Another silence. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Oh. Okay, sure. We don’t have to talk about it right now. Let me know if—”
“Eric. I’m fine. Forget I said anything.”
“Sure. Good night.”
Eric puttered around as vague disappointment replaced his relief, which was ridiculous. Eric should be happy. If Will was bi-curious only in his mind and totally straight in his actions, then he could stay in the box Eric had put him in—tempting, but not a line Eric was going to cross. He was determined to ignore the nagging sense of possibility that Will’s declaration had opened. They weren’t going there. Will didn’t want to discuss it. Subject closed.
Eric settled into his bed and eyed Will’s back as he realized the subject was far from closed. His mind was churning. You’re the one who didn’t want to discuss it, you jerk. You put words into his mouth and told him who he is. No wonder he shut down. In his haste to protect himself from his massive crush on Will, he’d blown it. Good going making it all about you, Brown. With a sigh, he turned out the light.
Chapter THIRTEEN
“HEY, WILL, look at this.” Eric held out the flyer for the open-mic night at the campus coffeehouse the following week. “You don’t even have to go to The Jam Station for this one.”
Will ignored it. “I’ve seen it,” he said shortly. Then he turned back to the textbook that was open next to him on his bed.
“You should go and play.” Eric dropped the flyer on the dresser.
“I should do a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna.”
Eric took a breath and counted to ten. He’d been coming back from his morning class when he saw the flyer and stole it from the bulletin board outside the dining hall. Now he wished he hadn’t bothered.
Ever since the Kinsey Scale conversation, things had been strained between them. They still worked well together as RAs, but Will had stopped hanging out with Eric every spare moment. He was more likely to be out of the room, studying with Allison, or going out dancing with Lydia, the leggy blonde from the Frisbee game. Kinsey three, huh?
“Even if he thinks he’s a three, he’s never been with a guy,” Eric had said to Jerry during one of their late-night coffeehouse discussions.
“How can you be so sure?” Jerry asked.
“I just am. And do you see the position that puts me in?”
“What, gay predator? You can’t be a predator when he’s panting for it.”
“Shut up. He’s not interested in me. He’s going out with half the girls on campus. Plus he’s ignoring me. And now we have to live together for the rest of the year. This is a mess.”
Other than his conversations with Jerry, Eric hadn’t had time to think about the situation with Will. He was too busy with the play and trying to keep up with his classes. But he was taken aback the day he asked Will to help him study and Will said he was going out with Amber. Amber? He doesn’t even like Amber.
Eric was beginning to get pissed off, and worse than that, hurt. After all the time they’d spent in easy camaraderie, Will’s avoidance felt horrible. So he pushed the topic, even though Will hated when he harped on his music, and 10:45 a.m. was too early for a fight.
“You have so much talent.” Eric’s anger grew when Will got that stubborn expression on his face. “Why do you stop yourself from doing what you really want?”
“We can’t all be like you. Okay?” Will gritted.
“Jesus. I’m not saying you have to be. But you’re so fucking good, I—”
Will got off his bed and stalked over to Eric, looking furious. Oh no. He’d finally pushed Will over the edge. With a sense of doom, Eric watched as Will walked right up to him, gripped him by the upper arms so hard that he winced, and pushed his face into Eric’s shoulder. Eric froze and held his breath. Will didn’t speak, didn’t move. What the hell? After weeks of treating Eric like he had the plague, Will was holding Eric’s arms and his stupid face was against Eric’s shoulder. Eric’s cock was so hard it was about to break something, and….
The next moment he nearly fell over when Will shoved him away.
“Stop,” Will said.
Stop? The fuck? But Eric was saved from having to answer by the torrent of words that suddenly poured from Will’s mouth.
“Stop being that way. Okay? Stop being so… so great and like, like sexy and… and stop understanding me and getting everything I say. It’s really annoying how… how perfect of a person you are. Just. Stop it.”
Will’s face was red, and he was biting his bottom lip so hard that Eric bit his own lip in sympathy. He wanted to say something, but his mind had short-circuited and, for once, he was absolutely speechless.
