I asked, he pounds into me. He fucks me hard. He bites, and sucks, and licks places on my body that haven’t been touched in so, so long.
It is amazing to feel the touch of a man again. But, I can’t help but think that, with Ben, it’s more than that. It isn’t just fucking. There’s something else behind it. Something sweet and romantic that has never been there with Jake. It’s something like love.
When we both finally collapse, exhausted, he pulls me back into his chest and the feeling is there. The feeling that I am untouchable. That, as long as I am here in Ben’s arms, nothing can get to me.
“You can go to sleep now, Ali,” he whispers to me a while later. “You’re safe here.”
And, as I close my eyes, with a smile on my face, I know that is true.
*****
I wake up to a dead fire. The roaring blaze that filled the hearth and the whole room last night has been reduced to ash and cinders.
Ben must’ve put it out.
Ben.
I smile when his name comes to mind. I look down at my waist and see his arms curled protectively around my middle. I crane my neck around until I’m looking at his face.
His eyes are still closed, and his hair is tangled around his peacefully sleeping face. His lips are curled up in a small smile. I feel a smile grace my own features.
In spite of everything that happened yesterday, and the day before that, I can’t help but feel my heart swell with joy. Unable to stop myself, I lean down and kiss Ben’s lips.
He’s still for a moment, then I see his smile widen and his eyes open to face me.
“Hey beautiful,” he mutters.
“Hey yourself,” I say. He pulls me down for another kiss. This one lasts much longer and reaches much deeper. Soon, his hands are tangling in my hair and I feel the same stirring in my abdomen as I felt last night.
As I press my naked body into his, I’m sure I feel him begin to stir as well. That thought makes me smile into his lips.
I know I want to stay here, like this, happy and safe in Ben’s arms for as long as I can.
Suddenly, the rumble of an engine outside the door causes both Ben and me to freeze where we are. I feel his shoulders become tense and alert as he pulls away from me and lifts himself to look at the front door.
The rumble gets louder. It sounds as though there are three or four motorcycles coming down the lane towards the house.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I ask hopefully. “I mean, was Mike or Bill supposed to come?”
My heart sinks when he shakes his head no. The pleasure of lying next to Ben is quickly replaced by an anxious fear that reaches all the way through my diaphragm.
I listen closely. I can hear that the engines are idling outside the door.
Ben untangles himself from me and hops to his feet. As soon as he does, I hear three engines rev in unison outside. That sound alone tells me that this is not a friendly greeting.
I follow Ben’s example and dress as quickly as I can. Once Ben has put his clothes on, he moves to the cabinet where the wine was stored. This time, he reaches to the top and grabs hold of a rifle.
I hurry to pull my shirt over my head as he takes the gun to the door. My heart is pounding in my ears when he turns back to me.
“There’s a back door right down the bedroom corridor,” he says. “If you hear gunshots, go outside that way.”
My heart is in my throat
now. Unable to speak, I nod. As soon as I do, he opens the door, his weapon drawn.
I hold my breath as I listen quietly to the voices outside. They begin too soft to hear. Then they grow louder. Soon there are shouts.
“Don’t fucking lie to us!” one says. “We know she’s in there!”
“Prove it!” Ben yells back.
It goes on in this vein for several minutes. I nearly jump to through the ceiling when I hear the sound I’ve been waiting for. The sound I’ve been dreading.
The loud bangs of several gunshots fill the air outside. Not hesitating, I rush down the corridor and outside.
I regret it as soon as I do.
When I reach the steps, a large arm reaches out and catches me forcefully by the waist pulling me towards him. When I feel the blade at my throat, I don’t have to guess who’s behind me.
“Hello, Ali,” Jake whispers in my ear. “I told you not to run. You’re just making it harder on yourself.”
The blade presses close to my throat. I imagine it cutting into me. I imagine watching the blood leak out of my body as I slowly lose consciousness.
My body tells me to fight and struggle against him, but I know it’s no use. Ben is out front, probably either dead or seriously hurt. No one else will come to help me.
With that defeated thought, my shoulders slump and I lean into the blade at my throat.
“Do it then,” I tell Jake defiantly. “If you’re going to kill me just get it over with.”
The blade presses closer. It’s so close that it starts cutting off my airway. Suddenly, I’m gasping for breath.
“I’m not going to do that yet, Ali,” Jake whispers. The hand holding me against his chest suddenly moves up to my breast and gives it a painful squeeze. I try to yell, but no sound comes out.
“First,” Jake whispers, “I’m going to fuck you hard like the little whore you are. Then I’ll tear you straight down the middle. How does that sound?”
The idea of Jake touching me again. Of Jake…doing that to me is ten thousand times more disturbing than simply dying right here. Finally, I give into my body’s instinct to fight. Still gasping, I reach my leg back and with all the strength I have in me, kick him hard in the shin.
The Crime of Protection Page 59