“You tell me,” Mom replied simply.
I stared down at it, trying to see the reanimated corpse from my nightmares in my grandma in the picture. Then I began to see bits of it—the cheekbones, the long fingers, even something in her smile.
“Why would she do that?” I asked, still looking down at the photograph. “Why would she come to me in such a horrific way and screaming at me in a language that I didn’t understand?”
“She was trying to scare you,” Mom explained. “She wanted to protect you, and she probably thought the best way to do it was to terrify you so much you’d run away and never look back.”
Then Mom let out a heavy sigh. “She most likely tried to come to me first, but everything has been so … messy here. I can’t get my thoughts straight, and the spirits come and go as they please.”
I looked up at my mom. “But that means Grandma Basima knows things are bad here. If she went through all the trouble of contacting me, of opening my mind when it’s always been closed, then that means things are bad.”
“I know.” Mom reached across the table and took my hand in hers. The black tattoos of vines wove up her arm, and they seemed to dance on her light brown skin as her arm flexed and she squeezed my hand tightly. “You should leave, qamari.”
“We all have to leave,” I insisted. “I know we need the money, but it’s not worth getting hurt over, or maybe even dying for.”
“You’re not listening, Mara.” She shook her head. “I can’t leave. There isn’t enough money for us all to get to Houston. Some of us have to stay so we can get paid, so we can pay for the gas to drive away.”
The pain in her eyes and the grip of her hand told me she was telling the truth, that she would pack us up in an instant if she could.
Everything we had in the world was in this Winnebago, and it had been our home on wheels for the past five years. It may not have been much, but it was everything we had. We couldn’t just leave it behind. Especially if we left before we got paid. We’d never be able to afford to replace it.
And everyone was in that same boat. All my friends and family—my mom, Gideon, Roxie, Luka, Hutch—they were all trapped in Caudry until they had enough cash to fuel up and escape.
“If you stay, I stay,” I told my mom finally, and squeezed her hand back.
Mom opened her mouth, probably to offer up futile protests, but a knock rattled the metal screen door. I couldn’t see who it was from where I was sitting, and Mom shouted for them to come in, rubbing her temple as she did.
Slowly, almost timidly, the door opened, and when I saw Gabe stepping inside my motorhome, I understood the anxiety on her face.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he said with a sheepish smile.
40. truce
“I told you I’d find you when I was ready,” I said.
My mom had left to help Gideon, giving Gabe and me privacy that I wasn’t sure I wanted. He stood in front of me with big hopeful eyes, so I stared down at his feet, at his expensive Nikes on the balding avocado carpet, and folded my arms over my chest.
“I know, but I heard that someone was hurt this morning,” Gabe said, his voice tight with worry. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I softened a bit, allowing my arms to fall to my sides, and looked up at him. The devilish glint in his eyes and on his lips had fallen away, leaving only a beautiful boy with concern crinkling the corners of his eyes and creasing his forehead.
“I’m okay,” I said. “Lots of people are leaving, and I’m trying to convince my mom to do the same.”
“You’re leaving today?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “But we’ll be leaving as soon as we can.”
He leaned back against the counter beside me, letting his broad shoulders slump forward. With his head bowed, his pompadour of rich chestnut hair wilted down.
“You weren’t even going to say good-bye, were you?” he asked softly.
“I…” I let out a shaky breath and licked my lips. “I just didn’t see the point.”
He looked up sharply, his dark eyebrows arched and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “You didn’t see the point? How can you even say that?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you from the beginning that I was leaving, because you didn’t know what I’ve known all along,” I said. “That this will never mean anything, because I’ll be gone before it can matter.”
“If that’s a lie that you need to tell yourself, then go right ahead, but don’t you dare lie to me.” He looked at me hard, then, with golden eyes blazing, and I flinched at the anger in his words. “This matters!”
He exhaled deeply, breathing out some of his anger. Then he straightened and moved closer to me, so close we were nearly touching.
“It’s not the amount of time that makes something real. It’s what happens in that time,” he said solemnly. “Each moment is weighted against the next, and the moments I’ve spent with you have been more meaningful than almost all the ones I’ve had before it.”
My heart swelled—I could actually feel it welling up inside me as it filled with all the many complicated and wonderful emotions I had for Gabe.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” I told him honestly.
He smirked. “I’m a grown man. I think I can decide for myself what pain I’m willing to endure.”
“But this really doesn’t change anything, Gabe.” I shook my head. “I will be leaving. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, but definitely very soon.”
“All the more reason that I should be with you now, while I can,” he persisted. “If you have to go, I’ll be here to say good-bye. And if you stay, I’m here to help. But, either way, I want to be here, with you.”
He reached out, brushing my damp hair back from my face, and he leaned in toward me. Just before his lips touched mine, he stopped.
“I won’t kiss you if this isn’t what you want,” he said, his voice low and husky.
I put my hand over his and whispered, “I want you.”
That was all the encouragement he needed, and his mouth was on mine, hot and passionate. His fingers tangled in my hair as he pulled me to him, and I wrapped my arms around him, loving the heat of his body against me.