“Yeah, and there you go, staring at me. Your eyes. Goddammit, Eric. Stop being so goddamn beautiful!”
Will stood scowling like an indignant puppy, clenching his fists and breathing as though he’d been running for his life.
“Um… sorry?” Eric watched Will warily. His arm hurt from Will’s shove, and Will appeared ready to punch him.
“And another thing,” Will spat, clearly not through with his rant. “I can do my own damn music. You… you don’t need to keep helping me and whatever. I was doing okay before you came along.”
“What?” Eric asked, finally stung into speech. “I know that. You… you’re the one who doesn’t. You still don’t know how amazing you are! I—listen, forget it. I’m going to go now. I’m sorry for whatever the fuck I did.”
Eric turned to go and was nearly bowled over when Will tackled him from behind. Curses cured with a Southern drawl rang in Eric’s ears, and he staggered from the weight of Will on his back. He shook him off, then turned and grabbed him by both arms and used every bit of his strength and superior height to hold him away because the little fucker was strong.
“What do you want?” he cried. And okay, maybe he was shouting, because Will blinked and flinched, but Eric didn’t care. Will deserved it for all he’d put him through, the damn flip-flopper. “You tell me to stop, and I’m not doing anything! You’ve been weird with me for weeks, and now you’re coming on to me and then pushing me away and…. What the hell is your problem?”
Eric’s next angry retort died because all the fight had gone out of Will and he was staring at Eric—at his mouth—and Will’s own mouth had fallen open.
“Will,” Eric whispered. Then he broke. “Fuck it.” He bent down and captured Will’s lips before he could stop himself or Will could push him away.
But Will didn’t push him away. Eric nearly reeled when Will kissed him back eagerly, almost savagely, and parted his lips to push his tongue inside Eric’s mouth. Eric slid his tongue slow and hot against Will’s as months of pent-up longing coursed through. Their harsh panting filled the silence, interrupted by periodic moans and inarticulate murmurs.
Finally the noise of freshman residents talking and laughing loudly in the hallway right outside their room recalled Eric to his surroundings and to the fact that their door was unlocked and could be pushed open by one of those residents at any moment and to the mind-bending realization that he was making out with Will—straight, no, bi-curious roommate Will. Either way it was a disaster. Fuck me. His stomach twisted, and Eric pulled his mouth away.
“Sorry,” he gasped as he tried to pull back, but Will gripped his arms. “No.” He struggled against Will’s hands until Will let them fall away. “This… I shouldn’t have done that.” He turned blindly, and his eyes fell on his keys and phone on the dresser. He snatched them up and opened the door.
“Eric. Wait.” Will’s voice behind him sounded strangled, and Eric paused.
Oh, God. He couldn’t. “I’m sorry. I just—I gotta go.” And he ran out of the room.
He needed Jerry. And he needed him now.
Chapter FOURTEEN
“JERRY. JERRY! Are you in there? Open up!” Eric pounded on the door of Jerry’s off-campus apartment, then sighed with relief when he heard Jerry’s irritated voice from the othe
r side of the wall.
“My God, keep your pants on.”
The door opened to reveal Jerry in nothing but a pair of pajama bottoms, hair tousled, looking like he’d just gotten out of bed.
“Oh. Sorry.” Eric peeked around Jerry to see if Ted was there. Eleven in the morning was Jerry’s regular rising time, so Eric didn’t feel too bad about disturbing him.
“No one’s here. I was getting my beauty rest. What the hell’s with you?”
Eric walked in. “I blew it.”
“Blew what? Here, come in the kitchen. I have a feeling we’ll need alcohol for this.”
“Before noon?” Eric followed Jerry into the messy kitchen. “Yeah, okay. I could use a drink.”
“I thought so.” Jerry stopped and surveyed the counter. “Pigs,” he muttered. “I live with pigs. I just cleaned this place last night.” He pulled a bottle of white wine from the refrigerator. Eric got juice glasses from the cupboard, and Jerry tsked. “Please. I drink my wine out of wineglasses. They’re up there.”
“Classy,” Eric said. He reached for the wineglasses and let their familiar banter act on him like a soothing tonic.
“The very definition of class, darling.” Jerry poured each of them a glass of wine. “Living room.”
They settled on the IKEA couch. “So?” Jerry asked as he handed Eric his wine.
“So. I blew it with Will. I attacked him.”
Jerry raised his eyebrow. “Attacked him? That hardly sounds like you. What do you mean by attacked?”
“Um… I kissed him.” Eric slumped on the sofa, remembering the feeling of Will’s tongue in his mouth. “Shit.”
Jerry giggled—giggled—and Eric glared at him.
“I’m sorry. But you amuse me. So what did William do? Did he scream ‘Unhand me, you big brute’ and run away?”
“I hate you.” Eric took a gulp of his wine. “No, he, uh, kissed me back.”
“Oh, my, do go on,” Jerry said in a breathy tone. He widened his eyes and leaned closer.
“Go fuck yourself, Jerry. That’s it.” He drank more wine, beyond caring that he was downing it like water.
“That’s it? I’m disappointed in you. Here you have the man where you’ve wanted him all year, and that’s it?”
“He’s straight! Or… or maybe bi, but maybe only bi-curious… and now it’s all messed up!” Eric could hear his voice rising with every word. He took a breath, set down his glass, and put his face in his hands. “I’m going to have to move out and stop being an RA with him. He’ll never trust me not to pounce on him after this.”
“Wait a minute. Back up. You said he kissed you back, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you worrying about? He’s not straight, for God’s sake. He already said he’s bi. He’s had a crush on you all year. He kissed you back. I mean, granted, you being roommates could be awkward if one of you isn’t into it, but that doesn’t sound like the situation here.”
Eric lifted his head. “I’m… I don’t know. What if he’s just confused?”
“He doesn’t sound confused.”
“I think he is. He was all over the place. He—I haven’t told you what led up to the kissing.”
“Do tell,” Jerry said. He eyed Eric’s almost-empty glass. “Do you need more wine for this?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Jerry vanished into the kitchen, and Eric sat and relived the moment when Will pushed his face into Eric’s shoulder. God. He got hard again just thinking about it.
“Here, love.” Jerry settled back on the sofa, wine bottle in hand, and topped off Eric’s drink.
“Thanks. So Will was being a stubborn little shit about his music. I was trying to get him to go to open mic. We were arguing about it, and then he walks over and, like, grabs me and presses his face on me.”
“Presses his face? What does that mean?”
Eric gestured toward his shoulder. “Like, he’s all up in my space, holding me by the arms, and he does this faceplant in my shoulder.”
“Oh,” breathed Jerry.
“And I’m freaking out, and then he shoves me away, like really hard, and says, ‘Stop.’”
“Stop?”
“Yeah, but it’s not ‘stop, you asshole.’ He’s saying, ‘Stop being so great and perfect, and your eyes are beautiful,’ and I was, like, dying.”
“Ohmigod, baby, this is sexy as hell.”
“Well, but then he starts yelling at me to stop helping him with his music and he can do it himself, and I got pissed and turned around to leave, and he jumped on me.”
“What?” Jerry’s eyes were huge, and his mouth had fallen open. “I need popcorn for this.”
“I’m not kidding. He literally jumped on my back and started cursing me out.”
Jerry fell onto the couch cushions and fanned himself. “Help me—the testosterone!”
Eric ignored Jerry’s theatrics and concentrated on getting through the story. “I kinda shook him off and turned around and held him away so he wouldn’t beat me up, and I was yelling in his face, and then… we started making out.”
“You are killing me. This is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Eric put a hand over his eyes. “God, fuck yeah, it was hot. But I freaked and ran out because he’s straight. At least I thought he was.” He raised his head and looked pleadingly at Jerry. “So what if he’s wrong? Like, okay, he has a crush on me and thinks he wants sex with me, but he’s never had sex with a man. What if it’s awful for him?”
Jerry’s face softened. “Honey, that’s really not possible.”
“Huh?”
“You’d make it good for him. You’re a sweetheart that way. I know from experience.”