The moment was shattered by the sound of applause, and we pulled away from each other to see what all the fuss was about.
With the AC on, we hadn’t been able to hear anything going on outside of my Winnebago, but the loud clapping and cheerful hollering was loud enough to get in. Through the window over the kitchen sink, I saw what was left of the carnival crowding around Gideon.
Beside him, I could see only the curly blond top of her head, but I knew it had to be Della Jane. She was attempting to hold Gideon’s burly fist high up in the air, but since she was so short, it only went to about his head.
“What is my mom doing here?” Gabe asked, peering through the window beside me.
“I think she just made sure that the carnival will be open until Sunday,” I said, and I’d never felt quite so conflicted about anything before.
Already grinning, Gabe turned to look at me. “That means you’ll be staying until Sunday, right?”
“It looks that way.” I tried to return his smile, but I couldn’t shake my unease about staying at this particular campsite for another three nights.
“I should probably go thank my mom, then.” Gabe took my hand and headed for the door.
In the few interactions I’d had with his mom, she’d been nothing but nice to me. So I couldn’t explain the urge I had to dig my feet in and refuse to greet her, or the sour feeling that made my stomach sick.
So I let Gabe lead me out into the thick air and intense sunlight.
“We may have won this battle, but that doesn’t mean that the war is over,” Gideon was saying as we approached the semicircle of people around him and we were close enough that we could actually see Della Jane standing beside him. “There is still an animal on the loose, and we need t
o stay safe.”
“The police have promised us that they’ll have their best men on it,” Della Jane interjected brightly. “So that should be taken care of very soon. Maybe even tonight.”
As she looked out at the crowd, flashing her dazzling smile, her gaze finally landed on Gabe. And there it was again, the expression I’d caught when I saw her at Gabe’s house. A split-second where her blue eyes went wide and horrified, and her smile faltered.
Then, as quickly as the look had appeared, it was gone, and Della Jane was all smiles again.
“As you all know, we are shorthanded,” Gideon went on. “We need everyone to do what we can. If anyone wants to volunteer to participate in certain acts, let me know. I’ll be in the big tent tonight, but I’ll need an assistant since Roxie will be dancing.”
I stepped up to run the museum, since Hutch was laid up, and Gideon began divvying up the workload to volunteers and allotting the tasks that nobody wanted. As things were being assigned, the crowd began to disperse so people could go to work.
The midway opened at eleven, but most of the sideshow acts didn’t start until the afternoon, with shows in the big tents. The only thing that should’ve been open already was the museum, but it didn’t pull in that much money so a couple hours closed up wouldn’t bankrupt us.
Della Jane made her way toward us, walking barefoot on the grass with her baby blue pumps in her hand. She greeted us with the warmest of smiles, but her eyes seemed to linger too long on our entwined hands.
“If I’d known you were coming out here today, honey, we could’ve rode together,” Della Jane joked.
As casually as I could muster, I slipped my hand from Gabe’s. I ran it through my hair, not because it was getting in my face, but because I was looking for an excuse to let go of Gabe’s hand. The look his mom gave me made me feel uncomfortable about the whole thing.
“I just wanted to see how Mara was holding up.” He motioned to me, and his mom’s eyes followed his hand, so her gaze landed on me.
“You must be happy about the big triumph today,” Della Jane said. “I know I am just thrilled that you’ll be around a few more days.”
“Yeah, thank you for all your help.” I forced a smile and ignored how tight her voice sounded when she said “thrilled.”
“Did you drive your Mustang?” Della Jane asked, turning her attention back to her son. “If you walked, I could give you a ride back to town.”
“Yeah, I drove.” He motioned toward the bright red sports car parked at the edge of the campsite, standing out like a shiny sore thumb. Then he glanced around at the folks working overtime to set up for tonight. “And I was thinking that I would stay and pitch in. It looks like they need all the help they can get.”
Della Jane frowned. “Your father was really hoping that you would help him at the restaurant tonight. Things have been busy, and you really haven’t been helping him much this past week.”
“If Dad’s short-staffed, Selena can step up,” Gabe suggested, with a bit of irritation in his voice.
“Selena didn’t want to be a part of the business. You’re the one that said you could handle the responsibility,” Della Jane lectured.
Gabe grimaced and shoved his hands in his back pockets as he stared off at some point above her head. “No, I said I might as well have something to do since you keep insisting that I put off NYU for another year,” he corrected her.
Della Jane sighed. “Family comes first.”
“I’m taking tonight off to help Mara,” Gabe replied with a finality that made his mom’s shoulders sag. “The restaurant will be fine without me until Sunday.”
Della Jane took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest, deciding on a whole new tactic to get her son to leave with her. “Gabriel, there is an animal on the loose. I just want you to be safe.”
Something passed across Gabe’s expression—something I couldn’t quite read, but it was dark and shadowy, taking all the light from his eyes.
“If it’s safe enough for them, it’s safe enough for me,” he said, meeting his mom’s hard gaze with his own.