Eric’s cheeks warmed. He was saved from responding by the buzz of his phone. When he checked it, his whole body warmed. “It’s from Will.”
“What’s it say?”
“Come back.”
Jerry smiled and stroked Eric’s arm. “A man of few words, but he gets his point across. Eric, listen. It’s obvious to me that Will is crazy about you. And I’ve never thought he was as straight as you have, so I really don’t think that’s an issue. But how do you feel about him? I mean, do you want this or not?”
Eric stared at Jerry. “Of course I want it. He’s—God, Jerry, you know I’ve been lusting after him all year. And it’s not just sex. If all I want is sex, I can get it other places.”
“True.”
“But it’s more complicated. It’s… I really. Um… he’s….”
“Exactly. He’s all that. And more. And I know you’re freaked and scared, but if you don’t get out of here right now and go get that man, I’ll never talk to you again. Plus I need to call Ted because you’ve made me so horny I could scream.”
Eric hugged Jerry and dropped his face onto his neck. “Thank you,” he breathed into Jerry’s skin. “I love you.”
Jerry laughed and stroked Eric’s hair. “I love you too, you idiot. Now, go.”
Eric left Jerry’s and ran through campus, spurred on by a mixture of fear and exhilaration. He’d sent Will a quick text—Coming back now—and he couldn’t get there fast enough. He was so intent on his goal that he almost barreled into a guy standing in front of their dorm, squinting up at the name as though he weren’t sure where he was.
“S’cuse me,” Eric panted. “Can I help you find something?”
The guy was tall—almost as tall as Eric—with broad shoulders and short brown hair. He looked to be around thirty and was quite handsome in a preppy sort of way. Not really Eric’s type—he was wearing a golf shirt, for one thing. “Is this Hutchinson dorm?”
“Yep. Looking for anyone in particular?”
“Will Butler.”
“Will? I’m Will’s roommate.” Eric felt a flare of annoyance that some strange guy had shown up right when he and Will… oh, well.
“Oh, you’re Eric, huh?” The guy’s air of friendliness fell away, and he ran his eyes up and
down Eric’s body dismissively.
“Uh, yeah. And you are?”
“I’m Jesse. I’m sure Will must have mentioned me.”
Chapter FIFTEEN
ERIC SAT in the dark theater and stared at the empty stage. He checked his phone. Only 2:00 p.m. At some point he’d have to figure out where he was going to sleep that night. Tomorrow he’d talk to Jackson about resigning as an RA. Maybe Jerry would pick up his things so he wouldn’t have to see Will, given he had no intention of talking to Will ever again.
His phone buzzed, and he ignored it, like he’d ignored it the last twenty times it buzzed in the two hours since he’d run away from his dorm for the second time that day. Jesse seemed surprised at his hasty departure, but he really didn’t give a shit what Will’s boyfriend thought of him. Boyfriend. Will was a fucking liar.
He didn’t lie. He said, “There is no girlfriend,” didn’t he? Eric heard Jerry’s voice in his head and responded out loud. “He let me think there was. He let me think he was straight all this time.” Yes, and you let him think we were dating. Eric told Jerry to shut the fuck up and get out of his mind. He was pissed and hurt and felt like the world’s biggest fool. So if he wanted to sit here and sulk, that’s exactly what he was going to do.
He jumped at the sound of the theater door opening behind him.
“Eric? Are you in here?”
Will. Eric sank down in his seat so his head wasn’t visible and hoped the light from the open door didn’t reach to where he was lurking. After an agonizing pause, he heard the door slam shut. His sigh of relief turned into an undignified yelp when Will’s voice sounded right in his ear.
“Hey, roomie. Move over.”
“Goddammit! Go away.” Eric instinctively stretched out his legs to block Will’s entrance, but Will simply went into the row behind him and climbed over the seats. He plopped down next to Eric and put his hand on Eric’s arm.
“And don’t run away after I spent the last two hours looking for you.”
Eric tried to shake off Will’s hand, but Will held on, his bicep bulging with the effort.
The Kinsey Scale Page 6