Since there didn’t seem to be any room for her to argue, Della Jane only nodded. Her smile returned, though it wasn’t nearly as cheerful as it had been moments ago. She kissed Gabe on the cheek and made him promise that he’d be safe.
As she walked away, she cast a look back at me over her shoulder, and it sent a chill down my spine. I’d never seen another person look at me that way, but it was a look I recognized immediately. It was the same look I’d seen in the abused tiger Mahilā’s eyes whenever she saw someone she didn’t trust—terrified, angry, and eerily primal.
41. the star
“Step right up to the greatest show on earth!” Gabe called out to passersby.
From where I stood outside the Terrifying Curiosities & Oddities of Past & Present museum, I had the perfect vantage point to watch Gabe outside the big tent, trying to drum up business for Gideon’s magician act.
Gabe had taken one of Gideon’s old top hats and placed it carefully on his coiffed hair, and he’d gotten his hands on Luka’s devil sticks. He tossed the baton between two other sticks, bouncing them off one another and pinwheeling it about.
After he did an especially impressive trick—tossing the baton in a spiral up through the air before nimbly catching it with the sticks—the small audience around him began to applaud. Gabe bowed, then immediately began upselling them on a ticket to the show where he promised them that the real magic happened.
Roxie wandered over from the tent where she performed and leaned on the trailer beside me. Most of the time, she’d hang out with me on her breaks between shows. She took a long drag from her cigarette on a break, and when she exhaled, she left a bright red ring of her lipstick on the butt of the cigarette.
Based on the black headband and fingerless lace gloves, I guessed that it was Madonna night. Roxie liked to mix up her dancing act with celebrity theme nights, usually using whatever clothes she had around, but she’d gone so far as to make a silver faux–chain mail costume to go as Aunty Entity from Beyond Thunderdome.
I leaned on the podium, turning my attention back to the spectacle that was Gabe instead of trying to attract my own customers. But, really, there was no need to even try. Gabe would’ve stolen any customers I tried to hook.
“He’s like an old pro,” Roxie commented.
“Yeah, he told me he did some juggling when he was younger, but I had no idea he’d be this good,” I admitted.
“I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but I like him,” Roxie said, and I looked back over my shoulder at her. “Not, like, like him. But he’s a good guy. And he’s quite the showman.”
“Why shouldn’t you tell me that?” I asked.
Roxie shrugged a shoulder. “Because you don’t wanna get attached.”
“And you think your approval will cause me to get too attached?” I teased.
“Hey, a guy isn’t worth his salt unless he’s got Roxie’s Stamp of Approval.” She raised her fist and motioned like she was stamping it down on a paper. “Don’t you forget it.”
“I’ll try not to,” I replied with a laugh.
“So, that Della Jane chick is his mom?” Roxie asked. It would be impossible to keep that connection under wraps when everyone had seen the way Gabe interacted with her today.
My smile fell away and I turned back to watch Gabe. “Yeah, she’s his mom.”
“It’s great that she’s championing our cause or whatever, but…” Roxie trailed off. “It doesn’t all seem strange to you? Her fervor about keeping us?”
“Everything about Caudry is strange. Why should she be any different?” I asked, but I was really just avoiding the same question I’d been asking myself.
“I would just keep my distance from her, if I were you.” Roxie tossed her cigarette down and stomped it out in the gravel. “Anyway, I should get back to work.”
I wanted to heed her advice, but I had no idea
if that would be possible if I planned to continue seeing Gabe. And at the moment, I did really want to keep seeing him. The whole time I was working, I found it difficult to keep on task because I kept looking over at him.
Sometimes I’d catch him looking back at me. It was always right after I’d looked over, like he knew it somehow, and his eyes would catch mine, and he’d give me a sly smile, like he was privy to a joke that only the two of us shared.
After the last show of the night, Gabe came over and helped me close up the museum. The carnival had been busy, but it had been a quiet night. Uneventful, really, and that was nice after the last few days I’d had.
“Thanks for all your help tonight,” I told Gabe as we walked back to the campsite from the carnival.
“No problem.” He grinned down at me. “It was fun.”
His hand slipped into mine, a simple gesture that felt so strangely normal and natural, like we were just a regular couple. It was a fantasy I let myself believe, falling into a comfortable silence as I imagined what my life would be like if we were just two ordinary teenagers. Date nights of movies and pizza. Promises of the future. Stolen kisses in the backseats of cars.
As Gideon said in the opening of his act, there is always something extraordinary in the ordinary.
With the campsite half deserted and everyone exhausted from doing double-duty, it was exceptionally quiet as we walked up to my trailer. I turned to face Gabe, preparing to say good night, since I had another long day ahead of me tomorrow, but the screen door to the Winnebago swung open behind me.
“Mara?” Mom asked, looking down at me with bleary eyes. Her dark tangles of hair fell free over her shoulders, and she pulled a violet shawl around her, despite the heat. The scent of incense and cloves—an added effect for her readings—hung on her like a cloud. “Good. You’re safe and you’re sound.”
“Are you okay?” I asked as she stumbled down the rusted steps as she came outside. I reached out, grabbing her arm to steady her. “Where are you going?”
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